To fight or not to fight
by Nr.Six
Summary: A very good Companion friend of Inara comes to Serenity and stirs up a lot, not only for Mal and Inara MalNara! but she also carries a dark, dangerous, life threatening secret with her! What will happen?
1. Chapter 1

After all the dancing around each other, something finally 'breaks/ snaps' in Inara. This is about one year after Nandi's death.

Rated: K for everyone

C**hapter 1**

This was not the way it was meant to be.

This was not how she had planned her things. Her life.

Inara looked at herself in the mirror in front of her.

And she had planned a lot. A lot had been planned for her.

She looked at her brown eyes that stood sad. There was no need to mask the sadness for anyone because she was alone in her shuttle. She allowed herself to let her guard down, for just a short moment. Because she needed it.

She breathed in deeply as she stared at her eyes again.

_How can things go so differently from what you ever thought? _

She closed her eyes at this. _And why do I feel so vulnerable? _She swallowed deep. She hated feeling vulnerable. She almost never felt vulnerable. But now she did. It wasn't something a Companion should feel. She should ALWAYS feel in control. She always WAS in control. Whatever her client thought. Or was to think. She was a master in manipulation in a way.

She couldn't face what she saw in her eyes so she let her head fall a bit and her eyes went to something on the floor.

Yes, she had known that things would change. That her life would change a bit the moment she had set foot on Serenity. She knew that her life wouldn't be the same the moment she saw and spoke with Mal. But she always thought that she could hold on to most of the things she knew. The feelings she knew. The walls she knew.

But she couldn't. For some reason, she couldn't anymore. She cared for the crew, that was a positive thing. But the other feelings…. Rules she had broken, her own rules and if only the other Companions would see her, would know.

Since she was on this ship, she had let her guard down so many times. She had been angry, had expressed her anger, mostly towards Mal. She had felt anything BUT serene and sometimes she had even shown that. He had broken through her perfect façade. He had stepped in her territory with his big, filthy, brown boots. On her property and bounced through her walls without even asking. Making her furious, stirring feelings inside her she didn't even know she had. And that wasn't positive at all! It had made her feel confused, sometimes she couldn't even concentrate! This was not a good thing. She was a Companion. She was slipping. Her training was slipping away. That was bad.

So it had been a very good decision to go back to the training house. Especially after… Inara remembered Mal looking at her, he wanting to say something and she stopping him before he could say those dreaded words. The effect of him taking Nandi to bed had on her was wrong. She had felt… How could she call it? Heartbroken?

_How stupid could she be?!_ Of all the men that wanted her, offered her to live with them, wanted her to marry them. _Why did she feel hurt when that insufferable one man did something like that?_ There had been only one option. And she wouldn't call it running away. She would call it going away. Leaving.

So she had left. And she had enjoyed giving lessons to the children. She had enjoyed seeing her fellow Companions again, having class around her again. But something was missing. And it just kept growing inside of her. A big emptyness. As if she was infected with something. And whatever she did, it didn't go away. It just became worse and worse.

And the worse part of all of this was that when she set foot on Serenity again, she felt whole again.

A tear loosened itself from her dark eyes and travelled slowly over her cheek. Leaving a wet and warm trail.

She closed her eyes again. She had fought herself so long. So many times. But it wouldn't go away. Maybe she had to cut it out of her body. She hated him. He infuriated her to no ends. There was no reasoning involved. Nothing of the sort. She had reasoned with herself so many times. She couldn't think clearly and it had gotten worse and worse. Like a disease.

She looked at her clock as she stood up. It was late in the evening. The whole ship was silent. But she felt anything but silent. If she couldn't sleep and find rest, he wouldn't either. She grabbed her green silken robe and put it over her and thightened it around her slender frame and over her white silken sleeping dress as she opened her door and marched towards Mal's bunk. _This madness in her head would stop right now! And he would help her with it._

Without knocking she opened it roughly with a lot of noise to make sure that he heard her coming. When she touched the floor and turned on the light he sat up in his bed with sleepy eyes, fluttering them several times. She noticed that he had that annoying look on his face. That confused look. Some sort of dumb look, a –I don't know anything about anything and a what is happening look.-

'Inara?' He uttered surprised and half sleepy. He looked around him confused. 'Is something wrong?' He asked worried.

'Yes, something is wrong.' She snapped.

He suddenly had his eyes wide open. 'What is it? Does Wash know? Is…' He began as he pulled his blanket to him and began to crawl out of his bed.

'No Mal, it has nothing to do with Serenity.' She said annoyed.

He stopped and just put the blanket around his lower body as he looked surprised at her. His chest was naked. She wondered what else was naked. Her eyes drifted to the blanket he held around him. She forced herself to look at his eyes.

'You hate me right?' Inara said as she took a step towards him.

'Huh?' Mal uttered surprised. _What was that woman ranting about now?_ First he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or if it was real, her barging loudly into his room in the middle of the night. _Now she was asking weird questions? _

'You heard me.'

'Inara, what are you doing? It's the middle of the night.' Mal uttered surprised. 'Did you hit your head or something?' He asked as his eyes travelled to her head, trying to make out a wound or some sort of bump on her skin.

'Yes you hate me.' Inara answered firmly for him, she almost sounded relieved.

'I-… Huh… Wha-?' Mal mumbled confused.

'That's clear then.' Inara concluded shortly in a firm voice.

'I don't hate you.' Mal said confused in a light voice with a deep frown in his brows.

_Maybe he was dreaming? That this was some sort of parallel universe. Or maybe he was having a hallucination? But it had to be an annoying hallucination for the look on her face was angry. Why couldn't he just have a nice Inara-hallucination? Nope, that was probably to much to ask. _She was standing there in her green silken robe over a flimsy nightgown.

'That will make things easie-.' Inara stopped in her sentence as the words out of his mouth finally made it to her fogged up brain.

'Wha-? No! That's not right!' She said suddenly angry as she pointed at him as if he had said something awful. As if he had insulted her.

_Inara hallucination is not getting pleasant at all now,_ Mal thought as he raised his brows and looked up at her with big eyes.

She took one step towards him as her eyes fired at him. 'You DO hate me!'

His nostrils widened. _The hallucination is getting dangerous now._

He scratched his head confused.

'I can think for myself.' He stated annoyed. 'At least, last time I checked.' Mal uttered a bit insecure, after all, this **was** a very weird situation.

He swallowed as he saw that her eyes had come into the firing fase now. He should feel a high alert red alarm bell going off by now in his body. He knew all her looks by now and had arranged them into different fases, but for some reason she kept coming up with new looks which didn't fit in his arranging pattern, which would confuse him again and this way, she would catch him off guard which would anger him and well… It would all become annoying to summarize it. She did have a sharp tongue after all, behind that sweet, skilled, trained, civilised façade of hers. And not to talk about those seemingly innocent big eyes she could put up which made his heart sink, his throat become dry and forget about all the reasoning he had in his head. This woman had a big toolbox filled with a too large amount of different tools to count which she used to do a lot of unpleasant, annoying things to him. And which she probably used to do a lot of pleasant… **Very** pleasant and nice things to her clients. He swallowed at that thought. He sometimes wondered why he always stood on the wrong side of the receiving end. Maybe he was born that way. Probably was, given the fact he didn't even come close to her rich, classy clients. Not that he wanted to ofcourse, but that was another subject.

'That's the problem! You can't think!' She barked at him.

_Nope, that definitely wasn't a client-tool she was using on him right now. She must have had some sort of tool-lessons. The woman probably had mastered these tools by years and years of training since her child hood._ He sighed.

'What are you rambling about woman? In the middle of the night? Barging into my bunk.' Mal said annoyed. 'Did you drink bad tea or something, or am I having an annoying hallucination? Because it would probably be one of you, you being good in annoying me and all.'

'Exactly!' She spat as if he had said something understandable for what she had been ranting about. 'That's just what I want to say. I am a Companion Mal. A Companion.'

_Nope, there were no tools in that sentence. It seemed that she had lost her mind._

'You came all this way in the middle of the night to tell me that you are a Companion?' He asked her confused. 'How clearafying, I hadn't noticed that before.' He stated with a sarcastic undertone.

She made an irritated and impatient sound.

'I am a high Companion you are a…. hmpf…. Captain and that's all that we are. That's what I want to say.'

Mal scratched his chin and sighed out loud. This sure was getting tiresome. And he sure didn't like the 'hmpf' part in her sentence. 'I am glad you wanted to share that eye-opener you must have had moments ago with me.'

'No Mal! You don't understand.' She almost screeched. It was as if there was something begging in her eyes. She was suddenly in front of him and took his wrists and shook them as she looked him deep in his eyes. He was still sitting half dazzled on his bed and she was bending towards him, panic evident in her eyes.

_Maybe she is sleepwalking with her eyes really wide open._ Mal thought, still trying to find an explanation for her behaviour. _That silk sure is thin._ Mal pondered as his eyes were on her chest. He swallowed and forced himself to concentrate on her face and on what she was saying or ranting. _Why is she still holding my wrists?_ He thought as he looked from her face to the small hands around his skin.

'I can't find rest!' She stated in slight panick. 'I can't… I can't explain it.' She let go of his wrists and turned away from him as she began to pace. 'It's this-' She put up her hands in the air and made fists. '-Nagging thing.' She turned around towards him at those last words.

_She wanted to talk? Okay, he would try to listen. _

'What thing?' Mal asked interested.

'Well that's the weird part.' She suddenly laughed. But it didn't sound glad. It sounded sad, and still a bit like she had lost her mind, which was something he should worry about given the fact that he knew her as the ever so controlled Companion who always had a quick comeback somehow.

'It has something to do with you. I can't explain it for myself, so I thought that if I tell you about it, it will go away.' She snapped. 'It will go away, won't it?' Her tone was suddenly soft and filled with worry. 'Ofcourse it will!' Her strong voice countered back.

'It's great that you're having a conversation with yourself. But where do I fit into all of this? Cause you're still not making any sense to me. And I really need my sleep.' Mal mumbled.

'Well I…' She began with her hands raised in the air. They suddenly fell to her sides. _She didn't make sense to herself either._ She raised one dark brow in a cringe.

He knew that cringe and swallowed. _O, no, not __**that **__'s the –blame-someone-else-as-quickly-as-you-can cringe._ And that usually was him. She probably hadn't learned that in her training, had she? Because she wouldn't blame her clients of anything. Maybe it was some sort of vent-reaction she had learned. Vent because she had to play nice and sweet all the time she was with a client. 'Vent on the lower species' her teachers must have told her, he could see it right in front of him, her as a little child with big brown eyes, sitting in a classroom on an open terrace filled with flowers and with a beautiful view on trees, grass and other nature. She would –ofcourse- sit at the first table, nearest to the teacher because she would be eager to learn. Eager, and curious.

She would look up at her teacher, a blond woman who would look down at her, with one finger raised in the air saying just these words. 'Vent on the lower species. That doesn't matter a thing. Never show any negative emotion or behaviour towards a client. NEVER. And remember this well, because it's VERY important.' And she had chosen him for that purpose. He was the lucky guy.

'It obviously is your fault that I feel like this, so you better find an answer and a solution.' She stated sternly.

Yep, he was right. It was like he was a second behind her all the time, being too late to respond to her all the time. Just a second. That was annoying too, especially when he was kind of sleepy, like now.

'Are you still there!?' She snapped sarcastic when he didn't respond instantly.

'Woow 'Nara!' Mal said warningly as he put up his hands in front of him in defence. 'I didn't do nothing!' _Did I?_ He thought deeply. He didn't insult her, well this morning was the last time that he could remember, but that was too long ago now, so that really didn't count, did it?

She had put her arms crossed in front of her chest now. 'Serenity did something to me. I always was a serene and tranquil person with a lot of control. And since I met you, it's all squished up and turned upside down!' She spat these last words out.

'I am NOT like that Mal! I NEVER scream! I am a lady!' She screamed.

_Are we arguing now? Or is she arguing with herself? If she is, is there any chance I can get out of this? Maybe hide myself before she really bursts?_ Mal withstood the idea to look around for a safe passage out of his bunk, away from her.

He raised his arm. 'Just a question… Are we fighting?'

'YES WE ARE!' Inara barked.

'Okay, just verifying.' He mumbled weakly as he moved back a bit instinctively. 'And what exactly is my part in this, because I still don't understand it.'

'That figures! Another negative thing about you: You're so slow! There are so many negative things about you!' She suddenly made a frustrated sound as she clenched her fists.

'I HATE YOU!' She shouted as she grabbed her nightgown and pushed it closer to her body and made her way towards the stairs. Before he could blink she had already dissapeared from his bunk.

He sat there for a while, frozen to his bed. Not able to move. He wondered if this had really happened with his mouth wide open, his eyes staring at one point in the distance.

'Huh?'

_Whatever was wrong with her, he wouldn't let her get away with this,_ he thought angrily as he jumped up. He pushed his blanket away and walked quickly towards his trousers. He put on his shirt as he walked towards the stairs. _He could be slow but she wouldn't get away with this!_ He thought angrily.

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Hope you liked it! Please let me know... I've got a few other chapters.....


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Last time: **

'I HATE YOU!' She shouted as she grabbed her nightgown and pushed it closer to her body and made her way towards the stairs. Before he could blink she had already dissapeared from his bunk.

He sat there for a while, frozen to his bed. Not able to move. He wondered if this had really happened with his mouth wide open, his eyes staring at one point in the distance.

'Huh?'

_Whatever was wrong with her, he wouldn't let her get away with this,_ he thought angrily as he jumped up. He pushed his blanket away and walked quickly towards his trousers. He put on his shirt as he walked towards the stairs. _He could be slow but she wouldn't get away with this!_ He thought angrily.

**Now:**

Inara had an angry scowl on her face as she opened her shuttle door and slammed it shut. She didn't understand what was wrong with her, she felt like a little child again. Wanting to hit things, slam something into the wall. She knew the things she had said to Mal were not right… But she didn't want to think about what was right or wrong right now. She just wanted to be angry! Furious. Bark and shout words and things she didn't mean. To get these feelings out of her, and to get him at a distance. A very BIG distance. Away from her.

Someone slammed the door open and she just knew that it was Mal. She turned around agressively, almost glad to have something new to be even angrier about. She clenched her teeth as she let the explosive anger inside her belly come up and fire at him instantly.

'YOU **NEVER** KNOCK!' She shouted with clenched fists and wide nostrils.

'What is this madness woman? Have you lost your mind?!' Mal snapped angrily. He had lost his patience now too. He wouldn't just sit by to let her say all these things to him.

She ignored him, still stood there trembling from anger as she gave him a destroying look.

'How much trouble is it, to just put up that arm of yours, make a fist and place it gently against the door!!' She barked while she made angry moves with her arms.

He grabbed her wrists to stop her wild movements.

'What are you doing!' Mal snapped sternly as he looked in her eyes. He had had enough of this tonight.

'Well Mal, you can finally witness it.' She said, suddenly in a very slow and weak voice. She stopped moving. 'I finally lost my mind. And there's nothing I can do against it anymore.' The last words sounded bitter. She pulled her arm roughly away from his grip.

'Don't you just love that?! The-whore-has-lost-her-mind!' She snapped bitterly after a short pause.

_O, yes that was it. He had called her a whore this morning again._ The one thing he knew that really touched her. Somewhere behind those high walls she had pulled up most of the times.

'No Inara. I don't love that.' He said in a stern voice. 'What happened?' He asked worried as he took a step towards her.

To his surprise her dark eyebrows furrowed in an angry frown instantly and she shot fire at him with her eyes again.

'You happened.' She snapped. She suddenly laughed hysterical as she turned away from him. 'You happened!!' She repeated in a high pitched voice. 'I lost ALL my control. I finally lost it! My sanity! That's what I lost. I don't want it, but it just happened. I can have ANY man that I want, why is it…. Why is it that…' _It's like a disease, why can't I let go… Let go of him?_

'What?'

_She couldn't say it. She couldn't get it over her lips._

'I spin you about. That's what you said. And you're right. You don't want me. It's as simple as that.' She stated quickly.

Mal frowned his brows, he didn't understand. 'What are you saying Inara?'

_Merciful Budda, it was so much easier when he was angry with her, when he shouted at her, when she shouted at him._

'You hurt me.' She uttered. She was instantly shocked that she had said those words. _Had she just said that? _She swallowed as her throat got dry instantly. _Why had she said that?! _It just slipped out, as if it wasn't her own voice, her own mouth saying those words, betraying her. Betraying something she wanted to stay covered, secret. Especially from him. No one was to know, especially him…

'I hurt you?' Mal asked shocked. He didn't want to hurt her. 'When?' He asked quickly.

She swallowed. She wanted out of this situation. She wanted to hide and dissapear.

'When.' He asked again as he stepped towards her again.

'I.. Never mind.' She turned around. Her voice sounded empty. 'Well.' She said as she turned back, her Companion face on again. Unreadable, and that smile plastered around her lips. 'It's been nice to see you, I'd like to go and sleep now.'

'What?!' Mal spat surprised. 'Are you actually making a joke here?!' _He couldn't believe it!_ Her behaviour had changed so radical that Mal's mouth dropped open. He knew that she had had training to control her behaviour but this was and he'd seen her down it before but this time, t was very…. Scary.

'No joke.' She explained as her eyes grew big. 'I am just tired.'

He didn't answer. She was actually ignoring what had happened only seconds earlier.

'Really tired.' She said sweetly.

'Don't think you can do this Inara. This is not fair.' Mal warned her angrily.

'There are more things not fair Mal.' Inara stated calm as she walked towards her bed with a solemn look on her face. _She would go and rest now and forget this horrible night._

Something hard grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

'It doesn't work this way.' Mal spat as he still held her arm and pulled her close to him, his face angry now. 'You don't get to crawl behind your Companion face and your training when you wake me in the middle of the night and throw all sorts of angry insults and other things at me.'

Her eyes grew big and he thought he saw fear in them.

'You can't force me.' She said in a small voice.

_The I-am-an-innocent-harmless-creature tool._

'Don't manipulate me Inara. I know you're not the little innocent girl you play to be right now, I know you'll scream and shout if you're angry so just spit it out right now! When did I hurt you?!'

She looked the other way instantly.

'It's not… It doesn't matter I…. I am just not feeling well..' She uttered as she turned back to face him. _Those lips. So close._ She swallowed. She felt something warm spread in her tummy. It made her breathing laboured. She had to get away from him.

_Aah, one of her avoiding tools: The I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-anymore-so-I'll-pretend-that-I-am-sick tool. Complete with the facial expression to go with it._ He could probably become a teacher himself at that training house of hers. He had become an expert.

'Don't talk around it woman.' He urged.

She felt his hard grip around her arm. She swallowed again. She had put herself into this situation. _Well done, Inara. You wanted to push him away and instead he is standing right there, too close._

She momentarily thought about using her Companion training on him again. But she dismissed that instantly. He was serious now, she would only make him more angry.

'I am sure it wasn't your meaning..' She began.

_The I-should-apologise-but-I'll-make-the-other-person-believe-that-they-have-to-apologise-to-me tool._

He shook her arm lightly to urge her.

She sighed. _Okay, out with it_. She had already disgraced herself and made a complete fool out of herself, how she could ever make this up, or face him in the morning… She simlpy couldn't.

'With Nandi.' She spat out.

'What?' Mal said as he loosened the grip on her arm instantly in surprise. 'What are you talking about?'

She swallowed and looked him right in his eyes.

'I lied.' She said in a guilty voice. There was something challenging in her eyes.

'About what?' Mal said not understanding.

She looked away again.

'About what Inara.' He urged as he took her arm again to force her to look at him.

Her big eyes were moist with tears as she looked at him. There was also something angry in them. 'I DID care that you took to bed with her.' She spat out. There it was out. She held her breath. It was as if everything had stopped around her. 'So that's out. Now you can gloat about it.' She had held this in for so long, for weeks, for months. And now it finally was out of her system.

'Gloat about what?' Mal asked.

'You know exactly about what Mal.' She spat with two lowered eyebrows over her dark eyes.

'No, no, no you're not going to turn this around.' He snapped as he took her wrist. 'You didn't let me speak that night on the bridge. The night that you said that you would leave. Why?!'

'Do you want me to spell it out Mal?!' She shouted in a painful voice.

'Yes.' He said direct.

_O…_ She swallowed deep. Was there anyway to get out of this? _Anything to say to get out of it?_

'Answer me, you don't get time to come up with one of your defensive tactiques.' Mal snapped.

She looked up at him with surprise in her eyes. _He knew her that well? Was she so predictable?_

Mal smirked when he noticed that he had taken her off guard. 'Well?!' He prodded sternly.

'I was….' She began with trembling lips. 'I..' Her breath caught in her throat. But anger came up in her quickly. 'O! You must REALLY love this! The Companion at a loss for words!' She barked.

He kept looking at her and she looked away quickly. She couldn't face him.

'I was afraid!' She said in a raw emotional voice. She then looked up at him with a challenging glare in her eyes. _He is going to reject me. That's clearly the situation, he will…. No, I can't let him._ 'Is that what you wanted to hear!?' She shot at him with all of her last energy. _He is probably enjoying this very much, laughing hard about this afterwords at her expense. She can't let him. She can't be hurt, not like that. She won't be able to take that._

Mal knew that she was looking for a fight again. And he had to admit, that it was easier for him too, but not this time, not now.

'And now?' He questioned, not taking the bait for a fight.

'Now what?!' She spat.

'Are you afraid now.' Mal asked a bit impatient.

Her lip began to tremble again as tears wetted her cheeks. Her eyes suddenly looked so vulnerable. 'I still am..' She uttered weakly as she pulled her arm away from him quickly and took a few steps back. She encircled her upper body in a hug. _She felt stupid. So very stupid!_

She looked at the wall. At the dark wall and sighed. Then she raised her eyes to look at him.

'I am sorry for the things I said tonight… I..' She looked away. 'All this feels strange and I am not used to these feelings, I am used to being in control and these last months, hell, the last year, the whole year it's been… It… My… I don't know what I…'

'I don't know what to do.' She uttered lost. She looked up at him again. 'And I always know what to do. I always knew what to do.'

'What feelings?' Mal questioned.

'What?' She asked confused.

'You said that you are not used to these feelings. What feelings?'

She swallowed visibly.

'I don't really feel comfortable talking about this.' She said as she hugged herself more closely and avoided his gaze.

'You said that it was my fault. So tell me.' Mal urged. He didn't care that she didn't feel comfortable, he should have been comfortable in his bed right now. He did care about her trembling like small leaf and almost being crept away in the corner of her shuttle. He didn't know her like that. It almost made him afraid.

She suddenly looked up and he saw resolve in her eyes.

'I can't.... I can't.' She repeated.

He shook his head and walked towards her and planted one hand against the wall next to her ear as he bended to be on her height again.

'Let me fill it in for ya then.' He said as he licked his lips to begin his summary.

'You want me.' Mal stated simply.

'Wha-?' Inara said surprised. 'Well, I…. I wouldn't put it that way… Exactly..' She pushed back her head against the wall to make more distance between them. _If only she could crawl in that wall right now!_ 'I don't think so, that's just a fingement of your imagination!' She suddenly said with power in her voice. Getting back some of her confidence.

He smirked as he kept looking in her eyes. '**I** would put it that way 'Nara, cause seemingly you can't yourself.' His lip twitched as he looked at her lips. They didn't have any painted colour on them. They were a darkish pink. _Would they be soft?_ He had wondered about that so many times.

'Let me help you a little bit here.' He said as he scraped his throat and looked away shortly. 'I'll clearify a few things for you. He bended back to face her and looked intensily in her eyes. You actually like me. Ofcourse, who wouldn't?' He stated cockily with a smirk as he wiggled his brows.

'Tsch, I don't think so-' She muttered weakly.

'Psh, let me finish.' He said with one raised finger.

He bended towards her ear. 'You actually like that –what did you call me?- Thief, scruffy, unresponsible, annoying, irritating, frustrating son of a fwetic shi?' He smiled as he bended his face back to look at her again. 'You're confused because you like me, you were confused about that sooner but then you could push it away with, well, simply being mean to me, I have to say. And then the liking me MORE began, yes and that became dificult for the ever so controlled Companion didn't it?' He pulled up one side of his mouth.

She looked at him with one very high raised eyebrow and a sarcastic look in her eyes. She made a sarcastic sound. 'Yes ofcourse Mal. Whatever you want to think.'

'I am not ready yet.'

'Please, indulge me.'

He sighed out loud. 'Then you began to want me. And that was a bit more difficult wasn't it? So you ran away. And that is the part where I am not joking anymore.' He said the last sentence very seriously as he straightened himself so he was looking down at her. He put his other hand next to her other ear. She swallowed again.

'That night on the bridge, after Nandi. I wanted to tell you something, and you stopped me. You ran away. And I won't let you run away again. Do you hear me?' He asked when she didn't look at him.

'Mal, this is-' She began.

'So, I think it's safe to say-' He put his index finger on her chin and moved her face back, facing his. 'That you want me. Maybe even love me, who knows?'

'This is absurd.' Inara said as she looked away.

Mal closed his eyes shortly to gather some energy. 'Then why did you care that I went to bed with Nandi?'

She pushed herself in the wall to make the distance bigger between them.

'I… Just… As a friend.'

He let go of his arms against the wall, they fell to his sides. He suddenly looked beaten.

'If this is the way you want it. I've almost put my heart out for you before and you ran, and now… Nevermind.' He stepped back from her and raised his hands towards her. 'Just stay out of my way, that's exactly what I mean with you spin me about. Don't….' He said as there was a large space between them now.

'You know.' He said as he took one step towards her. 'For a Companion you sure know nothing at all about men. You might know how to satisfy one..' He said as he eyed her body and her clothes. 'And how to sweet talk them into something, but about feelings, about love…. You know nothing! Didn't they teach you that in..' _He wanted to say it, he wanted to say it: whore academy._ He swallowed it, gave her an angry glare and turned his back on her to stalk off.

_She keeps stepping on my heart, and it sure hurts for the small feet she has on her. _He thought as he walked quickly through the hallway.

She swallowed and saw him walk out of her shuttle. She stood frozen to the ground. Her nostrils wide with adrenaline. _Why hadn't she said… How she felt? Why couldn't she…_ She swallowed again.

"_Distance yourself from love. That is not your profession. That is not meant to be." _She heard a too familiar voice tell her when she was a little child. "_Love is something that makes things difficult. You have chosen this profession so you'll have to learn to distance yourself from your feelings. Your clients don't want love. And if they do you'll fake it. You'll be with another client in a few hours. You can't begin on that. Never." _

And she had heard that same speech her whole life, almost every week. And when she had been back at the training house she had heard it again.

"_Never?" _One of the children in the class had asked.

"_There are a few Companions who married someone and started a family. That will be your own choice. But not for the coming years of your life. Isn't that right Inara?" _

Inara had looked up at Sira, the woman that was a teacher now and had been her childhood friend._ "Yes that's right." _She had said and she had convinced herself that the empty feeling in her chest from leaving Serenity just had something to do with the change of environment. She had convinced herself that she knew everything about love and that she had chosen to stay away from it.

"_Love is something that will get in the way of your job. It's one of the most important things to master."_

And yes, she had mastered it very well, she had been able to put it away, she had not loved any of her clients. Never. And she had had many clients. And now she found out that she didn't even know what love really was. For all the things she knew, everything that she had learned, she had never experienced that kind of love that you could have for a man. She felt her stomach turn from fear.

"_About love, you know nothing!" Mal had said. And he was right. _She quickly walked towards her door. She didn't want to let him go like this. Not again.

Kaylee walked through the hallway feeling like a zombie. She had a mug filled with Inara's tea in her hand and was going back to her bunk. Inara had said she had tea that could make you help to sleep. She couldn't sleep, but she did feel sleepy. _Hmm, isn't that weird?_ She crossed the hallway and wanted to walk on when she saw Inara.

'Hi In-' She began but the woman marched on, with a clear goal set in her mind. Kaylee raised an eyebrow as she looked at Inara's back now.

'I…Borrowed your…' Kaylee began to Inara's dissapearing back. 'Wooooowww..' Kaylee managed to cast out before her mouth dropped open as wide as it could and she stood still with a shock. Her tea spilled over the rim of her mug but she didn't notice it. She even didn't notice and feel the hot liquid falling on her pyjama pants. Her eyes were on something in front of her.

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Hi Hope you liked it! Hope that I don't make them argue too long, but I think it wouldn't go that easily between them in 'reality' to so I am still making it a bit difficult for them hehe.... Please let me know what you think!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Inara had caught up with Mal, took his arm to turn him over and had kissed him right on his lips.

Kaylee's mouth hung open and she got a confused look on her face. She raised an eyebrow as she looked back at the spot Inara had just came from and then to the spot where she was kissing… the captain?!!

She fluttered a few times with her eye-lids. _Nope, they were still kissing, and the captain's hands were in her hair. _Kaylee shook her head. _She must be dreaming._ And then looked again. Inara's hands were all over his back and that kiss…. _Woow_…_!! _Kaylee swallowed as she felt her cheeks getting red, _that is one hell of a kiss!_ She felt like some sort of intruder…. _It sure is taking long, that kiss. Aren't they suffocating by now?_ Kaylee pinched herself. _Auch, that hurt! Nope, that really is them kissing. And she really isn't dreaming this.. _

_Well, this is nice._ Kaylee thought after a short moment, when she was ready to accept that she was not dreaming but wide awake. _And given the fact they are in the hallway she is allowed to watch isn't she?_ _And pick some of that sweet-loving atmosphere with her._ Kaylee thought as she leaned herself comfortably against the wall and took a sip of her tea without her big, curious eyes ever leaving them. _This would be her own show. She was actually lucky that she couldn't sleep and wanted Inara's tea! Otherwise she would have missed ALL of this! What a surprise!! _

Inara pushed Mal against the wall passionately and Kaylee raised her brows in surprise at that. _Wow, pushing the big, strong captain to a wall like that, that sure takes some strenght. She reminded herself that she had to ask Inara once how she did that. Might be easy to know for future situations she herself could get in. Nice situations ofcourse…Woow, the captain sure knows where to put his hands.... _

Mal opened his eyes when he felt someone looking, he stopped kissing Inara instantlyand made such an unmanly shocked sound that Inara jumped away from him in shock. Inara felt hurt instantly, her eyes grew big at his reaction when she noticed that he wasn't looking at her but at something else. She turned and noticed Kaylee and jumped again in shock.

'Uh, thu… Kaylee…' Mal uttered.

'Kaylee… We were just…' Inara stammered clumsily.

'Yeeeesss?' Kaylee said in a slurred voice as she smiled widely behind her mug of tea.

'Inara was…' Mal started as he pointed at Inara and then at the ground.

'I, yes…I…ahh..' Inara laughed nervously.

'She forgot something.' Mal filled in quickly.

'Yes.' Inara quickly agreed.

'O okay, I understand. That can happen.' Kaylee said casually as she nodded. _What were they thinking?! That her eyes were somewhere in her pocket or something??_ She had to hold her laugh in. To see her captain like a little schoolboy and to see her trained Companion friend, the one who knew EVERYTHING about men and was miss charming and elegance herself flush and act clumsy all of a sudden, was priceless!

Kaylee waited a few seconds and then suddenly looked confused and got a deep wrinkle above her nose.

'And she had to go look for it in your mouth?' Kaylee said confused. _Teasing them surely was fun!_

'Wha- huh?' Mal uttered.

'Find anything interesting there?' Kaylee asked Inara. _Okay, now she was pushing it, but this was so much fun! Seeing those two strong, adult persons squirm like two little children who were found with their hands in the cooky jar._

Inara's mouth dropped open as she turned redder then she already was.

'Hmmm..' Kaylee said as she loosened herself dreamily from the wall. 'I should use that line on Simon.' She mumbled loudly as she walked towards her bunk, not looking at them. 'Thanks for the show.' She said as she smiled widely now and gave them a cheeky grin. Even Mal was red now. 'Simon, I forgot something, please open your mouth and place your lips on mine…Maybe I'll find it then…' Kaylee closed her mouth and smiled even wider. _Would that work? _She squaled enthusiastic the moment her door was shut. _Inara and the captain kissed! Yaaaaayyy!!! FINALLY, that took them long! Pfff….. And them being red and all! How cute is that??!_

Inara and Mal both looked at Kaylee's closed door and then looked back at each other. They both opened their mouths to say something at the exact same time when they both jumped again when Zoe walked past them.

'Weren't able to sleep too?' Zoe asked as she looked at Mal and Inara as she passed them towards the kitchen.

'I was..' Inara began feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

'She, I…. Yes I couldn't sle-..' Mal mumbled but Zoe had already dissapeared around the corner.

'S…ss….O.' Inara stuttered. She felt her cheeks were flushed red, she must look like a tomatoe. _Since when did __**she**__ stutter?! That was awful!_

Mal swallowed and scraped his throat. 'Uh….S…So….' He scratched his head.

'Maybe we should… Go to….'

'..B…Bed.' Inara filled in quickly as she swallowed too. _This was too much for her to process, everything that had happened this night. She would be glad to be in her bed._

'Yes, things will be more clearly when we'll go to bed.' Mal uttered and then mentally hit himself for what he just said. 'I meant- I don't mean…Not with you in bed… Not together, I mean… Not that I wouldn't want t-'

'O, I-…I didn't mean either…Yes, I-' Inara nodded quickly. 'I know what you mean.' She said as she fluttered her eyeslids quickly.

'Sss..so.' She said as she took a step into the other direction. 'I'll be going then.'

'Yes, yes… That way.' Mal said clumsily, "_That way?" How stupid could he be? She knew the way to her own shuttle! Way to go Mal!_

He could still feel her warm, passionate lips on his. He swallowed quickly.

'Yes, okay, uhm, b..bye.'

'Yes.' Mal muttered as he nodded and turned around slowly. 'Bye.' He said slowly as he walked towards his bunk.

He turned around to look at her, she turned around too and smiled nervously.

_She kissed him. She actually kissed him!_ He thought as he opened his door. _And how?! That sure was a kiss. His lips were still tingling. And her touch… His breath caught in his throat. Calm down Mal. Calm down. _

Inara almost ran back towards her shuttle. _I kissed him! Again. This time he cooperated, it was… Yes how was it really? It was nice. Very nice._ She smiled as she felt herself getting warm. _Very nice!! It had felt different then she had expected. Even better. He had been rough and sweet at the same time, wanting, passionate._

_If only… If only they hadn't been interrupted. After that… She had felt so clumsy. So stupid. Like a little schoolgirl again!_

Kaylee fell asleep very quickly with a very big smile on her face. She hadn't even touched her tea!

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This was it for now! Hope you liked it!! I first thought about if it would be out of character if Mal and Inara would react all clumsy, but

then I remembered the way they talked on the wave in the movie Serenity and I could see this happening. Please let me know what you thought!

Thanks!!


	4. Chapter 4

Hi everybody, I am so sorry that I waited so long with updating. This is because I had so many versions as to how I wanted this story to go on. Then I thought I should split it up, but now I decided on this. I hope it's not too much out of character (or not at all if possible hehe). I changed the story a bit from humor into suspense/ drama and ofcourse it's still going to be romantic!! Because Mal and Inara just belong together!!

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Inara walked to her dresser. She didn't like feeling like a giddy schoolgirl. She sighed, she was tired of all the thinking. Maybe she should just go with it and see what happened.

'Inara? You've got a wave.' Wash's voice came over the comm. She frowned her brows in surprise, _who could that be at this hour?_

'Thank you Wash.' Inara answered as she walked towards her chair and pulled away the curtain in front of her cortex screen.

'Sivella.' She said surprised the moment Sivella's face appeared on the screen.

She knew Sivella from the Training House. They had trained together and Sivella was one of her best friends.

'How are you?' Inara got a worry wrinkle on her face, she could see something wasn't right. Sivella's beautiful face looked strained and tired.

'Inara, I am sorry, I can't talk long.' Sivella said nervously as she looked around her. 'I have some trouble. My family is in trouble, my aunt isn't well. I have to get to Sihnon as fast as possible. I heard that you travel until Persephone. Could I travel with you? I'll pay your captain richly.' Sivella said.

Inara swallowed surprised. Something seemed very wrong. 'Yes, ofcourse. I'll talk to him.'

'Inara, it's urgent.' Sivella said.

And Inara got frightened from the look she saw in Sivella's dark eyes. It was fear. And that was one thing she almost never saw in her friends eyes. Sivella had always been cheerful, honoust, often too honoust that is, funny and very witty. There was nothing that could make her feel fear very quickly.

Inara stood up. 'I'll ask him right away. Can I wave you back in a few minutes?'

'Thank you. Thank you so much.' Sivella said as she nodded.

**Kitchen**

Inara made her way to the kitchen when she didn't find Mal in his bunk.

'Inara.' Mal said as he dropped the teabags he was roaming through in shock. He swallowed. 'I was just uh-' He began as he motioned towards her tea. _–looking for some sleeping tea 'cause I can't stop thinking about that kiss and what might have happened afterwords and what will happen now, it's driving me crazy!_

'Mal, a friend of me just waved. She is in trouble. Her aunt needs her. She needs to get to Sihnon. She asks if she can travel with us to Persephone. She'll pay richly.' Inara said ignoring the mess he had made of her neatly stored tea mixes. She had more important matters to deal with now.

'Uh.' Mal began with open mouth. 'I guess that's no problem. We have to make the guest room decent then.'

'No, that's not necessary. She can stay in my shuttle.' Inara said shortly. 'Can she come in the morning?'

Mal nodded. 'Just have to tell the others.'

'Thank you.' She said as she turned around swiftly and made her way as fast as possible back to her shuttle. Not only the look on Sivella's face worried her, but the way Sivella had presented herself. Inara had waved with Sivella every week, and Sivella was always interested in her. And this time, she was so abrupt with her message.

**Next morning**

'Wow, what a nice place you have made for yourself.' Sivella said as she put her bag down and looked at Inara's shuttle. 'It's so you.' She said as she smiled widely at her friend.

'Thank you.' Inara said. She closed the distance between them and took Sivella's hands.

'I am so sorry that your aunt isn't well.' She said compassionate.

Sivella looked away shortly before looking Inara in the eyes again. 'Yes, thank you. I hope I'll get to her as soon as possible.'

Inara nodded. 'Make yourself at home.' She offered as she took Sivella's bag and placed it on the bed.

Sivella smiled.

'Are these all your things?' Inara asked surprised as she eyed the one light bag.

Sivella shook her head. 'No, I put the rest in storage. You know me, always collecting so many things that there isn't any place for myself anymore in my home.' Sivella quipped.

Inara laughed. 'Yes I remember.' She said fondly as she remembered how it was to share her room with Sivella in the Training House. Saying that Sivella made a mess was still a compliment. What Sivella managed to do with her things made the room look like a bomb had exploded. Ofcourse the House Mistress was always on her tail for that. She had received some punishment for the mess she had made. And somehow, she never really learned. Except when it was about her work. Then she was as neat and perfect as could be.

'The crew will be here soon. They were out to the town to do some shopping and other things.'

'I finally get to meet them, I can't wait… All those stories you told me about them.' Sivella said enthusiastically.

'Would you like some tea?' Inara asked.

'Yes please.' Sivella nodded as she walked towards her bag to begin unpacking.

'No, no, you sit down.' Inara said sweetly as she grabbed Sivella's upper arm and gently manouvered her to her couch.

Minutes later they both had two cups of tea in their hands.

'I was worried about you.' Inara began as she studied Sivella.

'Worried?' Sevilla asked with a surprised look. She made sure to keep her facial expression under control.

'When you sent me that wave, you seemed…. Afraid…..' Inara explained.

Sivella looked in her tea. She sighed. 'I just had a rough time. Lord Blake was angry that I ended the contract I had with him. And I am worried about my aunt.' Sivella explained.

Inara looked at her. She had the feeling there was something more.

'I've never seen you so afraid. If there's anything wrong, anything at all-' Inara offered as she put her cup down and looked intently at Sivella.

Sivella smiled. 'Thank you. That's so sweet.' Sivella said. What she was going to say next was one of the most difficult things in her life. She wanted to swallow the scrap in her throat away but Inara would notice instantly. So she took a small sip of her tea to mask it.

'Everything is well.' She heard herself say in a serene voice. _Lie. It was a lie. Right in her face._ _She, Sevilla Thenar had lied to her best friend. She had pushed Inara away. _She felt a pang of hurt in her heart. _She never lied. Because she hated it._

She watched Inara stand up.

'They are here, I can hear them.' Inara said.

Sevilla plastered a smile on her face and pushed the tears that wanted to well up in her eyes away instantly. She was after all, a Trained Companion.

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Hope you liked it! I am going to post the next chapter right now. But felt I needed to make a new chapter here.

Please let me know what you think!!


	5. Chapter 5

And here is the next chapter!! I am not making it really easy for Inara and Mal because I think it never was, and in reality they wouldn't 'just' get together without any problems. So, that's exactly what I am giving them, some problems...

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'I can't wait to see that other Companion!' Kaylee squeeled the moment they stepped on Serenity again. As if on cue Inara decented the stairs elegantly. She was followed by a tall, slender woman who moved ever as graceful and elegantly as Inara did.

Jayne's cigar almost fell out of his mouth the moment he saw the two woman. He managed to catch it before it dropped on the ground.

Mal swallowed when he saw Inara. She looked beautiful as always. He looked at the woman behind her. The first thing he noticed was that they looked a bit alike. Sivella was taller and somewhat more slender but with less curving then Inara. Her dark brown hair was as long and beautiful as Inara's but it had more curls in it. The woman both had big dark eyes. And the rest was where the differences began, where Inara's face was soft, Sivella's face was graced with a square chin and visible cheekbones. Her skin colour was very light, like white porcelain. Mal swallowed again as he noticed those big brown eyes on him now, and the smirk around her full lips. _Yep, he recognised the wiles immediately. She had them too. He should have known, an old class and roommate of Inara's… No trouble? How dumb could he have been? _

'You just need to get to Persephone?' Mal verified just to have something to say.

Sivella nodded as she left the stairs. 'Nothing more.'

'Well, I don't see no problem in that.'

'Thankyou, I am glad.'  
Sivella extended her hand to Mal who took it charmingly and kissed it.

'I've heard so many fantastic stories about you that it's almost an honour to be in your presence.' Sivella said.

Inara held her breath as alarm spread through her whole body. _O, no…._

'Stories?' Mal uttered surprised as he frowned his brows and looked at Inara with big eyes.

Inara kept her face motionless. But she knew she was blushing by the warmth that crept up her cheeks. _And that was not for just a reason, those stories… What they implied…_ She looked at Mal's body. _They were, very heated fantasies…_ She had almost forgotten that Sivella just spoke her mind whenever she wanted too, and sometimes could be brutally honoust towards her too. _She should have told Sivella not to talk about this. But how could she have known Sivella would bring those horrid stories up? _

Mal noticed that Inara had coloured red. This almost never happened, it made him feel paranoid instantly.

'What stories? You told her stories 'bout me?' Mal asked Inara curiously. _What could she have told about her? What was there to tell?_

Inara shook her head and opened her mouth to say something, but Sivella was quicker.

'O, no, I mean the stories that are going around at the Training House.' She explained lightly to clear up the misunderstanding.

Inara kept herself from inhaling and shut her eyes briefly. _Dear Buddha…_

_He couldn't stop wondering about those stories which would probably be negative. He didn't have money, wasn't rich. They saw him as a petty thief._

'The Trai-' Mal began.

'I think some introductions with the rest of the crew are in order now, if the captain agrees.' Inara said before he could finish his sentence. She took Sivella by her upper arm and almost dragged her with her towards the others without waiting for an answer.

'And this is Zoe.' Inara said quickly.

'I don't think I got your name?' Sivella said as she walked to Jayne who had just come down and offered him her hand.

'Jayne.' He said shortly as he looked her up and down. 'So you're staying with Inara huh?'

'Yes.' Sivella said.

Inara walked to her and took her arm again as she rolled her eyes at Jayne. 'Jayne, leave her be.'

'Well Inara, you're awfully protective ain't you? What more are you towards her?' Jayne suggested wickedly.

Inara sighed frustrated. 'Don't mind him. He just doesn't know how to handle a woman.'

'Well I'd know how to handle the two of you, can say that again, if you'll only give me a chance...' Jayne said as he eyed Sivella again.

'Jayne.' Mal warned.

'Hi! I am Kaylee!' Kaylee squeeled with enthusiasm as she shook Sivella's hand.

Sivella laughed at that. 'Hello. You must be the very talented mechanic Inara told me about.' She said.

'You told her about me?' Kaylee squeeled. 'You two were roommates? I have so many things to ask you!' Kaylee chirped.

'And we have so much to talk about. Let's go and sit somewhere.' Inara said as they left for the other hallway.

'I'll be in my bunk.' Jayne grunted urgently as he left.

**Kitchen, Dinner**

'So is there enough room in your shuttle for two?' Jayne asked.

Inara rolled her eyes. 'She's a dear friend.' She explained again.

'Who you wanted in your shuttle.' Jayne commented dryly with an obvious hidden thought behind that.

'You can't expect her to sleep in that cold bunk that are called guest rooms do you?'

Inara said. She didn't know why she even bothered explaining this to Jayne. He probably just wanted to confirm one of his sex fantasies.

'O I forgot how fragile you Companions are. Where is she anyway?' Mal asked just at the moment she came in. She had a smile on her face as she greeted everyone and seated herself next to Inara.

'Is everything in place?' Mal asked Sivella.

Sivella looked up and smiled at Mal. 'Yes it is. Thank you.'

'So Pirate Captain you said? Fantastic stories? Could you enlighten that to me?' Mal asked Sivella when the crew had fallen into a companionable silence under dinner. He had waited all day to ask this question.

Inara swallowed and looked up with alarm written all over her face, just for a split second before she masked it. She looked at Sivella who smirked.

Inara tried not to roll her eyes. _Not again!! _She should have known… _This was so embaressing! And it was her own fault. _She scolded herself_. _She should have told Sivella to not talk about that but it had been so nice with her and Kaylee that they had forgotten track of time and dinner had come so soon. She hadn't spoken Sivella alone since then.

'She didn't mean anything by that.' Inara said quickly before Sivella could even answer. She saw Sivella's eyebrow raise at that.

'So there are stories going around 'bout me? In the Training House that is?' Mal asked curious as he ignored Inara and looked at Sivella pointedly.

'Yes, very interesting love stories.' Sivella answered enthousiastically. She swallowed and almost dropped her proteine bar in shock the moment Inara directed a very warning, piercing gaze at her.

Mal's eyes grew wide. 'Huh?' He uttered. _Had he heard this wrong? Did she just say_

_Love stories?_

'Don't fool yourself Mal.' Inara cut in quickly before Sivella could even open her mouth or blink. 'Just in the Training House, nowhere else.' Inara said under her breath as she busied herself with pooring water for everyone. _She should have known Mal wouldn't let the subject go. _

The rest of the crew was silent, following the conversation with interest. Especially Kaylee was glued to her seat.

'In the Training House? Well well. Such sophisticated woman! And what would those stories be of me? Me being some sort of angry oger man? Are they using me as an example of who to stay away from?' Mal quipped. _But he really wanted to know, and he would find out, that was one thing for sure!_

'Something like that.' Inara mumbled. _If only Sivella wouldn't say anything.. She knew her friend, Sivella had always loved to tease her mercifully if she could. But this wasn't the moment, not at all. Sivella didn't know that this was serious. This wasn't a joking matter for her. _

_Please don't say anything, _Inara pleaded in her mind and prayed the Buddha to take away Sivella's voice for just a few moments. Maybe for this whole subject.

Sivella had to control herself to not bite her lip. Inara really had some explaining to do later on. This was very interesting. And hearing the undertone in Inara's voice also surprised her. This man got to her. She had noticed that before. Just in the slightest way, the way Inara's face was set, the way she moved around him. The way she tried to push away emotions that bubbled up to the surface. She could even hear it in her friends voice. And as far as she knew her friend, which was really well, no man had ever gotten to her like this.

'But I do get confused by the word 'love' in those stories.' Mal prodded. He actually liked this because he noticed how annoyed and irritated Inara reacted. It was almost as if she felt ashamed of something. And he just liked to get to the bottom of that.

'So Kaylee, did you go shopping today?' Inara asked, changing the subject as quickly as possible.

Kaylee looked up surprised as if she had been in some sort of trance.

She opened her mouth to speak when Mal spoke again.

'You were in the training house only months ago. You must have spread stories and I'd like to know what kind of stories.'

'Mal, I didn't spread anything.' Inara explained annoyed as she finally looked at him now.

He raised an eyebrow at the double meaning of that sentence.

Jayne grinned out loud. 'You sure 'bout that?' He said with a suggestive grin.

She sent Jayne a warning look and then Mal one of anger.

'Stories I mean.' She snapped. _Where had this gone too? She even couldn't control herself towards Jayne anymore?!_ She chastised herself.

'We know what you mean.' Kaylee said trying to comfort her friend and giving Jayne an angry glare all in the same second.

'So why don't you enlighten us?' Mal asked as he rolled his sleeves up. 'I'd like to hear some of those stories, bet I'm not the only one.' He said as he looked around.

'Yeah.' Wash said friendly and got kicked by Zoe instantly.

'What?' He whispered annoyed, _he only meant well, why was his wife punishing him exactly??_

No one dared to answer. They didn't want to be dragged in something that was between them.

'I didn't tell any stories. It were just the girls who made stories up. And I don't know how they go at all.' Inara said in a calm tone making it sound like the subject wasn't important at all.

'Surely Sivella knows the way they go?' Mal offered as he looked with a broad smile at Sivella.

'No!' Inara said somewhat shocked. 'No, she doesn't.' She regretted her reaction instantly, she had given away too much… But she knew that Sivella would gladly tell him every story in detail and she didn't want that. She gave her friend a pointed look to sent a very clear message to her.

'It are just some stories about you being a pirate, nothing more.' Inara said quickly as she turned her eyes away from Sivella.

'A pirate huh?' He said proudly as he widened his chest.

Jayne laughed out loud. 'You a pirate? HA HA HAA.'

'You'd be a really nice Pirate I think!' Kaylee told Mal to comfort him.

'And what does that pirate do? Do I barge into the Training House?' Mal prodded.

'Yes you do. Well, it's getting late already, time to clean up.'

'How about that love?' Mal said as he looked at Sivella.

'What love?' Inara said quickly. _Hadn't she just said that it was getting late and that they had to go and clean up now?! Translation: we are leaving and the subject is OVER. He was insufferable as usual and didn't take any clues or hints. Another reason to not like him. _

'Sivella was talking about love.'

_Did she see sparkles in his eyes? Yes she did! He was actually enjoying this. _

Inara tried not to clench her teeth. _She would almost want to strangle Sivella for bringing this up! As if it wasn't humiliating enough to hear something like that from Sheydra_! She felt the anger that she had been feeling the moment Sheydra had confronted her about these stories well up inside of her instantly. It took a lot from her to restrain it and plaster a serene, calm look on her face.

Sivella swallowed as she busied herself with the mug of water in front of her. She could clearly feel anger radiating from her friend towards her.

'Well can't you make that up yourself Mal? Your 'charming" self walks into some unknowing girl, you buy her a rose, you fall in love and leave on your ship.' Inara said quickly. 'There's a fantastic love story for you.' Inara said sarcastic.

Sivella had heard a lot of versions in the Training House, but this one was unfamiliar to her. She doubted if it even existed. _You buy her a rose? _Sivella bit her cheek and looked with wide eyes in her glass to stop herself from laughing out loud. _He buys her a rose! There's a lot more that he does to her, and it doesn't involve one rose. _

It must have been the more censured part of a story, Sivella thought cheekily as she eyed her friend.

'So all these woman dream of me huh? You can learn something from that.' Mal said proudly.

'Girls Mal, not woman.' Inara said sternly. 'The moment they grow into woman they'll know not to dream of something like that with a man like you.' She had said it harder then she had meant too.

Sivella looked up from her glass when she heard the sudden anger in Inara's voice. _This conversation seemed to be getting out of control. More specific, her friend seemed to be lashing out to the captain. And why did she do that? _Sivella wondered curiously as she studied both her friend and Mal.

Inara swallowed instantly. _Why had this man power over her like this? Why could he mess up everything? Especially in front of Sivella!_

'And why would that be?' Mal said a bit angrily as he straightened himself in his chair.

She recognised that tone in his voice. It told her that he was holding in and would lash out to her angrily very soon now.

'Time to go.' Zoe whispered at Wash as she helped him up. She recognised the tone too. 'Dinner was very nice, thank you.' She said shortly as she ushered Wash away with her.

'I didn't mean-.' _How did she get herself in a situation where she had to defend herself in now? _Inara paused shortly because she was too baffled by the way this conversation had gone_. Sivella won't let her live this moment down! This was not something a Companion got herself into. This was not the behaviour a Companion had. _

Jayne casually leaned back in his chair to be able to see both Inara and Mal. _This was going to be fun!_

Sivella frowned her brows and looked in her tea mug_. She was somewhat curious as to how Inara was going to get herself out of this… _

Kaylee felt frozen to her chair and swallowed. _Why are they always so difficult? She thought sadly. _After she saw them kissing, she really hoped… She really wished_- When would they finally stop this?_

'I only mean that girls, well you know girls..' Inara chuckled nervously. 'They'll fantasize about nearly everything and when they grow up they see..' She looked up in his eyes. And swallowed deep. 'That it's different in reality.' She ended slowly.

'Different?' He prodded. _So this is really how she thinks about me._ Mal thought angrily. _Everything he feared that couldn't make something like a relationship happening between them, came up now. She was confirming the awful, worrying thoughts he had had about himself right there. The thoughts of him never being enough for her, of him being less, of him being a man that never could give a woman like her all she needed. Of him- _

'They're just girls Mal. Who dream of something that they don't know. They only know civil men…' She stopped instantly and swallowed. _Had she just insulted him again? _

Sivella closed one eye in shock. _Did she just really say that? Was she actually insulting him like the words just flew out of her mouth like that, like she didn't first think about what she was going to say? If the House Mistress would have seen this, Inara wouldn't have lived it down. This was getting very intesting…_

'Civil?' He said angrily as his nostrils flared. _She thinks I am not civil! Here we are! Back to the beginning. Or maybe we always were at the beginning._

Again she swallowed. 'I meant civil as in rich and from a very high class.' Inara explained quickly. She felt like she was walking on thin ice here.

'Yes I know 'bout them civil men in your class.' He snapped thinking of Atherton.

'Mal, you know what I mean.'

'I don't think I do. I know I don't have much but that ain't what makes a man civil. You should know that, teachin' these girls and all. What do you teach them anyway? To look down on us 'lower' men?'

_Okay, now Sivella had the idea that she should leave this table too_. Just like the rest of the crew was doing, slipping away slowly. She saw the doctor leaving with his sister. Only Jayne sat as if he was unphased. And Kaylee seemed to much in shock to even move. This was something between Mal and Inara.

'We treat everyone with respect Mal. And I am not letting you trap me into another fight.'

'A fight?!' Mal stood up from his chair quickly. It almost fell down. 'Obviously we are back to where we were at the beginning.' He snapped at her with burning eyes. 'And you don't seem to mind that much.' He spat as he turned around and left.

Inara sighed out loud as he left. _That insufferable man! What had she said wrong this time?! She just didn't want to fight!_

'Not civil enough!' Mal moped angrily as he stalked through the hallway. 'She ain't met a man whose real civil yet!' He spat as he almost bumped into Book.

'So how was the shopping?' Inara began sweetly at Kaylee again to lighten the atmosphere.

Kaylee and Jayne were the only two who had dared to stay, and Sivella ofcourse.

Kaylee stood up as she looked at Inara with a not so nice look. 'I really don't understand the two of you.' She said heatedly and with an unsteady voice as she headed towards her bunk.

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Hope you liked it!! Please review!! Thanks


	6. Chapter 6

Hi everyone! I read that not everyone knows the story that was going around on the Training House in the tv show. I remembered that it wasn't actually in an episode but it was on the extras of the Serenity Dvd. Inara and Sheydra had a talk in the Training House where Sheydra confronted Inara with these stories that were going around. Inara reacted shocked (Because she didn't know about them in the beginning). And ofcourse denied something like that. Hope that explains enough!

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**Inara's shuttle**

Inara sighed as she busied herself with folding her blankets again and again. She clenched her teeth as she remembered sitting outside in the large garden of the Training House. She was pondering things, thinking about things. About the girls. About giving lessons again, about being back in the Training House. Then Sheydra had come. Inara had explained that the girls here were different. Less controled then her year had ever been. And somehow Sheydra had implied that Inara knew about wild love. "After all, it's you who had a wild love affair with a torrid Pirate." Inara remembered being so shocked that she had blurted out a hard "WHAT?!" At that. "A **WHAT**?! **With** a **WHO**?!"

"It's the talk that is going around the dorm rooms."

She didn't exactly remember what she had said after that word for word. Just the need to tell Sheydra that this was not true. That Mal wasn't a Pirate who had come to burge in the Training House to save her. And that he had made love to her many times in a Burning Temple. Hot and very long love. Sheydra had just smiled knowingly. Which made Inara even more upset.

**Guestroom**

Mal stalked through the halls checking on everything when he walked into the guestroom. _It wasn't that cold here at all!_ He thought angrily. _As if he would let his guests stay in a co….'_ He froze in one place instantly and stared in front of him.

'I'm s-' He began.

Sivella stopped bathing herself and looked at the floor. It was too late now and she knew it. Her back was to the captain but she knew it was too late to cover herself up. She took the sponge away from her shoulder and placed it in the bacin. As she collected her thoughts in these few seconds.

Mal's mouth fell open as he saw the dark angry bruises and numerous deep cuts and gashes on the Companion's back. Next to the little bassin on the ground lay white bandages, covered in fresh blood.

Sivella put her sari over her breasts and softly turned around to face Mal.

'-S… Sorry.' Mal stammered. _Where did the woman get these wounds from? _

'No, I am sorry.' She said in a calm voice. A voice he instantly recognised. Inara used that tone and voice so often too.

'I shouldn't have been in here, bathing myself. I thought- I thought no one would come in here.'

'Yes, about that.' Mal said as he scratched his head shortly. He didn't know how to handle this situation. _A fancy woman like her, being mutilated like that. Did someone do this to her? It seemed that way. And why was she bading in here and not in Inara's shuttle? Was it her client? _He felt anger building up in the pit of his stomach_. Which ever man could do such a thing to her? Or to any woman? He hated men who abused woman._

'I thought you baded in Inara's shuttle.' Mal uttered with a thick throat as he looked away from her to not stare.

Sivella looked at the floor. 'I usually would but… Under the circumstances..'

He suddenly felt angry at her._ Her being in this state was one thing, but her not telling anyone, not even going to the doctor was another. _

'You mean the circumstances of the skin almost being torn of your back?' He said bluntly.

She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. 'No. The circumstances of Inara and you trying to tear each other apart has something to do with it too. I gave her some time alone.'

'We have a doctor.' Mal offered ignoring her remark. _So she didn't tell Inara? That would be the reason why she was so secretly bading her, in this 'cold' guest room._

'No, I don't need a doctor, thank you.'

'That must be a Companion thingy.' Mal said thinking of the many times Inara had said something like that. 'Look this is none of my bussiness but does 'Nara know?'

'It's complicated.'

He crossed his arms in front of his chest. 'Yep, it always gets that way somehow. Are you in any trouble?'

'No.' Sivella said as she shook her head. 'It's taken care of.'

_Yes he had heard that before too. _

'Look, I know you don't think much of Companions..' Sivella began as she stepped towards him. 'But we do know how to look out for ourselves.'

_If a client would EVER do something like that to Inara he would kill him with his bare hands_. He clenched his teeth in anger at the thought alone.

'Do they also teach you in that school of yours that it's not a shame to get help?'

'We do help each other. That's why I'm going back to Sihnon now.' She measured the man_, could she be certain that he would not tell Inara? At least she had managed to manipulate him into forgotting his question by using her bright skill of talking. He probably wouldn't ask again. So she wouldn't have to tell Inara, neither would he._

'Well ya know, with me not bein' civilised and all, I'd like you to get help right now anyway.' He said repeating Inara's earlier statement. He turned around to walk away.

'Those weren't my words. And I think you know Inara didn't mean them.' Sivella said.

'Maybe you don't know Inara that well.' Mal stated as he looked at the white wall in front of him.

'Maybe **you** misread what she says.' Sivella said defending her.

'And here I thought both of you were experts in reading. Ain't my kind of thing. I like things to be clear. Clear as crystal. Not complicated.' He turned around towards her again.

'And somehow they **are **complicated.' Sivella confronted him.

Mal looked down on her. This woman was very bright and seemed quite smart.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest again.

'They seem to be yep.' He paused shortly, studied her. 'So can I safely say that you will tell Inara about your wounds?'

Sivella's eyes grew big. _So she hadn't managed to manipulate him at all. This man was full of surprises_.

'You're very perceptive captain.' She said with sparkling eyes.

'Let's just say I'd had my training with another one of you on board here for over a year getting off and on my nerves all the time.'

'Which surprises me.' She stated as her eyes measured his intently. 'Inara is a very sweet, warm and friendly woman. You seem to be able to get the worst out of her.' She said challenging him.

'You didn't answer my question.'

'I would rather not.'

'Would rather not what? Answer the question or tell Inara?'

'Both.'

'I don't need to pry in your bussiness but I ain't gonna keep secrets that aren't mine to keep.'

Sivella sighed. 'Inara has enough on her head already, she doesn't need to know something that is no longer of importance anymore.'

'If it weren't of importance you wouldn't be washing yourself in this 'cold room' here, but in the luxury of the shuttle, which you are used too.' Mal stated.

'Wow, a Pirate Captain and also smart. I should remember that.' She said.

He kept looking at her, wanting an answer.

Sivella sighed. 'I don't see how this is your bussiness.' She said.

'Don't want nobody hurtin' on my boat. You made it my bussiness the moment you stepped on Serenity.' Mal answered, and he had a nagging feeling that there was trouble to come.

_Hurtin?' If only he knew who was hurting right now in her shuttle._

'I am not in pain.' She said.

His eyes went to the bandages on the floor.

'Don't pity me.' She warned with anger in her voice.

'I ain't pitying you.' He stated as he raised his hands. 'One of your clients did this to you?' He asked urgently. _He just wanted to know_. There was anger in his eyes.

She tilted her chin defiantly at him and just looked at him, trying to stare him down.

'Men shouldn't treat a woman like that. They should be punished for that.' Mal explained between clenched teeth.

She just kept looking at him.

Mal stepped further towards her. 'And is he?'

'Is he what?'

'Punished for what he did.'

She didn't answer and looked away.

Mal knew the answer right there. He worked his jaw.

'If anyone would ever do such a thing to Inara-' He began as he clenched his fists.

'They won't.' She said in a very sure voice. She looked up at him again. 'You won't let them.' She smiled sadly. 'And she won't let herself. She is too smart.' She said it as if it were a certainty.

'And you aren't?' Mal countered surprised.

She looked away again at that.

'No, I wasn't.' She answered bitterly.

'You are going to Simon.' Mal said matter of factly.

'No!' Sivella said sternly. 'I will not. I payed you to bring me to Persephone. And that's all that will happen.' She looked angrily at him.

'Okay, but you will tell Inara.' Mal said finally, he could see it was no use in convincing her or telling her to do anything.

She sighed out loud. 'I'll tell Inara, but not tonight.' This way, she didn't promise anything.

He nodded as he turned and left.

**Inara's shuttle**

Sivella had left Inara alone for half an hour and then made her way up to her shuttle. She sighed as she stepped in and saw Inara busying herself with her clothes.

'I am so sorry Inara.' Sivella said with compassion in her eyes. 'I didn't know bringing up these stories was such a heated subject for you at first.' She sat in front of Inara's dresser to take off her make up.

'Heated? No It's not. It's just complicated. And you knew fully well.' Inara said as she took a new blanket out of her cupboard.

Sivella sighed at that and sat on the bed. 'Yes I did.' She admitted ruefully. 'But I didn't know it would get this far.' _She hadn't known that it would end in a fight. That hadn't been her meaning at all. _' I just…. I just wanted to tease you. I didn't know it was this serious.' Sivella said.

'It isn't that serious.' Inara countered without looking at Sivella.

Sivella scraped her throat in a distinctive way to show she didn't agree. 'Whatever you say.' She said in an offer for peace. 'I am sorry that it ended in a fight.'

'It's okay.' Inara sighed. 'We fight a lot actually.' She said with a nervous smile. 'That's nothing new..' She explained softly as she thought about Mal. _But this time, she had so hoped that they wouldn't… It really felt like they were back to square one. She felt stronger this way, but was this what she really wanted?_

'We just… Don't get along a lot of times.' She explained softly as she felt a pang of hurt go through her. _And a lot of times we do…_ She swallowed and tried to get it away. _We really do._ She thought of her sitting with Mal, drinking of her tea. Them laughing. Talking. _It __was possible. Wasn't it? Yes, it sometimes really was._

Sivella studied Inara's eyes and face shortly. They had talked so many times sometimes days after days on their waves these lasts years. Sivella had already guessed that Inara cared deeply for the Captain. And that guess had been proven to be right the moment Sivella had seen the two interact with one another. It showed in everything, even when they didn't talk or didn't seem aware of each other._ She just wanted Inara to see that, to take that step. That step that she herself hadn't taken…_ Sivella swallowed, she didn't want to think about herself. _I ran away_. She thought bitterly. She pushed those thoughts away and focused solely on Inara and her urge to get them together. She wanted Inara to have just that, even though she couldn't herself.

'I am sorry about that.' Sivella finally said.

**Night**

**Blood, blood everywhere, on the floor, but what almost made her choke was the red colour of blood on her hands. She looked at both of her hands in shock,**

**BLOOD**

**Blood everywhere**

**And a warm body**

**She felt it against her, warm and heavy**

**Slowly slipping to the ground, away from her**

**With a sickening thumb**

Sivella's breath caught and she opened her eyes quickly. She exhaled and sat up in the bed. When she recognised the shuttle she calmed down a bit. Her breathing was still difficult. She looked at her hands in the darkness. Nothing. There was no blood. She felt awful. She moved backwords to lean against the headboard of the bed. She watched Inara's sleeping form.

_Blood, blood everywhere._ It was horrible.

She stared in the distance and looked at her hands again as a single tear left one eye. _Breathe in, breathe out. Just keep breathing and everything will be okay._

She wanted to wash her hands again, and again. But she had already done that so many times. And it wouldn't go away. The blood wouldn't dissapear.

There was no blood anymore on her hands, she could see her flawless skin.

She looked at Inara again and sighed. She caressed Inara's dark long hair. She slowly slipped under the blankets again and crawled over to Inara. Inara was lying with her back towards her. She nestled herself against Inara's back. She sighed. Yes, this gave her some comfort. Tears began to flow freely from her eyes now. _No one knew. She had lied. The Guilt knew nothing. But they knew. And they wouldn't stop until they had found her. _She crawled closer to Inara's warm, sleeping body. Inara, her best friend, she loved that woman so dearly. But soon, she had to leave her too.

_They would kill her. They would kill her this time. And she had almost never been afraid in her life. But she was now. Inara had seen it well. It was pure fear that had her trapped. Because she knew they wouldn't be merciful. Her death would be as painful as possible. They would make sure of that…_

**Morning**

'Are you still angry with me?' Inara heard Sivella ask from the other side of the bed. When she looked at her friend she saw that her eyes were staring at the ceiling.

'I wasn-' Inara began but stopped. She had to get used to being around someone who could read her that well. It was a long time ago that she had seen her fellow Companions who could do that.

'Only if you'll bring those stories up again towards Mal or anyone else of the crew.'

'I won't, I promise.' Sivella said.

'But I can bring them up towards you?' She heard Sivella ask mischievously. Before Inara could answer Sivella turned towards her now, leaning on one elbow as she smiled.

'I really liked those stories though.' She tried.

'O please! Spare me.' Inara said in a heated tone. _Who ever had even come up with these stories, she could hurt them severly right now!_

'I like the one you told at dinner with the rose. Very romantic. Is that a new version?' Sivella teased.

Inara smirked and rolled her eyes. 'You know fully well why I made that version up. Mal doesn't need to know about those stories.'

Sivella looked at her friend with an arched eyebrow.

'And why would that be?'

Inara sighed. 'I don't want to give him any ideas! And as if it isn't worse enough that the girls are spreading such rumours!' She said heatedly.

'And where do those ideas come from one wonders?' Sivella answered with a mild sarcastic and teasing undertone as she let herself slip on her back again and stared in the distance.

'They come from nowhere.' Inara said heatedly.

Sivella sighed out loud and put a hand over her heart. 'I'd like a Pirate Captain to sweep me off my feet and make love to me in a burning temple many times. How romantic would that be!'

'Sivella!' Inara scolded lightly with a dark frown in her brows. 'Are you telling me that you are actually encouraging those misjudged stories?'

Sivella smiled at her friend. 'Oh Inara! You're the hero of those girls!' She said as she leaned on her elbow again to stare at Inara who still was lying on her back.

'I already told Sheydra how ridiculous that is. It's not a good example.'

_Mal didn't want to- They always had something to disagree on. Maybe that was a sign that there could never be anything between them. She had tried. She had tried for once to act on her feelings for him. That kiss… It had been wonderful…_

'When _we _were still young girls, we would have loved to hear stories like that. And now **you** are the lead in most of them!'

'That was different then. It wasn't real then.' _The moment those last words left her mouth she already regretted them._

'Ahhhhhh, and it's real now?' Sivella said with wiggling eyebrows. She got a pillow in her face as an answer.

'Heey!' Sivella muttered in defense as she held her arms in front of her face to protect herself. 'Agression is not a usefull skill for a Companion, therefor you shall never show it towards anyone.' Sivella repeated out loud in a old voice.

'I see you remember the House Mothers words very well.' Inara teased.

Sivella laughed out loud. 'Ow come on! You have to admit that it's interesting that you're tensing up Inara, the moment the word love stories and Mal come up.'

'It's just very annoying! That's why I tense up. And the more Mal knows about this, the more he'll use it against me. Because that is what he does. That man lives to make my life miserable.'

Sivella smiled again. ' And what a job that is!'

'Sivella!' Inara scolded.

'Your life is such an adventure! Have you bedded him yet?'

'I don't service crew.' Inara snapped shortly. _She scolded herself again. She shouldn't have snapped, now Sivella knew… Ooo! Who was she fooling? Sivella could read her like a book. Just like she seemed to be able to read everyone._ Inara gave her friend an angry glare for that.

'Hmmm, I wasn't talking about servicing him darling.' She flashed a smile at Inara. 'I bet he'd like to service you though.' She offered mischievously.

'Sivella stop this!' Inara finally snarled as she went to sit and looked for another pillow in the large bed. There was none in sight so she took the blanket of her bed and threw it towards her ex-roommate.

'Auch! You take in the heavy artillerie!' Sivella said muffled from under the blanket.

Inara laughed out loud.

'No Inara seriously.' She said as she put the blanket on her lap and looked at her friend.

'It might take some of that tension away, because that isn't angry tension, it's sexual tension sweety.' She said in a matter of fact way.

'Sivella stop it. I don't want to hear no more.'

'But then again, who am I to tell that to a highly trained Companion like yourself, you already knew that. Or maybe you have your head too high in the clouds already, so you can't see clearly anymore.'

'I am not listening anymore.' Inara stated as she took her favourite book from her nightstand and sat herself comfortable against the headboard of her large bed with every intention to block out further talk of the woman beside her.

'-Can't keep control anymore. That's a struggle.'

She heard Sivella say far away in her mind. Inara's hand froze above her book instantly. She stared at the page in front of her. _Control. This was, what she had been fighting for so long. This was what made her so afraid. Maybe Sivella knew more about things like that then she pretended to do. Because everything her friend had said had been exactly right. _

Then she felt something soft in her face which shocked her. And the laugh of Sivella rolled through the room.

'I had you right there! Your senses are really getting slow! I knew you were always the older one but now it begins to show too!' Sivella teased mercifully.

'I am not older! Just a month you little witch!' Inara snarled as she took the pillow. 'I'll show you who is really old!' She promised as she tried to hit Sivella with it. But Sivella already had her own pillow to protect herself.

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Please let me know what you thought!!!

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	7. Chapter 7

**Serenity, Living Room**

'Is this what you do around here to have fun?' Sivella asked laughing as she stared at the board game in front of her. She had lost again.

'Sometimes.' Kaylee answered as she laughed too. River nodded enthusiastic.

The four woman were sitting together on the two couches staring at the boardgame on the table in front of them.

Inara smirked as she took her pawn and threw Kaylee of the board.

'O no! You can't do this 'Nara!' Kaylee brought out in horror.

Sivella laughed.

Inara laughed too but her face froze the moment Mal entered the kitchen. She plastered a smile on her face again, seconds later. River pouted her lips in thought as she stared at Inara's pawn. Inara's eyes went to Sivella who was smiling at Kaylee. She was thankfull that Sivella wasn't eyeing her reactions to Mal anymore. _Everything had been so confusing these last days,the large fight with Mal and then her kissing Mal, admitting that she… Well, the thing about Nandi, and now having Sivella with her again. So much had happened that she didn't have time to think everything through since then. _

'It's your turn.' River said.

Inara threw the dice again. _She used to always know what to do. But since she had set one foot on Serenity that had changed very quickly._ _So many things always happened. And before she could plan something, something would come along so quickly. Life in the Training House was so much easier, relaxter and it was structured._

She swallowed as she moved her pawn. The three woman were laughing again and she cast a quick glance at Mal again. He was sitting at the kitchen tables now and was cleaning his guns. He had a concentrated frown on his face as his eyes were on one of his guns. She looked away again at Sivella. It was nice sitting here, enjoying this game.

_He was such a different man. Different from all the men she had ever known. Those long, strong legs. His tall body, his face. Even his hair. His eyes. She liked everything about him. At least, if they weren't fighting she did. She even caught herself wondering how sex with Mal would be. _She swallowed instantly at this thought_. She had actually told herself something that she had ignored all this time. O, you know it Inara. You know exactly what you want. She had fought against that voice for so long. Just admit that the moment you kissed him you wanted to rip his clothes of his body if Kaylee hadn't interrupted. And then the doubt came again. Could something really be between them? And did he even want her? There were so many complications, and she didn't like complications at all. Why was it so difficult to admit, even to herself that she wanted this man to be so close to her? _

She looked at him. _It was almost as if her pride was also in the way. He could hurt her immensily. And somehow he knew exactly how with his sharp tongue, the insults. _She tried to concentrate on the game again and studied River who got a happy glint in her eyes when she pushed Sivella's pawn off the board.

_She had always wondered what it would be like to feel those strong, big hands on her body. To let her hands feel his body everywhere. To feel these strong muscles. To kiss him again._ She had to stop herself from biting her lip. An old habit that she had had before she came into the Training House. _A habit that seemed to be coming back again. Like some other habits seemed to do the same… _But when she thought about it, she had noticed Sivella having some of these old habits too. _She had noticed it in the way Sivella spoke, it was less behaved. And also in her posture. She was less controlled. Maybe that was what being away for so long from the Training House did to you?_

_But she hadn't been at home in the Training House. _She looked at Mal again. _She felt more at home here._

Mal looked up at her right that moment. His hand froze above his gun when he noticed that she had been looking at him. She gave a small and forced smile before she turned her attention back to the board game. She swallowed. _He was so powerful, he would feel powerful. She was sure of that. And he also had a soft side. He always pretended to be so hard, which he was in some way… He had seen so many awful things. But somewhere he was a man with feelings. If only things could have been different. Maybe she should just allow herself to fantasize about him. There was nothing wrong with that was there? Well, there was. But maybe she should just give herself that small pleasure. He would never know. No one would know. She wanted to climb in his lap and kiss him mercilessly while her hands would roam through his hair. Wow Inara, you're heating up here. Behave yourself! _She scolded herself. _She was a controlled Companion! She needed water._

'Does anyone want some water?' Inara asked as she stood up elegantly.

River nodded.

'Yes please.' Sivella said. 'Are you cheating?' She asked Kaylee directly after that in a teasing and challenging tone.

'I am not! Inara, will you tell her that I never cheat!'

Inara lauged as she walked towards the sink, passing Mal.

'Cleaning your guns again?' She asked in a sweet-natured voice.

She wished that he wasn't still angry.

He grunted something.

'So who's winning?' She heard him ask. She took three glasses out of the cupboard. Inara felt relieved shortly. He didn't seem to be holding a grudge because of what she had said yesterday. But then again, they just seemed to move on after insulting each other, and then it would come up again in their next fight.

'I can't be sure really. Sivella just lost, but she's learning.' She said.

'Bet she's a quick learner.' Mal commented.

Inara turned around with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugged. 'She seems quite bright.'

'Yes, she is.' Inara said as she smiled fondly and filled the glasses.

He watched her while she brought the glasses back to the three laughing woman. It was nice to see and hear them having fun on his ship. It was nice to hear laughter again. And what was even nicer was to hear Inara's laugh. He dreamed about him being the one making her laugh like that one day. He watched her smile at River when she threw the dice again. River didn't look that happy when Inara made a move on the board. Her smile was so radiant. This was a real smile. Not one of her smiles just to be civil.

'Captain.' He heard a mischievous voice say.

When he looked up he saw Sivella taking one of his guns and loading it. Before he could stop her she finished the work and smiled at him. He looked astonished at her.

' 's that something you learned at the Training House?'

'It is actually.'

'Makes me wonder what else you woman learn there.' He stated.

'Well, wonder is a good thing isn't it Mal? Without wonder the world would be boring don't you think?'

He shrugged. 'Might do without wonder just fine.' He countered.

'Really? And what is it a man like you would wonder about?' She said as she sat on the table, looking at him.

Her gaze went to the table to Inara. 'Maybe she will tell you one day.'

'Tell what?' He asked surprised.

She smiled as she elegantly and leanly jumped off the table.

She leaned forward. 'All the things you ever wondered about: what she learned, and all that she can do.' He felt his groin react instantly. _What she can do…. He didn't need to know. Didn't need to know what she did with her clients. To her clients. It was getting worse. He wanted Inara, and he wanted her bad._

'And believe me, she can do a lot. She wasn't one of the best in class for nothing.'

He sighed frustrated and wanted to give her an angry glare but she had already dissapeared from the table somehow. She was rummaging through a cupboard in the kitchen. He wanted to walk away now, cool off, but his trousers was just too tight momentarily.

The low dipped dress Inara was wearing didn't help either. He could see the creamy colour of her skin. Leading to the swell of her breasts. He had wondered so many times how her breasts would look naked. How they would feel. How her whole body would look naked. How every inch of her would feel. He just wanted to feel every inch of soft skin, kiss her senseless, study her, make love to her for hours, hour after hour. _Calm down Reynolds. Calm it! _He wasn't a kid in puberty anymore. But sometimes it did feel like that.

He eyed Sivella as she walked back to the table he was sitting at. She smirked. _She was actually enjoying this._

'Nice knife you have here.' She said as she picked up his knife.

'Watch out, it's sharp.' He warned.

'It should be, shouldn't it?' She asked as she studied the knife. She threw it up in the air and caught it again on the handle.

Mal swallowed. He looked at her with wide eyes. He wanted to stop her from throwing it, it would cut her hands but she had caught it so elegantly.

She just smiled and walked back to the woman. The woman could handle a knife. He remembered Inara telling him how his guns needed to be cleaned only months ago. This sure was confusing.

**Kitchen, evening.**

'Captain Reynolds.' Sivella said as she nodded to him and walked towards the tea.

He looked up from his whiskey. And mumbled a greeting before staring into the liquid again.

'You're sick of Inara?' Mal questioned when she finished the tea and sat in front of him.

She smiled. 'What a question. I'd never get sick of her.' She chuckled shortly. 'I'd like to see some of your crew, talk to everyone.'

'Very social.' Mal mumbled as he watched her stir her tea.

'Did they teach you that at whore academy?' Mal asked.

Sivella looked up with a raised eyebrow in reaction at that sudden bark. She eyed the liquor he was drinking. It was clear that he was getting a bit affected by it.

'That must get Inara angry, but it doesn't get to me. I've been called worse.' She took a sip of her tea as she sat herself down elegantly in front of him.

'We'll be on Persephone tomorrow.' Mal said quickly. He regretted what he had said but couldn't get himself to apologise either. _He was just too damn tired._

She nodded. 'Yes I know. Do you know anything about this 'Whore-academy' Inara and I went to?' Sivella questioned as she leaned back in her chair.

Mal looked up in her eyes and studied her shortly. Inara never leaned back in a chair. She always kept a perfect posture. 'Nope, just know that you learn to manipulate men is all.'

Sivella smirked. _He really was bitter._ 'That's one of the lessons yes.' She said teasingly.

She stared at her tea now. 'Aside from that, there are a lot of other lessons. Such as we learn to control ourselves fully. That starts at about the age of 12. Imagine that. Imagine that that's the only thing you are used to, controlling your feelings, your wants, your needs.'

He looked at her, not understanding what she meant.

'It's very difficult for us to loose that control. It's very frightening.' She spoke.

He looked up again, this time he narrowed his eyes. _Us?_ _Was she talking 'bout Inara? _

'I think that when you lose control, control that you're so used to having, you'll do anything to get it back.'

Mal kept looking at her and swallowed. He lowered his eyes to the table again.

'It's all you know. That control.' He heard Sivella say in the back ground while he was in thought.

'So sometimes you go back to the only ways you know to get back that control.' Sivella took a sip of her tea and watched if her words sunk in with Mal. She wanted Mal so badly to understand how this worked with Inara.

'Even if it pushes away the person you want the most to be very near. It's like-' Sivella stared in the distance and thought about an example. Her dark eyes went back to Mal who was looking glazily at her now. 'Like you don't see right at that exact moment, like you feel rejected, and ofcourse… In reaction to rejection you act angry to protect yourself. I guess that is out of some sort of pride. And maybe to cover up sadness that you're feeling.' Sivella sighed and studied Mal shortly. 'Who isn't afraid of getting hurt? And mostly when you're in a vulnerable position.'

Mal's head snapped up at hers.

'You mean that you would be afraid if you'd… Maybe like someone?'

Sivella nodded.

'But you have all them wiles and all, how can you not have learned about that in-'

Mal asked as he bended forward to be closer so no one would overhear this conversation.

'-Whore-Academy?' Sivella ended with a challenging glare. 'Wiles?' She asked, not understanding.

Mal fluttered his hands towards Sivella. 'The things you do to make a man lose his mind, make him sweat, to trap him and to influence him, things like that.'

'Ahh… Yes, because we can do all of that.' Sivella said in a mild sarcastic tone.

'Believe me.' Mal said as he looked intensily at her. 'She can and I bet you can too. Just admit that that's a thing you learned there.' _And it was something that had droven him mad from the moment he had ever met Inara. Whatever she did, however she acted, he just couldn't get his mind of off her. She had him wrapped around her tiny little finger like no one ever could. It was as if he lost power over himself. The things she made him feel, with even the smallest nod, the batting of her eyelashes, the tone in her voice. He had never felt so out of control. And God knows he had fought against that many times, over and over again, fought against her to stop that madness in his heart, head and body. But nothing really worked. The woman had him right there. And that frustrated him immensily._

'Well, I guess some things just have to stay secret, that keeps the mystery around us big and alluring.' She said with a broad smile.

Mal sighed as he leaned back in his chair. 'But you would be afraid if someone would like you?' He began remembering his earlier question.

'Well-' She began as she leaned towards him now, it seemed like they were sharing secrets now when Mal came closer too.

'Because 'love' is something-' Sivella began and stopped as Mal shot back physically at the word love.

'I am referring to myself ofcourse.' She reminded him.

He still sat frozen to his chair. She looked away in thought. 'Love is something that isn't useful for a Companion. I think you can figure out why, but the liquor must have affected something up there already.' Sivella said as she eyed his forehead.

'Thought you Companions had to be civil all the time. You ain't so civil, speaking your mind all the time.' Mal remarked.

Sivella smiled. 'Yes, they tried to get that out of me, guess they never succeeded.' She said consipartorilly. _But they did succeed. It was only these last years after the decision she had made, that she had changed. She had become more like herself again. Had began to feel again what she felt instead of pushing it away to satisfy someone else. _

'And something else. I'll tell you a secret.' She looked around her to be sure no one was near. 'Or maybe I shouldn't, maybe you are too drunk to remember tomorrow?' She uttered as she looked at his half empty glass.

'No no, I am not drunk. I am all ears.' Mal said greedily, all secrets were welcome, especially when they were about Inara!

'Good. I'll only tell you this because I'm leaving tomorrow anyway and well…. Some things just have to be.' She said mysteriously.

Mal bended forward again, ready to hear what she had to say.

Sivella swallowed. _Inara would be so angry. But how long was the woman busy now with fighting the man she really cared about?_ A little mingling in might help a bit to push them in the right direction. _And she wanted Inara to be happy._ Sivella felt a sadness wash over her. Because she knew she herself would not got that happiness. She looked in Mal's eyes. She recognised so much in Mal and Inara. It was exactly the way it had been with her and Tommy. _No, she shouldn't think about him. It was over. She could better pretend that that never happened_. She felt a pang of hurt go through her instantly and an emptiness filled her up. _Think about Inara._ That helped. The loneliness got pushed away instantly.

She composed herself and smiled at Mal as she began to talk. 'You wanted to know about the love stories that are going around at the Training House?'

Mal nodded greedily.

'Inara's version didn't quite add up. They do go about you being a Pirate. A dashing, handsome Pirate for that matter. You sweep in the Training House to save Inara.'

She paused shortly and looked at him with her big brown eyes.

'Thought 'Nara said I sweeped a girl off her feet.'

Sivella shook her head. 'And not just a girl obviously. They call you 'her Pirate.'' Sivella smiled widely. 'Imagine how that would be! To have your own private Pirate! How romantic.'

Mal raised an eyebrow. 'You sure you didn't come up with that story?' He quipped.

'Unfortunately I didn't. But I do love these stories.'

'Was that the whole story?' Mal asked curiously.

'Ofcourse not!' Sivella said astonished. 'Inara's Pirate saves her and then –this is my favourite part- you make love to her many times in a burning temple, hot and blazing love. Isn't that romantic?'

Mal swallowed deep. _And that Pirate was him? Those were the stories? Of him being a Pirate and making love to Inara? In a burning temple?! _He swallowed again at the thought alone of making love to Inara. _Those stories weren't negative at all, like he had thought before.. And like Inara had tried to let him think._

Sivella was still smiling. 'Inara hates those stories. At least, she pretends to do just that. The children love those stories. And I love them too, have to dream about something right?'

Mal leaned back.

'It'll never happen.' He said bitterly as he took a sip of his whiskey.

'And why is that?' Sivella asked bluntly making Mal choke in his drink instantly.

He looked at her. _What the hell did it matter if he spilled his heart out to her. She would be gone by tomorrow and he would probably never ever see her again._

'She doesn't want me.'

'O dear Buddha! What are the two of you doing?!' Sivella said as she raised her eyes and hands to the imaginary sky. As she looked back at him, she was very direct. 'I want you to make that story come true!! Not fuss it all up! Give a lonely woman like me something to dream about already!' Sivella snarked heatedly in a teasing way.

Mal looked sarcastic at her. _As if that beautiful woman would ever be lonely. Woman like that could probably get every man they wanted._

'How can I ever make that come true? We fight all the time. It's as if it's meant to be. As if we can't act differently. You saw it yourself.'

Sivella smirked. 'Let's just say that is her way of trying to get control over herself back. Haven't you been listening to anything I just told you Reynolds?'

He raised an eyebrow.

'Do I actually have to push the two of you together?! That might not be an option. You'd have to do that by yourself Pirate.'

'Don't know. You heard what she said, you were sitting next to her. She doesn't think I am civil, doesn't think a girl should dream 'bout me 'cause I'm a bad example. She thinks badly of me.'_ And maybe she is right. '_ I am nothing compared to the clients she has, the men that fancy her, I-'

Sivella sighed. 'Ofcourse she doesn't want a girl to dream about you! That would make her jealous. Ugh… And civil?! You must have heard how she talked about you to me on the waves we had every week! She honours you greatly.' Sivella took a sip of her tea.

'The two of you are really talking nonsense. And that's all because you are afraid and so is she. I can't say it anymore clearer then I already have. I hope you'll both overcome that.' Sivella said as she stood up to get some more tea.

Mal looked up at her and wondered hard again why he had told her these things. Probably because had had already drank something_. And the woman had something… Something that made him want to tell her things, something that made him want to trust her._

'So is that something you learned too, to make people want to tell their story to you?' Mal asked as he looked at Sivella's back.

'No. I already had that when I went to the academy.' She shrugged as she sat down opposite Mal again.

'And you did well, in the academy?' Mal asked curiously.

Sivella raised an eyebrow. 'What kind of question is that?'

Mal sighed. 'I see Inara and I see you. You are so different.'

'Different how?'

Mal thought for a moment. 'Less controled. You don't have all those little manners Inara has.'

Sivella smiled. 'Manners like..?'

'Sitting straight, you just seem to say whatever you want. You can be quite blunt and bolt, Inara would never- Except towards me ofcourse…'

Sivella sighed. She thought back of the days that she was a respected and good Companion.

'First I was exactly like that. I played to be serene, peaceful, tranquill, warm, listening, interested and all these others things Companions are and have to be. But I found out a while ago that I might not want to be a Companion anymore.' She swallowed. _Tommy. That man had gotten to her. Had pushed the ground under her away. Had rummaged her world upside down. She had been so angry with him. She always was angry with him. But the same time, she would get jealous immensily when someone else showed interest in him. And there were many woman who had shown interest in him… So many things had happened. So many things had changed. He wouldn't let her hide behind her carefully chosen masks. The masks that everyone fell for. No, he would just come and burge in. Be blunt and honoust. Challenge her, annoy her. Make her angry, make all these feelings come up that she didn't even know she had. That would make her even more angry because she wanted to be in control. In control of herself, of her feelings. But he just didn't leave her alone. Didn't leave her to be that Companion again that just serviced others. He had seen something more in her, that she herself had never seen. _

'Having to control yourself like that, it comes in the way of other things. Many other things that are very important.' She said. _She had finally admitted to herself, after many years, after many, many a fight, after many insults she had thrown his way that she loved him. She loved that annoying, irritating man. And that he maybe loved her back was what frightened her even more. _

'But your still with the Guild?'

'I haven't told them yet. I ended my contract and are going back to my family. And then I'll see what I'll do later on.' _She wished that she had spoken the truth. If only it had been that easy…_

_Thomas was in the past. History. She had to run, run away and he wasn't to find out. She was afraid that he would be in danger too. This was the best. The best for both of them. He would find someone else. Ofcourse he would. He was popular, wanted. Attractive, and so many other things. And she-_

_-She was in trouble. The never-get-out-of kind of trouble. She had done something illegal. Something that the law would probably punish her for. Two things. _She smiled ruefully._ It was like it didn't matter anymore. One or two. _

'Do those things have to do with-' Mal gestured towards Sivella's back.

Sivella stood up. 'I'm going to Inara's shuttle now. She must be waiting for me already. She wanted to read me something. It was nice talking to you.' Sivella said as she placed her mug in the sink and dissapeared ever so elegantly.

**Inara's shuttle, at night**

Sivella stared at the cortex screen. All the colour had been drained from her face. She had become pale instantly. She froze, her breathing became laboured. She stared from the screen at Inara.

**Persephone**

'I'll miss you so much.' Inara said as she kissed Sivella.

'Me too!' Sivella said as she hugged Inara again.

They were standing a few meters away from the open door now. The rest of the crew was already outside, standing in the sun and on the solid ground.

'Ya think they'll ever reach the door?' Jayne asked. The woman had been hugging each other and then had been walking a few paces after hugging each other again. And that had been going on for the last ten minutes now.

Zoe sighed. 'Guess they're just really good friends.'

'Yes, it's difficult to say goodbye. I hate goodbye's.' Kaylee said as she sighed sadly.

'Thank you so much.' Sivella said to Mal when they had finally reached the crew.

Mal smiled. ' 'T was my pleasure. I wish you a nice trip to Sihnon.'

'You already know who you'll be flying with?' Kaylee asked.

Sivella nodded. 'I have some arrangements yes.' She smiled at Kaylee. 'Goodbye sweet Kaylee, I'll miss winning from you over and over again.' She teased.

'You didn't win that much at all! Only three times, the fourth time I won!' Kaylee stated.

'It was the fifth time.' River corrected dryly.

'What? No hugging no more?' Jayne asked Inara when the two woman hadn't been hugging for minutes.

'Jayne, maybe one day you'll find someone who you'll want to hug many times too.'

'Pffwst, 'don't think so. Rather do somethin' else then hugging.'

Sivella sighed as he raised an eyebrow. 'And that's obviously your loss. I can almost say that I never met a man like you, but I did. The difference is that you can be friendly if you want too.' She said as she smiled at Jayne after walking to Zoe.

'She said I am friendly, you heard that?' Jayne asked as he put his cigar in his mouth.

'Mal.' Sivella said as she hugged him too. 'Don't forget what I told you about Inara.' She let go of him. 'Will you promise me?'

Mal sighed. He finally nodded.

'Good.' She said as she finally walked back to Inara.

'Goodbye, take good care of yourself.' Sivella said as she hugged Inara again. She caressed Inara's cheek.

Inara smiled. 'You too. Let me know instantly when you're in Sihnon. I want to hear everything about your journey there.' She said enthusiastically.

Sivella smiled. 'Yes, I will.' Sivella kissed her on the cheek and turned. She waved at everyone and then walked away.

After a minute she turned to wave at Inara. Inara was still there, with River and Kaylee watching. The rest of the crew was already busying themselves with something else.

'Goodbye Inara. I will miss you.' Sivella whispered. She turned around.

_And now it is time to become invisible._ She thought as she manouvred herself into the market and put on the hood of her long coat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi everyone! thanks for the reviews...**

**And now it's time for things to get COMPLICATED......**

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**Serenity's Kitchen**

'I hope she'll be okay.' Mal said as he walked into the kitchen where Inara was making her tea.

'Yes me too. She will be. She is a strong woman.' Inara said as she stared at the tea and waited for the water to boil.

'Do you want some tea Jayne?' Inara asked teasingly as she looked at the big mercinary who was looking in the cupboards for something to eat.

He grunted something negative. She smirked.

'Yes.' Mal said as he dropped himself in the chair. He was deep in thought. He couldn't get that image of Sivella being hurt like that out of his mind. He couldn't get the image of something like that happening to Inara out of his mind either. It drove him crazy. He looked up at her frele form. She was pooring water in two mugs.

'What do you mean with strong?' Mal asked as he remembered her comment.

Inara put the tea kettle down and made her way over to the table. She placed a mug in front of him and sat herself down in the seat opposite him. She missed Sivella already. It had been so nice to have her around. So warm, and friendly. Ofcourse it had brought some tension along, but luckily Sivella had dropped the 'stories' subject instantly.

'I've never met someone who is so honoust and sound. I don't say that we don't have our differences, but I love her deeply.'

'You love her? Thought you just sexed them up. Didn't know you actually _fell_ for woman.' Jayne stated as he looked up from his work. He was polishing his knife as he ate the apple he had just cut it with.

'I love her as a _sister _yes. She is very dear to me.' Inara explained all the while remaining very calm.

'Inara, what are the rules if a client hurts you? You told me Atherton would be on the black list. But what will you do if a man attacks you, hurts you?' Mal asked.

Inara looked with surprised eyes at him. _Where did this come from?_

'You suddenly seem very interested in my job.'

'**I** always were interested.' Jayne stated on the background.

'What will you do?' Mal urged.

'Well..' Inara thought for a while. 'We had our training in self defence.'

'But what if that isn't enough?' Mal prodded. She read worry in his eyes and she didn't understand.

'Mal, you don't have to worry, this will not happen.'

'And how can you be so sure?' He asked between clenched teeth.

'Because I know how to read a man. We learned that. The moment I feel threatened I will not involve myself in anything with him.' She explained.

'And what if you misread?'

'I don't, that will not happen.'

Mal shook his head. 'Inara, I know about Sivella.' He said matter of factly.

She just looked up at him with her big eyes. 'Know what?'

_Huh?_ Mal swallowed. _That look on her face wasn't a good sign. Not good at all._

He studied her face shortly and then his eyes fell on Jayne. Maybe she didn't want to talk about this with Jayne present.

'You know, 'bout her..' Mal began as he gestured towards his back.

A confused cringe appeared in Inara's dark brows. She shook her head in confusion.

Mal swallowed. _Sivella didn't tell her?! She had given her word that she would!_

'I- uh..' Mal mumbled. _Great, this is just great !_

'What do you mean Mal? Why are you asking me these questions?' Inara asked alarmed. She put down her tea.

She suddenly got a cold feeling creeping up her spine. It was as if things started to fall in place. Things that had been off but that she had warded off just like that. _Something had been wrong._

'What exactly did Sivella tell you?' Mal asked carefully.

'What do you mean?' Inara asked with big eyes. _What did he know about her friend that she didn't? _

'So she didn't tell you.' Mal said somewhat angry as he looked in the distance.

'Tell me what?' Inara urged, she was feeling impatience now.

' 'Bout them scars.'

Jayne looked up from the proteine bar he had found.

Inara swallowed deep.

'Scars?' She said weakly.

'What scars?!' Inara blurted out worried.

'I- She- She was wounded.' Mal stammered.

'What?! When?' Inara uttered in horror as she stood up in shock. She had to support herself on the table with both of her hands to keep herself steady. 'I saw no wounds!'

Mal swallowed as he looked up at Inara. He had rarely seen her this upset.

'Her back, it was covered in wounds. She didn't want to let anyone look at them.'

He explained.

_It felt like a punch in her stomach that made her double over. This was like a nightmare. And she hadn't noticed a thing. _She saw images of her and Sivella laughing, the pillow fight, their serious and teasing talks, she was like a sister. _And I never noticed anything. She hid it from me. _

'And this happened now?'

'A few days ago.'

'Were it fresh wounds?' Inara asked quickly. Her eyebrows knitted together as she seemed to be deep in thought.

Mal swallowed as he remembered the bandages. 'Yes, and old ones. Her back was covered in bruises and scars.' He swallowed again when he saw the horrid look on Inara's face.

_Someone abused Sivella and she hadn't noticed. And Sivella hadn't told her._ _'I am doing well.' Sivella had said_. _She remembered the look on Sivella's face. The smile. So controlled. Sivella was the Queen of putting away her emotions. Control. This too was about control. _

'Who did that to her?' Inara questioned in an emotional voice.

'She didn't want to tell. I told her to tell you, she promised me she would.' Mal stated, the emotion in Inara's voice made alarm bells go off in his head. She was always controlled, at least, most of the time. Her voice was always steady, whatever happened.

_She didn't tell me. But she did tell Mal? _A sudden fierce anger built up in her chest. _This could only mean one thing… Could it not?_

'But you ofcourse were allowed to see those scars?' Inara suddenly spat heatedly. She got a Nandi flashback and her eyes narrowed.

'Who now! What's that supposed to mean?' Mal said as he eyed her guardedly with his jaw clenching. He stood up now too. His nostrils flared in anger for what he knew was to come.

'She let you look at her and kept a secret with you while she knows me for almost her whole life? Why would she do something like that Mal? Why would she trust you while she doesn't even know you for a week?!' Her voice sounded hoarse.

This question was so easy to answer with something mean but he chose to say the truth. 'She promised to tell you.' He repeated.

'I can't believe this.' _After everything she had told Sivella from her heart, Sivella hadn't mentioned anything about this and but she did tell Mal?!_

'So you saw her naked?' Jayne asked in the background.

They both gave him an angry look.

'What? Just a question, didn't mean nothin' angry with it.' Jayne defended himself.

Inara felt heat coming up in her chest quickly now. And she recognised it as anger but not before the words just flew out of her mouth so fast that her brain didn't seem to be able to keep up with it.

'You seem to have a talent for seeing Companions naked don't you?' Inara snapped.

_That was a very mean stab. _'Don't you start-' Mal warned heatedly as he pointed a finger at her.

'What? Wasn't Nandi enough for you? You just had to try-' Her voice broke and she had to control herself to not shout out loud.

_That was it!! _He stepped so close to her that she inhaled breath in shock instantly and stopped talking. Her mouth snapped shut as his eyes looked coldly down in hers. She could see a fierce anger in them.

'What's going on here?' Zoe asked as she stepped into the kitchen and saw Mal and Inara staring each other down. _This didn't seem like one of their normal fights, _she thought warily.

'Someone beat Sivella up.' Jayne said bluntly.

'What?' Zoe paused for a moment. _Had she heard this right?_ 'When? How?' She asked confused.

Mal was still staring intensily at Inara who didn't seem to breathe anymore but just look up with big eyes at him. She swallowed as he turned away from her instantly, turning his back towards her as if she were forgotten.

'Days ago. She was wounded.' Mal explained, and he felt more stupid by the minute that he hadn't told anyone. _It seemed the right thing to do at the moment. _

'And Mal just forgot to mention that.' Inara snapped in an acid tone.

'Maybe the Guild knows?' Zoe said as she looked at Inara.

'I don't know.' Inara said angrily as she looked at Mal. 'Do **you** know maybe?' She asked sarcastic.

Mal clenched his teeth in anger at Inara's words.

'She said the Guild had taken care of everything.'

'Is she in any trouble now?' Zoe asked. 'There had to be a reason that she hid this from everyone, especially from Inara.'

'We're going to find that woman and bring her back here.' Mal said. _He was sure that Sivella was in trouble. He wouldn't stop until he got to the bottom of this._ He already walked away but suddenly halted and looked at Inara.

'No problems huh?' He remembered what Inara had said when she had asked him to take Sivella with them. 'Somehow it always get's complicated with you.' He stated coldly.

**The Marketplace**

Zoe sighed as she met Mal and Inara again. 'Kaylee and Simon went that way. We already went through this street an hour ago.'

'We didn't take the marketplace yet, we will do that.' Mal said as he pointed to a road southwards. 'We'll find her.'

'There!' Mal said after a while as he pointed at a slender woman in the distance. Inara nodded and they hurried over to Sivella.

'Inara.' Sivella uttered surprised as she turned to see who had grabbed her arm.

'What are you-' She stopped instantly as she saw the look of horror on her friends face. 'What is wrong?' Sivella asked worried as she studied Inara's face.

'You lied to me.' Inara said with grief in her eyes.

Sivella looked at Inara and then her eyes rested on Mal. She gave him an angry look. _He had told her._

'Yes I did.' Sivella admitted through clenched teeth.

'Why?' Inara asked in a soft tone. _She didn't understand. _

Sivella sighed annoyed. 'I lied Inara, because it's none of your bussiness.' She said with raised brows.

'What?' Inara asked, not understanding. _Did she hear this right? Did Sivella just say that it wasn't any of her bussiness? She must have misheard this._

'You heard me.' Sivella said in a clear and stern tone as her eyes seemed to bore in Inara's.

Mal narrowed his eyes. He could clearly see that the worried look in Sivella's dark eyes had made place for something else. And he didn't like that something. The look on Sivella's face could be called mean.

Inara inhaled breath in shock. _Sivella had never talked in that tone to her._

'What do you mean? I don't understand. You know you can tell me everything.' Inara said as she swallowed. _Sivella must be in very much trouble._

'There is nothing to tell Inara.' She simply said, her eyes had turned cold.

Mal never thought that he would ever see that look on Sivella's face. The woman had had such a friendly and warm energy around her the moment he had met her that he had never even guessed that she could even look angry if she wanted to. But he had been wrong.

Dead wrong.

Her face had turned cold now instantly and there was nothing left of anything friendly or warm. The place here would freeze over if that were possible.

'What are you doing here Inara? Is that what you came to tell me?' Sivella asked uninterested. As she eyed Inara with a look as if Inara was inferior to her. 'I've got things to do, places to go.' Sivella stated coldly and impatiently.

'I want to know why you told Mal and why you didn't tell me.' Inara paused shortly. 'If you are in any trouble, we can help.' She offered.

'I am not in any trouble. And I didn't tell Mal, he ran into me by accident, it's a simple as that.'

Inara eyed her friend. _Something was off, she didn't understand. She didn't know Sivella like this at all._

'Sivella, I don't understand. Why are you acting like this?' Inara asked confused.

Sivella sighed loudly this time. Not hiding her impatience anymore.

'Are you deaf?!' Sivella snapped. 'I just told you that my life is none of your business.' She said bluntly as her cold eyes took on hostility. She didn't try to hide the fact that she was obviously fed up with Inara.

Inara looked with horror at her friend. _She couldn't believe how Sivella was acting, it hurt her. And the look Sivella gave her…_

_Sivella and she had never fought. Maybe about small things, but it had never been ugly. And this, the things she was saying... This was nothing for her. She would never- but at the same time she did._ And the way Sivella looked at Inara, it was pure hostility that stood in her dark eyes.

'Sivella, what is wrong with you? You know that I will do anything to help you. You can trust me.' Inara tried again as she took a step towards her. Worry filled her words.

Sivella shook her head. 'There is NOTHING wrong with me Inara. I am just through with my old life, I changed. I am not the same anymore. That I didn't want to tell about my wounds was my choice. It's something that is in my past. And that is over, arranged. Nothing more. Why can't you just take that from me?!'

'If it were over, you wouldn't have hidden it from me.' Inara stated as she took a step towards Sivella, her eyes stood angry now too.

'And you're saying that, because you know me so well right?' Sivella said sarcastic.

Inara wouldn't believe it. Sivella was actually challenging her.

'This isn't like you. You are not like this.' Inara continued harshly.

'You don't know who I am!' Sivella suddenly shouted at Inara. Inara took a step back in shock.

'While you have been sitting in your luxury I have been through the most awful things you can not even begin to consider!'

Inara shook her head in confusion. 'And this is your way of solving your problems? By pushing me away, by pushing everyone away?' Inara asked confrontingly as she frowned her brows. _If someone had mutilated Sivella's back there had to have been trouble. A lot of it._

Sivella took such a threatening step towards Inara that Mal took a step towards her too to protect Inara.

'I am not pushing everyone away. Just YOU.' She barked.

Those words felt like a punch in Inara's stomach. Her face froze momentarily when she saw the cold hatred in Sivella's eyes being directed at her again.

Sivella grabbed her own face in frustration. 'Maybe you should TAKE THE HINT!' She barked.

Inara was too shocked to say something.

Sivella took another step towards Inara.

'Do you really think _you_ can tell _me_ something about problems?' She barked.

'Don't make me laugh! Look at yourself!' She eyed Inara from top to toe. 'I can safely say that I pity you. You're too weak to stand up to things that are staring you right in your face!' She bit at her. 'You're just a spoiled woman who has never been through anything.'

Inara swallowed the hurt away of these words. 'What is this?' Inara whispered. 'What did I do wrong?' She said in such a confused and hurt voice that it almost tore Mal's heart apart.

'I'll explain this to you again. You seem to have lost part of your precious brain by flying too long with those petty thieves.'

'Watch what you're sayin'!' Mal spat out warningly. _He had heard enough of this. He couldn't take Sivella insulting Inara like this any longer_.

Sivella sent him a very filthy look. 'Stay out of this Reynolds. Or has Inara become so weak that she can't take care of herself anymore?' Sivella directed her gaze at Inara again. She didn't seem impressed by Mal's warning at all.

Mal clenched his teeth in anger. If Sivella were a man he would have punched him right in his face.

'I am not your friend anymore.' Sivella announced. 'I just want to go home. That is all.' She said in a tired and bored voice. 'Goodbye Inara.' She put her hood over her head again and moved to walk away but Inara grabbed her arm again.

Mal noticed how Inara's eyes were filled with unshed tears and how her full bottom lip trembled shortly.

'Why? Why did you do this Sivella?' Inara asked. _She just had to know_. _This didn't make any sense!_

And again, in one day Mal got to hear that emotional raw voice come out of Inara's mouth. He knew very well what that meant. This was the Inara without the walls, without the mask. This was her hurtin' very badly. Very badly.

And he hated that.

'I didn't tell you about my wounds because I don't trust you. You are not a real friend to me, you weren't for a very long time. I just needed the ride to Persephone. I just used you, nothing more.' She gave Inara a few seconds to let that sink in. 'I used you.' She repeated as if she wanted those words to sink in very good.

The knuckles of Mal's fists became white.

Sivella looked up at Mal and smiled when she saw his clenched fists. Mal narrowed his eyes. _Was she laughing at him? It sure seemed that way. He couldn't believe it. Did the woman just make a deal with the devil? She had changed so much since he had seen her last. Had she fooled him this well? _

Sivella turned around to walk away again.

'No!' Inara said as she took Sivella by her shoulder to stop her. Sivella turned around and pushed Inara back hard. She would have fallen if she hadn't bumped into Mal's chest. Inara's mouth fell open in shock.

Mal wanted to move towards Sivella angrily but he felt Inara's grip around his upper arms to hold him in place.

'What? You want to attack a Companion?' Sivella challenged Mal with the coldest eyes Inara had ever seen on her. The satisfying smile on her face gave Inara the chills. 'Please do! And find out what will happen. I'll make sure that they'll break you down instantly!' She threatened Mal.

Mal inhaled breath angrily. 'I don't care what you say to me-'

'O please… Indulge me-' Sivella said as she paused. '-but you do care about what **I** say to Inara?' Sivella laughed shortly. 'The lot of you really are pathetic. Please, go lick your wounds somewhere else, it makes me throw up.'

Mal wanted to move towards her but Inara grabbed his arm. 'Don't.' Inara whispered weakly. She sounded as if she was beaten. All the power had gone out of her voice.

'I **never** want to see you again. Leave me alone! And the same goes for you!' Sivella snarled as she once again turned and left.

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Please let me know what you thought?? There will be a next chapter ofcourse!! And I promise you still lot's of Mal and Inara time to come!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! Thanks for the reviews! Hope there aren't too many spelling mistakes in this chapter.**

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**Serenity**

Mal remembered how Inara had told them with a calm face that she was going to her shuttle and that she wanted to be alone. But he hadn't forgotten the iron grip she had had on his upper arms the moment Sivella had been taken. And the way her voice had sounded so broken, her breathing had been so shallow, and the moment her eyes had become flat. It was just a second that he had seen an immense pain in those deep dark eyes, before she had put that serene look on her face again. No one understood how Sivella had acted. She had seemed so nice. Mal looked up the stairs Inara had just gone.

_How could everyone have been so fooled by that? Even Inara?_ He still couldn't believe it. He had run through his head every time they had talked, every time he had seen Sivella. And he hadn't found anything suspicious about her. He simply just didn't understand.

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara sat next to her bed on the ground. All she could do was stare at the floor while memories flashed through her brain. She didn't know how long she was sitting there. It might have been only minutes, or maybe hours. She didn't care.

She couldn't believe what had happened. An extremely awful feeling had spread through her whole body from the moment Sivella had pushed her away. Inara felt so much pain, so much hurt, that it paralised her. Sivella had been like a sister to her. She loved Sivella.

Inara's back bended as the first sobs began to take over her body. She didn't even hear the heavy footsteps walking into her shuttle.

Mal squatted next to Inara's sobbing body and sat himself down next to her.

'O 'Nara.' He said softly. His voice sounded sweet, worried.

'Mal.' She uttered shocked as she noticed that Mal was sitting next to her all of a sudden. She looked away and tried to hide her tears. 'I am okay.' She said in a tearfilled voice.

Mal ignored her attempt to hide her feelings.

'I am so sorry.' He said as he took her arm that was hiding her tearstained face and he pulled her towards him softly.

'What are you doi-' Inara uttered weakly. But she felt too weak to resist. The moment her face connected with his warm chest tears began to flood freely from her eyes. He hugged her thightly as he closed his eyes. He caressed her head softly. Her body was warm and he felt his blouse getting wet by her many tears.

'Cry as much as you want.' He said comfortingly as he put a kiss on the top of her head.

If he would be upset by the way Sivella had acted, then Inara would be hurt thousand times more. For a friend, someone she felt was a sister to her, to act like that must feel horrible…

'She was my friend.' Inara brought out between sobs. _I am in Mal's arms!_ She thought shocked. _This is not appropriate for a Companion, this is-_ Alarm bells started ringing faintly in the back of her mind but the pain washed over her so quickly that she couldn't think clearly anymore. She felt so broken that she didn't care anymore about any of her training. She let go of all pretense. She grabbed his shirt in her fists and clung to him as if for dear life.

'She meant so much to me- How could she…' A new wave of sadness washed over her and her body shook heavily under the strain.

She just wanted to feel his solid body near her, against her. 'She's like a sister to me. I love her so much. She is so important to me. I don't understand.'

_She just wanted to know why Sivella had done this. How she could have done this._

'I don't understand either.' Mal said softly. She cried again as she hid herself in his warmth. After minutes she wasn't talking anymore, but just crying as if a floodgate had opened. Mal pulled Inara as close as possible to him. He wanted to take her pain away so badly. He rested his cheek against her hair as he softly rubbed her upper back to calm her.

Jayne stood outside staring at his cigar. He still hadn't smoked it. _Such a precious thing._ He spat in the sand.

'This Serenity?' A man asked who had come to stand next to him.

Jayne looked up. 'Yep, what's it to you?' He asked as he eyed the other two men who seemed to have suddenly appeared out of no where.

'We heard you brought a Companion with you? Sivella Thenar? We are looking for her.'

The man said.

'Who are you?' Jayne questioned.

'I am Rogan Blake. I would like to see miss Thenar. It's urgent.'

'Nah, haven't heard of her.' Jayne answered as he shook his head and put his cigar in his mouth. 'What does she look like?'

'We have information that she did step onto your vessel from Sandria.' Blake insisted. He gave Jayne a cold gaze with his steely grey, blue eyes.

'Ya think I wouldn't remember whether a Companion travelled with us?' Jayne stated insulted.

'You tell us.'

'What's going on here?' Zoe asked as she walked towards them and studied the three men quickly.

'Men looking for some woman.' Jayne answered as he eyed the cold-eyed man in front of him.

'A Companion, by the name of Sivella Thenar.' Blake clearified.

'Told them we haven't heard of her. They don't seem to believe me.' Jayne explained to Zoe.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Your information must be wrong.'

'It never is.' Blake said as he walked up to Zoe and threatened her with an icy stare.

'Kaylee? Get the cap.' Zoe yelled at Kaylee who was inside in the Cargo Bay. Kaylee looked at the three men, seized them up quickly and then nodded as she hurried to the com.

'Mal? There's some big trouble down here.' Kaylee said urgently. It was obvious that there was something wrong.

Mal looked up at Kaylee's message as he straightened his back automatically. He studied Inara who had gotten out of his embrace the moment Kaylee called for them. She gave him a confused look. Her eyes were puffy and red. She looked so vulnerable that it hurt Mal.

'I have to-' He said as he tenderly wiped away a tear under her eye with his thumb. She nodded and tried to smile. 'I am sorry.'

'It's okay.' She uttered as he stood up. _She understood._

He hated leaving her like this. 'I am so sorry 'Nara.' He said again.

'Just go.' Inara said urging him. She had heard the fear in Kaylee's voice.

'What's the matter?' Mal said as he walked down the ramp.

'Men seem to be looking for a Companion. What was her name again?' Zoe asked.

'Sivella Thenar.' Blake said angrily, loosing his patience.

'You are the owner of this vessel?' Blake asked as his cold eyes were directed at Mal now.

'Yes, I am the owner of this Firefly.' Mal stated proudly as he stood straight and put his hands in his sides.

'I have information that Miss Thenar travelled with you to Persephone.'

'That's a mistake, I don't know her.' He denied instantly.

'D'you care to repeat that?' Blake said as he suddenly pointed a gun at Mal.

Jayne and Zoe pulled their guns and the other men did too.

Mal looked at the barrel of the gun and then back in Blake's cold eyes. _Trouble, it always seems to follow me around._

'I do care to repeat that: I don't know her!' Mal snapped.

'You are lying!' Blake stated.

'Captain!' Kaylee's frightened voice came from behind him. When Mal turned he saw another man holding Kaylee in a death grip with one arm around her small neck and with the other holding a gun to her head. Mal swallowed as he looked back at cold-eyes.

'Search that piece of junk!' Blake ordered as suddenly eight men seemed to appear from nowhere and entered Serenity.

Zoe's eyes grew big as she eyed the men who moved around quickly. They were professionals.

'Let's get this inside will we?' Blake ordered as they all moved inside.

'Well well, won't you look at that.' Blake said the moment one of the man had found Inara. He had a gun against Inara's head and pushed her down the ladder.

'That's not the woman you are looking for!' Mal bit at him.

'What's your name?' Blake bit at her.

'Let her go, that's not-' He smacked Mal in his stomach which made him buckle over. A man behind Mal took him by his arms and held him there.

'I am Inara Serra.' Inara said quickly before anymore harm was done to Mal.

'Inara, yes I know that name. Another Companion. What a small world isn't it? Let me guess, you don't know Sivella Thenar either?' He said sarcastically.

'No, I don't.' Inara said as she eyed him with big innocent eyes.

Mal swallowed.

The man who was standing next to Inara slapped her right in her face. He slapped her so hard that she fell to the other side against the railing and nearly fell over but the man took her arm just in time.

Kaylee squinted in shock and fear.

Mal broke free from the man that was holding him but got kicked against his ribs instantly by one of the other men. When Mal fell on the ground the man kept kicking him against his ribs and even in his face. Mal jumped up angrily and slammed his fist in his attackers face but got kicked in his back from behind.

'Mal stop!' Inara cried out. 'Stop, please.' She said as she watched the blood that ran down his nose. Mal's attacker twisted his arm behind his back now to stop him from moving away.

'I'll advise you to not make me angry.' Blake stated. 'It will only cost extra energy and I am in a hurry.' He said as he looked at Mal and then back at Inara.

Inara held her breath as Blake's cold eyes seemed to look right through her. She straightened her back and put a calm look on her face. Although she knew that she looked unmoved now she felt an immense anger towards this man for hurting Mal and threatening the crew. And in the pit of her stomach she felt a cold feeling creeping up. That fear was for Sivella. If a man like this was looking for her, then she was in very much trouble.

Blake motioned the man next to Inara and he dragged her down the stairs towards the man in question. She steadied her breathing intentionally. _This man would not see anything on her._ She looked right in his eyes as he began to talk again.

'An Inara Serra once was in the Training House together with Sivella Thenar. She grew up together with her. Coincidence? I don't think so. Where is she?!' He spat as he took her jaw in his hand.

'Get away from her!' Mal warned.

Blake drew his gun and pointed it at Mal without even looking at him. He kept staring right in Inara's eyes. He sighed loudly. 'You are really annoying me!' He stated through clenched teeth.

He moved his finger to the trigger.

'No please! I'll tell you. I'll tell you everything you want to know.' Inara said urgently.

Blake grinned at that. 'I knew it. The Companion cares for the Captain. Very usefull. Speak up woman.' He ordered.

'I did train with her.' Inara admitted.

'Good, that's all I need to know.' He said as he holstered his gun.

Inara raised her right eyebrow in astonishment.

'Huh.' Mal uttered surprised. _That was all? He would leave now?_

'So we good now?' Jayne asked hopefully because they really had nowhere to go at this point.

'Yep, you are.' Blake said as he ushered his men away. He began to walk away.

'O, wait.' He said sarcastic as he stopped. 'I almost forgot.' He signed at one of his men.

'Take her.'

'What?!' Mal snapped as he looked from Blake at Inara.

'I am giving you a lot here browncoat.' Blake stated.

'O yeah, and what is that.' Jayne snapped.

'I'm letting the rest of you live. That is…. If you behave.'

'NO, you are not taking her!' Mal shouted.

The man took his gun again. 'You are really testing my patience! And I have none left.'

'No don't hurt him. Mal, stop it!' Inara shouted at him as the man next to her grabbed her again.

'Listen to the lady.' Blake said with a grin on his face.

'Now…' Blake began as he looked at his men who had all left except for the two on either side of him. 'You listen very carefully. You bring me Thenar on my ship in six hours from now. If she doesn't show up I'll sent you miss Serra back… In pieces.' He turned towards Inara in thought. She was standing meters away. 'And I'll start with…. Hmm, let's see..' He acted as if he was thinking deep. 'Her fingers.'

Kaylee made a shocked sound.

He laughed as he looked back at Mal. 'And you know how important fingers are to a Companion.' He laughed again.

'If you hurt her in any way I will come down and find you, where ever you are and I'll tear you apart!' Mal shouted as his face turned red in fury.

Blake looked at his watch. 'Five Hours and 58 minutes to go… I'd better start looking if I were you, the clock is ticking… Tick tock, tick tock….'

'We don't even know where she is!' Zoe snapped.

'Then you just have to be smart and find her. I don't care what you do.' He turned around and walked away.

Mal had to take all of his willpower to keep standing there instead of ripping the man's head of his body. He clenched his fists in anger as he watched them leave.

'You have to find Sivella.' Kaylee said.

'That's one sick man.' Zoe stated.

'Did Sivella come into trouble with him?' Kaylee asked shakily as she looked with fear in her eyes at the others. _Because if she did, then she was really in trouble. What a threatening, cold and dangerous man. He had something sadistic around him._

Mal turned around towards Kaylee. 'Believe me, if Inara get's hurt in any way, Sivella will find out what real trouble is, she'll have to deal with me then.' He spat as he walked towards his weapons_. He wasn't finished with Sivella yet._

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Please let me know what you thought!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi everyone! The last chapters were mostly action but I promise the next chapter will be a lot of Mal and Inara!**

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**Blake's ship**

'Well, well, well. Look at you. Another fine specimen of them Companions.' Blake said as he walked around Inara. They had strapped her to a chair in the middle of an old empty room. He looked her up and down and smiled as he saw the angry look she gave him.

'What is it that you want?' Inara asked in a controlled voice. _She felt anger_.

'I want Sivella.'

'Why? What do you want from her?' Inara would really like to know what was going on.

'You were on that piece of scrap metal with her for days and you don't know?' He grinned widely as he looked in the distance. 'It must be true then. She is ashamed of what she did.' He bended towards her. 'That's a very good sign. It means that she didn't get any help.'

'She does have help, from us.' Inara stated.

'You would help your friend while you don't even know what she's done?' Blake asked. 'I don't know whether to call that courageous, or just plain stupidy.' He straightened himself. 'I choose the latter.'

'You will not get away with this.' Inara said.

Blake laughed out loud and then he sighed. He brought his face to her eye level. 'I'll tell you what I want. Once I have that bitch I'll beat her until she can't stand no more, and then I'll take a very large knife and tear her apart before I break all the bones that haven't been broken in her wretched body.'

Inara looked away at that.

'Are you shocked? Sweet Companion?' He said challengingly as he took her face to make her face him.

Inara felt his filthy fingers push in the soft skin of her chin and jaw.

'The Guild won't let you.' Inara said as she conrolled her voice again. _She didn't want him to hear her fear._

He smiled broadly and sighed. 'She didn't inform the Guild sweety. Think about why she didn't, it's because she did things they would never approve of. No one would.' He straightened his back as he let go of her forcifully.

_What would Sivella have done that she didn't want anyone to know, even the Guild? Was it something that worse?_

He began to pace again. He laughed out loud. 'They will be glad that someone else handled this. Glad to be rid of her. They won't even miss her.' He said with a glare. 'And now, it won't take long anymore. I saw the look in your Captain's eyes. He will do everything to get that whore to me in return for you.'

'You're wrong, he won't.' Inara bit at him. But she knew Mal would do everything possible indeed to keep her from harm. And although she was in a horrible situation, that quick thought made her feel a rush of warmth in her heart shortly.

'He will. You better hope he will.' Blake said as he bended over to her. 'Because if he won't, I'll start sending him pieces of you. And something tells me, he wants you in one piece.' He said as his finger played with her earlobe. She pulled away from his hand by facing the other side angrily.

_She couldn't believe Sivella had done anything wrong. But then she remembered Sivella's painful words. The ones that said that they weren't friends_ _anymore, for a very long time already. And that she had used her. The cold look in her eyes, that side of Sivella that Inara didn't know._

_And there had to be a reason that Sivella hadn't informed the Guild. And that made Inara fear that Sivella had done something very wrong… If she had angered a man like this-_

**Hotelroom**

Sivella turned surprised when she heard stumbling in the hallway. Her breath caught in her throat when she heard two sets of heavy footsteps. Her eyes went to her cupboard as she froze in her spot. _It was probably nothing._ _Did they find her? _Every sound, every noise made her jump._ It was nothing._

Her door slammed open and before she knew it she was pressed up against the cold wall and looked in two aggressive eyes filled with fury.

'Where is Inara!' Mal shouted as he looked in Sivella's dark eyes. Finally they had found her.

'Mal.' Sivella swallowed. Her eyes went to the other person and she recognised Zoe.

'What is this supposed to mean?' She asked confused. _She didn't dare to move_. So much anger was radiating from him.

His nostrils widened. 'I won't ask you again!'

'Don't threaten me.' Sivella stated angrily as she answered Mal's angry stare.

'Threaten you? Woman, you haven't seen the way of it! If Inara is hurt in any way-' He stated as she felt the grip on her blouse become even tighter.

'-Inara?! What are you talking about?!' Sivella snapped.

'A bunch of men came and took her.' Zoe clearified angrily from behind Mal.

Sivella inhaled breath and shock was written over her whole face and in her eyes. After a few seconds she masked this with an tranquill expression. 'You can let go of me now.' She stated in a calm voice.

Mal looked daringly at her and kept her pinned to the wall. 'You don't get to manipulate me into anything no more. Answer the question before I'm going to hurt you, because believe me, when it's about Inara I'll even hurt a woman or Companion, I don't care!'

'I know that.' Sivella said as she looked him in his eyes. 'I know you might think the worst of me now, but this was not supposed to happen.' Sivella stated.

'You know them.' Mal concluded.

'Yes, they are after me.' She said softly as she looked away.

'And now they took Inara.' Mal said bitterly.

'I never wanted this.' Sivella said as she shook her head and looked up at Mal with big eyes. She still felt his iron grip that held her to the wall.

'What did you want then? You used her remember?!' Mal snapped.

'No I DID NOT!' Sivella suddenly shouted heatedly 'I just said that to hurt her.'

'You managed well!' Mal shouted at her in anger. He remembered Inara's broken body, shivering and crying down on the floor of her shuttle.

'And why would you want to hurt her?' Zoe demanded angrily.

Sivella shook her head.

'I'd like to breathe a bit if you don't mind.' Sivella said as her hand went around Mal's wrist. He loosened the grip and took a step back. But he still hovered above her threateningly.

'They are after me since I left Sandria.' She explained as she looked up at Mal and then to Zoe.

'I thought I could travel with you without bringing any danger to you. But then, when I tried to contact my family, Blake somehow intercepted my wave and threatened me. That's when I knew I had to leave as soon as possible. Everything went well!' She eyed Mal now. 'Until you two came back after me!'

She took a step towards Mal.

'I love Inara deeply, she is my family! I knew that she would never let me go if she knew that I was in any trouble. So I had to make sure she would stay away from me.'

Things began to fall into place for Mal now.

'I needed you away from me before someone would see you with me. But she didn't let me leave… She wanted answers, over and over again.' Sivella stated angrily as a tear left her eye. 'I thought you would be safe when I was gone… I really thought so.'

'You were wrong.' Zoe said.

'I never meant to hurt anyone. That's why I didn't tell Inara about my scars.' Sivella explained to Mal. 'You know Inara, Mal. She would have wanted to help me. So I had to push her away. And it didn't work, you were there. So I had to push-' She swallowed some emotion away. '-Harder.'

'It worked.' Mal said between clenched teeth.

'Who is this Blake? Was he your client?' Zoe asked.

Sivella shook her head. 'No, Rogan Blake is my clients brother. Edward Blake was my client.'

'Where are they?' Mal stated.

'I won't tell you.'

'What? You're willing to risk Inara's life-' Zoe began while Mal stepped towards Sivella threateningly and his hand rose to grab her again. Zoe stopped talking to moment Mal's hand froze in the air and stayed there.

'Step back, slowly.' Sivella instructed in a strong voice.

Zoe raised an eyebrow in surprise when she saw that Mal obeyed her.

'Further! Until I tell you to stop.' She stated.

Zoe noticed the gun Sivella had in her hands, pointed at Mal.

'And please don't think I won't use it because I will.' Sivella threatened as she looked from Mal to Zoe. ' First of all, this is not your fight.' She began.

'The minute Inara got involved you made it our fight.' Mal snapped.

'No.' Sivella said as she shook her head and still had the gun trained at Mal's forehead. 'I'll make sure that nothing happens to Inara. I promise you that.'

'Then we seem to be on the same side.' Zoe tried.

'No, we don't.' Sivella said in a sad voice as she shook her head. 'You don't know them.' Her nostrils flared. 'You aren't going to get involved.'

'Who do you think you are? An army soldier?' Zoe asked sarcastic as she eyed the thin Companion. The woman had never been in battle, had probably never even seen battle, Zoe was surprised that she even knew how to point the gun at Mal. 'You can't go up against them.'

Zoe took a step towards her but Mal held his hand up and looked at Zoe to stop her.

'No, I am just a Companion. But don't underestimate me Zoe, I know how to use several weapons, including this one. So I wouldn't move any closer if I were you.'

She looked at Mal again. 'They are after me because of something that I did. I don't want anymore people to get hurt. Too many people have been hurt already. And that's why I am urging you to let me take care of this.' Sivella said as she looked at Zoe. Then she looked back at Mal. 'But I know you, you won't let me. So that's why I have this gun trained at your head now. Because I really want to do this my way.'

'Got a point there. The chance that you'll get Inara back unharmed is too small. I saw those men. They are with many, and they are very angry.'

'I have valuable information, I won't give them any information if they hurt Inara. They need me.'

'You don't have to do this alone.' Zoe tried.

Sivella smiled ruefully. 'I do.' She said sadly. 'You are good people. I am happy that Inara knows you. I can be sure that you'll take good care of her.'

'Let us help you.' Zoe tried again.

Sivella shook her head as she studied Mal. 'I can't. I don't trust you.' She said as she looked at Mal. 'You are doubting me. And I don't blame you, I am a very good actress I managed to fool you and even Inara. The minute I put my gun down, you'll overtake me and do things your own way. Because that's who you are. And you…' She said to Zoe. 'You will follow. Because Mal is the boss here. I can see in your eyes that you don't believe me. You doubt me. And I don't have time to convince you. So I'd better stick to my own plan.' Sivella said as she swallowed and backed away from Mal slowly towards the door.

'You want to get killed?' Zoe asked.

Sivella laughed. 'Zoe, I will get killed. That's a certainty. I should have been killed earlier. Then Inara wouldn't have been in this mess because of me. I was a fool to even think that I could get away from this. I over-estimated myself.'

'And you are over-estimating yourself again.' Mal said as he began to walk towards her.

'Stop! Right there!' Sivella ordered.

'You won't shoot me.'

Sivella pointed the gun at his kneecaps. 'I can hurt you.'

'No bullit will stop me from gettin' Inara back.' Mal snapped as he looked Sivella in her eyes. 'I want Inara back and I will go to whatever lenghts are necessary.'

Sivella looked in his eyes to measure him. 'I believe you.' She said as she lowered her gun. 'Then the two of you can come with me to make the exchange right now.'

Zoe nodded.

**Blake's ship**

'Thenar is here.' A tall man said from the door opening.

'Ain't you lucky.' Blake said as he released Inara.

Inara got pushed through the ramp of the ship and was standing on the soil again.

Sivella sighed in relief. Inara was still alive. Mal swallowed. He studied the gunmen behind Inara.

'Everything will be okay now.' Sivella said as she looked at Mal and Zoe. 'Please take good care of her.' She said as she looked from Zoe and then pointedly at Mal. 'You are a good man. Remember what we talked about, I meant every word I said.' She spoke. She nodded as she turned away from them and began to walk to the ship.

'You can go.' Blake spat as he pushed Inara away.

Inara swallowed as she moved away from the ship. She could feel the guns pointing at her head eventhough she didn't see them. She saw Sivella walking towards her. Mal and Zoe in the distance. _Where was the rest?_

Inara stopped walking when Sivella was one meter away. She noticed that Sivella's face stood soft and sweet. So different from the last time she had seen her. And she also read something else in her eyes, sadness.

'Goodbye Inara. I hope you can forgive me for what I have said to you. I never meant a word-' A shot rang through the air.

'Hurry up!' Blake shouted angrily as he had shot in the air.

Both woman jumped in shock.

'I love you.' Sivella said as she put her hand to her heart.

'What did you do?' Inara questioned urgently. _She just had to know what had gotten Sivella into trouble like this._

Sivella began to walk. 'Go Inara, go. Get out of the shooting range now!' She said urgently.

'But… What about you?' Inara managed to utter. Her feet weren't able to move.

Sivella smiled reassuringly at her. 'Don't worry about me, I've got this all planned! Everything will be fine, I promise you.' Sivella said.

Inara swallowed. _She had to trust Mal, she had to trust that he had a plan._

'Inara!' Mal shouted from the other side.

Her eyes went to Blake and his men. The idea of Sivella in their hands… She knew for certain that they would hurt her. _Trust Mal, he has a plan. He will help her. He always helps people. _She managed to move her feet again and began to hurry herself to Mal and Zoe. _If they had a plan they probably would come into action when she was safe._

Inara was almost near Zoe and Mal when she turned away from them. She looked at Sivella who had reached Blake now.

Inara saw that Blake said something to Sivella. Just the thought of her in that cold man's power made her feel sick. He suddenly slapped her cheek.

Inara's mouth fell open. _No!_

She witnessed how Blake grabbed Sivella by her hair to drag her towards the ramp. But Sivella hit Blake in his face with her fist. He fell to the ground.

Inara held her breath in shock as she looked a the other men around Sivella. She knew what was coming now, _Sivella don't! _In the short moments she had been with Rogan Blake she had already noticed how extremely aggressive he was. _Sivella should know better then to anger him further!_

'No!' Inara shouted as she began to walk back. 'Sivella no!' Inara shouted.

'Inara stay here!' Mal shouted as he grabbed her upper arm to stop her from going to Sivella. It cost him a lot of trouble to keep her away and he tried to drag her back, away from their guns. He grabbed her other arm too and forced her against his chest.

'Sivella!' Inara shouted. _She couldn't, she couldn't let them take her._

Inara froze in Mal's hard grip.

Sivella quickly kicked Blake in his stomach when he was down and turned around to run away. Blake steadied himself quickly, he was on his feet in no time and grabbed her at her throat in only seconds.

'God no, please.' Inara urged. She had stopped fighting Mal, was as paralised in his arms now as they both looked without breathing at the scene further away.

'I'd like to squeeze the life out of you right here, but my brother won't take that too kindly.' Blake bended to Sivella's ear. 'He wants you in one piece.' He whispered threateningly. He hit her in her stomach and threw her against the ground. He kept kicking against her body.

'NO!' Inara shouted as she wanted to run back to them but Mal kept her in an iron grip.

'Inara stop it! They will kill you!' Mal urged.

Sivella moaned shortly in pain. 'On the trip home I'll think of many things I'd like to do to you.' He said as he looked down at her form, she wasn't looking at him anymore. She was staring at the ground with her eyes half open, her arms protecting her upper body.

'Clean that mess up and bring it to the back room.' Blake ordered one of his men who got Sivella up and pushed her towards the ramp. She could barely walk.

'Sivella!' Inara uttered in shock. Inara turned around in Mal's arms. 'Do something!' She shouted angrily at the crew as she tried to loosen herself from Mal.

'We will.' Mal promised. 'But not now.' He looked at the many men that still had their guns aimed at them.

They dissapeared into the ship and the door closed.

When the ship dissapeared Mal let go of Inara.

'How could you have done nothing!' She shouted in his face. 'How could YOU?!' She slammed her fists in his chest. 'You just did NOTHING, you could have helped her!'

'Inara!' Mal stated as he tried to grab her wrists. 'Stop it!' He had never seen her out of control like this before.

'THEY WILL KILL HER!' She shouted at him as she grabbed his shirt now and looked at him with clenched teeth. She suddenly let go of his shirt. 'They will kill her.' She said softly as she walked away from Mal and stared at the spot where the ship had been.

'Inara they won't. Not yet. It's Blake's brother that wants her. They'll first bring her back to his castle and we'll follow.'

'He'll beat her, hurt her.' She uttered.

Mal stepped towards her and raised his arm to touch her.

'Don't.' She snapped as she took a step back and gave him a painful look. She left for Serenity.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Please let me know what you thought!! Thanks


	11. Chapter 11

**Hoofdstuk 10**

Last time:

'He'll beat her, hurt her.' Inara uttered.

Mal stepped towards her and raised his arm to touch her.

'Don't.' She snapped as she took a step back and gave him a painful look. She left for Serenity.

**Now:**

**Serenity**

'Wash, start the engine's we're goin' after that ship right now!' Mal ordered as he made his way to the kitchen to catch up with Inara.

He followed her into the kitchen and almost bumped into her when she suddenly turned around towards him.

'Whatever Sivella has done.. It can not be that worse for you to just let her-' Inara's voice broke. She tried to keep the tears out of her eyes and to steady her breathing.

'We couldn't do anything.' Mal defended.

'You were just standing there! Where was Jayne where was everyone!' Inara suddenly shouted as she remembered Zoe and Mal just standing there, inactive. She was glad to find her voice back.

Mal swallowed to keep his anger in. 'If you let me explain for just a second-'

'-There is nothing to explain Mal!' Inara shouted at the top of her lungs. 'Blake made perfectly clear to me what he will do with Sivella once he has her in his hands.' She got a very painful look on her face. 'I don't care what went wrong! You shouldn't have let her get to that ship! If I only knew that you had NO plan! Then I would have gone back!' Inara barked at him.

'And do what?!' Mal shouted back now. 'What do you think YOU could have done?!'

'I don't care! At least I would have done something! I would have helped her!' Inara shouted. _She felt so angry!_

Zoe raised her eyebrow the minute she walked into the kitchen. She had heard them fight from the hallway. She had almost never heard Inara shout like this. The Companion had looked pale and shocked minutes ago, but this moment her face was red because she was fuming with anger. And it was obvious that she was being unreasonable in her anger towards Mal.

'You are not thinking logical here.' Mal snapped. 'We are going after Sivella right now. We will help her. You don't seem to understand that he would have hurt you if we weren't on time.'

'I don't care!' Inara snapped. _It was for Sivella. _

'But I do.' Mal stated.

Inara opened her mouth to say something and Zoe guessed in the way her face looked that it would be offensive, insulting or hurting so she quickly spoke before Inara could utter a word.

'Inara, I usually wouldn't interfere in any of your fights but Mal is right. Sivella wanted this herself, there was no time anymore. She didn't want you to get hurt. We couldn't do anything else in that short time.' Zoe said as she had walked in the kitchen.

Inara looked at Zoe and then closed her eyes for just a moment. She opened her eyes again and all the anger seemed to be gone from her face. Her face was a mask now.

'I understand.' She said in a flat, even voice as she passed Mal and Zoe and dissapaered out of the room.

Mal looked at the floor with a quizzical and angry look on her face. The moment Inara was gone he looked up angrily at Zoe.

'She understands?!' Zoe looked back at him with big eyes. He pointed at the way Inara had just gone.

'She understands.' He muttered angrily again as he went through his hair in a frustrated gesture. 'I try explainin' to the woman in all different kinds of ways how it went and you say a few things and **then** she understands?'

'She opened up to you, that's a good thing.' Zoe said as she looked at the hall where Inara had just left.

'Didn't you hear the shoutin' that was going on an' all?'

'She just needed to react to someone. You were an easy target.' Zoe said. 'I've never seen her like this. All the easyness and tranquility she always has around her seemed far away.' Zoe looked at the floor. 'That man must have really gotten to her.'

Mal sighed in frustration.

**Mal's bunk**

Mal paced through his bunk like a wild man. The moment Inara had been taken from Serenity things had gone so fast. He knew that her absence felt like something had been taken from him. A part of him. He suddenly had felt so empty. Blind fury had come up. He wanted her back, instantly. Unharmed. No one was to hurt Inara or harm her in any way. That blind fury had gotten him through the hours after that. And all this time the image of Inara getting slapped and being taken replayed in his mind, over and over again. The cold fear of what they were doing to her almost made him sick and drove him crazy.

The moment he had seen her in the distance when Blake released her he had been so glad. She seemed unharmed. He studied her intensily while Sivella had walked up to Blake's ship. He couldn't see any wounds on her.

He remembered how he had to restrain her from going back to Sivella. And her anger for letting Sivella just take off like that into that monster's hands. They were with too many, Blake was too strong at that moment. And there wasn't time. Time had run out. He had done the right thing!

**Inara's shuttle, evening**

Inara inhaled deep to get some oxygen into her lungs. _Calm down Inara. Just calm down. Everything will be okay_. She told herself as she walked to her insence and lighted two sticks again_. But sometimes things didn't turn out for the best. Sometimes, they wouldn't be okay. _Her brows frowned and she got a painful look on her face as she remembered Blake beating Sivella down to the ground. She sat herself in front of her altar and closed her eyes to begin her meditation. She would calm herself. She would calm all these feelings that were raging like wild, uncontrollable animals through her body. She had been meditating all afternoon. But after only moments after her meditation she would feel horrible again. So she just began again. This was the only thing she could do at the moment.

She pictured a meadow with the most beautiful green grass she had ever seen in front of her. The sky was as blue as could be. She was all alone. _Sivella's screams of pain. Inara shouting at Mal to let go of her so she could help Sivella. _Let it go. A cloud takes those thoughts away.

Birds are flying around, making beautiful sounds._ Sivella laughing at her, throwing one of her pillows at her. Why hadn't she ever told? This must have gone on for longer. She had spoken to Sivella every week, why hadn't she? _A hot tear left her eyes and she felt it drop on her chest. Take it away, another cloud takes that away._ I feel calm, I feel relaxed, I am in control. Nothing can take me out of this control._

**Cockpit**

Wash's eyes went to Mal who was staring intently in the black next to him. He wisely shut his mouth.

'Captain! What are you doing here?! I was looking for you everywhere.' Kaylee suddenly blurted out as she jumped next to Mal.

'I am helping Wash.' Mal said.

Wash raised his eyebrows. 'Yes, by staring that ship which we can't even see towards us.' Wash clearified. He earned an angry look from Mal at that.

'Why aren't you with Inara?'

'With Inara?' Mal asked clueless.

Kaylee sighed impatiently. 'She needs comfort now, a listenin' ear.'

'No she don't. She told us to stay away.' Mal reminded her.

Kaylee sighed very loud at that.

'She even sent me **the **warning look to clearify those words.' Mal explained.

'Ow Mal…' She muttered. 'Sometimes men can be so clueless!' Kaylee said annoyed.

Wash nodded. _He sometimes didn't understand Zoe either._

'How does that make _me_ clueless? The woman says one thing and then sents me one of her warnin' looks.'

'I'll explain this to you, one: she is a woman, two: she is a Companion.'

Mal raised his brows as he looked at Wash for help. He just raised his brows too and directed his gaze at the space in front of him again.

'Lil' Kaylee, there's nothin' new for me in what your sayin' there.'

'One: woman say that they can handle it alone but sometimes all they really want maybe without them knowing it themselves, is a warm arm around them and someone who just listens to them. And two: she is trained to not let others see that she hurts. You should know that by now!' Kaylee explained exasperated.

'I should know that by now? Why can't you woman just be plain and simple!' Mal blurted out.

'Just go to her. And please don't make her upset.' Kaylee urged.

'And how could I **not** make her upset? After all I am going to her while she expicitly said not to, the last time I saw her she was shoutin' pretty angrily at me.'

'Just make sure that you listen to her and maybe try to comfort her. Just see how she reacts. And show that you are trying, and don't hurt her even worse.'

'I wouldn't-' Mal began in defense. He knew that he had managed to comfort her days ago but he had noticed the trouble it had taken her then to open up. He didn't think that she would do that again. He knew very well that she felt so hurt and broken that moment that that had beaten her walls down momentarily. She would have never let him that close as days ago.

'Don't call her a whore for example. Please Mal, she really needs this now.' Kaylee said.

Mal nodded. He knew. He knew that Inara felt awful right now.

' 'Kay.' He said as he walked away. 'A listenin' ear..' He said softly as he counted that on his finger. 'Comfort.' He went further, counting that on his second finger. 'Don't insult her.' Third finger. 'Just follow her lead.' Fourth finger. _It was so difficult sometimes to not start a fight or to not insult her. But he just had to remember these four things. And that wouldn't be that difficult would it? _

**Inara's shuttle**

He strode purpusefully to her shuttle and then stopped in front of the door._ Would it?_

He knocked. It seemed like the good thing to do right now.

'Kaylee, I am okay. I just need some time to be alone.' He heard her muffled voice come.

He stepped in, ignoring her remark. Feeling the urge to help her, comfort her.

'Mal..' She uttered in an impatient tone. She was sitting in front of her altar as she gave him a blurry look.

She turned back to her altar and sighed. _Just let it flow, don't listen to these feelings. Let them flow away. I am calm. I am calm. I don't want Mal around right now!_ She didn't want him to see her like this. No one should see her like this. Not again.

Mal plopped himself down on her sofa.

Inara closed her eyes briefly when she heard the sound of his body falling on her sofa. That meant that he wouldn't leave. _Dear Buddha, give me strenght. Please._

'I really like to be alone right now.' Inara said in a controlled tone.

He didn't respond.

She turned her face towards his big frame on her sofa.

'I thought I told you so.' Inara tried again. She had told everyone specifically to leave her alone. _What was so difficult about that very clear message she had given them?_ She even had put in one of her most warning glares to top that message.

He shrugged. 'Guess I ain't listenin' no more.' He said nonchalantly as he bended forward to take her little Buddha statue of her table and began to fiddle with it.

He didn't need to look up to see her face snap towards his in anger. He could feel the anger radiating from her. _He sure hoped Kaylee had been right about the four points she had mentioned. Didn't take much to get her angry again._

'So how are you holding up?' Mal tried.

'Mal, I am fine.' She said shortly as she stood up elegantly with her back still towards him. He could see that her shoulders were sagged. He could hear how she tried to control her voice. He was sure that she wanted to shout and scream at him right now.

'Really?' He asked in a high pitched voice. 'Could have fooled me.' He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

'Mal, what are you doing here!' She suddenly blurted out as she finally turned towards him agitated. 'Leave me alone. This is my shuttle! My private space.' _There it had happened again, she had just managed to feel a little peaceful again when he ruined it!_

'You want me to leave you alone?' He asked simply as he looked up. 'So you can do everything alone again, and hide behind that serene Companion mask of yours?'

'Mal-' Inara warned.

He stood up now quickly, angrily. 'It's not so long ago that you broke down right there cryin' and hurtin'.' He stated as he pointed towards the bed.

She looked away. _That had been a mistake. She hadn't wanted him to see that. She shouldn't have._

'You comfort everyone on my ship all the time. And now I will comfort you whether you like it or not.' He sat himself down on her sofa again. 'I ain't leavin'.'

Inara sighed inwardly. She could see on his posure that he wouldn't budge or move whatever would happen.

'Companions don't get comforted. We comfort ourselves.' Inara stated with a straight back.

'Really?' He asked sarcastically. 'And does that work?'

'It was working, until you came along.' She stated. _I am calm, I am calm. _She suddenly felt the urge to fight. Just to spat out to him to not feel the pain for just a moment.

'That is my job Mal. To comfort others.' She snapped as she took a challenging step towards him. _He would insult her now. She was sure he would. Because that is what they always did, this round._

'You take care of yourself?' He questioned, surprising her shortly.

She straightened her shoulders. 'Yes, that is right.'

'Just like Sivella did.' He shot at her with cold eyes.

That came as a slap in her face. She wanted to take a step back but told herself to stand still. _She couldn't loose her too. First Nandi, and now… She couldn't even think about that, the thought alone made her sick. Made her stomach turn._

' Think that says all.' He stated as he sat himself on her sofa again.

'What does it say Mal?!' Inara asked angrily.

'So how do you comfort your clients?' Mal asked, he wanted to know how to help her but he suddenly got images of Inara in bed with a client, images he did not want to see at all! 'I don't mean-' He quickly began but got cut off by Inara's sharp tone.

'I have sex with them Mal! All night long!' She was challenging him. 'That's what I do, I am a whore remember!' She shouted at him. She was beyond herself now. Saying things just to make him go away, to have a reason to be even more angry with him.

Mal clenched his teeth. _He sure wished Kaylee had been right about Inara wanting comfort. But it didn't seem like that at all_. He fought the urge to stand up, shout something insulting back at her and leave. Then he remembered what she had gone through. _He would probably loose his mind if someone took Kaylee, or River, Simon, anyone from him. If they would hurt them in front of his eyes with him being able to do nothing. Honoustly, the hours Inara herself had been taken had already made him loose his mind._

'I meant with talkin' and all.' He commented in a normal voice as his eyes fell on the tea pot. _Tea, that was it. She always drank tea to calm herself. _'Would you like some tea?' He offered as his big hands went to her china.

'Mal, what are you doing?' She questioned astonished as she felt the rage leave quickly. A tired, painful feeling came in it's place.

'You've got two eyes to see what I'm doin'.' He noted. He was glad that Inara had already made a pot. He wasn't a good tea-maker at all. 'Just sit down will ya woman?' He urged as he poored some tea without trying to spill.

'You are impossible.' Inara stated weakly as she finally sat down.

'That's one thing we have in common.' Mal stated.

He looked up at her. She wasn't moving. Just sat there, frozen and pale. Her eyes drained from all energy.

'You can drink it.' He offered as he gestured towards her cup now. She still wasn't moving. 'A wise woman I used to know told me that it was something that could help you feel calm and all.' He said, meaning her.

She looked at a spot on the sofa next to her.

'Mal-' She tried to hold back her tears. 'I am sorry for the way I reacted towards you.' Inara's voice came. 'I know you probably saved my life. I-' She clenched her teeth as she remembered the beating Blake gave Sivella. 'Him hurting her like that… That was just too much.' She looked up at him with two big brown eyes. 'And you doing nothing-'

Mal nodded. He agreed. It had been awful to witness that.

'If we had done somethin' we wouldn't be sittin' here.' He said as he thought about the many men with the heavy guns they had pointed at them. And time had run out. They had been looking so long for Sivella that the six hours were almost over.

Inara nodded. 'I know that now. I was.. I was being unreasonable.'

'This Rogan Blake is not her client. His brother is. I'm guessin' the brother wants her back. Don't know why. She said she has information they want. He will keep her alive

to bring her to his brother. We'll make sure to be there that exact moment to help her. Or sooner if that's possible.' Mal said. He remembered again how glad he had felt the moment Inara walked away from Blake, the moment she was in his reach. He had wanted to pull her close to him just to feel her against him. To feel that she was still alive.

Inara nodded. _That seemed right. The brother would want her alive. The others were just messengers. Sivella was probably bound somewhere to the ground, or the chair Inara herself had sat in. And they would leave her alone. Because the brother wanted to have her alive. She just had to believe that they would leave her alone.._

'She told me she said all these things in the market place to keep you away. She told me that it hurt her deeply to treat you like that.' He said as he remembered what Sivella had asked him to tell her.

Inara looked up at that.

'I think she was tellin' the truth. She was pretty shaken up when we told her they took you. Her eyes were watery an' all.' Mal paused for a moment. 'She told me to tell you that she loves you.' He swallowed. _Those words… Sometimes so hard to say those few words to someone. They meant so much. He had almost never told them to anyone. He had almost said these words to someone, and that someone sat in front of him_. He looked at her.

Inara stood up quickly and began to pace. Another bad habit that had come up again. But she didn't care about that right now. She didn't know what to do. She was SO angry. She clenched her teeth and her fists. And she felt so afraid. She couldn't bare to wait this long. To feel this powerless.

She turned around towards him.

'Mal we need to get to her first! I don't want her to die. Do you understand?' All she could see in front of her was Blake hitting Sivella. Or him using that knife of his and cutting her like he had promised he would do.

Mal stood up and walked towards her.

'Mal please!' She said as she took his shirt in her hands and looked up at him. 'I will never ask you for anything again, please promise me that you will do everything in your power to help her. To save her. Please.' She urged.

The knuckles off her fists became white.

'I will do ANYTHING it takes Mal. Anything.'

'You don't have to do nothin'.' He said as he took her wrists to loosen her fists from his shirt. But she wouldn't let go. 'We'll find her.'

'You're always there.' She said as she suddenly got a weird look in her eyes. She let go of one fist and he suddenly felt her hand on his cheek. It felt warm, soft, tender.

'You're just always there.' She repeated softly.

He didn't comprehend what she meant. She let go of the hand that had touched him and made a fist of it again. She held it in front of her mouth as she let go of his shirt with her other hand.

'Thankyou.' She whispered.

His eyes fell on her arm. 'You're hurt.' Mal stated shocked and with a hint of anger in his voice. _Who had dared to bruise her?!_

Inara looked at her arm and noticed the dark angry bruise there. 'O, no it's n-' Her voice fell away the moment she felt his warm hand taking her arm as his finger caressed the skin around the bruise. She was surprised again at how soft and tender he could be. Those hands who had killed many men.

'Did he- Did he hurt you?' He asked carefully.

Inara looked up in his eyes and held her breath for a moment. She looked away and shook her head. _But he did hurt Sivella._

'No, he didn't do this.' Inara said.

Mal looked up in surprise. _He didn't understand. Then who did?_

'You did.' The words left her mouth before she could think clearly. She didn't know why she said this.

He let go of her arm instantly as if he had burned his fingers.

The moment he let go of her arm she knew. _It was to get some space, to give herself some room from him. He had come too close. But she wanted him close. And at the same time she didn't._

'When I wanted to run back to Sivella.' Inara quickly explained. She was glad that she didn't feel the heat of his skin against her skin anymore. It made her nervous, it made her afraid. It made her lose control.

Mal swallowed as he looked at her slender arms. 'Sorry. Didn't want to hurt you.'

'That's okay. I bruise easily.' Inara said as she wrapped her shawl around her and turned away.

'I never want to hurt you.'

She heard him say from behind her. She froze. _She wanted to say that she knew, but that wasn't true. He had hurt her so many times. With his words, with his insults._

'You know that, don't you?' He questioned the moment she didn't answer.

She turned her face towards him, her eyes meeting his. 'I know that you don't want anyone else to hurt me.' She finally said.

He swallowed. He knew what she meant. He knew that sometimes his words hurt her. 'I meant physically.' He said as he took a step towards her.

She looked up at him.

He wanted to say something more. Tell her that he had felt awful the moment she was taken. That he had felt like she was a part of him, that if anyone would hurt her he would feel hurt. He wanted to tell her so many things, but the words wouldn't come. He didn't know how to tell her. He wanted to tell her how he wanted to make sure that she didn't have more bruises, how he wanted to take her in his arms, hold her close to make sure that she was safe.

'I know that.' She finally said.

'I know I don't have a way with words. Sometimes things come out different from what I want to say.' Mal said. He felt clumsily. He could see a faint smile play around her lips. This was the first time in many days that he saw something like a smile on her.

'The moment that man slapped you- And when they took you, I could-' He clenched his jaws in anger as he remembered that he wanted to kill them all.

'Mal- It's okay.' She said softly as she the top of her fingers softly against his stomach, the place where Blake had kicked him. 'I know you tried to stop him. You couldn't do anything at that moment.'

'You shouldn't be in situations like this.' He said as he looked intently at her face.

Inara had the feeling that they were talking about something else now.

'I sometimes think that- That Maybe Serenity is too dangerous for you.' He said the one thing that frightened him the most, that she should not be around Serenity any more.

'Mal, you forget that I have a will of my own. You are being too protective.'

Too protective? She could have been killed!

He took a step towards her so that they were only inches apart now.

'You could have died. I would have never forgiven myself.' He wanted to touch her. He wanted to hold her.

She looked up at him with her big brown eyes.

'It wouldn't have been your fault Mal. Not everything is your fault.'

He nodded as he looked away. He had noticed how tense her shoulders were. She suddenly walked to her dresser and began to rummage through some things.

_Comfort_. The word just popped into his mind. _Kaylee had said to give her comfort_.

'I could hold you.' He suggested.

Inara snapped up straight from her bending position and turned towards Mal. _Had she heard this right? _

He swallowed the moment these words had left his throat. _It felt awkward the moment the words had left his mouth. Didn't feel that awkward in his head…_

_The look she was giving him right now…. She found it awkward too…_

'Sorry?' Inara asked confused.

How stupid could he be? But they kissed, so holding was nothing weird? That would not be weird at all!

'With you bein' tense an' all, I could-, I could maybehaps if you wanted…. That I could hold you.' Mal stammered as he put his hands in his pockets.

Inara looked at him with big eyes and fluttered them a few times.

'Hold me?' Inara uttered still not believing if her ears were fooling her.

'Well, uh- yes, don't know if you would want to be held by me an' all…. Don't know what you Companions do to comfort each other or what you are used to and-' _He was on a wrong track here again!_ 'But I mean, I do know that it can work comfortin', soothin' even, if one person holds another person. Could ask Kaylee to hold you if you'd better like her to ho-' He stopped rambling.

She didn't reply. She just stood there, frozen.

'I know from other woman when I was holding them-' Mal began. 'Not that I touched so many woman, I mean held so many woman- With children it helps too, not that you are a child, you're no child at all.' He swallowed. _No child, all woman she was. _He studied her shortly, she still hadn't reacted. 'T was a stupid suggestion.' He muttered quickly as he put his hands in his pockets again and turned to leave.

'No Mal, wait.' Inara said quickly. She had managed to get out of her frozen state.

Mal turned.

'I was just… Surprised.' She stated.

'Surprised?' Mal asked astonished.

'It's…. Very sweet that you want to help me.'

'Well, I'd do it for everyone. Wouldn't want no one of my crew hurtin' and all.' Mal quickly muttered. _Sweet? Was that a good thing? He'd do it for everyone? What a lyer he was! He wouldn't touch Jayne! He wouldn't hug Wash! Maybe lil' Kaylee, or River. And most defenitately not Simon!_

She smiled at him as she walked closer. _She was touched by what he had said. It was so sweet of him. It really warmed her heart to see the trouble he was going through for her. And that he had come to talk to her and try to comfort her, eventhough she hadn't wanted anyone to be here at first._

'Inara? You've got a wave from Sheydra.' Wash said over the comm.

They both jumped in shock and quickly distanced themselves from each other again.

'Yes, thank you Wash.' Inara said while she tried to make her voice sound as steady as possible.

**Blake's ship**

Sivella's face collided with the hard wall of the ship. She sunk to the ground slowly and stayed there. There was no use in fighting back. There was no getting away.

"Hope is an important lesson. It can bring you far. It can make you or break you. If you do not have hope, you have nothing." The House Mistress had said once. Sivella had listened to that with open mouth. She quickly closed it the moment the House Mistress gave her a pointed look.

She tried to bring herself in a deep meditative state. _A meadow, green long grass caressing her calves. There was a lot of hope for her. She began to walk and could feel the warm wind on her cheeks. The wind caressed her cheeks._

Her cheek hurt. She felt it swell already.

Blake grabbed her by her hair.

'Where are THEY?!' He shouted.

Water, there would be water in her meditative landscape. Flowing from a big waterfall. Tommy would be there. He would smile widely the moment he saw her. He would walk towards her, coming from a big lake. He would wear a red swimming trousers. She would laugh at him. And she would feel free of care. He would run towards her and lift her up effortlessly in the sky. He would be so happy to see her!

'Where are they?!' He shouted again.

Sivella looked up with glazed eyes. It was better to save her energy. To try and relax instead of tense her muscles.

They would both laugh hard. She would feel his muscled arms and pinch him in his chest to tease him. She liked teasing the ones she loved.

_Inara. On Serenity. She would be playing a board game again, with Kaylee laughing, River looking concentrated. Mal would come in the kitchen to clean his guns again. But this time he would give her a wide smile. A knowing smile. Because they both would have given in to their feelings and had finally admitted them to each other while making wild love the night before over and over again. _Sivella smiled. _Inara would be so happy._

He slapped her and her head collided with the hard floor again. She saw his shoe next to her nose the moment she opened her eyes.

Inara would carry a red glow on her cheeks. She would have finally found the man that was her soulmate. The man they had dreamed about so many times. She would walk towards him and hug him from behind. She would kiss him on his cheek and caress his hair. Inara could be so caring. Sivella could see it happening right there. Inara's hand would caress Mal's stubbled cheeks. Things would be good. Lives would be different.

'Believe me Sivella. I will do everything it takes to find them. I WILL get it out of you.'

No he wouldn't. She would never tell. She would rather die.

'You stupid bitch!'

_She would stand under a warm waterfall. She could feel all her troubles, all her sorrows, or her guilty feelings and regrets wash away from her…_

'Let's see how long a Companion can hold her breath.' His hard voice came as cold water shocked her senses out of her meditation instantly. His hand forced her face in a bucket filled with ice-cold water.

The need for oxygen was extremely close, she wouldn't hold on very moved against the strong hand that held her head in the water but it didn't help. _She needed air, oxygen… She couldn't… _She saw yellow flashes in front of her and then everything became black.

Her body became limp.

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Hope you liked it!! Please let me know!!


	12. Chapter 12

Thankyou for reading, and thanks to all the reviewers!! This story is getting longer then I expected, hope you aren't bored yet!

xxx

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Sivella opened her eyes the moment her face collided with something hard and rough. She coughed when a dustcloud invaded her nose. She lifted her face a bit and recognised the grey colour of sand and small stones beneath her. It was a pathway. A pathway she was all too familiar with.

Someone pulled her arm up forcing her body to follow. Pain shot through her every limb instantly.

'We're home.' A sarcastic voice spoke in her ear.

The moment she looked up cold fear spread through her again. But this time it was like all her senses were freezing over.

The house that she had run from so hard was right in front of her. It was ironic in a way. She had tried to get away so hard, so fast and all had been for nothing. She was back again.

'Edward has been waiting for you. He is thrilled to see you again.' Rogan said as he dragged her inside.

Her insides twisted. _Now she knew for sure that there really was no hope anymore._

**Serenity, Kitchen**

'What is the plan?' Inara asked the moment she entered the kitchen. She knew the crew had been talking about many plans and possibilities over the last days, but she wanted to know the current plan they had chosen.

'There's a big chance they'll be expectin' us. Think it's safe to say that they're with too many men.' Mal said, still in the conversation they were having as he looked up at Inara.

Zoe nodded as Inara sat down quickly.

'They already outnumbered us when they were looking for Sivella.' Zoe explained. 'We have to come up with something else.'

'But when we are going there-' Inara began.

'-We?' Mal interrupted hard as he looked at her.

Inara met his cold and warning gaze.

'There's no we. You ain't comin'.' He stated matter of factly.

'I beg your pardon?' Inara said surprised. _He was not telling her what to do, was he?! She just had to make sure that he wasn't, because if he was, she would become very angry. And she didn't have the energy to keep that anger under a controlled mask anymore. These last days had taken a big toll on her._

'You heard me the first time.' Mal stated.

Wash looked with big eyes from Inara at Mal and then at his wife.

'This is my friend we are talking about. The last time I had to see how she got dragged away. I refuse to do nothing.' Inara tried. _She just wanted him to understand. She was too tired to argue. Please Mal, do not get in my way._

'You are stayin' here, that's final.' Mal ordered.

'You don't get to boss me around Mal.' Inara said defiantly as she heaved her chin at him.

'Ain't bossin' you around. I'm still the captain of this ship, the only captain. So I decide what is going to happen.'

'No you don't, I only rent your shuttle that is all. It is strictly a bussiness agreement, you are the captain, nothing more. I am free to stand where ever I want.' Inara reminded him in a tranquil voice. _She was surprised that she could still control her emotions at this point._

That stung Mal. _Nothing more?_

'Thought we were past the bussiness agreement nonsense.' He snapped remembering the last time she had used this statement. _It was when he had wanted to help Nandi for free because she was her friend. She had made him perfectly clear that she wanted him at an arms length, if possible even further away._

'You don't respect me.' Inara snapped.

Mal raised an eyebrow. _What was the woman talkin' 'bout now?!_

'Respect? Respect got nothin' to do with it woman!'

'It has everything to do with respect Mal!' She suddenly spat angrily. Her dark eyes fired at him. 'You don't get to order me around. No one does.'

'Just your clients get to do that in all sorts of ways.' Mal insulted her angrily.

'This is exactly why we don't get along Mal. Because of this!' Inara stated furiously. 'You say that you respect me, but you don't! You insult me whenever you want. And when it comes down to it everything has to go your way!'

Mal stood up now. 'It has to go my way 'cause I don't want you to get hurt!' He snapped angrily. _How clearer could he be?!_

She stood up now too. 'Maybe that is not a decision for you to make. I still have the right to decide for myself, you seem to forget that!' She said poisenessly.

'Suposse you forgot what happened last time he took you. This ain't 'bout us or 'bout respect.'

'I surely did not forget what he did to me Mal!' Inara barked.

'Then you should make sure that it don't happen again. I need fighters with me, not you. Can't be watchin' out for you.'

'I don't need anyone to watch out for me!'

'When it comes down to it, you're just like Sivella!' Mal said as he looked down at her. 'Thought you Companions were trained to recognise danger and dangerous men. You ought to keep away from them.'

'You didn't mind when I came to get you and Zoe out of the sheriff's custody a year ago, or when we got Saffron.'

'That was different.'

'And what exactly was so different about that?' Inara questioned angrily.

'Saffron and the sheriff both weren't a sadistic man who likes hurtin' people like that.'

'You can keep arguing with me Mal, but it will not help. I am going with you.' Inara stated strongly.

Mal's nostrils flared and he crossed his arms in front of his chest angrily as he stared her down.

'Inara, I think it is best if you stay at Serenity.' Zoe tried.

'I don't think it is Zoe.' Inara said as she looked at the tall woman now.

'You are not trained like us. You know that.' Zoe said.

'Yes I do, and that is a risk that I am going to take.' Inara stated.

Zoe looked at her and finally nodded. Mal's arms dropped to his sides the moment Zoe agreed.

'That's all? That's all that you're sayin'?'

'Yes Mal it is, at least Zoe respects my wishes.' Inara stated she sat down again.

**Blake's Mansion**

Sivella swallowed the moment she was pushed in one of the many rooms in the cellar. She had never been here when she had lived here. She froze instantly when she saw Edward sitting behind a long table. He got a grin on his face the moment he saw her. She remembered how he had dominated her, how he had hit her, how his knife had cut her flesh. She went into an automatic mode.

'How nice to see you again.' Edward said.

'She still didn't tell me.' Rogan said as he pushed Sivella forcefully towards the table.

'Ahh, that's too bad. But she'll crack soon.' Edward said with a wide smile. 'And I'll like being right there when you do.' He said as he took a large knife and put it with a slam in the table in front of her. She looked unphased at the knife that she recognised immediately. It was the knife that she had put between his ribs.

'Was there any trouble?' Edward informed.

Rogan shrugged. 'Nothing much. Just another Companion of hers with a captain on a piece of scrap. I don't think they'll come after us but just to make sure we should double the guards. Nothing we can't handle.'

Edward stood up as he walked towards Sivella.

'I bet that you missed me.' He said as he stopped in front of Sivella. 'You really shouldn't have stabbed me.' He said. She could feel his breath on her face.

'You were going to kill me.' Sivella stated.

He laughed. 'I still am. And I will enjoy it.'

'You can't get away with this.' Sivella said in a flat tone.

'O yes we can.' Edward said as he grabbed her by her neck and slammed her head on the table. He bended forward and whispered in her ear.

'You came back to kill me, we just had to stop you, it was selfdefence. And that's the end of Sivella Thenar. And there will be no one thinking about you anymore. Never.'

'That won't work.' Sivella whispered from the table. But all the power had gone from her voice. Because she knew, somewhere deep inside that it would.

Edward turned her around on the table so she could face him.

'She didn't inform the Guild.' Rogan said in an amused voice.

Edward grinned at that. 'O really? How neat of you!'

Sivella clenched her teeth.

'Did you really think you could get away from me? And that you could take Mary and David from Rogan?'

Sivella suddenly smiled. 'I did and I do. You filthy monster!' She shouted.

'Ahh, you still have some power in you. Let's see how long it takes before the great Sivella can't reply back anymore. I'll enjoy this.'

**Kitchen, Serenity**

Mal watched Jayne leave and then Inara when they had gone over their plan for the last time. He looked at Zoe with anger.

'You think it's a good plan for her to come?' He asked angrily.

'No sir, I don't. But she insisted. She is her own woman.' Zoe explained him.

Mal stood up and raised his trouser a bit further. _Don't care 'bout her bein' her own woman right now, this was serious bussiness, fightin' bussiness. No Companion's place to be. 'specially not her. All he could see was how Sivella's back had looked and how that monster could hurt Inara just as easily. _

'Wash, I want you to shut down the shuttle when I tell you to.'

Wash's mouth fell open. 'Wha-?' He asked.

Mal gave him a cold, angry stare.

'I am not going to do that.' Wash said.

'You are disobeying my orders?!' Mal snapped angrily as he leaned forward on the table. His blue eyes cold as ice.

Wash just stared at Mal with big eyes and then at Zoe.

'N… No, no.' He stated. 'Just wondering if that's the right thing to do..'

'I tell you it is.' Mal snapped as he straightened himself and left.

**Blake's Mansion**

'I always admired your strenght. For a Companion, you are pretty strongwilled.' Edward said as Rogan gave him his knife.

Sivella forced herself not to look at the knife. She forced herself not to swallow. She wouldn't budge. She wouldn't let them know how she feared for her life. How awful she felt.

'And now I will make you feel exactly how I felt.' Edward said as he looked at her side. 'It's a waste really, you could have been such a pretty Companion, if you had only listened and followed my rules.'

Sivella had told herself that it was best to keep still. To keep her temper in because otherwise it would make things even worse. It would give her even more pain. But his words cut through her deeply and she couldn't resist her anger anymore.

'Your rules?! You are a monster! You don't respect people, you just-' She began an angry tirad as her mouth fell open. She knew that look. That look in his eyes. 'What are you doing?' She asked in a dreaded voice.

'O sweety, you'll see.' Edward said as he grinned. He placed his hand on his own stab wound. Sivella noticed the white bandage under his blouse.

Her eyes went from his wound to the knife. And then realisation hit her. _He really was crazy, he would…. O, no, he wouldn't, no he wouldn't_- A hard cry errupted from her throat.

**Cockpit**

'She will never forgive you for this.' Wash said as he pulled the switch that shut the shuttle off and took all the electricity away from it.

'Did I ask for your opinion?!' Mal snapped roughly.

'Just wanted to give you some advise.' Wash said softly.

'When I'll be needin' your advice, I'll ask.' Mal barked impatiently.

'O, you'll be needing it.' Wash stated when Mal had left the cockpit.

**Blake's Mansion**

The cry died in her throat the moment the cold knife had penetrated the soft tissue of her skin and got pushed forcifully in her flesh. Her breathing just stopped and she felt how all life seemed to drain from her body. She opened her mouth to breath but the pain was too immense that she couldn't. The last thing she saw was Edward's face and his wide amusing smile. Her legs gave way and she felt the impact of the floor against her knees. His hand had left the knife. Edward watched Sivella fall on her hands and then on her side as she tried to breathe erratically.

'That's exactly how I felt when you stabbed me! Bitch!' Edward snapped as he enjoyed the scene in front of him. He looked at the blood that poored from the wound.

Edward looked at his brother and smiled reasurringly at him. 'Don't worry brother, all will be fine very quickly.'

Rogan nodded. He was sure of that. Edward could take care of anything.

'Now, where did you take Mary and David?' Edward asked as he squatted in front of her.

Tears left her eyes. She just wanted the pain to stop.

'That hurts don't it?!' He shouted.

'I can't hear you!' He snapped as he put his hand on he grip of the knife. He began to twiste it agonisingly slow in her body. She cried out in pain at that.

'Please stop.' She begged. She couldn't hold on any longer.

'You can make me stop. You know how.' He twisted the knife again. She shouted again in pain.

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara looked around her in shock. The lights had suddenly failed, all the electricity was gone instantly. She hurried to her door to find it locked. She couldn't get out. She could have sworn that Serenity had just landed. _How could this be?_ She slammed against the door and cried out for help. _She needed to get out! She need to get to Sivella!_

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	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks everyone for still reading and reviewing! Here's a short chapter... Hope you like!**

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**Blake's Mansion**

She relaxed her hand and watched it fall limply on the cold concrete floor. The dark red colour of her own blood trickled down her porcelain coloured skin. She raised her head from the floor to look at her bloodstained dress. A sarcastic smile curved her lips as her eyes became watery with unshed tears. _It was over._

_Over._

She should give up. Why was she trying to stay alive? She was only fooling herself.

She rested her cheek against the cold concrete again. A warm tear left her eye and traced itself over her bruised cheek before it ended up on the floor next to her face.

She didn't want to die. It was too soon. She was still too young. She had had so many dreams. So many wants, so many needs…. Another tear left her eye.

**Inara's shuttle**

'Nara? Why is your door locked?' Inara heard Kaylee's voice ask. Inara shot up from her sitting position on her bed. She had been shouting and calling for what felt like hours now.

'Kaylee? Kaylee!" Inara said quickly as she ran towards her door. 'There is something wrong with the electricity. Can you please go and do something about it as quickly as possible?' She urged.

'With the electricity but-' Kaylee began. _She had checked Serenity hours ago. There couldn't be anything wrong._

'Kaylee please, questions later. It's urgent!'

'Well, okay.' Kaylee said as she left.

'Kaylee?' Inara asked. 'Is the rest- Are they...?' Inara began. She dreaded the answer.

'Yes, they went to get Sivella. Didn't you know?'

'No, everything fell out.' Inara explained quickly.

'Don't worry 'Nara, I'm sure the captain will get her back safely.' Kaylee said, trying to comfort her friend.

Inara sighed. She wasn't so sure of that.

**Blake's Mansion**

_Please let me die._ She had never been the person to just give up. But it seemed like this time there was no better way out. _How much blood did she have to loose before she would die?_

The truth was that she would be better off dead. If Rogan and Blake would come back they would… He would be so furious that there was no telling in what he would do to her. She would rather not be here anymore. _She couldn't hold on. She couldn't resist anymore._

She revelled in the feeling that she had managed to fool them once again. That was probably the last time. She had sent them to the wrong place. She had told them where Mary and David were and they had fallen for it, they thought that they were so smart. It was a good thing that they had underestimated her. _But what good did it bring? She wouldn't be able to go through their next torturing methods._

_She couldn't take it anymore._ She coughed. Everything hurt. She wished she would stop breathing. She would break if they would do anything more to her. And then she would tell… She knew that they would kill her anyway so dying without them knowing what they wanted to know, gave her something nice to die for.

_Please spare me from any more pain…._

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara had lighted all of her candles to give herself some light in the darkness. She clenched her fists. _Sivella… She couldn't bare to loose her too. Please.. Not Sivella… She felt so helpless! Being locked in her own shuttle! How was this possible?!_

_If only Kaylee got her out of here as soon as possible._ Inara's eye fell on the screwdriver that she had put on her bed. It hadn't helped. She had tried for the past hour to get out of here but the door was too strong. She took the screwdriver again and walked to the door. She jammed it angrily into the side of the door. It didn't budge.

_She wanted to shout and scream, she wanted to break this door down! She hated feeling helpless like this!_ She dropped the screwdriver as hot tears left her eyes slowly. She let her body fall against the door limply and lowered herself slowly until she sat on the ground.

**Blake's Mansion**

Sivella had already looked around the room she was held in but she couldn't find anything with what she could end her own life.

If they would stay away long enough then she would bleed to death. Maybe she would loose conscioussness and they wouldn't be able to wake her up anymore. That would be good.

She felt her energy seeping away quickly now. She could have never thought that she would ever want herself to bleed to death. But then again, sometimes things never went the way you wanted them to go in life. She had learned that so many times now.

_She should relax._ She closed her eyes and imagined herself on the beach. She wore a white gown that blew around her in the soft, warm wind. She was healthy and happy.

Sivella smiled. _She could imagine everything she wanted. And she could only hope darkness would come quickly…_

**Blake's Mansion**

Mal walked down the hall quickly followed by Jayne and Zoe. They were dressed like poor farmers. There was no one inside hall where only the servants were allowed to enter. He was beginning to think that it had been a good idea to dress up like farmers who came with supplies. He opened the door to the kitchen and when he got around the corner he froze in his steps. Zoe almost bumped into him when she too stared into ten heavy weapons that were aimed at them.

'Shit.' Jayne muttered from behind them as his mouth fell open.

_Not such a good plan after all._ Mal thought sarcastic.

**Inara's shuttle**

'Kaylee! Kaylee are you ready?!' Inara shouted.

No answer.

Inara walked away from the door in the dark. She couldn't bear being here when everyone was gone_. How could this have happened? _She didn't understand. _And why hadn't anyone come to get her to come with them- A thought suddenly hit her. No, it couldn't be… She refused to believe that, they wouldn't… He wouldn't… Would he? No he wouldn't…_

**Blake's Mansion**

She heard footsteps behind her. Sivella turned in the sand, she was on her bare feet. She could feel the sun shining warm on her body. Giving her energy. Footsteps on concrete, coming her way, quickly. She couldn't see anyone on the beach. She shot up in shock out of her meditation instantly when her door slammed open. She was still lying on the ground as she looked up at a masked man. She was too weak to get up. To defend herself. And then she noticed the very large gun that was aimed at her head between her eyes. She looked at the barrel of the gun and forgot all her pain instantly.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Hi everyone, here's my chapter again, I changed a few things. Special thanks to Agent Rouka and SvSerenity for reviewing my original chapter!!**

**Chapter 14**

**Blake's Mansion**

'Who are you?' One of the men barked.

'We are here to deliver potatoes.' Mal said as he tried to look as innocent as possible. _Did that sound as stupid as he felt it did? He hoped not… _The fact that all the men were dressed in dark outfits and had masks on didn't make the situation any better.

'Do you know them?' The man asked a woman who was dressed as a servant.

Mal hadn't even noticed the servant. She had blonde hair, seemed to be around her fifties and looked friendly. She gave him a cold glare as she eyed him, Zoe and Jayne. She shook her head firmly. 'Juan delivered the potatoes two days ago.'

She didn't seem to mind the men being there, with their guns. _It was almost like she knew them_, Mal thought.

'Search them.' The leader ordered his men.

'Potatoes huh?' One man said as he took Zoe's gun.

They all looked up as the door opened and a man walked in with a wounded woman in his arms.

Mal's mouth dropped open as he barely recognised the beautiful Companion. Her face was swollen and covered in bruises and there was blood all over her clothes.

She needs medical attention quickly.' He said as he put Sivella on the kitchen table. He pushed a strand of her dark hair out of a bloodstain on her forehead. 'What have you done now you stubborn woman.' He said in a worried tone as he sighed. 'Who are they?' The man spat as he looked up at the strangers.

'Who are you? What are you doing with Sivella?' Mal snapped angrily as he stepped towards him but got stopped by the man that was standing next to him.

Sivella opened her eyes slowly as she recognised a voice. She looked around her at all the masked men. Her eyes fell on three people, dressed in rags.

'Mal.' Sivella muttered surprised when she recognised him. 'I thought-.' _Talking hurt. She had thought Mal would be long gone. What was he doing here?_ She recognised Jayne and Zoe next to him.

'Do you know this man?' The man next to Sivella asked as Sivella's eyes studied the three crewmembers of Serenity.

She didn't spot Inara anywhere. Sivella nodded weakly.

'Can he be trusted?'

Sivella nodded again.

'He's helping me Pete.' Sivella said weakly. Pete looked at Mal and the rest paranoid.

'Pete?' Mal said surprised as he repeated the name. 'You know these men?!'

Sivella said something in a slurred voice. She wasn't looking at Mal anymore but at the man called Pete.

'What?' Pete asked as he bended his ear near her mouth.

'M…Mary and David..' Sivella said as she took Pete's collar.

'Mary and David? What is wrong with them?' Pete asked.

'No time…. You and Thomas…. You have to-'

'Thomas isn't here.' Pete said softly.

'Rogan and Edward aren't here.' A man informed them as he walked into the kitchen.

Pete nodded as he instructed his men to lower the weapons aimed at Zoe, Jayne and Mal.

'We have a doctor on board, she needs help.' Zoe said as she noticed that Sivella was loosing conscioussness.

'We'd better hurry before they come back. You two, go and find out where Mary and David are. ' Pete ordered his men. 'You two find out where Rogan and Edward are.' He said as he picked Sivella up off the table in his arms as if she weighed nothing. 'And I'll bring Sivella to your doctor.'

'We'll manage.' Mal stated.

Pete took a few threatening steps towards Mal. 'She says that I can trust you, I trust her. If anything happens to her I know where to find you.' He threatened Mal.

'Nothin' will happen to her when it's up to me.' Mal said angrily.

'My brother wants her in one piece, and that's exactly what will happen.' Pete stated as he made his way towards the door with her.

Mal looked at Zoe at that_. His brother wants her? What was this? Another sick man after her?_ He forced himself to move behind them. _Great._

**Inara's shuttle**

'Finally!' Inara exclaimed as the lights turned on again and she could open her door.

She ran down the stairs and stopped in her tracks when she saw Jayne, Zoe and Mal coming in with a strange man who had Sivella in his arms.

'Simon!' Zoe called out to the young doctor.

'Sivella!' Inara shouted as she ran towards her.

Shock painted Inara's beautiful features when she saw the lifeless form of her best friend in the strange man's arms. _O no, she wasn't…. She wouldn't be…. Dead?_ Inara took Sivella's arm and to her relief felt a half warm watched how the door of the medical bay closed and Simon bended himself over Sivella instantly. Inara was by her side. 'You need to get out of here as soon as possible. Rogan and Edward might come after you.' The voice next to Mal said. Mal looked up at Pete. He nodded. 'What is your bussiness with Sivella?' He asked. Pete shrugged as he studied Sivella's unconsciouss form through the glass. 'We are friends of her.' 'How did you know where to find her?' Mal asked as they walked down the stairs. 'My brother has a friend in Edward's households. He told us that he had seen Sivella been brought in and that she looked very bad.' Serenity, Medical Bay

'How is she?' Inara asked worried as she saw Sivella's unconsciouss form in the medical bay. Sivella was lying on her stomach. Simon was stitching up some of the nasty cuts on her back.

'She is pretty beaten up.' Simon said softly as he took another needle. 'She is sleeping now. She has a deep knife wound in her side. I just stitched that up. She lost a lot of blood but I think she will manage. The rest are swellings and wounds that will be okay.'

Inara swallowed as she saw the many wounds on Sivella's back. Her hand softly touched the battered skin as she closed her eyes in pain.

'I am so sorry Inara.' Simon whispered.

'Yes, I am too.' Inara said as she caressed Sivella's arm. She went to sit next to the behandeltafel and took her hand to hold it in hers.

**Mal's bunk**

_It wasn't like he was hiding from her. Not at all._ He sighed. _Yes, he was._ He expected Inara to come in and find him any moment now. He had thought about how her reaction would be and whatever option, it wasn't going to be good. He sat down on his bed as he stared at his shoes. _He had been right. It wasn't like he hadn't been right, right? The woman would have chased off without seeing the danger around her if it were 'bout Sivella. But somewhere he knew that what he had done was wrong and it was eating at him._ He stood up and began to pace_. It was his right…. No it wasn't…._ 'Damn woman!' He snapped as his fist hit the cold wall. _She would have been hurt! She might have been hurt! _Maybe it would be best to go to her and just have it over with.

**Medical Bay**

Inara watched Simon come in the medical bay.

'I am going to check some vitals.' Simon said as he walked in. 'You can go for a moment and maybe drink something Inara. You've been here for hours.'

Inara looked at Sivella and nodded shortly. 'Maybe just a few minutes.' She said as she walked out.

Simon nodded and focused his attention on Sivella.

**The Bridge**

Inara sighed softly as she saw Mal sitting on the bridge. His feet dangling in the air. She remembered the time they had been sitting there looking at the cattle. Those had been nice times. She moved herself gracefully down the ladder. She went to sit beside him. He only looked up when she already sat.

'Simon is with Sivella.' Inara said.

Mal look up at her and nodded as he took a sip of whatever he had this time in his mug. _Sivella. He had been thinking about her a lot too._ He kept looking down at the ground in the distance. As if there was something to see there.

Inara sighed inwardly. It was nice to take a small pause from everything that had been going on these last hours.

'How's she doin'?' Mal asked.

'I am not sure. She hasn't been consciouss anymore.' Inara looked up at him. Her eyes stood tired and sad. 'As well as can be expected I think.'

'That's a lot she went through.' Mal said as he looked in the distance in thought.

Inara nodded.

'I still can't believe everything that happened, everything she went through. And that she did this all alone.' He looked up at Inara. 'Would you- If anything like that would ever happen, you wouldn't-'

'What?' Inara asked carefully as she raised an eyebrow.

'-Alone, you wouldn't handle it alone would you?'

Inara looked away and swallowed. _She wanted to tell him that she wouldn't. But she could understand Sivella's need to arrange everything by herself._ 'It's difficult.' She answered.

'I still don't understand what's so difficult in gettin' help. You'll just have to give me the sign and I would-' Mal stopped suddenly. _He would move heaven and earth for her._ He looked at her. 'I mean- I would, if you were- I would always-'

Inara nodded with a slight smile on her face as she looked at Mal. 'I know.' And again she wondered about how sweet this man could be. She had discovered months ago that he had a good heart somewhere under that sometimes hard exterior. And now she could add to that, that his heart was warm. Somewhere deep inside of him, that was.

'Just must be awful to go through that all alone. And for a moment there I really thought she was some sort of evil woman.' He took a swig of his drink. 'All the things she said to you… She can be quite convincing.'

Inara nodded. 'Yes, she can.' She said as she thought back at how hurt she'd been.

'She hurt you because she wanted to keep you safe.' Mal said slowly as he thought about this. Maybe _if- If he could just explain to her, no she would still be unforgivably angry._ He swallowed as he heard her move and saw her stand up.

'I am going back to Sivella.' Inara said with a tranquil expression on her face as she looked down at him.

Mal opened his mouth. _Say it, say it!_ The words wouldn't come out. She smiled softly at him and turned away.

'Inara!' Simon called from up the ramp. 'Can you come here for a moment?' Simon called from the medical bay.

'Is something wrong?' Inara asked worried as she hurried towards him.

Simon shook his head. 'Don't worry. She just woke up. But she keeps pinching me and even slapping me when I want to touch her. I need to examine her to know where she has pain.'

_Sivella can slap again? _That gave her some hope. _Typically Sivella._

'It's not my meaning to touch her if I am not inclined to do so-' Simon began to defend himself.

'Simon, I understand.' Inara said as she put her hand comfortingly on his shoulder. 'She can be a difficult patient.' Inara whispered.

'I gave her a sedative for the pain. But it has side effects, some patients act as if they drank too much. Alcohol I mean. But she is just so… Stubborn, if I may say so.'

Inara gave Simon a reassuring smile.

Inara saw Kaylee walking to the other walkway as she entered the medical room. Kaylee seemed deep in thought and had her tools in her hands. _O, yes, she had almost forgotten about the shut-…. She looks so bad! All that blood, all these wounds, she is so pale, she looks so frale…_ Inara masked her shock instantly. She didn't want Sivella to see that, it wouldn't help her.

'Sivella.' She said sweetly as she walked towards her friend as she instantly forgot about all the other things around her.

'Inara.' Sivella said as she swallowed. 'You came.' She uttered weakly with surprise in her voice.

Inara took Sivella's hand. 'It hurts me to see you like this, in so much pain.' Inara said softly.

A tear left Sivella's eye. 'I am so sorry..' She uttered with a hoarse voice. 'I am so sorry for what I did to you.' She uttered weakly.

'Shh..' Inara said as she caressed Sivella's forehead and forced her gently back on the table.

'I hope you will find it in you to forgive me some day.' Sivella said weakly as she had to cough again. Even her throat hurt.

'Shhh….Just rest. Don't worry about anything anymore. Everything will be fine. We will talk later.' Inara convinced her. 'And let Simon do his work.'

Sivella sighed. 'I am allright now. I really am. I just need some sleep.'

'He just needs to make sure that you are allright everywhere.' Inara said as she scanned Sivella's body quickly.

Sivella looked away. 'I am fine.' Her stubborn reply came.

'If you're fine then you can stop pinching Simon. Let him do his work.' Inara urged.

'He puts needles in me, I don't want that.'

'I just explained to you that that was a mild sedative. It will make the pain less.' Simon began.

She breathed in to collect energy before a snappy reply came over her lips.

She muttered as she gave him an angry look. 'It doesn't help me, so please go away.'

Inara opened her mouth to say something but Simon was quicker.

'The moment I touch her she cringes in pain.' Simon explained to Inara.

'I am still here… Able to hear you.' Sivella told Simon in an agitated tone with her eyes closed now.

'I don't understand why you are giving me so much trouble.' Simon exclaimed. 'And you are certainly more energetic then a few minutes ago before I gave you the sedative, so it does help.' Simon tried to convince her.

'That isn't about you.' Inara whispered to Simon. It had nothing to do with Simon, Inara thought as she looked back at Sivella who had her eyes closed now. She remembered that Sivella didn't even want her to see her wounded back, that would probably mean that she didn't want anyone to see her like this at all. She could understand in a way. Beauty was a very important thing for a Companion. Companions were trained to take the deepest care for themselves and their bodies. It was their temple. Inara pushed away her tears as she looked at her friend. She couldn't even imagine how Sivella felt about herself right now.

**A few minutes later**

'Do you think we can move her to my shuttle? I rather have her there.' Inara said as she looked around the sterile medical room.

Simon nodded. 'Yes, that can be arranged. She'll be warm there, and she has enough room to lie still there.'

Inara nodded.

'Maybe Mal can help?' Simon suggested.

'Yes.' She said without taking her eyes off Sivella who had her eyes still closed.

'The sedative makes her so drowsily that she probably needs some help to walk. And it can also effect her behaviour. So you're warned.' Simon said as he smiled.

Inara looked at Sivella's silent form. 'That won't be a problem. She won't slap _me_.' She quipped as she looked at the serene look on Sivella's face.

A few more minutes later

'I can do this alone thankyou.' Sivella said as she got up slowly with Inara on one side and Mal on the other.

'Let us help.' Inara said as she took Sivella's arm.

'I am not ninety years old Inara.' Sivella's stubborn voice came again. She closed her eyes the moment she moved. _That still hurt_.

'Don't got all day woman.' Mal said shortly as he took her under her knees and her shoulders and lifted her up effortlessly.

'Ow.' Sivella uttered in surprise.

Inara raised an eyebrow.

'That's friendly.' Sivella muttered as she swallowed. 'You're so strong!' She suddenly blurted out as she began to laugh uncontrollably. She nestled herself contently against his chest after that.

Mal looked at Inara with surprised eyes. 'She's tired, and she got a sedative from Simon.' Inara explained.

Mal nodded, he understood.

Mal carried her to Inara's shuttle. He carried her up the stairs and Inara caught a glimpse of Sivella's face. She gave Inara a very satisfied, mischievous smirk. _O, no._ Inara thought. _What had Simon said about that sedative again? _

'Are you okay?' Mal asked.

'Mmyes.' Sivella purred from his arms.

Inara raised both of her brows at that.

'Where can I put her down?' Mal asked when he came in Inara's shuttle.

Inara was distracted because she saw Sivella feeling Mal's bicep.

'Uh-' She began as she fluttered her eyelids in astonishment. _Was Sivella actually feeling his biceps?!_ She thought as she walked towards her bed. She opened the blankets. 'Here will be fine.'

Mal looked down at Sivella when said woman placed her flat hand firmly on his chest.

'Yes that feels good. Thought it might.' She remarked.

Inara stared with big eyes at Mal.

'Uh-' Mal said, he wanted to take Sivella's hand away from his chest, but obviously his hands were filled with other Sivella-parts he couldn't let go off at the moment. He didn't know how to act with the beautiful Companion in his arms, touching him and Inara staring at them. He swallowed.

'Sorry Inara, just trying out your pirate if you don't mind.' She laughed.

'I like taking disadvantage of the situation, you know that I am really an evil woman.' Sivella explained weakly in a mild teasing way. She still felt tired. But not tired enough to let her hand 'accidentally' roam over Mal's flat stomach.

Inara raised an eyebrow in surprise. _She should have known_. Sivella had always put on a happy face or made jokes or teased people when she felt awful inside. She had told Inara long ago that that helped her to deal with problems. Sivella had gotten drunk once and Inara should have remembered that that way of her would come up, even now. Mix that with her brutality and you could better hide. Sivella had managed well to control that side of her and push it away far when she had gotten further in her training at House Madrassa. But it all seemed to be coming back quickly now. _Maybe that was normal too,_ Inara pondered sadly. _Sivella had other things to deal with now then to think of her training. _

'You've got a very firm nice chest and arms.' Sivella remarked as Mal let her sink in the bed slowly. 'And your stomach is just-'

'Sivella!' Inara scolded.

'What? It's true! You should try being in his arms, very cozy and warm and muscular.' She mumbled drowsily.

'I am so sorry.' Inara apologised to Mal again. _Why didn't that sedative make Sivella sleepy and most importantly: SILENT?!_

'She is apologising for me? You don't have to Inara. She's just jealous that she isn't the one in your arms. But that will change soon, right?' Sivella smiled as she buried one side of her face in the pillow. Sivella cringed in pain and moved her face to the side where there were less bruises. 'Right?' Sivella urged.

_Dear Buddha!_ Inara thought in horror.

'Well, I hope you will feel better soon.' Mal muttered quickly as he put his hands in his pockets and tried to ignore Sivella's comments and question.

'Inara is very nice, she can be very caring too, she knows exactly which places on the human body can give you intense pleasure. Mark my words: INTENSE PLEASURE! Especially with men. Especially with a man she likes.' Sivella began to rant. It sounded as if she had no knowledge what she was saying and to whom anymore.

Sivella turned her face to Mal nonchalantly. Which indicated Mal that she really was affected by the sedative. He had noticed that she had let go partly of her stern training in her posure before, but this was too much, even for her.

'And given the fact she likes you- Well, you know where that can only lead to….'

Inara felt herself flush. _This was not acceptable! She was not to flush!!_

Mal swallowed. 'If ya need anythin' you'll know where to get me.' He said quickly as he began to walk away from Sivella.

'She doesn't know what she is saying.' Inara explained again as she quickly followed Mal to the door.

'It's true! She is an expert at-' Inara quickly closed the shuttle door behind her and leaned her back against it. She was relieved that the door blocked anymore of Sivella's comments. Eventhough they had dissapeared from the room she could still hear the faint muttering of Sivella's voice.

'She likes to talk a lot.' Mal commented who could also hear that Sivella was still talking, to no one in particul now. _It made him wonder what else Sivella had to tell…._

'She usually isn't like this. Well… Obviously you know that because you met her- I mean the first days you met her, not when she- I mean in the market place-' _She was stammering again! This was awful! _She collected her thoughts quickly. 'It's the sedative, she is just blurting things out. Simon said you could see it as her being drunk.'

Mal nodded. He still had his hands in his pockets. Inara noticed that he looked sad. As if there was something on his mind. 'I've got some things to do. If you need anythin'-' He didn't finish his sentence.

She nodded. 'Thankyou.' She said sounding sincerely.

He turned around and began to walk away.

'Ow 'Nara!' Kaylee said as she almost bumped into Mal because she was so deep in thought.

'Kaylee.' Inara said as she stepped towards her.

'About the shuttle..' Kaylee began.

Inara looked at her friend. _She had forgotten momentarily about her shuttle. With everything that had been going on since she had seen Sivella in that worse state. She had only been able to think about that and nothing else._

Kaylee looked at Mal. 'It just broke down.' She explained him. She looked at Inara again. 'I don't understand nothin' 'bout it. There was nothing wrong. Just the switch stood the other way.' Kaylee said.

Inara got a dry feeling in her throat instantly_. This couldn't be…_

'What switch?' Inara asked carefully. _She didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer, if she could bear the answer…._ A paranoid feeling washed over her quickly and everything came back to her again. _Everything she had felt the moment she had been trapped in her own shuttle. The helplessness, feeling so powerless, the fear for Sivella, anger, not being able to do what she wanted to do…._

'The switch with which you can turn everything off in the shuttle, it's off for shuttle 2 because no one uses it. It spares electricity an' all.' Kaylee explained. She looked at the beautiful Companion and found something she didn't understand. Inara had her eyes directed at Mal and there was blind fury in them. Kaylee had seen Inara being angry before towards Mal but she had always managed to keep her emotions under some sort of serene mask. But now…. Kaylee looked up at the captain who stood on her other side, he seemed to be looking down at Inara. He stood frozen.

'You did this?' Inara asked in a stern voice.

Mal crossed his arms in front of his chest. He swallowed. _He didn't know what to say. Couldn't say anything. He knew that if he would open his mouth she would be so angry. Nothing would calm her. He didn't want her to be angry. He wanted her to understand._

He opened his mouth but nothing came out.

Inara took a step towards Mal. _If this was true… If it was true what she was thinking then she wanted to hear it from him, right in her face._ 'Answer me.' She said coldly.

He had had his reasons at the time, they were good reasons. So he put a stoney expression on his face as he looked down at her. 'Yes.' He said honoustly in a stern voice.

Inara's hand flashed through the air quickly and slammed Mal's face hard.

Kaylee inhaled in shock when she saw the Companion hitting the Captain and when she even heard the sound of Inara's flat hand connecting with Mal's cheek. His face slapped to the other side because of the force. He quickly turned back to face her. He tried to look unfased but his cheek had turned red instantly.

'That's enough answer for me.' Inara snapped as she gave him the coldest look Kaylee had ever seen. _She felt so much anger that it would be better to leave and make the distance between him and her as large as possible before she would lose control and maybe even attack him._

Kaylee didn't understand, she looked from the captain back at Inara who was up the stairs now and hurried to her shuttle.

Mal felt his cheek sting. She had hit him before, that was the time when she came to save him and Zoe from the sheriff. But that hit wasn't hard at all. But this one… It was filled with hatred and an immense anger.

'What did you do now?' Kaylee asked shocked.

She received a very angry look from Mal.

'Woow.' Kaylee said as she put up her hands. 'Just askin' is all. Just askin'.' She defended herself.

His nostrils flared as he turned around and marched off in obvious anger.

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Hope you liked it! Please let me know what you thought!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14**

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara was standing in the middle of her shuttle when she turned around towards the bed. She frowned her brows in surprise when she didn't see Sivella. She noticed that the blanket and a few pillows had disappeared too. _What was this? Where did she go?_

Inara sighed softly as she headed for the place she thought Sivella would be. _She shouldn't be wandering around in her state. She needed rest._ Inara thought worried.

**Guestroom**

Sivella put the silken blanket on the small bed. It was nice to be alone for a while. At least no one would be able to see her tears here. But the most important reason why she wanted to be alone was that she felt ashamed and guilty. And it ate at her immensily. Not facing Inara right now would give her rest for just a few moments. So many things had happened that she needed time. She felt the pain shoot through her whole body when she tried to stand up straight. She moaned softly. She just wanted to ly down on the bed and stare into nothingness for hours, to just forget. Forget everything that had happened. That is what she had done so many times these last months, she just became numb. It helped with the pain. The mental pain.

A soft and tired sigh escaped her lips when she looked down at the bed. Her pillow had disappeared. She must have dropped it along the way. She began to move slowly back through the hall as she leaned her hands on Serenity's walls to support herself. She saw her pillow lying in the doorway towards the Cargo Bay.

Sivella looked up when she heard the shuttle door close. She had a good view from here over the bridge, the Cargo Bay and the shuttle. And she didn't like what she saw. She saw Inara leaving gracefully. Sivella held her breath shortly. _She was probably going to find her._ A nervous feeling made it's way into her stomach. And she felt bad. She knew that Inara was her best friend but she felt so awful for what she had done. _It had never…_ Inara almost bumped into Mal. Sivella watched her graceful friend coming to a halt and giving Mal a cold look.

'Just let me explain.' He said in a stern voice.

_What had happened?_ Sivella wished that they would stop fighting for once. It just made her tired.

'Well..' Inara hissed as her hands left her sides and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 'Why don't you explain to me why you forced your decision upon me and locked me against my will in the dark while my closest friend was in danger.'

Sivella groaned. _He must have done something awful because her voice sounded like poison._ Sivella leaned against the wall for support. _Mal had locked Inara up somewhere?!_

_She really shouldn't keep standing here and listen to them, she didn't want to hear them fight. It was something between them. _Sivella thought as she stared at the pillow that was just lying there. She had to bend to pick it up. But she felt drained of all energy. Her body felt so heavy that it was almost unbareble to move.

'Look at your friend.' Mal snapped as he pointed at her shuttle.

Sivella looked up at the mention of her person.

'I didn't want you to end up like her, that's what!'

Sivella closed her eyes in pain at those words. _Ending up like me would be a very bad thing indeed. _

'We've been over this yesterday Mal, I asked you for a reason, an explanation!' Inara snapped coldly.

_Was the fight about her? _Sivella thought as her eyes couldn't leave the two persons on the other side of her. _She didn't hope so._

Mal swallowed. 'Just told you a reason.' He stated dryly.

**Kitchen**

Kaylee sat at the table and was staring at her cup. She had both hands locked around it. She couldn't see Mal and Inara, but she could sure hear them.

'They fightin'?" Wash asked as he walked towards her. The question was kind of stupid because they were so loud this time that probably everyone on Serenity could follow their arguement word for word.

'Uhuh.' Kaylee said as she nodded sadly.

**Hallway**

'What gives you the right to even think of such a thing?! Let alone do it! If I want to get hurt or killed then that is MY choice!' She bit at him as she pointedly took a step towards him.

It were that he knew that he was a tall, strong man, stronger then her, and a lot taller too. But it didn't feel like that at the moment at all. It felt like he was shrinking by the second.

**Kitchen**

'It's bad this time ain't it?' Kaylee asked softly.

Wash's eyes grew big as he looked at her. He nodded.

'I warned him..' He said.

'Why did he do it? Why would he do such a thing?' She asked angrily.

**Hallway**

'You have NO right whatsoever to take that choice from me!' Inara barked.

'This is my ship, I am the captain-'

Inara interupted heatedly. '-That has got nothing to do with it! Our agreement is-'

'O you mean the BUSINESS agreement?!' Mal interrupted her in his turn as he got a cold look in his eyes at that.

'… That I rent the shuttle and that I am no part of your crew in any way!'

Sivella sighed as she finally bended slowly and could reach the pillow now. She leaned her back against the wall to rest for just a moment. _What had happened between these two??_

'Exactly!' Mal spat as he put his arms in front of his chest now. 'So I get to decide whether you COME with my crew or not, and the answer was NO!' He shouted. He walked towards her now as he pointed his finger at her. 'And I knew that you were too stubborn to listen to me! So YES I locked your shuttle down!'

Sivella inhaled shortly. _He locked her shuttle down?! O no. That was a mistake. A big mistake. He shouldn't have done that. _Sivella had put her hand on her knife wound. It was an automatic gesture. It comforted her, in a weird way. _Inara had wanted to come after her?_ She closed her eyes as a tear slit down her cheek. She swallowed deep because her throat felt so dry. She felt Serenity's hard wall against her back. That also comforted her in a weird way. It gave her support. She could understand why Inara had always liked it here.

**Kitchen**

'Are they at it again?' Jayne muttered as he walked past them.

Kaylee sighed annoyed. 'Can you even **be** sensitive?' She asked but he had already dissapeared.

**Hallway**

'You have crossed a line this time. That is unforgivable.'

'Because I rather have you angry and shoutin' at me then bein' cut up or hurt like Sivella! And yes it might be unforgivable what I have done, but I'd rather have you HEALTHY and alive!' He shouted at her.

_Cut up and hurt…._ The sound of these words rang through Sivella's head as she inhaled in shock.

'If things don't go your way, you will force them your way, whatever the costs. I will not stand for that.' Inara said as she ignored his obvious worry for her.

**Kitchen**

'Guess he didn't want her to get hurt.' Wash answered.

'By locking her in?! How dumb can you be??' Kaylee said astonished.

Wash shrugged. 'Wouldn't have been my first choice either.' _No choice at all,_ he concluded when he thought deeper about it_. Especially when they were talking about Zoe. Zoe would be so angry with him that he would never live it down if he did a thing like that._

'He knows that she finds her freedom so important, why didn't he… Why didn't he just… Aargh...' She just couldn't find a proper word.

'Think?' Wash filled in.

**Hallway**

'That COST is YOU! Why can't you see that?!' Mal shouted as he turned away from her in fury.

She shook her head. 'Because you forced your will upon me! And it doesn't matter what reasons you had for that! It is….' She stopped momentarily. She couldn't find a proper word for it. 'It is beyond me….. And it's the worst thing you could have **ever** done to me.'

'Because letting you get raped, abused, hit or killed would certainly be LESS worse!' Mal snapped.

Sivella looked away at that as if she had had a slap in her face. She had put her friend in this position. _If it hadn't been for her…_

'It was life and death we're talkin' 'bout here, you don't seem to see that! '

'Don't patronize me!' Inara barked. 'Whatever I choose will be MY choice and not yours. But I should have known because you always found it difficult to respect me.'

Sivella looked back at the two fighting persons and noticed how the anger and hurt stood written on Inara's face. _Mal got to her. He did. Sivella had never seen Inara show so much emotion to a man. _

'We're 'bout that again.' Mal sighed frustrated. 'I do respect you, just not what you let others do to you.' He said, meaning her clients.

'I let them do to me what I want them to do to me, you did something to me that I didn't want. What do you think that says about you?' She shot back.

Sivella put the pillow against her face in frustration. _This fight was no getting out of, for the both of them. She wanted to leave but she didn't want to hear any more but she still had to get up and it had taken so much energy to get down even. Maybe one more minute of rest…_

'It says that I made a mistake 'cause I didn't want you to get hurt, that's what. Don't know how to say it any plainer.' Mal stated clearly.

Sivella let the pillow drop to her lap. _That was fair. He was being honoust._

'Is that an apology?' She asked in a hard voice.

He looked away and swallowed.

Inara noticed that an apology wouldn't be enough for her. She needed something more.

'Would you do it again if you could make the decision again?'

Sivella held her breath as she looked at Mal. _Say it Mal, say that you wouldn't do it again. _

Mal looked down at her at that.

'That's what I thought.' Inara snapped in an acid voice as she grabbed her skirt and marched back to the door.

_Sivella realised that in a way she was glad that Mal had locked Inara up. Who knew what would have happened to Inara if she had come into contact with Rogan or Edward again._

Mal narrowed his eyes.

'Wait, this isn't over yet.' Mal snapped.

She looked at him with a big mask on. 'No Mal, that is exactly what it is. It is **over**.' She stated coldly.

He froze to the ground and didn't seem able to move. But he needen't too because she turned around and dissapeared graceful and elegantly in her shuttle. She shut the door behind her. And he was able to see the door that hadn't opened hours ago for her.

**Guestroom**

'What are you doing?' Inara asked astonished as she stepped into the guestroom.

Sivella looked up in surprise as she saw Inara standing in the doorway. She didn't think Inara would come out of her shuttle so quickly after her fight with Mal.

'I was just making the bed.' Sivella explained as she lowered the bed spread and looked away from her friends gaze. She didn't want to look Inara in the eyes. She didn't dare. The guilt she felt spread through her stomach again.

Inara saw immediately on Sivella's way of moving that she was in pain. She looked so tired and hurt. Inara's eyes went over the bed Sivella had made for herself here. _What was she doing here? _

'I don't understand. Why aren't you in my shuttle?' Inara asked as she looked at Sivella who still had her back towards her.

Sivella closed her eyes softly and inhaled breath. She turned around to face Inara.

'Inara I- I know that we didn't have a chance to talk properly about everything that happened. I thought that you could use some space.' She swallowed as she looked up at Inara. This was the first time since everything had happened that they had the chance to talk. 'I lied to you, I hurt you and I pushed you away.' Sivella looked took her blanket in one hand as if that supported her.

Inara sighed. _Yes, Sivella had hurt her immensily. But after everything that happened and the reason why Sivella had done this she had understood that_.

'I never thought you would come for me… That Mal would come for me. I didn't expect…' Sivella faced Inara again. 'You came for me.' She said in a soft voice, as if she couldn't understand. Inara noticed how Sivella's hands were trembling.

'Ofcourse I did.' Inara answered softly as she walked towards Sivella worried. 'You shouldn't be out of bed, you should rest.' Inara said as she took the blanket from Sivella's trembling hand. And placed her other hand over Sivella's cold hands.

Sivella avoided eye-contact again. Inara could see how Sivella fought her tears from not falling. Her eyes had become watery and she forced her tears back.

'I couldn't stop thinking off all the horrible things I said to you.' She swallowed. 'I know I said them to push you away because I was afraid that you would get hurt but-' Sivella's voice broke as tears left her eyes. 'I am so sorry Inara. It broke my heart to say these things eventhough I thought it was best to do that at that moment.' _She was glad that she had said it. It lifted a small weight of her shoulders._

Inara shook her head as she took Sivella in a soft hug. She was afraid to hurt her.

'I know now that you pushed me away for a good reason.' She said softly as she caressed Sivella's back.

'You are coming back to my shuttle.' Inara stated after a few moments as she let go of Sivella.

Tears loosened from Sivella's eyes as her hand went to touch Inara's cheek shortly.

**Inara's shuttle**

'Here you go.' Inara said as she had put the blanket and pillow back into her bed and opened the blanket for Sivella. 'Ly down.' Inara offered as Sivella lowered herself on the bed. Inara pushed the silken blanket softly over her and then walked to the other side of the bed.

'Thankyou.' Sivella said softly as she pulled herself up against the headboard of the bed.

She stared in front of her. She put her hand in her face.

'I have never ever been so afraid.' She admitted softly as she stared at the silken blanket around her legs when Inara had settled in next to her.

Inara moved herself against the headboard too as she looked at her friend.

Sivella smiled wearily. 'I made a mistake Inara, a huge one.' She shook her head as she looked away. 'I should have known, I should have seen… But, I don't know… Maybe I was too stubborn.' She looked through teary eyes at Inara. 'In the beginning Edward was very nice…. And then, one day, he hit me. That should have been a warning but…. I liked being there.'

Inara's eyes filled with tears.

'With all the people, the children, the family. And then it seems everything turned out into some sort of horror story from then on.' She said as she looked in the distance. 'His brother Rogan- You met him- ' Sivella said as she looked shortly at Inara. 'He is violent too. No one would help. Maybe no one really knew. No one did anything.' Sivella began to cry.

Inara moved closer to her and wrapped her in a protective, comforting hug.

'I never wanted to involve you.' Was the last thing she heard Sivella say because she began to cry so much that she couldn't talk anymore.

Inara's heart almost broke at the pain Sivella was in. She closed her eyes to focus on just holding Sivella and trying to comfort her.

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Ooww I hope this wasn't too soft, but I thought that it's awful what Sivella has been through so she would feel awful and all.... The next chapter will reveal ALL that happened with Sivella. Please let me know what you thought!


	16. Chapter 16

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the reviews and PM's, I'll answer as soon as possible. Just wanted to post my next chapter first.

**Dinner**

'Sivella you have a wave from Pete McGarrett.' Wash said as he came into the kitchen late. Everyone was already sitting on the dinner table.

Sivella looked up from the plate that Kaylee had just put down in front of her. Inara had thought it best for her to come and eat with the rest of the crew instead of staying in the shuttle all the time. Some change would do her good.

'I am sorry, I don't feel up to talking to him.' Sivella answered. She didn't feel like talking to anyone too much. Telling Inara everything this afternoon had drained her from the little energy she had left. Inara had told her that it would be good to be among people again and not 'hide' in the shuttle. Sivella sighed inwardly_. Yes, that is what she wanted to do: hide. She had never been the person that ran away from confrontations with herself but now, she had to admit that she would rather hide away under a blanket from the rest of the world. And to think. And rest. And come up with a plan how to go on with her life. Which would end up in numerous thoughts of worry because it seemed like everything had fallen to pieces. But Inara didn't give her the time right now. She didn't give her the time to think everything over. Inara just knew her too well._ Sivella thought as she looked at her friend.

'He says that it's very urgent. He spoke to Edward and Rogan and he needs to know what is going on.' Sivella heard Wash's voice come from the doorway.

She swallowed at that.

Inara looked at her. 'If you don't want to, you shouldn't.' Inara said softly.

Sivella looked away. _She didn't want to, but she knew she should._

'No, I should.' Sivella decided. 'He helped me. He deserves an explanation.' Sivella got herself up from the chair with a lot of trouble. 'And I guess all of you deserve an explanation.' She said as she looked around at the rest of the crew. 'If you want to hear it you can join me in the cockpit.' She gave Inara a weak smile after that.

**Cockpit**

'Pete.' Sivella said softly as she sat down opposite the screen. Everyone had followed into the cockpit and gathered around.

'You kidnapped Mary and David?' Pete asked urgently the moment Sivella sat in place.

'You WHAT?!" Mal uttered in shock from behind Sivella. He had thought that the Companion still had some things up her sleeve but this was…. Very unexpected and shocking….

Inara sent Mal an icy glare at that.

'You kidnapped children?' Kaylee asked with big eyes. _She couldn't believe it._

'I want an explanation if you don't mind.' Pete said sternly.

Sivella was speechless for a moment. She felt everyone stare at her, wanting answers. 'I…' She composed herself. _She was almost never speechless, and now was not the moment to change that good quality._ 'Yes. I do mind.' She stated.

'You want to get yourself in more trouble then you already are?' Pete asked urgently.

Sivella sighed and looked away. 'Pete, I won't tell you where they are. Edward twisted his knife inside of me and I still didn't tell him. Maybe that should show you how willing I am to keep that a secret.'

'Where did you get the right from to KIDNAP them Sivella?!' Pete shot at her. 'I just don't understand. You know that I want to help you. Then tell me.' Pete's cheeks became red in frustration.

'I'll tell you Pete.' Sivella said in a calm voice. 'You think Mary ending up in the hospital was an accident?' She asked in a controlled, low voice. 'And what about the second time? She supposedly 'fell' off the stairs?' She breathed in deeply.

'A child Pete! A CHILD!' She barked at him emotionally. She put her hand in her side to remind herself to not talk so loudly. It made her ribs ache.

'No one did anything! NO ONE. So help me God they can put me in a prison for life but those children are never going back to those monsters if it's up to me!' She shouted at him.

Pete swallowed. 'He abused them?'

'Yes. Do you want to see how he tried his new knife out on the skin on my back Pete? Because I can tell you, it cut very well, it will take a long time before a knife like that needs sharpening.' She tried to steady her breathing. She ignored the other people that were present in the cockpit. It felt awful to talk about this and have others overhear. So she just imagined that she was alone with Pete, and with Inara as her support. That gave her some rest. 'I didn't want anything like that to happen to Mary and David. I will not tell you over a wave where they are. It's not safe.'

Pete shook his head with a confused look on his face. He needed to let Sivella's words sink in. He had gotten a shocked look on his face.

'So that's what they wanted to know from you? That was the information you had?' Zoe asked.

Sivella looked up at her and nodded. 'Yes.' She looked at her lap now.

'Why did you stab Edward? He says you wanted to kill him, that he needed to protect himself.' Pete asked.

'Ofcourse he did.' Sivella said bitterly. _The question alone irritated her to no lenghts._ 'I am so dangerous, I am a dangerous murderer. I will kill everyone around me if I have the chance.' She stated sarcastic.

'Sivella.' Inara said softly as she put her hand on her shoulder. She knew that Sivella used sarcasm as a mechanism when she felt threatened or hurt. 'Don't.' She urged softly.

Sivella pushed her angry sarcasm away with a lot of trouble as she breathed in.

'The night that I brought Mary and David to a safe place I went back to the house to get a few things and leave. Edward caught up with me in an alley and he beat me up. I was sure that he was going to kill me. So I stabbed him to protect myself. And that was horrible Pete. I would never ever do something like that unless I had too.' She looked at Pete earnestly.

He nodded. _He believed her._ 'And is that why you didn't want to inform the Guild?' Pete asked.

She looked away. 'Among other things.' _She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't. _

She felt Inara's hand on her shoulder. _It helped her. It comforted her a bit._

'What other things?'

Sivella sighed as if she felt that he was hurting her with his questions. She looked up at him again with a fierceness in her eyes. 'I stabbed my client, took his children away and ran off, how does that look Pete? And besides that, how do **I** look? I can't show myself to them like this! I am a mess.' She stated as she gestured towards her face. The swelling had become less but there was still an angry purple bruise on her one cheek and a blue eye on the other side of her face. There were a few gashes spread over various places on the soft skin of her face to keep the bruises company.

Inara's hold on Sivella became harder but Sivella pushed Inara's hand away softly.

'No, I can not work as a Companion anymore. He ruined that for me.' She stated bitterly with anger in her voice as she thought about the state her body was in, all the scars, the wounds.

'I don't know what to say.' Pete said in regret.

'You don't have to say anything.' Sivella answered softly. _What could anyone say? It wouldn't change the facts._

He sighed as he shook his head sadly.

'I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell others about what happened. There is no need to know for other people.' Sivella suggested.

'Others?' Pete asked surprised as he raised an eyebrow. _She was being vague but he knew who she meant with 'others' instantly._

'Just others. I don't want any questions or anyone to worry.' Sivella explained.

'You should inform The Guild anyway, because their men just arrived here to interrogate your client.' Pete informed her.

Sivella looked up at Inara at that. Inara read the worry and fear in her eyes. 'How did they know? Did you inform them?' Inara asked.

Pete shook his head. 'No, my brother Thomas did. The moment he thought something was wrong.' Pete noticed that Sivella didn't like that. 'He wanted to help.' Pete explained her.

'We will contact the Training House immediately.' Inara said as she felt Sivella was momentarily too shocked to say anything.

Pete nodded. 'I will keep you all informed. I have to make a wild guess that you meant Thomas with 'others'. He already knows. Why aren't you talking to him?' Pete asked as he looked at Sivella again.

'Because I am too tired. I haven't spoken to anyone-'

'- You are talking to me now.' Pete interrupted her.

Inara noticed that Pete knew her well to interrupt her like that. _He didn't seem the kind of man that would be bold or insulting at all._

'Because I owed you and everyone an explanation.' Sivella answered.

Pete shook his head. 'I think you owe him an explanation too.'

Sivella fumbled with the dress she had borrowed from Inara. _She wanted to leave now. Right now._

She forced herself to look up and answer Pete's question.

'Why? He wasn't there.' Sivella said confused, _he had probably run of to some fancy party with a handsome woman on his arm by now._

'He warned me that something was wrong. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have known you were back.'

'Well, that's very nice of him. I will talk to him as soon as I feel better.' Sivella said shortly.

Inara raised a brow at the sharp undertone she heard in Sivella's voice. No one else had noticed that probably, but Inara had an ear for those very small nuances._ She had to remind herself to find out who this Thomas was later._

'You know that I love my brother. Be honoust to him. That's all I ask.' Pete told Sivella.

Inara could see how affected Pete was by this conversation. His shock as to what had happened to Sivella had been real. She became more curious for this Thomas.

'Be honoust about what?' Sivella's voice came.

He studied her shortly at that. 'Don't play me Sivella. I don't fall for your innocence and your Companion ways. The two of you have been at each others throats since the beginning.' He stated.

'Exactly.' Sivella agreed.

'What other people might not have noticed is that you _liked_ being at each others throats.'

'What?!' Sivella suddenly barked. She closed her eyes in pain as she reminded herself to stay calm. And she also reminded herself that an outburst like that was very unCompanion like and would alarm everyone instantly, especially Inara. She composed herself quickly. _It was no one's bussiness what her relationship with Thomas had been like. There hadn't even been a relationship! It was not a subject she wanted to think about anymore. It was a closed book. And she wanted that to stay that way._

'That is nonsense. I don't like arguing or fighting with anyone.' She explained with an astonished tone in her voice.

'O yes, you two play a good game, but not everyone falls for that. You two fool yourselves. Stop playing Sivella, talk to him.'

'I will when I am not so tired anymore.' She said matter of factly.

Pete shook his head and sighed. 'So you just said. I have been holding my mouth for a year now. I think that is long enough. And because you are not around anymore and I won't be seeing you so often then I used too, I think I should be frank with you. The way I see it, you two go through a lot of trouble to keep the other at a safe distance. You know what will happen if you stop fighting, arguing, insulting and bickering.'

Sivella's eyes had grown bigger in sheer astonishment and denial.

_Just like the Captain and Inara,_ Kaylee thought. _What a coincidence!_

'Yes, I know what will happen. Nothing. Because we just don't get along. That is what people do who don't get along. They fight and argue etcetera etcetera.' Sivella countered.

_Yes, that's exactly true._ Mal thought grimly.

Zoe looked at Mal from the corner of her eyes. _Well, that's some familiar behaviour._ She thought as she eyed Inara after that.

'No.' Pete shook his head. 'That's what people do who are afraid to let the other one close. That's what people do who are attracted to each other. They don't dare to take that step.' He stated bluntly.

_Ahhh,_ Kaylee thought. _What a good explanation!_ She eyed Inara. And then Mal.

Sivella wanted to swallow but she stopped herself. She wanted to look around her in shame to see how the crew were reacting but she stopped herself too. She composed herself as the Companion she still was, somewhere. She tilted her chin and put a selfsecure expression on her face.

'You are wrong.' She stated pointedly. 'I am sorry to say that your brother and I don't get along.' She laughed shortly. 'After all, I was a Companion. A very good one. I know exactly how to read men, don't forget that Pete.' She pointed out at him.

_Exactly,_ Inara thought. _We know exactly how men are and what they want. Except…_ She eyed Mal angrily from the corner of her eyes.

_That was true. _Kaylee thought._ They were Companions, if someone knew everything about men it was them, right? _Kaylee eyed Inara and saw how she gave Mal a sidelings angry look._ Right?_

_I hate that 'bout them Companions. They seem to know things…_ Jayne thought annoyed.

_If Sivella could do that why had she stayed with her client?_ Mal thought confused. _He just didn't understand anythin' of these Companions, or maybe all womanfolk._

'Yes, that's exactly what always surprised me. You told me you were thaught in psychology too and so many other things. You with all your training shouldn't fool yourself like that. Just try to be nice to him, he helped you.'

_Yep, it's always difficult to look at yourself. Even if you know so much about others, what they want, who they are, you still have a blind spot somewhere._ Zoe thought as she looked at Wash. _She would have never even thought she would ever like Wash. She hated him in the beginning. Ofcourse, that had changed radically._ She smiled as she thought fondly of him. _She loved that man with her whole heart._

'I can't stress enough how wrong you are. But that's your own choice. I know that he helped me, and I will thank him for that. I want to get some rest now. Thankyou for your help.'

Pete nodded at her and at Inara and Mal.

'Goodbye Pete.' She said as she turned the screen off.

'Guess you don't know everythin' 'bout men after all.' Jayne said with a smile as he looked at Sivella. _He liked that thought. He always felt weird in a way when she looked at him with those eyes, like the woman could see right through him. Like she knew everything that was in his head instantly! _He then looked triumphantly at Inara and gave her a pointed look. 'Same goes for you.' _This prooved that they knew nothin'! They were just guessin' is all!_

's Not like that goes for you Jayne, there ain't a whole lot to know 'bout you is there?' Kaylee stated as she stood up.

'Huh? What does she mean?' Jayne asked as he looked around dumbly.

'She just means that you are very truthsome.' Wash said quickly to stop a fight from starting.

'Not so fast.' Mal said when Sivella stood up to leave.

Inara looked up at him with an angry look. 'She needs her rest.' Inara said before Sivella could even look at Mal and respond.

'What she needs to do right now is some explainin'.' Mal shot at Inara.

'When she is better.' Inara stated protectively in a cold controlled voice she used especially for annoying, stubborn people.

'Hahahahaa.' Jayne suddenly began to laugh. Everyone fell silent and looked at him in surprise.

'HA HA HA Hahahahhaha, this is so funny!' Jayne uttered in his laughing fit as he pointed at Inara and Mal.

'What?' He asked surprised when no one seemed to understand the joke here. _Where they all dumb or somethin'?_ 'Was just thinkin' if that Pete-guy was right then he thinks the two of you should- hehehehe, that the two of you HAHAHAHHAAHA-' He pointed at Inara and Mal again. '-actually are attracted to each other and want to do some groin on groin-action hhahahahaha can you imagine that?' He said as he laughed loudly and looked at Wash.

Kaylee put up her nose at the words Jayne used to describe something that was such a beautiful thing to her. _He always knew how to turn beautiful and special things into something disgusting,_ she thought annoyed.

Wash swallowed. _Yes, he could exactly imagine them wanting that although they probably wouldn't admit it to each other, sadly enough. _

Jayne laughed on as he stood up. 'That guy's so wrong hahahahha HA HAH AHAA they would fly at each others throats, you two would kill each other if you would sleep in the same bed Hahahahahaa.'

'Jayne!' Kaylee warned.

Sivella couldn't take her eyes of Jayne who was leaving for his bunk now. She just couldn't believe him.

'Let's go.' Inara said as she ignored Jayne and gave Mal one last angry look.

'Wait.' She said sweetly to Inara. 'What more did you want to know Mal.'

'Those children, what did you do to them?' He asked.

She looked him deep in his eyes. He felt measured again. It was his turn to tilt his chin now. He just didn't want her to have any more secrets that could come and hunt him down. 'I mean, are they safe an' all?'

'I trust you Mal. You are a good man.' Sivella said.

Mal felt surprised at this but didn't show it.

'I brought them to their aunt. She is a very sweet woman, Grace Blake. She hasn't been in contact with Rogan or Edward for almost a year now. They had a large fight and since then Mary and David weren't allowed to see them ever again. I didn't know where else to bring them. She takes very good care of them.'

Mal nodded and caught Inara's cold gaze directed at him. She sent him another warning glare after that which made him almost feel like she would attack him if he wouldn't let Sivella come with her immediately now.

'Sounds like a good choice.' Mal said as he nodded at her. Zoe nodded too.

Sivella let herself be guided away softly by Inara who took her by her arm gently.

**Inara's shuttle**

'No, I don't want to.'

'Yes you do.'

'No Inara, you don't understand.'

Sivella didn't want Inara to contact Sheydra or anyone else of the Guild.

Inara turned on the chair in front of the cortex screen. 'I think that I fairly understand what you mean. I heard enough already of your opinion half an hour ago.' Inara stated sternly.

'What? What is that supposed to mean.' Sivella said surprised by Inara's tone.

Inara stood up as she walked to Sivella who was sitting on her bed.

'You calling yourself a mess? And you not wanting to show yourself to Sheydra? Is that true? Is that really what you think?' Inara asked softly as she eyed Sivella intently.

Sivella wanted to crawl away from Inara's strong gaze. She knew exactly that Inara would pick up every minor detail in her reaction, in her behaviour. She broke eye contact quickly.

Then she faced Inara again with a stubborn look on her face. A look Inara knew all to well.

'Yes, it is. That is how the situation is right now.'

'How can you say such a thing?' Inara said with grief in her eyes as she took Sivella's hand but Sivella pulled her hand away.

'Don't.' She said as she avoided Inara's gaze again.

Inara tried to measure Sivella. She knew Sivella very well. She knew how Sivella reacted to problems and she had a feeling she was having one of these reactions now.

'Don't what?' Inara asked softly.

Sivella instantly looked at Inara at that with her eyes firing angrily.

'Don't pity me.'

'I don't pity you.' Inara said as Sivella's reaction affirmed her thoughts about her.

'Yes you do. You can't talk this right, I AM a mess, I will have a lot of scars, no one will ever want me again. And that is a fact.' She said with anger in her eyes and a defying look.

Inara knew very well what Sivella wanted at this moment. She wanted to fight, she wanted to argue. Because she came too close for what she wanted to shut her eyes for so badly.

'Are you trying to fight with me Sivella?' Inara asked honoustly.

'Inara stop it!' She snapped as she stood up from the bed to put more room between her and Inara.

'You are doing it again.' Inara stated. _They had been at a point like this before. When Sivella had felt bad at the Training House. Something had happened and Sivella had become so angry with herself. Wanting to punish herself._

'No I am not!' Sivella snapped stubbornly.

'You know you are. You are angry with yourself. Stop that.' Inara said in a sweet, patient voice.

'Well I have every right to be!' Sivella snarled with nostrils flaring. 'I was a stupid fool! I was dumb, stupid…!'

'Stop this!' Inara reacted as she walked towards her and grabbed Sivella's wrists. 'Stop this.' She said again but softer now. 'Stop blaming yourself for this. That won't help you. It will not make you feel better. It's so much easier to blame yourself then anyone else. Don't close your eyes for this Sivella, that will only pull you down more.'

'Inara I am angry, get away from me. I am afraid I will say hurtful things.'

'I am not going to let you sent me away again. I am going to help you. We are going to get through this together. And no other way, do you hear me?' Inara said firmly as she still held Sivella's wrists.

'Please Inara, don't make me…' Sivella looked away.

'You know fully well that closing your eyes for what happened doesn't work. It will eat at you and destroy you from the inside. You need to rest. You need to heal. Allow yourself to do that.'

'I don't deserve that.'

Inara placed her hand on Sivella's cheek. 'You helped those children, you did what no one else dared. You almost got killed because of that. And you helped them again by not telling Edward where you brought them to. You have gone through enough. Through too much already.' She placed her other hand on her cheek now too. 'Do you understand that I will not allow you to put yourself through any more hard things?!' She said earnestly as she looked Sivella deep in her eyes.

Sivella's eyes watered up. 'I stabbed him Inara. It was awful.' She began to cry as they both sank to the ground. 'I know I had too, but it felt so awful. How could I have let it come this far? I keep asking myself that question but I can't find the answer.' Sivella asked as she looked at Inara in so much despair.

Inara placed her hand on the back of Sivella's head and pulled her against her. 'Just cry. And we will talk about it when ever you want. Just cry now. It will help.' Inara said softly as she kissed the top of Sivella's head. 'Just let it go.' She whispered softly. Knowing fully well that Sivella had to feel her pain to let it heal_. And after that, we will contact Sheydra immediately._ Inara thought.

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Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter! That would really make me happy! Thanks!!


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone! Thankyou for reviewing. I hope this chapter isn't very confusing, the dark letters describe what is happening in this moment and** _these makes you hear what Sivella is thinking and pondering about..._

**Breakfast**

_Touching, it's such a special thing._ Sivella has always thought so_. There are so many things in a touch. So many feelings. _

_A touch can say so many things. And it's not the touch of a client. That touch, that is the touch that you accept until a certain degree. You close down for that touch. You use it to read your client, to know what your client wants at that moment, know what he or she longs for. It is what a Companion does. She reads her clients and gives him or her what what he/ she wants or needs. _

_No, it aren't those touches. It's the way Inara brushes Kaylee's hair. The way her hand lingers on her shoulders. That is a real touch. It comes from Inara's heart. Sivella is sure of that. Inara has no need to close down then. Because Kaylee is dear to her. _

_And then there is the way she touches Simon. When she puts a hand on his arm, to comfort him. To console him. These touches are short, but they can support a person very good. Like now, when Inara is touching Simon's arm when he reaches for the water to give it to her._

_And then there is Mal, he's sitting at the corner of the big kitchen table. Sivella hasn't seen Inara touch him. Maybe Inara has touched him once in a while, but Sivella doesn't remember seeing that. She knows why that is. She thinks of Tommy. The moment she would touch him she wouldn't be able to stop herself. All these feelings that she's trying to hold down will come up all at once. And she won't be able to stop them. No, Inara doesn't touch Mal. She doesn't because that way she can still keep him at a distance. Just a bit. To keep control._

'**How long will we be staying on Sihnon?' Inara asked bussines like as she took a proteine bar.**

'**I don't know. Few days I guess. Thought you wanted to be with Sivella for a while.' Mal answered astonished.**

**The rest of the crew was silent.**

Sivella looked up at Inara. _It's weird if you think about it. That you keep the persons you care the most about at a distance. At least, some of them. The human brain works in weird way. She has had so many psychology classes, Pete was right about that. She was one of the best, next to Inara. And still, there are so many things she can't figure out. There are so many people she can read, so many mechanisms people use she can understand and react at. But her own mechanisms… They still overtake her. That is one thing Sivella thinks that is weird about life. That you can help others, know so much about them but that you don't seem to be able to do the same thing for yourself. Why is that?_

_Maybe because people are meant to be together? People are social animals after all, they are meant to live with each other, cope with each other, help each other, and how difficult that is sometimes_… Sivella thinks about Mal and Inara fighting, pushing each other away.

_But it can also give a person so much pleasure, fun and… Well, maybe for some persons (not her ofcourse) love_. Sivella thinks of Thomas but pushes that line of thought away quickly.

_One of Sivella's favourites has to be non-verbal communication. It says so much. Especially if you pay attention. A Companion knows almost everything about this sort of communication. She has to. She has to put away her own fears, wants, needs. She has to service another person. Has to give herself to the other person. That other person doesn't want her problems, fears or unfulfilled feelings and wants._

_It is nice in a way, to push that away, hide yourself and pretend to feel good._ Sivella remembers herself with clients on party's.

'**Yes, that is true. I would like that.' Inara said sweetly. 'I just spoke to a few clients of mine. It's time to start working again.'**

_But what will a Companion do when the rare opportunity comes along of a man that in fact is interested in the woman behind the beautiful, well carved mask. It is only natural that that will cause a lot of friction inside the Companion. And probably between this man and woman too. Who is that man really to burge into her beautifully, welded world? Who is he to plunge behind that mask and pull at her wants, needs so preciously stored away?_

**Sivella looked from Inara at Mal. She could swear that he became a bit paler instantly at the word 'clients.'**

'**Well, then you'd better do that.' He answered with anger in his voice. ****'And how long would the Ambassador need for these clients?'**

_In the beginning it is doable for the Companion. She will be a bit off her balance but that is nothing that can't be fixed. But somehow, this man has the talent to keep burging in, deeper and deeper. He doesn't go away, he doesn't leave. And that is when one of the most dangerous things will happen to the Companion. She will begin to doubt herself. That is a not done thing obviously. A Companion needs to be selfsure all the time. From the outside and most definitely from the inside. A Companion is a serene being who breathes peace and serenity. She brings comfort and a listening ear. She takes away your worry and gives you all you need. She will warm your heart momentarily with her words and her actions. If a Companion is not selfsure anymore she will not be able to do that as well as is needed. She will begin to falter._

**Kaylee sighed Mal calling Inara 'the Ambassador' again. **

'**I think four days would be sufficient.' Inara stated.**

_But it's not just the doubt. There are more things. Sivella ponders about the effect it has for a woman, a Companion to push away her own feelings, her own needs. Ofcourse, the Guild makes sure that her Companions take time to deal with their needs, their wants. But that is just about things as learning about things you love, doing things that are good for the body such as physical excertion such as sports. Or having sex with your fellow Companions. But that is not about love. Nothing in the Training House can fullfill that need, that want._

'**Could be good to get some supplies too.' Jayne mentioned. He was unaware of the tension that was in the air right now and that the rest of the crew was feeling as if it were almost visible.**

_And maybe a lot of Companions don't mind. They are alone. They will always be alone. And maybe, they allow themselves, they tell themselves that they aren't at these moments when they are on the arms of one of their many clients. Maybe the feeling of all these men wanting to be with them pushes away the need and want for love._

_But doesn't a Companion truelly know what she is missing when that one man comes along and when he stirs up that one thing that is pushed away so far?_

'**Well if that is sufficient, let's see. Wash, what do you think? Do you think we can find a place where we can stay for let's say a week so Inara can perform her special art?' Mal said in a sarcastic voice.**

_And that is another thing Sivella doesn't understand about life. Why can't love be easy? Why does it have to go hand in hand with so many other feelings? Feelings that are pushed away. Because yes, when love comes up in a Companion, a lot of other things will come up too. That is inevitable. And that also is, when the real trouble starts._

**Wash opened his mouth. **_**How had he gotten into this all of a sudden? **_'**She can go with her shuttle, like always.' He mentioned with wide eyes.**

'**Did you hear that miss Serra?' Mal said coldly and sarcastic as he looked back at her.**

'**Yes Mal.' Inara said in a sugary voice but her eyes stood cold and hard. 'I did.'**

_And then there is a choice to be made. A choice that will change the Companion's life forever. The question is simple, will the Companion choose for this man and for that love, or will she go away, run, leave. The answer to that could be a simple yes, or no. But again, it brings so many things with it. _

Sivella remembers that she runs off with her bags, that she doesn't say goodbye to Thomas. She remembers looking at a picture of him and leaving it behind. Her decision is made_._

**Kaylee noticed how she rather had the Captain and Companion fighting and shouting then this. Just a little while longer and the room would freeze over. She looked at the other Companion but Sivella just looked very tired and pale. Kaylee figured that Sivella was deep in thought because she was staring at her plate.**

_Sivella knows, and she knows this out of her own experience that running away, or leaving feels so much easier. It feels good. It feels that with every step you take, every mile you get away from that man you get back your control again. A smile will play on your face again and you will feel selfsure again. But then, a day later the misery will start. And that is something Sivella hates. The Companion will begin to feel empty, as if something is missing. IN the beginning she doesn't know that it's the man she misses. That she denies herself something that she wants deep in her heart. Or maybe, she knows that deep inside herself. But she will not admit it. Because she is in control again._

Sivella looks at Inara._ She knows that Inara has left Serenity to go back to the Training House before. The Companion decides again. She finds out that she made the wrong choice maybe. But that is another thing Sivella hates about life. Knowing something is so totally different from actually doing it in rea lifel. Sivella knows that Inara has kissed Mal before. So yes, the Companion has taken the step. But she doesn't know what to do with it. How to handle it. How to act with all these feelings._

'**I've got a better option. I could also bring Sivella back and you can already go to Sihnon to keep your clientele up.' Mal said.**

**Sivella's head snapped up by the mention of her name.**

'**You've been out of practice an' all for a while now I guess. I should have known that you couldn't keep your legs together for such a long time.' Mal stated.**

**Sivella held her breath as she looked from Mal to Inara.**

**Kaylee held her breath in shock too.**

_And then, it is so easy when the man does something wrong. Or something to hurt the Companion. She will shut herself instantly like an oister. Because now she has a reason, an example that she should really stay away from him. Now she can tell herself that that is for the best. So she might choose the easy way after all. The way of running._

'**Do you have a problem with our bussiness agreement captain?' Inara asked icely with her face a cold mask. She was challenging him.**

_Sivella knows that she herself has choosen that way. And that she will be going on that way, but she doesn't want Inara to. Because she can see that Inara wants Mal. That she loves him. And for all the difficulties that has brought and will bring, she wants Inara to know what she will miss out on if she won't take that step._

'**Inara..' Kaylee said shocked. **_**She knew that if the captain would answer negative that Inara might make the decision to leave? **_**Dread filled the young mechanic**_**.**_

_Sivella has seen them, those Companions who choose to run and tell themselves that it was better that way. Those Companions have a bitterness around them. Like they have lost something. And in a way they did. Ofcourse, they will never ever tell you that, or will ever show that, but when you look deeper you can see that there is an emptiness insight of them. They have never managed to fill that emptiness. Sivella can't imagine Inara being one of them. She deserves so much more_. Sivella eyes Mal_. __She believes this man to be good for her. Even when he insults her, hurts her. They belong together, that is a feeling._

'**Sivella you have a wave, it's Thomas McGarrett.' Wash's voice came from the doorway.**

_Sivella doesn't want to become a bitter Companion too, she doesn't want to have that emptiness in her. But she feels that it is too late already. There already is an emptiness inside of her. It is another emptiness that has got nothing to do with love. It has got everything to do with pain. And she doesn't know how to heal that. So maybe she should accept that it is there._ **So she looks up at Wash. She didn't even notice him leaving before.**

'**Please tell him I am too tired now.' Her reply comes.**

**Wash studies her shortly and then nods as he leaves.**

_She suddenly sees another reason for her wanting Inara and Mal to be together. Besides the fact that she thinks Inara will be happy, it might give herself a bit of happiness too. Because after all, a Companion cares for others, comforts them, helps them. Maybe that will make that emptiness inside of herself bareble. Just a bit._

_Once the Companion has chosen for the way of leaving (running really isn't the nice word for it) she will push him away hard if need be. Sivella truly hopes that Inara will turn back on that road before it is too late and she has pushed Mal too hard. Inara should choose the other road._

'**He says that that is not an option.' Wash states from the doorway.**

**Sivella looks up again with surprise on her face, quickly washed over by anger. **

'**How dare he?!' Sivella states angrily.**

**Everyone looks up at her in surprise at her irritated outburst.**

'**Will you tell him-' Sivella begans.**

**Wash shakes his head. 'Maybe you better tell him yourself, I don't like being between this anymore. It's the fourth time he's trying to reach you.' **

_**O, she will tell him. He'll get it now.**_** Sivella thinks angrily as she stands up from her chair.**

'**You can take it in the shuttle?' Inara offers. Sivella notices to her relief that her friends eyes stand soft and sweet again. So unlike only minutes ago when she was talking to Mal.**

'**That won't be necessary, this conversation will be **_**very**_** short.' Sivella states.**

'**Glad I ain't that man right now.' Jayne remarks when Sivella has left. **

**  
The crew nods and even Inara has to agree with that.**

_Who is that man really to burge into her beautifully, welded world? Who is he to plunge behind that mask and pull at her wants, needs so preciously stored away?_

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Next chapters will be a lot of dialogue again! Please tell me what you thought...


	18. Chapter 18

**Cockpit**

'That is not an option?' Sivella repeated Thomas' words. 'Who do you think you are?' She snapped bluntly the moment she sat down.

The handsome man on the screen smirked. His eyes studied Sivella's face intently. 'At least you have the energy to snap at me I see. You can't be that tired.'

'I _am_ tired Thomas. I don't appreciate it if you treat me like this.'

'This is the fourth time that I called for you, I don't appreciate it if _you_ treat me like that. You are not answering me back.'

'Because I was tired. Maybe you can see that I don't feel well.' Sivella said as she pointed at her wounded face.

**Kitchen**

Inara began to feel even more curious about what had Sivella acting like this towards Thomas. She had watched her leave en then she noticed that Mal had been watching her.

'Well, got some captainy things to do an' all.' Mal muttered as he avoided Inara's gaze quickly and stood up.

Inara watched him leave as she stood up herself to go and see if Sivella was doing allright.

'Inara.' Kaylee said as she stood up too and walked towards her.

'You ain't thinkin' of leavin' again are you?' Kaylee asked with big eyes filled with fear.

'O mei mei, what gives you that idea?' She asked sweetly as she touched Kaylee's cheek with one hand.

'You and the captain. It's bad this time ain' it?'

Inara's hand left Kaylee's cheek and she looked away shortly.

'And with you bein' close to your home an' all so soon.' It wouldn't be long befor they would reach Sihnon.

Inara couldn't answer. _Yes, she had played with the idea of leaving.. Again. It made her feel free in some way. _

'I'd miss you an awful lot. Don't want to miss you.' She heard Kaylee say.

'O, mei mei.' Inara said again as she hugged the girl close to her.

**Cockpit**

'You are avoiding me.' Thomas stated.

'I was tired.' Sivella repeated in her defense.

'You look horrible.' Thomas said.

'Well thankyou. That opinion is exactly what I have been waiting for.'

**Kitchen**

When Kaylee saw the beautiful Companion leave towards the cockpit she remembered that Inara hadn't given an answer to her question. She pouted her lip at that as she turned around and walked back to the table. She didn't want Inara to leave. Inara was part of this crew. She brought so much light, warmth and many other things to Serenity.

**Cockpit**

Thomas clenched his teeth. 'Why didn't you ask for help?' He stated.

Sivella looked away. 'Is that why you called for me?'

'I would like an answer.' His blue eyes bored into hers from the screen.

She sighed out loud. 'I didn't think I needed help.' She stated.

He shook his head. 'You didn't say goodbye.' He stated.

'I really don't feel like talking right now.' She said as she looked away again.

'I think I deserve an answer. More answers actually.'

She looked up at him. 'Yes… Pete told me that you helped me. Thankyou for that.' _She had thanked him now, now she could end this conversation._

**Hallway towards the cockpit**

Inara leaned against the wall shortly. She closed her eyes as she thought about Kaylee. _The way she had looked at her when she had asked her if she was thinking of leaving. Was she?_ She thought of Mal and got an angry frown between her brows. _For everything that he had done and did, she still….Still didn't want to not see him ever again. She wanted to be able to have a normal conversation with him again. Did they ever really have one? Yes there had been times that they had laughed, talked witout insulting each other. She could count them on one hand. She still didn't understand how she could still like a man that infuriated her like no other! It frustrated her immensily. And a Companion should never have that feeling!_

**Cockpit**

Thomas nodded at her. 'You don't have to thank me, I wish I was there before… Before he hurt you like that.'

'I am fine.' She ignored his obvious worry for her.

'Don't lie to me.' He said in an angry voice.

Sivella had forgotten. _This man was blunt and he could see through her most of the time._

'What do you want, Thomas?' She said an angry voice matching his own.

'Why didn't you say goodbye?' He asked again.

She sighed and collected her nerve as she gave him an angry look.

'Why would I? There was nothing left for me there.' She emphasised the nothing, tellling him that even he was nothing for her. _If that wasn't the final blow he needed to leave her alone… _'I wanted to be away from it all.' She stated coldly. She felt her words sting herself, while it was actually meant to sting him. And it did, she could see it in his face.

He swallowed something away. _Probably an angry outburst. She had seen it so many times. He had gotten better in fighting with her. _

'I visited your sick aunt.' He stated.

That struck her in shock.

'You what?' She uttered.

'She didn't seem that sick.' He stated.

'That's because she isn't.' Sivella's snappy reply came.

Inara halted outside the cockpit door and raised an eyebrow at the talk between the two. _What was this? _

'Yes, I found that out myself. Could have spared me the trip.' Thomas reacted.

'Why did you take that trip in the first place then?' Sivella dared to ask in a challenging annoyed tone.

'I guess I just wanted a change of scenery.' Thomas replied bluntly.

'Well I hope you saw a lot of scenery.' Sivella's snappy reply came.

Inara's eyes grew big at Sivella's blunt comment_. She hadn't heard Sivella talk like that many times before. _

'I have to go now, someone's calling for me-'

He opened his mouth to reply. 'Bye.' Sivella said as she shut off the screen to leave it black.

She turned around in the chair and wanted to leave when she saw Inara standing there. Near the door opening.

Inara was staring back at her, with her mouth open.

'I- Came to see how you were doing.' Inara stated in surprise.

'I am fine.' Sivella said as she stood up slowly and pushed the wrinkles out of the dress that was Inara's.

'That wasn't nice.' Inara commented.

'I am really tired. I think I am going to rest some.'

'I thought he was a friend of yours.' Inara said. She noticed how Sivella tried to change the subject but she ignored that.

'No, that is a mistake. We are not friends. You heard what I said to Pete.' She said shortly.

'He had another opinion-'

'Inara.' Sivella said as she looked Inara in her eyes. 'He was wrong. I am right.'

'But why did he help you? He travelled all the way to Sihnon to find you.' Inara pushed.

'He wanted a change of scenery.' Sivella explained as she passed Inara out of the cockpit.

'Is he interested in you?' Inara confronted. Sivella stopped walking instantly. Inara stared at Sivella's back.

'What?' Sivella asked shocked. 'Ofcourse not.' She said heatedly as she turned towards Inara now.

But it was too late, Inara had already seen that it took Sivella just a few seconds too long to come up with that reply and that tone in her voice.

'He sounded very sincere.' Inara stated softly.

The look in Sivella's eyes became distant. As if she shielded herself. She made no secret of her dislike of participating in this conversation. But Inara just wanted to know, and given the fact that Sivella would push her on a subject like this too: a subject that was probably very difficult for her but nevertheless seemed to be very important.

'That's because you don't know him.' Sivella stated.

'He travelled after you, all the way to Sihnon, he wanted to help you and he did, and you didn't say goodbye.'

Sivella narrowed her eyes. 'You overheard.'

'Yes, I did.' She admitted. 'Frankly, I was too baffled by your snapping voice that I couldn't move away.'

'He irritates me Inara, that is all.' SIvella explained shortly.

'He seemed worried to me.' Inara confronted her. She read the different nuances on Sivella's face instantly. 'You are angry.' Inara concluded.

'Yes. He makes me angry.' Sivella admitted through clenched teeth.

Inara smiled shortly. _She couldn't believe it_. 'Pete was right. You like him.'

'That is just ridiculous.' Sivella's weak reply came.

Inara raised both her brows. 'You would never act so heatedly if he didn't mean something to you.' Inara studied Sivella as she looked her up and down.

'You just pushed him away like that. Why?'

'It's different now.' Sivella said shortly.

'I know you can be a difficult woman for men who are interested in you.' Inara stated.

'What?' Sivella uttered in shock. 'I can't believe that you just said that.' She stated with an smile of disbelief on her face.

Inara looked at her in surprise. 'And why would that be?'

'Please Inara: Look who's talking!' Sivella shot at her.

'I beg your pardon?'

'Take a good look, because you are looking in the mirror right now.' Sivella said as she pointed from Inara to herself.

'What?' Inara asked astonished.

'That's why I meddled in with you and Mal. Because I know exactly what you are going through. Can't you see? Can't you see what you are doing?!'

**Kitchen**

'They fightin' again?' Jayne sighed annoyed as he came out of his bunk. _Always the same, Mal and Inara fighting. _He sighed frustrated as he looked up and saw Mal sitting at the kitchen table right there. 'Huh?'

**Hallway to the cockpit**

'What are you talking about?' Inara asked.

'You are the one who is pushing the man that you want away.' Sivella stated in disbelief.

'Why do you even think that you can tell me anything if you are doing exactly the same with Thomas?!' Inara snapped astonished.

'Because I don't want Thomas and you do want Mal! I did what is best for me. I want you to do what is best for you.'

'I know very well what is best for me, better then **you **think you do.' Inara stated.

'Yes Inara. You do in every way.' Sivella agreed. 'But with one exception... And that is Mal. And you know it.'

'We were talking about Thomas.' Inara suddenly bit at her.

**Kitchen**

Jayne looked from the cockpit to Mal. 'You're here. How can you be here if you're fightin' with Inara there?'

'Cause he ain't. Not this time at least.' Kaylee said to Jayne as she gave Mal an angry look. _She still hadn't forgiven him his harsh words towards Inara only minutes earlier. So mean to say that she couldn't keep her legs together!_

**Hallway**

'You overheard me talking to Thomas. Then let's be honoust. Let's have it all out.' Sivella said as she walked towards Inara.

**Kitchen**

'She's talkin' to Sivella.' Kaylee explained.

'A catfight?' Jayne shot up from his chair instantly. 'Great, I like catfights! Especially with Companions! Never seen one.' He stated as he wanted to leave for the cockpit immediately.

'And you ain't gonna see one now.' Mal stated sternly as he blocked Jayne's way.

'Ow come one! Just admit that you'd like seein' those two gettin' at it.'

'Sit down!' Mal ordered him.

**Hallway**

'You want Mal Inara. You want all of him.' Sivella confronted her.

Inara became angry now as she took a step towards her. It felt like all boundaries were gone now, all Companion ways. This was her oldest friend. They had always been honoust to each other. She wouldn't hold back either.

**Kitchen**

Jayne crossed his arms over his broad chest in annoyance as he eyed Mal.

'Can't believe that you would like to listen to a private conversation.' Kaylee stated.

'Ain't private. We can hear it from here.'

'Not what their sayin'!' Kaylee snapped.

'That's exactly what I mean. That's why I wanted to go stand closer.' He grumphed.

**Hallway**

'You seem to know everything so well for me. Well, I'll tell you something, you want Thomas, you can deny it all you want.'

'When are you going to forgive the man for trying to keep you alive and unharmed?' Sivella stated as she ignored Inara's comment. They were standing opposite each other now.

**Kitchen**

'Do they even know how to fight?' Jayne asked after a short pause.

'By the sounds of it they do.' Zoe stated as she had come into the kitchen to get something to drink.

**Hallway**

'What is the problem with Thomas? Did he get too close? Did he offer you his help? You coulnd't take that could you?' Inara asked.

'Let me guess, you are afraid that there will be a next time. That he won't listen to you either, that he will dominate you, walk over you, be respectless….?' Sivella filled in. 'As if you would let him! And Mal isn't like that. You know that.'

**Kitchen**

'That Sivella can sure say her opinion.' Jayne said as he heard Sivella's voice cut through the air. 'She's probably dominatin' Inara an' all.'

**Hallway**

'Now let _me _take a wild guess, you didn't want to face Thomas, you would rather walk away from confrontation, you choose the easy way. And now you are telling yourself how worthless you are and how ashamed you feel.'

**Kitchen**

'Tsch.' Mal uttered. 'Dominatin' Inara? Not likely, she might look sweet but she can crawl your eyes out of your skull by just lookin' at ya. And then she'd still be smilin' sweetly at ya while she did it.'

'Yeah well, you should know.' Jayne commented.

'Maybe 'cause you pushed her that far.' Kaylee stated angrily at Mal.

**Hallway**

'I am touched that you wanted to help me… But you shouldn't have been there. That's no place for you. I wished Mal had you strapped against a chair and had just left Sandria. Then you wouldn't have been taken at all.'

'And I wished that you would have let me help sooner so we wouldn't have found you half death!!' Inara suddenly barked in immense anger.

Sivella took a step back in shock. _That hurt_.

Inara passed her quickly and left gracefully.

Sivella swallowed as she saw Inara leave_. She had never thought about Inara's worry for her, that it might be hard for Inara to see her like that_. _How could she not have seen that? If she would have been in Inara's position, if she would have found Inara almost beaten to death and so wounded and hurt… She would feel horrible._ She took her dress and followed in Inara's imaginary tracks, only a lot slower.

**Kitchen**

Kaylee, Mal, Jayne and Zoe all looked up when they saw Inara passing by gracefully but way too fast.

'I've never seen Inara react this way.' Kaylee said amazed.

'S probably different with Sivella, her bein' an old friend an' all.' Mal commented.

Zoe nodded. 'I had a good friend from my childhood. It was different. You let them closer, in a different way. When you know each other that long.'

'Maybe they're goin' to make up an' all.' Jayne grinned at that. 'Tween the sheets I mean, I sure like to see that! You know with them…' He stopped as three sets of eyes looked angrily and annoyed at him.

Sivella came into the kitchen, walking slow but heading in the same direction Inara had gone minutes ago.

'Are you okay?' Mal asked worried as he stood up.

'Yes.' She said as she nodded and looked up at him.

'Fight's over now?' Jayne asked with dissapointment in his voice.

'This is not a fight. We are just clearing the air up.' Sivella stated as she kept on walking.

'So that's what Companions call that? 'Clearin' the air up?'' He began to laugh hard.

'Don't mind him.' Kaylee stated before Sivella left out of their eyesight.

**Inara's shuttle**

'I know that I made the wrong decisions. Don't repeat my mistakes Inara.' Sivella said softly as she had opened the door to the shuttle and saw Inara standing with her back towards her.

'Stop comparing your life to mine, my life is different.' Inara stated as she turned towards Sivella.

'Please stop fooling yourself!' Sivella stated. 'You are making the same mistake I made, you are pushing the man you love away from you. Don't do that.'

'It's not the same as with you and Tommy Sivella!'

'Why didn't you leave Serenity Inara? Make a choice! But you don't. You just keep lingering somewhere. Go back to the Training House or stay here, go back, stay here, go back, stay here, push him away, let him close, push him…. And I know how difficult it is, but don't ruin this like I did!'

'I don't love Mal at all, and you can't even talk about Thomas!' Inara snapped.

'That's right, I couldn't. But that's a closed book now, that part of my life is over. I just wanted you to be happy. What will you do this time? Are you leaving again? The man made a mistake, Yes a very GRAVE mistake, I won't say anything against that but he did that because he cares about you, because he didn't want you to get hurt, because he probably loves you.'

'You should better look at yourself and your own problems because you have a lot of them!' Inara suddenly snapped.

'I know that you are angry with me, and you have every right to be.'

'Yes that's right. I do have every right to be angry. I am angry that you didn't trust me enough-'

'It wasn't about trust!'

'If you had told us sooner we could have helped! You almost died! He stabbed you! I hate that he hurt you like that!'

Sivella looked away. _How did they suddenly get from the subject Mal, Inara at her?_

'And what is your excuse?' Inara stated as she turned around.

'What excuse?' Sivella asked.

'You're so good at turning the tables. Always. We were talking about you and Thomas and all of a sudden it's about me. I want to know your excuse.'

Sivella looked away.

'He's better off without me.'

'What?'

'Because I am damaged goods Inara, that's why.' Sivella said with a hoarse voice.

'You know it's true. And I don't mean just from the outside.'

'As broken and hurt as you might feel from the inside, telling yourself that you are damaged goods is also another way to just run away.' Inara stated. She knew very well that Sivella didn't want to face her feelings and problems.

That took Sivella's breath away. _She had never looked at it like that._

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Hope you liked it! There will still be a few chapters, I think three or maybe four and then the story is finished! Hope you'll be able to hold on that long!! :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi everyone! Here's the next chapter!! Can't wait to find out what you think!!**

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara stared at the ceiling in the darkness. _She couldn't sleep. Again_. She had been thinking about Mal. She tossed and turned in her bed and almost bumped into Sivella who was sleeping on her side with her back towards her. She had tried to meditate, to think of peaceful things, but nothing helped. _First she had been very angry with Mal, and now she began to feel guilty. That she had hit him. She didn't want to admit that to herself but what had possessed her_? _She felt ashamed because of that. Two years ago, before she ever came to Serenity, she would have never lost control like that. But it had been so hurtful that he had kept her back like that! Shutting her in her own shuttle! Away from Sivella who was in danger._ She gave Sivella's back an angry glare. _O yes, she hadn't forgotten the words that had been said hours ago. Sivella's words kept repeating in her head annoyingly enough. 'You want Mal, you want Mal.' Somewhere deep down she had known that herself, but hearing it from someone else... That made it so... Real._

She thought of Mal again. _Yes, those first hours after he had locked her she had been extremely angry. And then, the guilt started eating at her. She should apologise to him._

**Mal's bunk**

'Inara.' Mal said surprised as he looked up. He was almost sleeping when he heard her come in.

'I came to thank you.' She said as she walked over to him.

'Thank me?' He asked confused. 'For what?' _She had been sending him cold angry looks that would turn a man in an ice statue only hours ago._

'For helping with Sivella, for saving my life.' She said as she stood in front of him now.

'Uh, you don't have to-' He began as she climbed in bed next to him. His eyes grew big. _Was she climbing in his bed? Was he imagining things?_ 'I thought you were still angry, I don't understand-'

'You don't have to-' His voice fell away when she bended over him and kissed him slowly.

His whole body ached for her instantly and all the guilt he was feeling washed away slowly. _He didn't understand nothing of the woman! First she hated him and shouted at him, even hit him, and now she was on top of him? Kissing him? And how..... Wow...._

'Inara you don't have to offer me-' Mal began as she cut off the kiss and laid down next to him.

He was just thinking that he didn't understand her behaviour when she pressed her warm body against his. All thoughts ran out of his head instantly by that sensation. Just to have her close. So close.

'Offer you what?' She asked.

He swallowed. _She is lying next to me, right there, against me. He wanted to touch her so bad. SO BAD. But he shouldn't. But it would be so difficult to not touch her he…. He was going crazy here!_ 'For a moment there I thought..'

'What?' She asked sweetly.

_Was she playing him?! That question really sounded innocent. She must know what she is doing to him right now!_ 'T- That you were offerin' somethin', but I meant that that weren't necessary as a thanks.'

'And what did you think I was going to offer you?' She asked as she looked up and leaned an arm on his bare chest so she could gaze in his eyes. His breath caught in his throat the moment her bare skin touched his skin. It sent tingles all over his spine.

'Well, I- uh, you know-'

'No.'

'The minute you bended over me like that-'

She smiled. 'You thought I was offering you sex to thank you?' She stated matter of factly as she rose one eyebrow.

_She would become angry now…_ He was sure of it. _But can you blame a man? She is in his bed here! _He swallowed. 'Did I mention the way you bended over me already?' Mal asked weakly in his defense of thinking such a thing. _And the fact that you're lying in the same bed as me…_

'I wasn't offering you sex to thank you Mal. Just a kiss.'

'Okay. Not that you'd need to give me anythin'. Nothin' at all as a thanks.' He said as he was aware of her warm body again. _Keep control over yourself Mal! You are a grown man! Not a thirteen year old boy! Control, it's all about control. Don't look at her hair, at her bare shoulders, at that creamy coloured skin at… StOP!_

'I wouldn't have taken that offer anyway.' He said.

'You wouldn't?' She said surprised. 'And why is that?'

_That voice! It killed him. She could put so much in her voice. It sometimes annoyed him to no lenghts. Those undertones she could put in there, like when she said things in a 'normal' way but you heard this angry undertone, or sarcastic undertone and you could never confront her about it because then she would say that she had said it in a normal way._

'Well, because it would be for the wrong reasons.' He said more powerful as he put an arm under his head and looked at the ceiling to avoid her warm gaze.

'And what reasons would be good enough for you then?' She asked lightly as she still glared at his face.

'Well, I know it's different for you- I mean sex an' all. But I would like to have sex when I love a woman.' _O, now it sounded like he didn't, as if he wouldn't love her…._

'I mean not just to thank someone.' He stammered quickly. 'I mean as someone wants to thank me.' He said as he swallowed and felt trapped all of a sudden.

'And how would that be any different for me?' Inara questioned.

'Inara-' Mal began, he knew this was thin ice. _How did he get himself into this again?_

She knew it too. 'I just like to know.' She stated.

'Just remember before I answer that I'd rather ly here like this with you then to fight okay?'

She nodded wordlessly.

'I just meant that you have sex also when you don't love a man. Or a woman- this is complicated.'

'I always thought that there is a difference between sex and love making.' She said.

_Did he just feel her warm breath on his chest?_ It sent tingles all over his body.

'I am no more different from you in that. That I have a lot of experience with sex doesn't mean that I can't love one man. It just could mean that I am very good in bed.' She said near his ear.

_Did that sound seductive? It did, was she seducing him? _He swallowed. His throat was getting thicker by the minute. 'You ain't makin' me very calm here.' He stated.

'That's not my problem. And I didn't mean to make you calm.' Inara teased mercilesly.

'I could make it your problem.' He said sneekily.

'You think that you have that in you?' She challenged him.

He growled in a low masculine voice. 'Don't tempt me.'

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him innocently. 'I am not doing anything.' She said as she pushed her body closer to his.

He inhaled a sharply at that.

'I was sleeping a moment ago, if you go on like this woman, I won't be able to sleep for days.'

She smiled softly.

She put her hand flat on his chest and looked at him earnestly now. 'What I said, days ago, at the table. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think that you aren't civil-' She looked away shortly, remembering the whole ordeal with Atherton. 'And I don't see you as a lower person. I see no one as a lower person for that matter.'

He smiled as he placed one of her stray curls out of her face. 'That's nice to know.' _And maybe, somewere deep inside, he already knew that._

'I thought you might like that.' She purred teasingly. 'And what else I like, is lying here.'

'What? On top of me? Always figured you for a bossy woman.' Mal said.

She sighed. 'I mean here... With you.' She explained softly.

He smiled and wanted to make a quip but he stopped himself. _Didn't want to break the moment._

She bended forward and kissed him again. Very softly, sweet this time. The kiss heated up and they kissed each other passionately. Mal roamed his hands along the sides of her torso, feeling the sides of her breasts.

'Maybe we should wait.' Mal said when they were both out of breath and broke the kiss therefor.

'Wait?'

He took her face in his hands. 'I don't want to- I want it to be special. I want to take time, if we do this, I don't want it to be once. I want to built something up.' He said earnestly. _Was he crazy? His body was shouting for her!!_

She looked away. He let go of her face. 'Do you want that, for- For it to be somethin' between us I mean?' _He knew that he couldn't bare to make love to her one night and then to loose her._

'I tell you where you are Mal.' She stated.

He held his breath. _Was she angry?_

Tears welled up in her eyes.

'You are right here.' She said as she placed her hand on her left breast. 'In my heart. And you've been there for a very long time now. You might have even made your way in there the first moment I saw you. The moment you thought you could get away with that ridiculously high price you asked for that shuttle.'

'It wasn't high at a-' Inara placed her hand on his lips to silence him.

'And the fact that you had some other people, as if **I** wouldn't get the shuttle if I wanted to.'

He smiled. 'I knew you wanted me.' He teased.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Don't flatter yourself.' She warned.

'What?' Mal said as he saw sudden worry in Inara's eyes.

'We have so many differences.'

He kissed her again. 'We will overcome them. That's why I am telling you that I want to built something up with you. Something strong. I don't want us to push each other away again. I pushed you away because I was afraid. I thought you would never want me.'

She caressed his head as she eyed him fondly. She placed a kiss on his forehead.

'Do you think I can stay here the night?'

Mal cleared his throat. _That would be a very big challenge. _

'Sivella took over the entire bed. She claims to need all the space and all my blankets and pillows because she is in pain, and after that she fell asleep instantly so I couldn't even say anything against that.'

Mal smiled and laughed softly. 'She is good.'

Inara sighed contently as she snuggled up against his side. 'I'll have a stern word with her tomorrow.'

'I bet she isn't asleep at all.'

Inara sighed out loud. 'I know. She knows exactly how to get what she wants.'

'What are you doing?' Mal asked as he inhaled breath.

'What? Nothing.'

'Your lips are against my skin.'

'Do you mind?' She asked seductively as she finished kissing his chest.

' 'Nara, you can't expect me to ly here just like that without doin' nothin'.'

Inara sighed. 'Allright. I see your point.' She said as she led back next to him and turned her back towards him.

She stared into the dark.

Mal stared into the dark.

It took them three seconds to bent towards each other and kiss each other passionately. Inara pulled Mal on top of her and pushed his body into hers. He gasped the moment his naked chest made contact with her soft breasts. He fumbled with her flimsy nightgown to take it off as fast as possible. He had never wanted someone as badly as he did her. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer.

'What you did is unforgivable.' She said as she looked him in his eyes.

He narrowed his eyes. 'Huh?' _Didn't he understand right?_

She smiled. 'What you did…. It's unforgivable.' She said again as if she said just a normal thing.

He shot up in shock and inhaled for breath. He looked around and he didn't understand. She was gone. Then he looked at his legs that were tangled in his sheets. His bed was a mess. He looked around in the dark.

'Gorramit!' He shouted as he punched his fist into the wall hard. 'Can't believe it! Gorramit!!!' He barked as he dropped himself in his pillow again.

_A dream ! A stupid dream. He should have known! She would never be like that, do things like that. Not to him anyway. _He cursed again_. It had felt so real. SO REAL. Now he ached for the woman even more! That damn woman! As if bein' in his head all day long, seein' her all day long, hearin' her all day long ain't enough already! No, she has to invade his unconciouss mind in the middle of the night when he finally has a chance to get some rest! She has to haunt him. And the worst part is that she herself doesn't even know that she is doin' all these things to him!_

He jumped out of bed and began to dress himself. It was the middle of the night. He needed to move, to walk_. Even his own body was betraying him! How could he dream such a thing! As if he didn't feel bad already_. He pasted an angry look on his face as he climbed out of his bunk. _The first human bein' he sees and who annoys him will know it!_

_And this all because he wanted her to be safe. _

He was standing on the bridge all of a sudden where he could see her shuttle. _She would probably be sleeping now. Peacefully. Serene. She would have forgotten all about him ofcourse._ He gave the door an angry look as if that would change anything.

_He wondered what the two had been fighting about. Were they still angry with each other? Clearin' the air, Sivella had called it. Was it so easy? Why couldn't Inara clear the air with him? Damn woman. _

**Inara's shuttle**

Inara smiled softly as she had given herself the opportunity to fantasize about Mal, just shortly. No one would find out. Maybe that would get her to sleep.

She would laugh at a joke Mal made. _Sometimes he did have funny jokes. Not always. But sometimes_, she thought wearily. He would give her a warm look and she would notice the dimple in his cheek. She loved that dimple and the wrinkles that lit up his face. She imagined how she would touch those wrinkles next to his mouth. And foolishly enough she wanted to feel that dimple in his cheek. _It would probably feel soft_ she imagined. She felt something fluttering in her stomach. He would take her hand and would kiss it as his warm gaze would look at her. The thought alone made her feel so nice, so wanted. He would love her. That would feel so good. Suddenly they were lying in his bed and she bended over him as her hand caressed his cheek. She would rip off his blouse quickly, _o this was getting really interesting! She had seen his naked body before, in the desert_, his chest would be-

'Just stand up and do it.' Sivella muttered.

Sivella's voice ripped Inara from her wonderfully, warm fantasy. She opened her eyes shortly and stared at Sivella's dark form. _She still talked in her sleep obviously,_ Inara thought annoyed as she turned on her other side again.

_Yes, she should apologise for her behaviour. She wished that she could go to him right now, but he would be sleeping. He was probably in a deep sleep. In a peaceful slumber. She only wished that she herself could get some deep sleep! This night felt like a never ending one!_

_And I will talk to Mal tomorrow. First thing in the morning_, Inara promised herself.

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Hope you liked it! please let me know what you thought!! xxx


	20. Chapter 20

Hi everyone, here's the new chapter! Hope you enjoy!!

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Inara let out a loud sigh as she opened her eyes and saw that it was still very dark in the shuttle. This meant that it was still night. She was so tired but she couldn't sleep anymore. She sat up in bed and noticed that Sivella was still sleeping. She put on her slippers as she stood up. Lying in bed was no use either. Maybe a walk or some calming tea would help. Then she could get back to bed and sleep for another hour before morning would come.

Inara walked through the hall as she noticed Mal who was just walking away from the kitchen.

'Mal?' Inara said surprised. _She hadn't counted on walking into him._

He looked up with a confused expression on his face. His eyes stood blurry.

'Inara.' He stated just as confused as she, as he looked around as if he was expecting someone else. 'You- Couldn't sleep?'

'No, I- Yes..' _Again with the stuttering._ She looked away to compose herself shortly as she looked up at him with big eyes. 'Mal, I-' She paused shortly as she studied his face. 'I want to apologise for what I did earlier, I shouldn't have slapped you.' She didn't break eye contact. 'I am still angry for what you did, but I shouldn't have... I was out of control.' _There, it was out. But in a weird way, she didn't feel relieved._

'Yeah well..' Mal said as he looked away and went through his hair with one hand. 'I was out of control too. So maybehaps I deserved it. Had no right in lockin' you up.' He looked back at her and she swallowed. 'I had no bussiness tryin' to control you. Even when it was meant in a good way.'

'Thankyou.' She was glad Mal could see it that way, finally. 'I-' She suddenly felt silent and got a shocked look on her face as she looked at Mal's hands.

He looked down at his hands too.

'What happened?' She uttered as she took his wrist and pulled his hand away from his stomach.

'O, 'tis nothing. Just a scratch.'

'You're bleeding.' She said shocked.

'Simon will-'

Mal looked around him, he was sitting in the medical bay as Inara rummaged through a drawer and found a clean bandage. _How did he even get here? One minute he's talkin' to her and tellin' her that Simon will take care of his wound, -well he didn't really mean that, he can take care of it himself- and the next minute he's here?! I__t was only hours ago that he had had that dream- don't think about that! Not now, don't look at her like that! Her legs, they are so long and her- STOP! Mal looked to the other side of the room instantly. _

'This will be sufficient.' Inara said as she walked with the bandage towards Mal as she concentrated on rolling it off neatly.

'Why do you still have your shirt on?' Inara questioned surprised when she noticed Mal was still fully dressed sitting on the table.

_He shouldn't take off his shirt. _He swallowed_. Nope, no taking of his shirt. Not in front of her._

' 'Cause it's cold?' He answered dumbly.

'Take of your shirt, I can't see the wound well enough like this.' Inara said as she was so concentrated on the bandage that she didn't notice his unease.

Inara raised an eyebrow as Mal held up one side of his shirt and still didn't take it off.

'It's not like you have got something I haven't seen before Mal.' Inara said surprised. _Why was he acting so difficult?_

_Yep, that weren't the problem. Not the problem at all. _'You'd be surprised.' Mal stated dryly causing her other eyebrow to raise slightly at that comment. _'Cause the woman must have seen... How many...? Hundreds of men naked? __He could say something mean now but he chose not too._

'Just don't feel like takin' off my shirt is all.' He said as he wanted to jump of the table. _He had to get away from her. _

Inara got a surprised cringe between her brows as she eyed him. 'I just want to help you.' Her voice came.

It sounded so sweet, and he thought that he heard an undertone of hurt in it.

He looked at her, at those dark big eyes and sighed inwardly as he let himself be pushed back on the table by her soft touch. He swallowed as he looked away. _Yeah, the woman just wanted to help, with her carin' nature an' all. That was all. He was sure of that._

'Since when did you become such a prude?' She said in a mocking way with a small smile. _It wasn't so long ago that he had walked through the desert naked. It wasn't like he had been ashamed of his body then._

He took off his shirt involuntarily as she put down a scissors and placed her hand on his stomach.

Mal's breath caught in his throat sharply the moment her warm hand contacted with his skin. She looked up at him in surprise because of his reaction.

'You're hands are cold, is all.' He quickly muttered as he looked away. _Just hold your breath Reynolds, an' it'll all be over very soon. Don't think 'bout her. Don't think 'bout her at all._ Instead he focused on her long dark hair, the beautiful long tresses that curled around her elegant neck and shoulders_. She can be so caring,_ he thought fondly.

'AAAAUuuuu!' He cried out in pain when she suddenly ripped off the other bandage. _And then she does a thing like that!_ 'You could have warned me you know!' He shot at her angrily.

'Well, you could have expected that.' She said with a small smile at his reaction.

'When did this happen?' She asked worried as her finger grazed the skin softly, next to the wound.

'You'd better not do that.' Mal said as he grabbed her wrist to stop her from touching him.

'Why?' She asked surprised.

_'Cause it makes me want to grab your arm and pull you towards me so I can feel you against me. _'Tickles an' all.' Mal answered shortly as he reminded himself that he would never feel her against him like that. _Ever. He should give that dream up. Maybe then he wouldn't feel that tormented. Yeah sure, the woman had kissed him, shouted at him some and then had kissed him. But was that likely to ever happen again?_ _Sure, the shoutin' part, but the other part... _He studied her serene face. _Probably not, courtesy to him lockin' her up an' all. But still she was helpin' him, 't wasn't like she had to. He even didn't want to! But she still did. Maybehaps 'cause she regretted hittin' him, that she was tryin' to make somethin' good. _

'But when did this happen?' Inara repeated her earlier question. _She noticed how silent Mal was and how he seemed deep in thought. Far away with his thoughts._

_Yes, that's good. 's good to think 'bout when this happened. To think 'bout anythin' but her!_ 'Kind a run into a knife from one of Blake's guards.' Mal explained.

'I didn't know.' _She absolutely hated it when he got hurt. When anyone was trying to hurt him. She looked at the wound, she wished that she could make it dissapear. Make all his pain dissapear._ Her own thoughts shocked her. _She would do a lot for him, she realised._

_There a lot of things you don't know._ Mal thought. _'s Good thing possibly. He would have felt so ashamed if she only knew what he had dreamt hours ago_. His look went to her midsection. _It was so small. Just like in his dream. She had felt so warm, and just the fact that __**she**__ wanted __**him**__, that had sent him over the edge totally. Yep, and then he remembered the waking up again in a cold bed, alone. And here she was, right in front of him, tormenting him with her closeness, her smell, her- everything. It didn't matter what she did. Everything she did was too much already. Just seein' her was too much right now._

'I can only find this roll of bandage.' Inara said as she got a wrinkle between her eyebrows. _She couldn't find the new version of the bandage Simon used._

_This wouldn't take long. She would just put the bandage on his skin and off he was. He was a busy man after all, he was a Captain! There were always a lot of things to do 'round here. So he wouldn't even need an excuse to leave instantly. Just a few more seconds... I can do that, I can... Think about how much it hurt when Niska tortured him. That was a good thing to think about right now. That really made him feel bad, and that way he could control himself! Niska cutting off his ear-_

'That'll have to do.' Inara said.

Mal looked innocently from the roll of bandage in Inara's hands towards the discarded small square bandage. _What did she mean?_ The moment she placed a gauze against his wound and wanted to step closer he quickly said something.

's Not the bandage Simon used.' Mal remarked quickly.

This made Inara stop and look at the bandage and then to him.

'I meant 's not sticky an' all.. Like Simon's bandage..' He quickly muttered.

'No, I can't find that anywhere. But this is good too. It's just so it will keep the gauze at the right place.' She said as she closed the gap between them and encircled him with her arms to roll the bandage over his back.

He held his breath, she was way too close now. _This was not good. _He could feel the warmth from her body against his chest_. How was that even possible? The woman didn't even touch him. Must be some Companiony talent or somethin'. Or perhaps not, 's not like she would use her Companiony techniques on him. Except when she wanted somethin' ofcourse but there weren't a thing to want for her right now, was there?_

_O, no, and there you had it. She probably was used to it bein' with many men an' all but he didn't like it at the moment. How did this even happen?_ He felt his trouser strain against his crotch. _He thinks of her __**not**__ touching him and that makes him feel aroused too? How low can you go? He really was lost with that one around. _He thought as he eyed Inara angrily. _He'd always been a gentleman towards woman, polite an' all, he'd always been able to control himself but she... She threw everythin' upside down and then some more._

_'s Best to act like nothin' is wrong._ Mal thought quickly. _Maybe she hasn't noticed yet. 's not like the woman has eyes everywhere. Just wait until she is ready and then stand up and put my shirt in front of me and leave. That will be simple. Simple and plain, just like that. Then he suddenly wonders about his age, and how old he is, he's a grown man acting this way? It's because he's tired! And because of her. That's what she does, she always spins him about, whether he wants it or not. Damn woman._

He felt her put the last piece of the bandage softly behind another piece. _Why did this take SO long?!_ Mal thought frustrated.

'I'll just wash the blood away-' Inara began.

'-No!' Mal uttered quickly as he jumped away from the table and pushed away her arm.

Her eyes grew big as she looked at him, he saw a flicker of a hurt expression in her eyes but she hid it instantly.

_And there she stood, all innocent, wide-eyed, like a bambi with his bandage in her hands to help him. He felt like some sort of angry oger man again, 't was like he could do nothin' right around her. _

'I'm okay, thankyou.' Mal said quickly as he held his shirt strategically in front of him.

'Mal, did I do something wrong?' Inara asked confused.

'Nothin', nothin' wrong an' all.' He eyed the room for his other shirt. _There it was, next to her. Discarded on the table. He should get it. _

'Could you throw me my shirt? Thankyou, then I'd best be off an' all, with it bein' the middle of the night, or morning, but late- uh- early and I need to get me some sleep.'

'I just wanted to help you.' She uttered.

He looked away. 'Don't need your help.' He said as he passed her quickly and took his shirt. _That sounded more harsh then he had intended too.._

She turned around to face him.

_Don't look at her. Don't. She'll have that hurt expression on her face again and he just couldn't face that right now._

'What is wrong with you?'

_Wrong? All sorts of things.... All sorts..._ He thought annoyed.

'What is it Mal? Why don't you tell me?' She suddenly said angrily as she threw down the bandage on the table next to her. _She expected an insult._

'You want to know the truth? You sure 'bout that, 'cause said words can't be taken back.' Mal asked directly as he turned towards her.

'Why don't you enlighten me.' She said as she put her hands in her sides and braced herself from an attack that she was expecting to come.

'One more of those touches of yours, don't matter none what sort of touch, and I can't stop myself anymore. I Just want to push you onto that right there table and kiss you senseless.' _And touch you everywhere, rip off that skimpy nightgown and- _He clenched his teeth_. Leaving, leaving now. But for some reason he couldn't move. He just had to see her reaction. For a large part inside of him he was afraid that she would push him away, again. As always. But still, he just had to stand there. _

She stood there, stunned, just staring at him, wordless. _That didn't happen many times that the woman was wordless. The ever so trained Companion wordless._ He thought surprised_. Was that a good sign?_

_Inara hadn't expected him to say something like that, to be so honoust. He'd never say something like that, but he just did. _Her eyes wondered to the shirt that he held in front of him. _That explained the shirt he was holding in front of him, how could she not have noticed before? She had been somewhere else with her thoughts, she was thinking of Blake, everything that had happened, how hurt Sivella was and how Mal had gotten into this._

'But ofcourse, you already knew. 'Cause you're a Companion. You have to know. You know exactly what sort of effect you have on men, or woman.' She heard Mal's voice.

On contrary to popular believe, Inara had to admit that a Companion didn't know EVERYTHING about men. _She didn't know everything about Mal. Sometimes she felt as if she knew nothing about the man. He could be such a mystery to her._

She felt dazed. _Ofcourse she had known her effect on men or woman, but Mal? She had thought that he was attracted to her but she had managed to ward that off somehow. No, that was a lie, she **knew** that he was attracted to her, but she just pushed that knowledge away for some reason._ _And hearing him say that, it suddenly made it real. Very real_. She remembered Sivella's words in the back of her mind. _'Why didn't you leave Serenity Inara? Make a choice! But you don't. You just keep lingering somewhere. Go back to the Training House or stay here, go back, stay here, go back, stay here, push him away, let him close, push him…. And I know how difficult it is, but don't ruin this like I did!'_

'That's what you do.'

'I was just helping you with your wound.' Inara explained. 'You're assuming that it was my meaning-, it wasn't my meaning at all to-'

'Don't care 'bout your meanin' woman, 's just the way things are for me right now. You wanted an explanation, here you go.' _He didn't know he could be so trutsome and clear at the same time! Maybe he was learning._ _He surprised himself!_

She looked at the table he had said that he had wanted to push her against and then looked back at him.

'Well, then I'd suggest you keep your control because I am going to care for that wound whether you like it or not.' She stated.

She walked towards him and he swallowed as he walked back.

'No, Nara.' He said as he took her small wrist. 'I weren't kiddin' here.'

'Neither am I.' She said earnestly as she looked him in his eyes earnestly. 'Just sit down.' She ordered him as she pushed him on his shoulder and forced him to sit down.

He clenched his teeth again as he looked away and held the arms of the chair in a deathgrip.

She focused solely on his wound as she finished bandaging him with a lot of care.

He swallowed and kept looking away as he ordered himself to stay put. _Why did he always just do what she said? What she wanted? His will had been to walk away, out of this room, so why was he still sittin' here? Why was he sittin' here in the first place?_

'Finished yet?' He mumbled impatiently as he expertly avoided eye contact.

'No.' She said in a voice as if she was talking to a child.

_What was taking her so long?_

He looked down to find the bandage already neatly wrapped. 'You're already finished.' He stated disbelievingly.

'You think?' She said matter-of-factly

When he cast a glare he noticed a smile play around her lips.

'You enjoyin' this?' He asked.

'What?'

'You know full well what.' _Woman's tormenting me and enjoyin' it._

Her finger went agonizingly slow over the skin above the bandage. He inhaled a sharp breath the moment something soft, warm and a bit moist touched his skin. He looked down to find her putting feather light kisses above the bandage.

'What are you doing?' He asked shocked as he swallowed hard and looked at her with wide eyes.

She placed her hand on his chest as she moved to his eye level. He inhaled sharply as he grabbed her wrist again. She looked up at him, her eyes big. 'What does it look like?' She asked him, her voice sounded low and soft.

_He knew what it looked like, he just couldn't connect the dots in his brain or somethin' like that. Was he still dreaming? He had to be._

She looked at him now, only inches away from his face, he didn't dare to breathe. It was like she was asking permission, his eyes went from her lips to her eyes. She slowly closed the gap between them, he closed his eyes the moment her lips touched his. _This was a dream. A good one, 'cause he felt that tingling sensation again, running all up his spine. _He put his hand gently against her cheek and stood up while they didn't break the kiss. He pushed her into the table as he deepened the kiss. After a while they had to come apart from each other to breathe shortly.

'Are you sure 'bout this?' He asked softly as he looked in her eyes deeply.

She gave him such an intense look that his heart leapt.

'Yes, very.' She said as she panted, _she had been with many men, had had many men close but none of them could bring up that passion that she felt right now for him. None of them could make her pant like this with just a short touch of them._ Her breath caught in her throat as he kissed her passionately, she felt him push her against the table hard, melding his hard body against hers. It felt wonderful. She wanted to feel him everywhere, kiss him everywhere at the same time. Her hands roamed his muscled back, pushed him even closer to her if that were possible. It was wonderful to feel his hard, muscled chest pressing against her breasts. He kissed her neck, tracing kisses down her clavicula, she felt his warm tongue licking the swell of her breast, she moaned at the contact. Mal put her on the table and she put her legs around him as she felt her back touch the table.

'God, I have to stop.' Mal suddenly said as he panted wildly. She felt his hot breath against her neckline.

She looked at him, not being able to steady her breathing just yet.

He closed his eyes shortly, as if it strained him to say the next thing.

'What is it?' Inara asked softly. _Was something wrong? It almost never happened but she felt insecure right this moment._

'I-' He swallowed and tried to pant less but he couldn't, he felt so aroused. She was all around him now, her legs around his hips, her breasts inches away from his mouth, her eyes looking at him. 'I don't want this to be over just like that.' He said.

She looked at him, not understanding.

'I can't... Can't let this be one night and next... Nothin' again. That'll break me 'Nara, doesn't work for me like that.' He said.

He swallowed. 'I want this to be 'cause I care 'bout you.' _Love you_, but he didn't dare to say that yet. 'Not 'cause I want you. And not just one time.'

He saw her swallow hard and her eyes became watery. He didn't understand and let go of her leg as his eyes caressed her cheek. 'Did I do somethin' to hurt you?' He asked worried.

She shook her head as a tear loosened itself from her eyes. 'No.' She said with a soft smile. 'It's just that.... I am not used to...' _What could she say?_

He looked at her, waiting for an answer.

'You're being so sweet.' She said as she caressed his cheek so fondly.

'You're not used to them bein' sweet?' He asked, dreading the answer. _He couldn't bear it when someone mistreated her. She deserved sweetness. _

She moved herself up from the table to lean on her elbow.

'You're the first man-' She looked away. 'They just want me. For my body.' She said in a trembling voice. _No one had ever... She got afraid, so afraid. It made her afraid. It felt so close. _'Nothing more.' She said as she avoided his gaze. _Ofcourse they just wanted her for her body, that was her job, in a way. But she had never, met a man like Mal. A man that wanted her for her, and not just for her body. A man that could stop himself from wanting her body, who wouldn't just take her if she offered. And that was what Sivella had felt too, it was frightening._

'Well, I want all of you.' He said as he put his arms around her and held her close to his chest. He suddenly let go to look at her. 'I mean, if you'd... If you'd want that too 'course.' He said feeling insecure.

She laughed shortly at that.

'You're tremblin'.' He said worried as he took her upper arms and studied her.

'That's okay.' She said as she brought her finger to his lips to caress them. Shortly followed by her own lips. 'What do you propose?' She asked softly against his lips in a teasing tone.

'That we... Take time.' He answered heatedly against the skin of her neck.

'That's a - moan- good idea.' Inara managed to bring out as she extended her neck the moment his warm tongue played on her skin. Inara rested her back against the table again as she pulled him on top of her. This made Mal notice how strong the woman really was.

'This isn't exactly....' He kissed her hungrily. 'What I was thinkin' with-' Her lips on his mouth, shock through his whole body.

'We could just-' Inara panted as she lowered her head and began to lick his chest. Before he knew it he was suddenly the one on his back. 'Keep it-' He moaned hard when she sucked at his nipple. 'Above the belt?' She suggested as she looked up from his chest. Even the sensation of her hair, spread all over his chest made him feel like he was in heaven.

'Uhuh.' He agreed as he took her face gently and kissed her again, pulling her higher on top of him and turning so she was under him again. He took the button of her silken gown and wanted to open it but the damn thing wouldn't budge. His fingers trembled. The moment his knuckle grazed with the naked side of her breast she moaned impatiently and pulled him in for a deep kiss. He finally opened the button and began with the next one. _Gorramit! _He couldn't open the buttons_._

'It will be two days later at the rate you're going at.' He heard her whisper in his ear silkily.

'It's these buttons, flimsy thing's.' He muttered chagrined.

She sighed in a teasing way as she ushered his hands away and began unbuttoning them herself, revealing more of her cleavage by the second. He gasped as she was finished.

He didn't move. Just looked at the revealed cleavage.

'What is it?' She asked.

'Just that..' He had imagined so many times how it would be to touch her, how she would look naked, how her breasts would look 'cause she had cleavage a lot of times. 'You're so beautiful.' _Great, that really weren't the word she was waiting for, _he thought quickly_._ 'I mean, you've probably heard that a lot of times an' all, I didn't mean-' She held a finger to his lip to stop his rambling as she kissed him again.

'It does come off you know.' She whispered teasingly after a few seconds as she kissed him hungrily.

'Really?' He asked mischievously. Within a second the garment was away from her skin at those words of her and the cold table sent goosebumps all over her naked torso instantly. She gasped hard at that and he smiled. _Serves you right_, he thought teasingly as his hand touched her soft and full breast.

She felt his warm hand cupping her breast and moaned again as she pulled him closer. She wanted this to last forever she thought the moment he lowered his head to her breasts and she felt his mouth doing something with her nipple that made her loose the ability to talk or think instantly.

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I thought I had to make something up with all of you after last chapter, the dream hehehe. Hope you liked it, please let me know!!


	21. Chapter 21

**Medical Bay**

Mal was lying on top of Inara on the table. He suddenly lifted himself up on one arm and quickly jumped off her and to leave a few meters space between them. Inara looked up at him, leaning on her elbows and panting hard. Mal tried to steady his breathing.

'S better to put some space 'tween us.' Mal clarified, before he couldn't hold himself anymore. _He needed one cold shower, a VERY cold one. Gorramit._

**Shuttle 2**

Sivella stared at the screen in front of her and then she looked in Sheydra's light, wise eyes.

'Why didn't you come to me before?' Sheydra asked in a sweet voice.

Sivella looked away shortly. She had woken up half an hour ago and had found the bed empty. She wanted to go back to sleep but she couldn't stop thinking about the many things she had to do and had ran away from for days now. One of those things was contacting Sheydra. She couldn't hide forever. So she had crawled out of bed slowly and made her way towards shuttle 2. All the while wondering where Inara was. _Was she making some tea in the kitchen perhaps?_ Nevertheless, Sivella didn't want to be disturbed and wanted to talk to Sheydra alone. Her hands had trembled the moment she had turned on the screen. She had felt an unsettling feeling in her stomach which she knew was fear.

Sheydra studied Sivella's bruised face. She noticed the scar that ran over her left cheek and she felt for the young Companion.

_Yes, why didn't she come to Sheydra before? The woman that she had known for such a long time. The woman that was House Priestess of House Madrassa. The woman she should have trusted._

'I felt ashamed.' Sivella admitted as she faced Sheydra again. She didn't need to put on a mask for Sheydra. She didn't feel like acting as if everything was okay, that everything was under control while it really wasn't.

**Medical Bay**

Inara sat up straight. 'What you said..' She began as she stared at her fingers. 'Are you sure-' She looked up at him. He was buttoning his blouse up and put a hand through his dishevelled hair. She felt afraid again. She hated that feeling.

'What we are doing.' Inara started as she gracefully slit off the table and adjusted her nightgown in the process easily. 'Is it right?' She asked.

He stopped putting his blouse in his trousers and stared at her. She looked so vulnerable. So small all of a sudden.

'Right?' He asked.

**Shuttle 2**

'There will be a hearing. You know that don't you?' Sheydra asked in a sweet, soft voice.

Sivella looked up. She had just explained everything to Sheydra. She knew Sheydra had already heard most of what had happened from Inara. But Sheydra wanted to hear everything herself, and Sivella could understand that.

Sivella nodded.

'Edward and Rogan Blake will be there too. Can you face them?' Sheydra asked.

'I'll have to.' Sivella stated as she tried to ignore the sick feeling that spread through her tummy.

'We also found you a witness. Grace Blake, the woman that you brought David and Mary to. She will vouch for you.'

Grace. Grace was the sweetest woman she had met on Sandria. The woman who was Edward and Rogan's sister but because of a big fight wasn't in contact with them anymore. The night that Sivella had decided to take Mary and David away she knew that if she took them to Grace that they would have a warm and loving home.

**Medical Bay**

'I mean, the right way.. I don't have a lot of experience with this...I mean-' She gestured from him to her. 'What we do is fight, not this.' She explained. _She had never ever thought in her whole life that she would have a talk like this. Yes, she had fantasized about meeting one man, the man that was it for her. And then maybe, have children after a long time, start a family of her own. But it had never been difficult in her fantasies, not like this. She would know instantly that she wanted that man, he would want her, there would be no difficulties at all. _

Inara saw something as fear shine in his eyes suddenly.

'I mean, I liked it.' She quickly clarified.

'The fighting?' He asked surprised and a little hurt.

'No, the kissing.' She said impatiently as she walked towards him. 'But things don't change. I am still a Companion. Nothing changes Mal, we are still the same.'

'What 're you sayin'?' He asked.

**Shuttle 2**

Sheydra noticed how Sivella didn't make eye contact, how she kept looking away. As if she hadn't heard her last comment.

'Grace told me everything. Everything that happened, how you helped them.' Sheydra said as she studied Sivella long. She recognised the hesitance in Sivella's eyes. The fear.

Sivella looked up and nodded. 'I want them to pay.'

'And they will.' Sheydra assured her. _She would make sure of that. No one was allowed to do this to a Companion, or to any woman. And they would certainly not get away with this._

**Medical Bay**

'That it's difficult Mal.' Then her eyes turned emotional. 'We're both- so different.' She swallowed. _She didn't know if something could grow out of this... If they could really be._

'I've never... I've never been in a commitment like this, not like this. We always end up hurting each other somehow. And I...'She looked away. 'I don't want to hurt you._' And I don't want to get hurt..._

'I'm willin' to take a chance. It don't matter none to me that we're both different. And if you hurt me...' He began as he took the last step towards her. He looked down at her. 'You'd better find a very good way to make it up.' He said as he wiggled his brows.

She rolled her eyes as she turned away from him. 'I was serious.' She said softly in a sad tone.

He took her upper arm. 'Me too.' He stated softly as he looked her in her eyes. 'Difficult or not, hurtin' or no hurtin', I don't care. This is what I want. I want you. I've always wanted you, I ain't given' that up 'cause of fear.'

Her breath hitched momentarily at his clearification.

'I hope you won't either?' He stated insecurely.

A tear left her eyes.

**Shuttle 2**

Sivella stared at the empty screen now. She felt so weak. Getting up from bed had taken her so much trouble. She felt a bit dizzy. She had to support herself on the table as she stood up.

**Medical Bay**

's a good thing to take time.' Mal said when he saw Inara's hand tremble slightly before she quickly covered it from him. 'It don't matter you don't have experience with commitment. I'm no expert either. We'll learn. We've been through so many things. I'm willin' to take a chance.'

She nodded as she looked up at him with big eyes.

'You willin' to take a chance too?' He asked. He felt his heart beating in his throat.

His eyes stood so vulnerable. She couldn't stop herself anymore and closed the gap between them to kiss him passionately. When they came apart she breathed a yes against his lips.

He smiled as he bended forward and placed a warm, passionate and long kiss on her lips.

'We should get back 'fore the crew wakes up an' all.' Mal said after a few minutes.

Inara nodded as she placed her hand on his chest and closed her eyes momentarily. _She wanted to remember this moment for ever_. He took her hand and kissed it.

He left her trembling as he left the medical bay first.

When Inara walked through the hallway towards her shuttle she planned on having some rest or if it was possible, sleep for another hour. She heard the other shuttle door open and saw Sivella stepping out. She still wore her nightgown and she looked tired. Sivella looked up and when she noticed Inara she halted shortly. Inara braced herself for what was to come. _How would Sivella react?_ After everything that had happened between them yesterday, their fight. The two woman walked towards each other after the short pause and only then Inara noticed that there stood no curiousity in Sivella's eyes.

'I just waved Sheydra, I should have done it earlier.' Sivella explained as they were still walking towards each other. Her voice sounded soft, tired.

She almost sounded beaten. It worried Inara. Inara noticed how there was no teasing streak in Sivella's eyes, no anger from their fight from yesterday.

'Sivella?' Inara uttered worried as she saw something change in Sivella's eyes. She didn't recognise that look as a part of Sivella. _It was a look of emptyiness._

'I shouldn't have forgotten that she would support me. I seem to forget that a lot.' Sivella tried to laugh but her laugh faded suddenly very fast as she stopped walking.

Inara raced the last few paces towards Sivella when she saw her eyes roll away and she fell backwords. Inara was too late to catch Sivella.

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Hope you liked this chapter! Sorry for the long update, but had to make some changes, please let me know what you think! Thanks!


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews. This chapter is quite long to explain more about Thomas. I promise a lot of Mal/ Inara in the next chapter again!! Hope you like this one too.**

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**Medical Bay**

'What is wrong with her?' Inara asked the moment Simon had examined her and came towards her. She was standing in the doorway.

'She fainted. I think she did too much these last days. She should have taken more rest.' Simon told Inara. 'Did she eat enough? Drink enough? Because she says she did but somehow I don't really believe it.' Simon told Inara as he looked at Sivella who was studying a small wound on her hand now.

_She had seen Sivella eat. But drink?_ Inara looked at Sivella now too. She knew that that was the way her friend handled stress and tension. She remembered whenever an exam or test had come up in the Training House how she hadn't been able to eat anymore. Or how when Sivella felt bad about something she even forgot to eat.

'I am not sure. I'll make sure she eats and drinks enough.' Inara promised.

'I'll help her back to your shuttle.' Simon said.

**Inara's shuttle**

'Thankyou Simon.' Inara said as Simon nodded and left the shuttle.

'Shall I get you some water?' Inara asked.

'No thankyou.' Sivella said as she shook her head and tried to sit comfortably on the red sofa. _She still felt very weak and somewhat dizzy._

'Here.' Inara said after a short moment as she handed Sivella a glass of water.

Sivella looked up at her with sad eyes.

'You know how I hate it when you don't take good care of yourself.' Inara stated softly.

She took the drink from Inara while she avoided eye contact.

'You were right.' Sivella said after a short pause.

'Right?' Inara asked as she sat herself down next to her.

'What you said yesterday.' Sivella took a sip of her drink before she looked Inara straight in her eyes. 'I pushed a lot of people away. I thought I could do everything alone. That I -should- do everything alone.' Sivella looked up at Inara. 'I should have contacted Sheydra earlier. And Grace, Pete... Even Thomas.' Sivella admitted as she shook her head and took another drink. _She had shut them out._

'Sometimes it's difficult to let other people close. You know that as well as I do.' Inara reminded her softly. _Sivella shouldn't be too hard on herself._

Sivella nodded. 'And about our fight yesterday, you were right too. I did want Thomas.' She closed her eyes and sighed.

Inara smiled softly as she studied Sivella's face. She noticed how pale she still looked.

'Believe me, I fought it, but I wanted him. I wanted him so badly that it tore me up from the inside. Especially because I've never wanted a man like that before.'

Inara leaned back on her comfortable sofa. She recognised every word Sivella spoke. _That was exactly how it felt with Mal. She had fought him so many times, had fought herself, her emotions but whatever she did, nothing had helped. But last night, giving into these emotions, it had felt so good... Frightening, but good..._

'I didn't want to loose control.' Sivella admitted as she eyed Inara again.

'You never told me about him.' Inara began as she poored a glass of water for herself and sat on the sofa again. 'I had the idea that you know him and Pete well.'

Sivella sighed. 'I did tell you about him, I just didn't use his name.'

Inara thought about that.

'I must have, after the numerous times I was annoyed by him. Maybe I called him Tommy. I like that name better than 'Thomas'.' Sivella said.

'Will you tell me about him?' Inara asked.

_She didn't want to. She didn't want to tell anyone, but Inara deserved to know. _Sivella nodded after a short pause.

'There were always a lot of party's and other social gatherings that the Blake's gave or that we went too, Edward was a very powerful high man who had to show himself in every social gathering there was. And that's also where I met Thomas many times...'

**'Well well, if it isn't Miss Thenar who comes to grace the mere servants in the ****barn **_**herself**_**! To what do we owe this pleasure?' Thomas' voice came as his green eyes fell on the long silken red dress Sivella was wearing. It revealed her cleavage and her long neckline, as well as her other curves. **

**Sivella eyed him annoyed as she nodded friendly at Pedro, the man that always took care of Blake's horses. **

**'**_**You**_** don't owe this pleasure at all.' Sivella said in a snappy voice as she gave him a piercing look. She then looked at Pedro and pasted a friendly smile on her face as she nodded at him. 'Pedro.' **

**'Miss Thenar.' Pedro said in a greeting as he looked at Thomas and quickly left the two to get back to cleaning the stables.**

'Tommy is a rich man, a friend of Blake's family. So he was around a lot. But what he liked to do most was talk to the servants, help them in the barns. He wasn't like the other rich men. He was so different, he wasn't a man who bragged, he was someone who was really interested in people, who didn't look down on others. He didn't like the party's and that's why he helped Pedro a lot with the horses. He loved horses. His family always wanted him to be at these social events. If it was up to him, he wouldn't have come at all. And that's why I saw him often because I liked the horses too and then I would run into him by accident. I used the time with the horses to get away from all the high pompus people, because sometimes it was just too much for me to be around them all the time. Thomas didn't like what I did. Being a Companion. He was against Companions. He made no secret of that. I think he loved insulting me. Coming up with ways to see a crack in my exposure. And believe me, he was good at it.'

**'Why can't you just act normal towards me?' Sivella asked as she looked at him angrily.**

**'You aren't going to tell me that you are a normal woman are you Miss Thenar?' His gaze had something mocking in it. 'You are a Companion, after all. A reader of men, a satisfier of men.' He said in a challenging tone as he eyed her with a fierce gaze now. 'At least... Of some who would want that kind of company.' His tone sounded condescending and negative. **

'We fought so many times… I think it's easier for men to see us as whores. They find it difficult when we service others. It's like they can't see that it's not just about sex what we have with a client.' Sivella paused for a moment. Inara nodded in agreement.

**'I know that you don't like Companions.' Sivella began as she narrowed her eyes at Thomas. 'I just don't know why.' Her face lit up as she eyed him up and down. 'Maybe a Companion turned you down? That must be it.' She said with a satisfied smile.**

**'O, there you are wrong. I am not in need of any Companion, ever.' He promised her.**

_**Sivella noticed that Thomas was standing a lot closer all of a sudden, how had that happened without her noticing?**_

**'Some men will never have the honour to receive a Companion, that is true.' She said in a controlled voice as she turned her back towards him and patted the horse behind her. **_**That was it, she had the last word. And that satisfied her deeply. That arrogant, pigheaded-**_

**'That's not the case.' She heard him say in his low, male voice behind her back. **

**'I don't WANT a Companion.' **

**Sivella held her breath at that.**

**'Your ways are fake.' He stated near her ear. **_**How she wanted to turn around and stand on his foot, or pinch him. Or do something to hurt him!**_

**But she did nothing of the sort, being the trained Companion that she was, her hand just froze on the stallions dark manes. And then, after a few seconds she turned around to face him. **

_**He was not only annoying, but very rude too. To talk to a Companion like that.**_

**'I am sorry?' Sivella asked as she eyed him. She said it in a polite tone but she let her eyes show a warning glare.**

**'Tell me Sivella, why would I want a woman who is fake?' He asked as he eyed her. It was very clear to her that he wasn't impressed at all by her obvious anger. Which surprised her, most men would do something to calm her or to satisfy her instantly. **

_**Why did the word 'fake' stab her so much?**_

**'Fake? We are not fake.' Sivella answered in a controlled voice. **_**Very controlled.**_

**He seized her up and then laughed shortly at her. 'Ofcourse you are. It's everything you stand for.' He said as he gestured towards her.**

**'I beg your pardon?' She asked as she looked at him in anger now, not trying to hide her feelings behind a mask anymore.**

**'For starters, everything you do is fake. You just tune into the man and find out what it is **_**he**_** wants. You aren't yourself, you just play to be the perfect woman for him. Everywhere: on his arm, around the house, in his bed. But it's never really you is it? It's always the woman **_**he **_**wants it to be.'**

'I just stared at him. I couldn't believe someone was saying something like that to me. So bolt, so unheard of. No man had ever talked to me like that.' Sivella explained heatedly to Inara.

**'I sometimes pity you.'**

**Sivella laughed shortly in the most mocking tone she could come up with as she turned towards the horse again. **_**She wouldn't listen to him anymore. She would shut his words out. **_

**'Always satisfying others.' His voice came. **

_**But why didn't the shutting-out work? Why did his words ring through her head like they were important to her? Very important?**_

**Thomas studied her shortly, as his eyes finally rested on the back of her head. He took a few steps towards her and bended over her shoulder. 'But who satisfies you?' He asked in her ear. **

**She gasped the moment his low voice sent chills up her spine and she felt his warm breath against the soft skin of her earlobe. She berated herself immediately for gasping. Especially when she saw the smirk on his face after that. **

'You gasped?' Inara asked surprised. _She knew that if Sivella wanted to, she could hide everything she wanted, every feeling, every nuance in her tone, she could wear the perfect mask. But obviously, not from this man.._

'Well, you would have gasped too!' Sivella defended herself. _It wasn't like she was proud of her letting slip a physical reaction like that to him. She hadn't wanted him to notice what his close proximity did to her. It was like he knew. He was just challenging her._

**'Well, so much thinking about Companions and how to satisfy them, it seems that you're fantasizing a lot.' Sivella had turned around towards him and had pasted one of her most arrogant masks on her face, especially made for him. 'That prooves that you **_**would**_** like the Company of a Companion.' She looked him up and down with both her eyebrows raised in a mocking stare. 'Maybe there's just no one who wants **_**you**_**, because really... You are **_**way**_** out of our league.'**

**He smirked again as his green eyes rested on her face. ' You are so good at turning my words around. You know as well as I do, that I can pick any woman that I want.' **

'And the annoying thing is that he was right! There actually really are a lot of woman who want him. It would have been so easy if he just would have been an ugly, pigheaded creep that no one was interested in! That arrogant... ' She swallowed her insult.

**'I should start picking then if I were you, so you can leave me alone. I find your presence an annoyance that I can live without very happily.' Sivella stated in a mean voice.**

**He paused shortly before he came with his answer. **

**'Just tell me one more thing.' He paused shortly. 'I always wonder about the men that choose to be with a Companion. Why would they choose a Companion over a real woman?'**

**Sivella narrowed her eyes. 'A real woman?' She asked, **_**not understanding. Not wanting to understand but she was already too late. Anger built up in the pit of her stomach, anger that she had pushed away a few seconds ago. That man, that irritating....**_

**'Yes, most sane men would want a woman that feels and speaks her opinion. Not some doll that says everything they want.'**

Inara's eyes grew big in shock.

'A doll?! A real woman?! That must have angered you!' Inara said in astonishment as she eyed Sivella.

'O, he knew how to push my buttons. And he was pushing them whenever he had the chance. And it worked, because after those words I exploded momentarily before I could even **think** about my training.'

Sivella got an angry gleam in her eyes again by just thinking about it.

**Sivella couldn't stop her eyes from growing big at the word 'doll.' **

_**So she was not a real woman in his eyes?! How dare he?! She was so shocked by this insult that she couldn't think momentarily. Men had stood in line for her! **__**And doll? As if she was just an item, a product with no brains.**_

**'A woman that squirms under my touch because I am touching that special place on her body that **_**she **_**likes so much, not because she wants to please **_**me**_**.' ****Thomas went on.**

**'Are you telling me that I am 'some doll?' Sivella spat in his face. Her nostrils flared as she looked at him as if she was ready to attack him.**

'I felt my cheeks burning up and I think the muscles in my neck even showed.' Sivella told Inara ashamed. She should have controlled herself that moment.

**'It's just a matter of speaking, explaining what I meant.' Thomas said casually, not at all threatened by her.**

**His answer and his cool exposure worked like fire on oil for her.**

**'Maybe I don't care about what you mean!' She spat.**

**'Now, if that were true then you wouldn't stand in front of me with steam ****coming from your ears and nose.' **

'He was pushing you!' Inara concluded amazed.

Sivella nodded. 'Ow, and how I wanted to rip his throat out that moment!'

**Sivella counted to ten in her hand and tried to breathe normal again. It was either this or almost attacking this man, and she knew that that was not an option for a Companion. **

**'I'll have you know that there are a lot of man who stand in line for MY ****company! Companions are REAL woman, some men just can't come up to our standarts.' The moment the words came out of her mouth she felt how weak this reply had been. **

Sivella sighed with regret. 'That was a weak come-back of me. I have to admit. I just don't understand, around that man... It seems that I loose my ability for smart come-backs instantly.' Sivella muttered angrily.

Inara smiled.

**Thomas smiled again. 'O yes, keep telling yourself that. If that makes you feel better...' He said as he turned away and walked off. She stared at his broad shoulders and his strong muscular back as her eyes filled with a killing stare.**

'He doesn't seem that nice..' Inara commented with frowned brows.

Sivella sighed shortly. She began to make an imaginary painting on her nightgown. 'I hated him. He always knew everything better, always had to make stupid remarks. So I stayed out of his way ofcourse, because that's what you do when you don't like someone. But somehow, he just kept coming in my way. And the irritating thing was that he was- well, I have to say, very attractive. At first I didn't notice that, well I did, but not in the way that that interested me. But then, after a while, it began to interest me.'

**'You're very nice to the children.' A low voice commented behind her.**

**Sivella looked up to find Thomas standing next to her. She had been standing there for a while now. Looking fondly at Mary and David who were playing near the porch. They were so sweet together. So small, so innocent.**

**'They are nice children.' Sivella said.**

'It was the day Pete had been in an accident. He had fallen into an alcove and we all went to help. I climbed down to help him because I was the only one who fit in the whole with the rope. Ofcourse the children fit there but I didn't want them to take that risk. There was a danger of everything colliding on top of us.'

**'Thankyou for saving my brother.' Thomas suddenly said as he looked at her. **

**She suddenly noticed how green his eyes were and she swallowed.**

'I noticed that if I wasn't angry with him, or annoyed, or when we weren't arguing for a change, that then I really began to see how he was, how he looked. How nice he really was..'

Inara nodded. _Yes, she recognised that too._

**'I- I didn't really save him. I am sure another way would have been found if I hadn't been around.' She spoke quickly as she looked in the distance. Avoiding eye contact. **

**'But you **_**were**_** around. I might have underestimated you. You might have more skills than I thought.' She heard him say.**

'I felt chills go up my spine, just because he was near, because I heard his voice, because he wasn't insulting me. He was being nice. I couldn't have that. Those feelings weren't allowed to be stirred up inside of me.'

'It was a choice out of two lesser things: either I was angry and annoyed, irritated which wasn't very nice to feel a lot of times, or I had all these feelings I couldn't control and I shouldn't have. I choose the first option, it also felt that much safer.'

Inara nodded. _Yes, it did feel safer._ She remembered it with Mal and her. _How when he came close it was so easy to do something to make him angry. To get in that comfortable zone again, at least, as far as you could call that 'comfortable.' It was better then having the idea that you were losing control. At least, that was what she had done these last years. And now she had chosen for the seconds option_. Inara felt a warm feeling spread through her body as she thought about Mal._ That second option felt so much better._

**She looked at him, anger coming up again.**

**'Maybe you're just very superficial.' Sivella stated angrily. 'And how nice it is to always hear your frank opinion, especially when I never want it!' She bit at him as she made a move to leave. But she felt his hand around her upper arm, stopping her. She looked from his hand at him. Fire in her eyes.**

**'Thankyou.' He just said, with a calmth in those green eyes she didn't understand.**

'And before I knew it, I began to sometimes enjoy his company.' Sivella admitted.

'We fought a lot, bantered always and sometimes even managed to talk shortly. But then another fight would come up. This went on and on until I realised that I was actually- I can't believe that I am admitting this- jealous.' Sivella turned around now slowly to face Inara. _She could admit this now because she knew that chapter was closed. She would never see him again. Not in person anyway._

'I was so jealous when another woman would give him attention and he would laugh at her, talk to her. And I hate being jealous. I never had the need to be jealous either, I could get every man I wanted.... Almost.'

Inara nodded. _That was true, Sivella had always been a popular Companion with her witty ways, her charming smiles, the way that she could read people. She could charm someone over with a witty joke that would make everyone laugh instantly. And to top that she could put a very innocent look in her eyes. Yes, she was talented._

Sivella's brows knitted together. 'Well, and then I would become a bit mean. Say things to push him away and-' Sivella stopped momentarily.

'I didn't know myself like that. I found out that I was actually afraid. So afraid. I have never ever felt something like that for a man. It was so confusing, but also so annoying, as if I couldn't control myself anymore, my emotions, my wants, my needs. Whether I want to or not. It just didn't go away. How much I fought that feeling, I fought him, nothing worked.'

_It was as if Inara heard herself talking, thinking. She remembered how angry she had been when Saffron was on Serenity. How awful she had felt when the woman seemed to be Mal's wife. And when he came to her shuttle for refuge how she had snapped at him. Especially when he had began about kids. His and Saffron's kids!_

Sivella sighed as she looked in the distance.

'And what is even worse is that I began to doubt myself! I began to believe that these woman were special, prettier, funnier, better, smarter then me. That was when I thought I should stop this. It wasn't good for my job. So I decided to push him away hard. That was the only solution I could come up with.'

'And the pushing worked, but I couldn't have forseen what happened then. I felt even more miserable without seeing him. I began to miss him.' Sivella shook her head as she thought about that. 'I changed throughout the year. Wondered if I still wanted to live this way. Always servicing others. I think- I think that I- I don't want to service others anymore.'

'Others? Do you mean that you want to be with him?'

Sivella shook her head. 'O, no. Ofcourse not.' Sivella said quickly as if the idea alone was proposterous. 'He's just… In the past. I just want to do other things. But I don't know yet, I am too tired after everything that has happened to think clearly about my past. And I don't want to hide my feelings anymore behind a perfectly made mask.'

Sivella remembered the moment she had almost kissed Thomas. How she had looked in his eyes as he had bended towards her. She could feel his breath on her lips. She looked away, so he couldn't kiss her. She stalked off without looking back, not once.

'I want to be myself. I want to be myself around others.'

Inara nodded.

'Where is he now?'

'Pfft I don't know.' She said nonchalantly as if she didn't care. 'I thought he was on Sandria, but he wasn't with Pete when he came for me. He was probably too busy….'

'Maybe he couldn't come. Is he on Sihnon? He said that he went to your aunt?' Inara offered.

'I don't care, and I don't want to know. The only regret I have is that I didn't say goodbye that night… Everything went so fast. I had to leave so quickly.'

'Did he know what Blake did to you?' Inara questioned.

Sivella shook her head. 'No, I hid it well. Blake didn't hit me in the beginning, it was just once. And then I began to open my eyes.

Inara could see so much grieve in Sivella's eyes. She bended forward to caress her cheek softly.

'I felt so horrible that I had stabbed him. But I decided yesterday that I don't have to worry about that anymore, he stabbed me back so that kind of takes some guilt away.' Sivella quipped in an effort to lighten the mood somewhat.

'Ow Sivella.' Inara sighed in worry as she remembered the big stab wound the Companion had in her side.

'But no, Thomas didn't know. You know how well I can pretend.'

Inara frowned her brows. 'I sometimes wish you couldn't.' She said honoustly.

'It has helped me many times.'

Inara nodded.

'I am afraid to change Inara. Letting go of the life you are so used to. And it doesn't even seem to matter if that life is bad. You're just afraid that it will get worse if you do something else. It feels like taking a wild leap.'

Inara sighed. _Yes, it felt like that. It felt exactly like that. _

'I know I pushed you and Mal. But the reason that I did that, besides the fact that I want you to be happy, is that I understand. I recognised Thomas and me in the both of you. I wanted you to have what I never had with him. I think you are afraid too, just like me.'

'If you believe that, why aren't you going back to Thomas? I don't understand.'

'No, he will probably have someone else already. He probably didn't even miss me. And I should heal first. I really want to see my aunt now. And it's not like we had anything. I stayed very professional. I still had a client at that moment.' She remembered again how she had almost kissed him. _The moment he had bended forward, had wanted to kiss her, how she had almost complied. It had been for the best that she had walked away. Best for everyone. But somewhere, deep inside, she wished that she had given in to her feelings. Just for a moment. Just to feel how it was. To feel how it was to kiss him, to let him close. But no, maybe this was indeed for the best. You couldn't miss what you didn't know right? At least, that is what some people say..._

'Ow Inara, what am I doing? I am too young to turn into a bitter old woman or Companion.' Sivella said as she took Inara's arm and nestled against her side contently.

'You always feel so warm.' Sivella commented when she felt Inara's warm side.

Inara smiled softly at that.

'What does Tommy look like?' Inara suddenly asked as she looked dreamily at her table and tried to imagine what sort of person he was and how he would look. She had heard Sivella talk to him, or snap at him on the wave but she hadn't really seen him.

Inara heard Sivella sigh. 'O well, you know…. Like a man.'

'That's a good description.' Inara stated with humor in her voice, she noticed how Sivella had trouble with the subject. 'And how would a man look?' Inara asked lightly.

'I think you know very well how a man looks.' Sivella's cheeky comment came.

'I am perticularly interested in a man who manages to get to you.' Inara countered.

'He has two legs, two arms, two eyes a nose and a mouth, that was it.' Sivella summarized quickly.

'I hope that that isn't all he has.' Inara teased. 'A pair of ears could be helpful. And a pair of-'

'Inara, please…Don't go there.' Sivella warned urgently as she straightened herself against the sofa, away from Inara.

'Almost everything you told me about him is negative. What made you like him?' Inara questioned curiously.

'Dear Buddha you are persistent.' Sivella stated. 'But I guess I owe you, after all I put you through.' Sivella said as she smiled slyly.

Inara rolled her eyes.

'I will tell this once and then I will never ever repeat it to anyone anymore.' She said as she turned towards her. She allowed herself to indulge in these memories for just a few minutes and then she had to promise herself that that was over for good.

Inara nodded as she sat up straight and waited patiently.

'He's a very sweet man, very social. Thinks about others a lot and really cares about people. He's funny and smart, witty, outgoing, creative, adventurous, charming, he wants to learn a lot and he's very strong. Mentally and physically.' Sivella smiled wickedly. 'And dear Buddha, you should see the body that he has on him. All muscular and tall and broad. How many times I imagined how all that muscle would feel under my touch, how his arms would feel around me, how... Well, that's him.' She stopped talking abruptly.

'Well..' Inara said after a short pause. 'It seems like the tables have turned here. I can not wait for the day I get to meet him. I won't let you live it down.' Inara smiled mischievously.

'I am very sorry for you then.' Sivella replied cockily. 'Because you will never meet him.' She said with a relieved expression on her bruised and swollen face. _He would be long gone back to Sandria again. And if it were up to her, she would never EVER set one foot on Sandria again._

**Somewhere else....**

'How did you get here?" He asked.

He smiled. 'Let's just say that I borrowed a gun.'

He grinned widely at that. 'Very good job. There are just a few more of them, we should arrange this mess.' He said as he dropped the ropes that had him bound to the chair.

'Yes, and then I have the perfectly good idea.'

'That's what I like to hear.'

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Please let me know what you think!! xxx


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi everyone! I've got the last few chapters almost finished.. Just thinking about some things and doubting... That's why it takes a bit longer for me to update! But here's already the next chapter!! Hope you like!**

**Inara's shuttle, One day later..**

'Choosing between your clients?' Sivella asked from the bed. She was lying on her stomach and reading one of Inara's books.

Inara looked behind her at Sivella and shook her head softly. 'No.' She answered as she typed a few things and shut the cortex screen off. She stood up gracefully. When Inara wanted to pass Sivella she noticed a knowing smile on her face.

'Why are you smiling?' Inara asked suspiciously as she stopped momentarily.

'Nothing.' Sivella lied innocently as she eyed Inara. She bit her cheeks to stop from laughing at the look on Inara's face.

Inara walked towards her cupboard to find a new dress she could wear tomorrow.

'So no clients for you for a while I guess?' She heard Sivella comment mischievously behind her back.

Inara's hands froze and she turned around. She just looked at Sivella, pretending not to understand her.

Sivella smiled widely now. 'Did you really think that I wouldn't notice the look on your face in the hallway?'

'What?' Inara asked astonished.

'The blush on your cheeks, the sparkles in your eyes, your swollen lips.. should I go on?'

'You are unbelievable! You were fainting!' Inara stated amazed as her hands froze on one of the dresses.

Sivella smirked. 'Well, to be honoust, I didn't put two and two together that moment. I was indeed very busy with falling, but when I woke up again it's the first thing that came to my mind.' Sivella quipped.

'Funny, the first thing that came to _my_ mind is to put a lot of proteine bars and water in you.' Inara said in mock anger.

Sivella raised her eyebrow at that. 'Proteine bars and water? You are shocking me. I am still waiting for you to show me your secret stash.'

'Secret stash? What are you talking about?' Inara asked confused as she shook her head and draped the dress on the bed next to Sivella.

'Yes, the one that is filled with chocolate, champagne and all other things delicious that you are hiding from me for weeks now!' She teased. It was nice to be able to relax a bit. She had been sleeping a lot, rested a lot, ate a lot because Inara practically forced her too. She felt calm now. And that was a good thing. She needed to strenghten herself again.

'Well Sivella, the moment I knew you were coming I ate all of it myself, you should have known that.' Inara teased.

'You really are mean!' Sivella shot at her.

'Yes?' Inara called when she heard the knock on her door. She looked surprised when she saw Mal coming in. _Mal knocking? That's something entirely new.. But then, so many things had been new to her these last days.._

'I came to tell you that we'll land on Sihnon in 'bout four hours.' He said friendly as he swallowed when he saw Inara. _He hadn't seen her since... Well, since they kissed and he had to admit that he had been kind of nervous after that about how things would unfold after that. _

'O, I suddenly feel the need to drink some water and eat some of those delicious protein bars I haven't had enough yet of at all.' Sivella's teasing voice came.

Inara's eyes went to the bed Sivella had been lying on to find it empty. She quickly concluded that Sivella was already standing by the shuttle door with a knowing smile on her face.

'Well..' Inara said with one eyebrow raised as Sivella had dissapeared very quickly all of a sudden.

'So..' Mal said as he put his hands in his trousers and cleared his throat.

'Four hours is quickly.' Inara stated clumsily. _She didn't know what to say. Smalltalk seemed like the best choice right this moment_.

'Yes, well, Wash is a good pilot an' all.' Mal answered. _Great, stupid reply. She knows Wash!_

'So you lookin' forward to goin' to your homeplanet?' Mal asked quickly as he walked towards a table where there was a trinket he hadn't seen before. He was glad that he had something other to focus his attention to then her for a moment.

He picked it up and heared Inara exhale while he did. He smiled wickedly as he held the little elephant up.

'What? You don't want me to touch this?' He asked mischievously.

'It's not that Mal, it's just...' She began as she walked towards him, her eyes had a worried look for the elephant.

'What?'

'You're hands are so big and... You have to admit that you're clumsy sometimes.'

'Clumsy? Me? Well 'Nara, what a mean thing to say!' He said in mock hurt.

'Mal, you know what I mean.' Inara stated somewhat annoyed and worried about the elephant as she stood in front of him and held her hand out for him to put the trinket in.

He just raised his eyebrows and stared at her. Mal put the elephant against his chest teasingly while he looked at her challengingly. He smiled widely again as he saw the look on her face that he liked so much. Her dark eyes wide and a bit fierce, her not knowing what to do or how to act to get what she wanted.

'Auch!' He suddenly uttered as she took the elephant out of his weakened grip skillfully.

'You pinched me!' He said in an angry hurt voice as he caressed the soft red spot on his arm.

Inara put the elephant back on the table with a satisfied look on her face.

'You deserved it.' She said as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

He wanted to move towards the couch.

'And there's more where that came from if you don't stop moving.' She threatened teasingly as she looked him up and down.

He stopped in his tracks.

'I think it's best if you just stand very still with your heavy, filthy boots so you don't put any more mud on my beautiful floor.' She said sternly with a teasing grin._ And so I can kiss you instantly._

'What? You mean like this?' He said as he took a few heavy steps towards her.

'Exactly like tha-' She began but was stopped when he bended towards her and gave her such a hot kiss that her knees almost buckled. She felt him put his arms around her and pull her in against his strong body. She complied passionately.

**Shuttle 2**

'Did you eat enough?' Sheydra asked.

Sivella pushed the urge to sigh in annoyence away.

But she probably couldn't hide that much from the highly trained Companion in front of her because the House Mistress raised one of her perfectly styled eyebrows at her.

'Yes, I did.' Sivella answered quickly.

'I am glad to hear that.' Sheydra said as she looked away shortly.

'What is it?' Sivella asked worriedly. She instantly knew that something was wrong by the look in Sheydra's eyes. 'Is something wrong?'

Sheydra gave Sivella a reasurring smile. 'Yes.' She said after a short pause. 'Only one hour ago, I received some news.' Sheydra looked intently at Sivella. 'The Kali 3, the ship where they were transporting mr Blake and his brother in.. It has crashed.'

Sivella looked at her with big eyes as she swallowed. Her throat suddenly felt so thick and dry.

'They are still searching the area but... I am sure to say that there are no survivors.'

'The crash was so bad?' Sivella asked sorrowfull.

Sheydra nodded.

Sivella looked away with a sad look on her face. 'Everyone died?'

'Yes, six of our members died.'

'I am so sorry Sheydra.' Sivella said.

Sheydra nodded.

'And you think that.... Blake.... Is he... Are they... dead too?' Sivella asked carefully.

Sheydra nodded slowly. 'I think we can assume so. They haven't been able to make a body count yet, but no one could have come out of this alive.'

Sivella frowned her brows. 'But I don't understand, how could the Kali just crash like that? It's such a strong and steady ship.' Sivella knew the ships that the Guild used.

'They are still looking into that. I will keep you informed.'

Sivella nodded slowly. She stared at the ground long after the wave was ended. Should she feel happy? She was sorry for the Guild members that had died in this accident. But somewhere... She just couldn't believe it was over. She couldn't believe that Blake was dead. She didn't feel relieved at all. All she felt was a cold chill that took over her body again by the mere thought of him and his brother. She had the feeling that it wasn't over at all....

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ANd???? What did you think??? Please let me know!!


	24. Chapter 24

**Hi everyone! Sorry that it took me so long to update, but I already had a few versions written but wasn't happy with them, but anyway I was happy with this part, which is short but I liked it this way.. More to come!!**

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**Inara's shuttle**

This kiss felt so right. From all the men she had ever kissed, it had never felt like this. So right. But still, she stepped away from him, from his warmth, from his hug, her lips leaving his. She could see light worry pooling in his eyes the moment she broke the kiss so abruptly.

She turned around and walked towards her dresser. She tried to focus on her breathing, to get control over herself again.

'Inara?' She heard Mal ask softly behind her.

Inara licked her lip and turned around as she faced him. She put her hand on the table behind her as if to balance herself. Or to have something strong to hold on to.

'Mal-' She said as her big eyes looked up at his face. She saw him swallow.

She saw how he braced himself, like he always did when they were insulting each other. She realised that he thought she was going to right now. She took a step towards him as if to assure him that she wasn't, she left the hold she had on the table for what it was.

'Mal, I-' She paused shortly. 'As much as I like kissing you, there are some things-' She began.

'Things?' Mal interrupted softly. He just wanted to know what was on her mind, he wanted to know it right now because he was afraid, afraid that she would pull back again. Afraid that they would do their eternal dance again, of fighting, insulting, fighting, insulting, but never coming really close to each other..

'Yes, things that we should be aware of.'

'Such as?' Mal asked.

Inara's eyes wandered to her bed and she walked over there gracefully and sat herself down on the edge.

'You know what I mean Mal.' She said softly after a short pause as she tilted her head slightly.

He put his hands in his pockets and he swallowed again. 'Got a few ideas an' all but it'll help if you just spoke your mind, that'd be easier 'cause can't look in your head an' all.'

Inara nodded. 'Yes.' She looked at her silk blanket and let her fingers touch it softly. She was afraid that if she would say these words, that she would drop a bomb that would explode immediately on the both of them.

'My work.' She said as she looked up at him again, bracing herself for his reaction. She had the idea that she didn't need to give a further explanation.

'Your work.' He repeated dumbfoundly.

'My work.' She repeated as her eyes searched his face. She saw his adams apple doing overtime, swallowing so many times as his eyes wandered through her shuttle.

He looked away. And then scratched the back of his head. 'It's still the same, ain't it?' He finally said.

'Yes it is.' She said softly. 'I have got my clients, and I know..' She paused momentarily as she stared at her lap. 'Let's say that I know what you think of my work.' She finally finished as she looked up at him.

In a few paces he stood in front of her with his long legs and lowered himself softly next to her.

'It's my work Mal, I can't stop. I won't.' She said as she looked him in his eyes and then stood up to make more room between them. To have space.

'Never?' His voice came.

She hadn't thought of that question to come out of his mouth. She turned around towards him. 'Well, someday, I won't always..'

'But just not now.' He said as he stood up quickly.

Her eyes grew big. For a moment she was afraid that he would be angry, that this was the point where there would be a big fight again. And finally she was the one to swallow before she gave the dreaded answer.

'Just not now.' She repeated as she looked at him sternly. She braced herself, she even caught herself not breathing anymore. She felt that something would even break inside of her if he would push her away. Somewhere in the distance she felt tears forming..

Mal shrugged as he put his hands in his pocket's again. 'That's what we agreed on didn't we?' He asked as he looked at her.

It took her trouble to not let her mouth drop open. _He just shrugged!?_ She was speechless.

'We'd take it slow. Slow is slow.' He stepped towards her and looked deep in her eyes.

'This is really important to me.' He said as he took both of her hands. _And he wasn't going to mess it up._ 'I know I ain't the easiest person in the 'verse, am probably the most difficult person if they'd make it a contest, but I'll do anythin' to make this work.'

Her breathing hitched. She felt so touched by his words, and the tears finally formed behind her eyes but for an entirely different reason now.

He smiled slightly as he softly wiped away a tear that loosened itself from her eye with his tumb.

'You're a special woman 'Nara.' He said with a kind expression on his face.

She just looked up at him with the biggest eyes he had ever seen on her. He cupped her chin with his big hand and then bended forward slowly to place a tender kiss on her purple painted lips.

'Well what do ya know? I seemed to have made the trained Companion speechless.' He said with a smirk. 'That'll be the day!'

'Ouch.' Mal groaned instantly as he rubbed over the now tender spot on his arm. 'Woman! Keep your nails to yourself.'

She raised her eyebrow at that. 'Maybe you should keep your comments to yourself.' She said as she closed the gap between them quickly and crushed her lips against his.

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AND??? What did you think?? I'm really glad with your comments!!


	25. Chapter 25

**Hi everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! Here's a longer chapter. I think there are still three chapters before the ENDING!! Hope you like it!!**

**Inara's shuttle**

Sivella stared at herself in the mirror. Reality came back to her very quickly now. In a short time she would meet her aunt again, she would stay with her family for one week and then the trial would begin on House Madrassa. Eventhough the Blake Brothers wouldn't be there, she still had to explain a lot and justify her actions. She sighed. She felt the muscles at the back of her neck tense.

'We'll be there in one hour.' Inara said enthusiastic as she walked inside and found Sivella at her make up table with something in her hand.

Sivella looked up and smiled.

'What is that?' Inara inquired.

'It's something for the scars. Simon says it'll make the scarring less. But... I don't know. They are deep.' Sivella said as she looked at her shoulder where a few deep cuts showed.

Inara touched the scar softly. 'There are a lot of good docters who can help you on Sihnon, you know that.'

Sivella sighed as she placed the tube on Inara's table. 'I don't know if they will be able to take away everything.' Sivella looked up at Inara in the mirror. 'Inara, I would really appreciate it if you... Well I know you all are busy and all, but if you could stay for a short while.' She asked carefully as she looked at Mal and then at Inara. 'I'll pay Mal ofcourse.'

Inara smiled. 'I already talked to Mal, and I'll be able to stay the week. And maybe longer if that is necessary.'

'Thank you so much.' Sivella said gratefully. She then looked down at her lap. 'I just spoke with Sheydra.'

'And?' Inara asked as she sat down on her bed and watched her friend.

Sivella looked up, Inara could see fear and sadness in her big dark eyes.

'She said that the Kali 3, the transport ship, crashed.'

'Are there survivors?' Inara asked worried.

Sivella swallowed and shook her head as she stood up and walked aimleslly through the shuttle as she looked at a far away point in the distance. 'I am very sorry for the people that have died.' She said as she finally looked at Inara. 'I don't know if I am that sorry for Edward and Rogan though.' She admitted as she stopped walking.

'That's understandable.' Inara said.

Sivella sighed as she walked towards Inara's cortex screen and fingered the silk material that hung in front of it as a screen. 'Yes maybe it is. But somewhere, deep down inside, I don't believe that they are dead. I'll only have rest when the bodies are found.'

Inara nodded. _She could understand that._

'Nevertheless..' Sivella said as she let go of the soft material. 'Sheydra told me to come to court anyway because I have some explaining to do about some of the actions I took.'

Inara stood up now and walked towards Sivella. 'You have done nothing wrong.' Inara assured her as she put her hand on Sivella's shoulder. 'You helped Mary and David.'

Sivella's big dark eyes looked up at her. 'Then why do I feel so guilty?' She asked softly.

'Maybe it's easier to blame yourself instead of someone else.' Inara proposed in a caring and warm voice.

Sivella smirked and nodded. _Yes, that was true_. She walked away from Inara and stared at her suitcase.

'I can't believe that this is already the ending of our journey.' She said after a short pause.

'The ending of our journey? Don't be so dramatic!' Inara uttered teasingly .

'No, it is.' Sivella said as she walked back to Inara. 'We've been through so much.' She said as she took Inara's hands. 'And here we are, back on Sihnon. I am going to miss you very much.'

'As am I.' Inara smiled as she touched Sivella's upper arm.

'I'll even miss waking up next to you. I think Mal's the one allowed to do that now. Don't let me hear that you pushed him away again.' Sivella stated.

Inara sighed at that as she rolled her eyes.

'Ow Inara'. Sivella said again as she hugged Inara closely. 'Thankyou so much for everything. For being there for me.'

'We still have a week.' Inara reminded her as she held Sivella close.

'Yes, I'll even miss Serenity. There's so much going on here, with the crew. I'll miss that.'

'O and I already began packing some things.' Sivella said mischievously.

'Yes, I noticed that.' Inara said teasingly. Sivella had taken the liberty to place her suitcase on Inara's bed and litter it with all the clothes she had borrowed from Inara. In short, it was quite a mess Sivella had produced in a short time.

Sivella smiled with something that looked like relief in her eyes.

Inara smiled back, she knew that it did Sivella well to talk about other things then just the heavy things she still had to face.

Inara's eyebrows rose as she looked at Sivella who opened her suitcase. 'That's my dress!' Inara snapped as she hurried towards her quickly.

'O, Inara please.' Sivella said in an innocent tone as she took the dress out of her suitcase and held it in front of her. 'It really doesn't suit you.' She declared boldly. 'A woman should know when to give up something.' Sivella stated as she looked at Inara daringly.

'You really are on thin ice now.' Inara threatened. _One of her favourite dresses! The nerve that woman had!_

**Sihnon, Aunt Petulia's Ranch**

Sivella stood still the moment her aunt's ranch rose on the horizon.

'We could have landed nearer the house, then we wouldn't have to walk so long.' Jayne grunted annoyed.

'You could have, but I don't think the cows and horses would have liked that very much.' Sivella answered.

'It's fine like this, we aren't that far away.' Kaylee assured Sivella as she walked towards her.

'And it's still your aunts land ain't it?' Wash asked.

Sivella nodded as she took in the environment. 'Yes, I forgot how big it is here.' She said as she looked around her, the landscape was filled with long stretching meadows, a few of them were empty, but most of them were filled with horses and cows. Next to the large and cozy looking wooden ranch stood a big barn.

'You didn't tell me your aunts ranch is so blooming and became so large.' Inara stated as she walked up to Sivella.

Sivella smiled proudly. 'That only happened these last years, she's doing really well. I love coming here, being here. But I haven't been here since three years ago sadly enough.'

Mal looked around him satisfied. Inara smiled widely as she saw Sivella's aunt walking up to them enthusiastic. And Sivella's face drained of all colour instantly as she froze to the ground.

'Sivella?' Inara asked worried when she turned around and found Sivella was still standing there. She had never seen Sivella that pale and shocked. Even her eyes seemed to be a tinge paler then usual.

The one time she had seen Sivella this shocked was when the house mother had found out that she had used alchol before an exam to calm herself down.

'Sivella sweety!' Her aunt yelled as she grabbed Sivella in a tight hug.

'Hi, I'm Thomas McGarett.' Inara heard a voice say behind her. Inara turned in surprise and saw a tall man shaking hands with Mal.

'Is that firefly yours? It's wonderful!' Thomas stated as he pointed at Serenity.

Mal nodded proudly. 'You want to see it from the inside?'

Thomas nodded enthousiastic. 'Sorry, where are my manners. You must be Miss Serra?' Thomas said as he walked towards Inara and shook her hand. 'It's nice to meet you.'

'Thankyou, you to.' Inara said as she noticed how green his eyes were and how contagious his smile was. _Yes, she could imagine this man to be very popular around woman. She almost couldn't imagine him being so rude towards Sivella, or him hating_

_companions._

'Miss Thenar.' Thomas said shortly but friendly as if he was talking to an superficial acquantence. He smiled broadly as he shook her hand.

Sivella reacted in slowmotion. Before she knew it Thomas was already walking away with Mal.

'Mal.' Inara wanted to stop him but was already too late when they were already walking back towards Serenity. Inara turned to aunt Petulia who took her in a hug instantly and noticed the look on Sivella's face.

'O sweety, it's so nice to have you here.' Petulia said as she pinched Sivella in her cheek. 'You could do with some food though.' She said as she looked Sivella up and down. Then her kind eyes fell on Inara.

Inara noticed how Sivella's mouth was half open. Not at all something a Companion was allowed to do. _This prooved the effect Thomas had on her_, Inara thought.

'And you, you've grown so much! Look at how tall you've become. And so beautiful!'

Petulia uttered as she fingered Inara's long hair.

'What... What is he doing here?' Sivella managed to say.

'O sweety, I'm so glad you're here.' Petulia said as she placed her hand next to Sivella's scar. 'Do you have more of those scars? Show them to me, I'll care for them.'

'The- I..' Sivella uttered.

Inara smiled. She remembered now how aunt Petulia was. She was always honoust, and straight forward, sometimes that might seem blunt. It was something Sivella must have inherited from her.

'Thomas, what is he doing her-?' Sivella began again in an unsteady voice.

'I heard you child.' Petulia said as she linked her arm with Sivella's and Inara's and began to walk. 'He's on vacation. Working with the horses. A good man he is! And a good help too.' Petulia said shortly. 'Come, let's get you both woman something to drink and eat. I want to know all about your journey here. And then all about your lives, and then all about your futures, and well- I want to know EVERYTHING.' Petulia quipped excited.

'Vacation? Horses but-' Sivella stammered as her aunt dragged her with. The man was so rich that he could buy hundreds of horses, and he didn't need to work at all. _This is a nightmare..._

**Serenity**

'This is the other shuttle, it's Inara's.' Mal said as he had shown all of Serenity and they ended here.

Thomas took a lacy shirt from the red sofa and held it in his hands as he stared deep in thought at it.

'She's a difficult woman that one.' Mal said softly, guessing that Thomas was thinking about Sivella.

Thomas looked up at him.

'But honoust, true, figure she has a good heart on her. She really cares 'bout people, like Inara does. That Blake, she changed after that. He beat her up pretty good.' Mal stated.

Thomas nodded. 'I'd like to squeeze the life out of him.' He said with clenched jaws.

Mal nodded. 'We met your brother, he helped us.'

Thomas nodded. 'Yes, but too late.'

'Nope, he came just in time. She would've been death if it weren't for him.' Mal saw Thomas' muscles contract in pure rage at his last words.

'I want to see Blake pay.' He said in a dark, angry voice.

'O, he will pay. I don't think the Guild let's go so easily of persons like himself.' Mal said as Thomas lowered the lacy shirt on the bed again.

'This is Sivella's.' Mal said as he grabbed a shawl and threw it at Thomas. He figured that Thomas thought the shirt was Sivella's.

Thomas took it and stared at it. It's the only thing she took with her, and the clothes she had on her. Should have known somethin' was wrong from the beginnin'. Fancy Companion like her with nothin' more then one suitcase. She lost that one too. Borrowed everythin' from 'Nara.'

'He took everything from her.' Thomas concluded.

'She's a hurt woman. Doesn't want others to care for her. Wants to solve everythin' herself. Comes in trouble 'cause of that sometimes.' Mal said as he sighed and looked around. _He wanted Thomas to know this. Sivella could use all the help people wanted to offer her. _

'I should have noticed something earlier. But we were too busy fighting each other.' Thomas said as he walked towards Inara's dresser and stared at it.

Mal smiled at that. _He knew what that was like_. 'The woman doesn't show what she doesn't want to.' He said as he remembered the last weeks with Sivella on board. 'It's that I ran into her while she was bathing, otherwise we would have never known, would have just left.'

'What did he do to her?' Thomas asked as his nostrils flared. 'What did you see?'

'Maybe you'd better ask her.' Mal said carefully.

'I want to know. Please tell me, she won't show me.'

'She's got a lot of scars an' wounds.' Mal said.

Thomas clenched his fists. He couldn't bare it that Blake had hurt her like that, had hurt her skin, had abused her.

'I didn't even like her in the beginning. I didn't like Companions. They are fake, that's what I always thought. But Sivella, she had something around her. Something else. I could see it in her eyes. I always thought that they would play you and manipulate you. You would never know when she would speak from herself or from her training.'

Mal nodded.

'I just wish I would have gotten to know her better, maybe then I would have noticed-'

'You probably wouldn't have found out anyway, she didn't even tell Inara that something was wrong. You shouldn't blame yourself like that.' Mal said.

Thomas sighed and nodded softly. 'Maybe.' He simply stated.

**Living room, Petulia's Ranch**

'We'll get you all inside. We've got dinner ready, I bet you are hungry.'

Mal smiled at Sivella's aunt and nodded. _He hadn't expected Sivella's family to be so down to earth. _They followed to the cozy looking ranch with the porch.

'I hope you all like a good stove with flesh.' Aunt Petulia said.

Inara studied Thomas. He seemed very nice, he was quite handsome and his eyes were a dark green. They stood soft. He had a radiant smile as he helped Kaylee to sit.

'You work here?' Kaylee asked as she smiled at him.

'Yes, and I'm having a vacation.' He answered.

'Ow how nice!' Kaylee said. 'It's so nice here!'

Inara studied Sivella who was already sitting on the table on the other side. An untrained person would think that Sivella was just eating, and listening to the conversation but not participating. But Inara could see that she was having a big turmoil in her head. She could see it in the way Sivella's eyes shifted. How her eye lids just tensed slightly. How she held her breath every now and then.

'Seems like a nice place here!' Kaylee almost chirped.

Thomas nodded. 'It's very nice out here. There are a lot of mountains, nature, there's even a stream nearby.'

Inara noticed how Sivella clenched her jaws and quickly drank some water.

'And how long will you be staying here?' Inara asked interested.

Thomas smiled.

'As long as he wants.' Petulia answered for him. 'A nice gentleman like Thomas is always welcome.' She stated as she looked at Sivella pointedly.

Inara stopped herself from raising her brow as she looked at Sivella. Sivella seemed oblivious of her aunts remark, but Inara knew better. She knew that Sivella was at this moment as alert as could be, that she noticed everything while she pretended not too. She regretted that Sivella had obviously chosen to ignore Thomas.

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And what did you think? Please let me know, that'll make me VERY HAPPY!


	26. Chapter 26

**Evening**

Sivella walked through the hallway. She was actually glad that she knew her way around the house so well. It was very large, with many rooms. She had managed to evade Thomas, which was her top priority, and keeping away from Inara, well that was her second priority. And her aunt, that probably was her third. But most of all, she just wanted to crawl under a stone and stay there for a very long time. Maybe until she would be alone again. Well, not really alone, just away from Thomas, and her aunt with her prying all-knowing eyes, and all these questions. However, it was evening now. It was dark outside. The rooms had become silent. Everyone was probably asleep. She suspected that Inara was still wandering around somewhere, she wouldn't go to sleep without saying something to Sivella. But Sivella just wanted something to eat so she passed the kitchen door and then halted instantly when she saw Thomas standing near the sink. It was too late to turn back now. A cold feeling spread through her whole body. _Great. Just great. Of all the people, __**HE**__ has to be in the kitchen. _She didn't see any escape route. And she knew she had avoided him, and he knew she had done just_ that. And knowing him, he wouldn't let her get away with that. She was just so tired. Not ready for this at all! But then again, she would probably never be if she could choose.._

**Inara's room**

Inara looked outside into the darkness and sighed. She was quite tired. But she wanted to find Sivella just before she would go to sleep. She had waited for Sivella to come herself, but instead Sivella had probably chosen to put her head in the sand and hide herself somewhere. Inara shook her head. It was weird, but she felt that she knew how Sivella felt right now. So confused. Annoyed, irritated. But somewhere, Inara wondered if Sivella wasn't glad too, to have this chance. To meet Thomas again. Inara's brows knitted together as she remembered the way Sivella had acted during dinner. She was also worried about her, the woman needed to relax, not to have these extra strains and tensions with everything that was going on right now. She walked towards the door and decided that she would find Sivella. She wanted to take away some of her tension, if that were possible.

**Kitchen**

Thomas leaned casually against the counter as he saw Sivella and put his arms in front of his muscular chest.

Sivella moved casually towards the cupboard to get a glass and avoided eye contact.

'And enjoying the scenery?' She asked flatly as she filled the glass with water. _She had to say something, so she choose the superficial treatment for him._

'Very.' He stated as he followed her every move.

'What are you really doing here?' Sivella suddenly snapped as she turned towards him with fire spitting out of her eyes. _She couldn't not snap._

'How nice to see you too.' He said as he made a point of eyeing her from her toes till her head.

'Don't play me. What do you want.'

'What do I want? Well that's a question there. There are a lot of things I want. But the first thing on my list is knowing how you are doing.'

She uttered a short sarcastic laugh. 'Why would you even care.' She said poiseness.

He shrugged. 'You're the Companion here, the man-expert. Why don't you figure it out?' He stated nonchalantly.

**Hallway**

Inara tiptoed the hallway and smiled broadly as she thought of Mal. Petulia had offered that they could share a room, but they both had declined. O, how she would have loved to be in his bed. But this felt for the best. What had happened these last days, letting him closer, it already changed so much for her, frightened her sometimes to great lenghts. It was best to change as less as possible for the coming days. To go slow. She smiled and felt warm as she thought about Mal's words only this morning. How he had told her that she was special to him, that he wanted to take it slow.

**Kitchen**

'I just can't come up with a reason, besides annoying the hell out of me and being in my way.' She said as she opened another cupboard, looking for something small to eat.

'Yes, that's it.' Thomas said. 'I had a few vacationdays and thought, what shall I do? Why don't I go to the woman who I used to know once and who suddenly left without saying as much as goodbye. O, and by the by, I get to hear that said woman is beaten up by one of my supposed family friends, has kidnapped his children and stabbed him and fled. You've been busy. You got bored with Companioning?' He asked lightly.

Her hands froze in the cupboard as she eyed him with a dangerous glare.

**The Porch**

Mal sat himself down sadly on the bench near the window. He could hear the poiseness voices coming from the kitchen. Maybe he shouldn't be eavesdropping, but he had been here before they were even in the kitchen. And it really was a very nice night.

He stared at his lap while he recognised the crescendo of the words and insults that were thrown between the two persons. He clenched his jaw as he remembered how bad he had felt, how many times this had been going on between Inara and him. It was so difficult when you wanted something so badly from the inside, but when you just couldn't get it out right. He was so glad things seemed to be changing between them now. But still, it felt so fragile. He was afraid that it was all a dream, in which he would wake up and suddenly all would be back to normal. Normal as in an angry Inara. Normal as in that cold feeling in his stomach when he had pushed her away again.

**Kitchen**

'No I just got bored with some of the people on that dump that they call a planet.' She said as she eyed him meaningfully.

He shook his head as he raised an eyebrow and sighed. 'You know, I really thought we had something nice going the last months.' He stated.

She looked away. 'Maybe you were wrong.' She said as she read the package of a muesli box.

**The porch**

And that woman really knew how to say things, how to hurt. In a way, he felt for Sivella. He remembered those first days she had been on Serenity. How she had seemed to know so many things, how wise she had seemed. How she had advised him indirectly about Inara. And he was happy for that too. But it was kind of sad that she couldn't listen to her own advise. That she herself was doing to exact same thing to another man. That's just how things went, Mal pondered. He wasn't one to think deeply many times but sometimes he just did. Thinking about life, about people.

**Kitchen**

'Why didn't you tell me?' He asked earnestly, she could hear raw emotion in his voice.

She didn't know what to say.

'I thought we were friends.' He stated.

She shrugged as she took a bowl and filled it with the muesli, all the while avoiding eye contact.

'You know Thomas.' She began as she looked at him. Her eyes stood hard. 'Companions don't have long term relationships. We don't have any need for them. We don't have any need for people. Companions don't have friends.'

**The porch**

Mal looked up at that. _He sure hoped that that weren't true. No, he knew that that weren't true. _

**Kitchen**

Thomas shook his head annoyed. _He knew what she was doing, she had her thick mask on again._

'What about miss Serra?'

'Miss Serra is like a sister to me.' They were off topic now and she wanted him to leave. 'Is there something else you wanted?' She asked lightly as she poured milk in the bowl.

'Is this how far it has come now? We can't even have a normal conversation anymore?' He asked.

'Now you are just fooling yourself Thomas: we never could.' She said as her dark eyes gave him a dark look. She put the milk back.

He leaned towards her on the table. 'Great to know that you still have your avoiding techniques in many variaties and can use them creatively, at least Blake hasn't broken that.'

She stopped her actions but still didn't look at him. She just stared in the mug of muesli.

'I like to talk to **you**, not to the Companion with the many layers and walls around her.'

**The porch**

Mal stood up quickly. He felt like he was invading now. He knew exaclty how Thomas felt. Those walls, those layers, he hated them. They brought so much hurt. He knew he'd had them himself too, those walls. You thought they protected you, but in the end, all they gave you was a lot of coldness. He shivered as he moved away from the bench quickly, as if he wanted to have that feeling away when he almost bumped into someone who opened the door softly. It was Inara who collided with his body by accident, she leaned against his chest and looked up at him with big eyes. He saw her eyes shine, as if she had tears in them. And then he saw that she recognised him. She studied his eyes. And it was like they both knew that they had both overheard Thomas and Sivella's last words. They kissed each other simultanously as they held onto each other tightly. It was as if they both realised all too well what they both had been doing for so long. What they had been missing out on.

**Kitchen**

She looked up at him at that, with a fierce look. 'You _are_ talking to _me_.' She stated.

He shook his head. 'It saddens me that you still feel the need to push me away. I would have helped you you know, if I had known. If you'd only said something.' He saw something change in her eyes. Her lip trembled ever so slightly before she pushed that away.

'You don't know what you are talking about.' She said as she walked towards the fridge to put the milk back. When she turned around he was standing behind her.

'Why don't you explain?' He said as he looked down at her.

She passed him. 'I don't feel the need to.'

'Yes, why don't you run away again? You always run.' He stated.

That made her stop in her tracks angrily. 'What did you say?' She snapped.

'What? Are you denying that you always run?'

'I do not always run.' She stated poiseness.

'In fact, it's what you are best at, running. You should become a runner, if that were a proffesion. But then again, you're pretty good at putting layers around you and masks and manipulating so your current proffesion is probably best suited for you.'

'You- You're such a-' She began as she looked for a mean word.

**The Porch**

'It's pretty bad between them.' Mal whispered softly against her ear. She could feel his warm breath tickling her skin. She nodded sadly against his chin as she sought his lips again.

'At least they're facing each other.' Inara said after a long kiss. She held Mal's face between her hands as she stared at him.

'She's a good woman, your friend.' Mal said.

Inara smiled. 'Yes, a good woman with big claws sadly enough.' She got a sad look on her face. 'And it's only become worse. I so hope..' Inara paused momentarily.

'What?' Mal asked softly.

'I so hope that she'll let him close.' She studied his face again, her nostrils wide. 'I denied myself so long.' Inara said as she caressed his cheek. 'Buddha knows how many times I pushed you away, while I really... Really wanted you close.' She admitted softly.

Mal nodded as he kissed her again.

**Kitchen**

'What? Why don't you tell me what I am?' He said as he walked towards her slowly. 'Did you swallow your tongue? Out of words suddenly? Somehow I find that hard to believe.'

'You're a stupid, annoying, irritating, obnoxious, arrogant bastard! Why are you here?! WHY! Is it to torment me?' Sivella shouted heatedly.

'Do you want to know why? Really?' He asked as he was standing almost near her now.

'Why don't you tell me.' Sivella spat at him as she put her hands in her sides.

'Are you sure? Because I know your habit of rather running away and sticking your head in the sand then facing something.'

'O please, don't spare me!' Sivella shot at him sharply as she felt insulted by his remark.

He seemed to think for a moment.

'Is it to torment the little Companion?!' Sivella bit at him in a sarcastic tone, thinking that he took too long to answer. 'Does it make you feel better about yours-' Her words got smothered the moment he pushed his mouth on hers and kissed her passionately. Her breathing caught in her throat as he pushed her hard against his body. She froze instantly. After a few seconds he let go. She was too shocked to react instantly.

**The porch**

Inara and Mal both had stopped kissing seconds ago, with Inara's forehead pushed against his chin, and there bodies close they listened and stood like frozen. It was clear to them what had just happened inside. Inara flinched when she heard the familiar sound of a slap in the face.

'Ouch.' Mal mumbled in her hair as he imagined Thomas getting slapped in his face. He felt Inara move away from him and moving toward the door but he stopped her.

'Maybe better let them be.'

'They'll kill each other.' Inara said worried.

'We didn't kill each other did we?' He reminded her softly.

Inara sighed softly. _She hated feeling so powerless._

**Kitchen**

'How dare you!' Sivella stated as she panted hard and looked at Thomas with obvious anger.

'What? You wanted the answer. Now you've got it.' Thomas said dryly as he shrugged, _he had warned her after all.._

She took a step back and pulled Inara's large scarve around her slender frame closer to her body. 'And you got my answer back.' She snapped coldly.

'Ofcourse, how else would you have reacted.'

'You don't get to kiss me, ever again.' She stated coldly as she looked at him warningly.

'That's okay.' He said nonchalantly as he crossed his arms in front of his broad chest again. 'You'll kiss me soon enough. I'll just wait for that.' He smirked.

'I will help you out of that dream instantly.' She snapped coldly. She took a step towards him. 'I won't put any more of my energy in you because you are beneath me.' She snapped as she marched off.

**The porch**

Inara held her breath as she heard Sivella leaving angrily.

'This seems awkwardly familiar.' Mal whispered in her ear.

Inara remembered how she had cried so hard, how hurt she had been the moment Mal had come out of Nandi's room in the morning. She knew for sure that Sivella would feel bad right now too.

Inara stared at Thomas back through the window. She didn't see him though, she saw something else. She saw her pushing Mal away. Over and over. She saw him pushing her away. The insults, the fights, the anger. O, and yes, how she had wanted to fight him days ago. How much easier that made everything. How good it was to keep him further away then an arms length. But at the same time how she would miss him.

She remembered the way he had stepped in front of her instantly when Joe had pointed the gun at her. He would have given his life for her. How he had held her when she had cried so hard when she had felt so hurt by Sivella. How he had promised her to help her with Sivella. He was always there. He always came for her. She knew that. And she saw clearly now what Sivella was doing. And what she was doing. Sivella had been right. It was almost the same. Inara looked up at Mal again.

'Mal, I have to go to her.' Inara said softly as she loosened herself slowly and pushed one light kiss against his mouth. Her thoughts already occupied with her friend.

He nodded in agreement.

**Sivella's room**

Inara knocked.

'No.' Came Sivella's answer.

Inara smirked as she opened the door anyway, being greeted by a warning glare from Sivella who was sitting on the ground with her back against the wall. When she recognised Inara her eyes turned warmer.

'Inara, I was just sitting and thinking-' She began in a normal voice, trying to convince Inara that everything was okay but Inara knew better. She closed the distance between them quickly and sat down next to Sivella who was trying to choke away her tears.

'I heard everything.' Inara clearified softly as she put her arm around Sivella's shoulders.

'That must have been a show.' Sivella muttered as she pulled up her knees and rested her chin against them.

'No it wasn't, it was horrible.' Inara said softly as she pushed away a strand of Sivella's hair out of her face.

'Yes it was, wasn't it?' Sivella asked as she looked with tearstained eyes up at Inara. 'I can be so mean.' She said as tears began to roll over her cheeks.

Inara sighed deep. 'You're just afraid. Like I was.' Inara said as she caressed Sivella's hair. 'And believe me, I was very afraid.' She said as she pulled Sivella against her.

'Just cry. Cry as much as you want.' Inara whispered as she made soothing motions over Sivella's back.

'This is a nightmare, I don't know what to do. I feel horrible.' Sivella's voice came in panick. 'O Inara, so many things went wrong. So many things. I need rest.'

'Yes you do.' Inara whispered. 'Everything will become clear if you listen to yourself. Just relax, let it all wash over you.' Inara said soothingly.

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And what did you think? Please let me know, I hope it wasn't too sappy... But I began this story with in the back of my mind the idea that someone else then Inara would have the same problems then she had, with Mal, and I wanted Inara and Mal to notice that in some sort of way so I USED Sivella and Thomas. (poor them!) Next chapter will be full of action again....


	27. Chapter 27

**Hi!! Thanks so much for the reviews! Here's a short chapter which is kind of dark, it's rather short but the ending chapters will be longer I promise!**

**Evening**

A frightened cry escaped her lips when she almost bumped into someone.

'Sivella, there's no need to be so jumpy.' Aunt Petulia's friendly voice came. She got a worried look on her face instantly.

'I'm sorry.' Sivella said quickly. A Companion wasn't allowed to be jumpy at all, but then again, it had been so long since everything that had happened that she had used her training. And in truth, she didn't feel like a Companion anymore in such a long time now. She couldn't stop the cold fear that spread through her every time she heard unexpected noises, everytime someone stood behind her. She had to admit to herself that she was afraid, and very stressed.

Petulia sighed as she put her hand on Sivella's arm. 'You are safe here. There is no one here who will hurt you.' She said as she looked deep in Sivella's eyes.

Sivella nodded quickly. It was as if her aunt could read her mind and knew exactly which demons and ghosts Sivella's was battling. _Or maybe they weren't ghosts... Because in her mind it all was very real.._ 'Yes, thankyou.' She whispered as she looked down with big eyes.

'I came to tell you that Grace just waved. She'll be arriving tomorrow in the morning. She really likes to see you.' Petulia said as she smiled warmly at her niece.

Sivella nodded as her face lit up at the prospect of seeing Grace. 'I like to see her too, she is a very sweet woman.' She smiled.

'Now go to sleep.' Petulia said as she kissed Sivella on her cheek. 'And tomorrow we will talk, if you want to.' She said as she caressed Sivella's cheek.

Sivella sighed as she closed the door to her room. The problem was that she couldn't relax. She was on her guard all the time. Her muscles were tensed always. She walked towards her bed and crawled under the blankets and closed her eyes.

Sivella stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes. She was cold. She looked at the window. It was open. She slipped out of bed carefully, her bare feet hitting the cold wooden floor as she walked towards the window. She didn't remember opening it. She always slept with a closed window.

Again a cold, dreading feeling spread through her whole body instantly. No, she was safe here. This was her aunt's ranch. There was no one around. Inara was here, her aunt, the whole crew of Serenity, Thomas, what could happen? Nothing! She scolded herself slightly. She looked around her room to convince herself. She was still holding her breath in fear as she swallowed. There was no one there. _There is no one here._ She told herself sternly as she swallowed again, her throat felt so thick. She felt so afraid. _She should stop this, she would ruin herself like this._ She studied the faint shadows of the curtains, the long mirror and the lonely chair next to her window. She sighed again and closed her eyes shortly. _I am safe here. Blake isn't here_. And she should really not let that man still frighten her. She turned around as she took in a breath to calm herself as she saw a dark silhouette in the mirror standing behind her. Her breathing hitched as she felt cold hands grabbing her close and something cold against her throat. Her eyes widened in horror when she recognised Blake's face in the mirror. He grinned widely.

'Did you really think I wouldn't come for you?' His low edgy voice sent shivers up her spine instantly.

Her eyes went from his face to the hand and the sharp knife that he held around her throat. _This wasn't real was it? This is not real! But why could she feel the texture of his rough hand against her warm skin? Why could she feel the coldness and sharpness of the dangerous knife against her throat?_

'I see that my dear friend is here too.' He smiled widely.

Her mouth opened in shock when her thoughts went to Thomas instantly.

'Yes, I mean Tommy.' His eyes bored into her in the mirror. She could see the dark and agressive look in them.

'You've put a spell on him too haven't you?' She felt his warm breath torturing the skin on her shoulders and neck.

The sharp knife pushed harder in her skin.

'It doesn't matter.' He whispered as if he assured her of something. 'I took care of him.' He grinned when he felt her breathing hitch again.

Then she noticed that there was already blood on the knife. And it wasn't hers.

She inhaled in shock._ Was it Tommy's? Was that Tommy's blood? Her eyes became watery from unshed tears. Please no... She wanted to ask him whose blood that was but she couldn't, no words would come out of her mouth._

'Did you really think I would let you get away like this? You should have known me better. You're mine, and no one elses.' He stated as he made a fast move with his hand. The knife cut through her flesh before she could even swallow again. He turned her around fast as she grabbed at her throat in shock and with wide eyes. Blood was flooding out and she couldn't breath anymore. She looked at him in horror. _This was it._

'I've dreamt of this moment for so long.' He said in delight as he looked her struggling form up and down and smiled in delight.

She looked at the blood that flooded over her hands, she fell on her knees. She tried to steady herself on the bed. She couldn't close the wound.

'Goodbye Sivella._'_

_She shouldn't have been so naive. She should have known. She should have expected him.._ The pain was excruciating. She couldn't breath, it panicked her. She heard him laugh in the background. Her throat felt awful, she gurgled and collapsed against the floor. Her hand left her throat. She couldn't stop the bleeding anymore. The blood flooded from her, she could see her life slip from her with every drop. A large pool began to form around her face. She saw his black shoes, heard them leave through the window. She closed her eyes as her lost thoughts were of the people she cared for. Thomas, Inara, aunt Petulia...

**Mal's room**

Mal's door opened and he looked up from the bed and saw Inara. He was reading a book. He swallowed as she looked at him and dropped her black silken nightgown, it pooled at her ankles revealing a red silk neglige.

Mal's throat grew thick instantly. 'You should know that you're doin' a lot to me by just standing there.' Mal mumbled as he eyed her in surprise. _What was she planning? They had agreed to take it slow._

'Really?' She asked mischievously as she walked elegantly and slowly towards hhis bed. 'I think that's a good thing.' She said in a low voice as she climbed onto the bed.

He put the book on his nightstand.

She climbed in his lap, both legs on either side of him. He groaned. _What was the woman doing to him?!_

'I did some thinking.' She said as her hands went through his unruly hair.

He looked up at her and noticed again how beautiful she was. And how warm she felt so close to him.

'Ya did?' He mumbled, _he wasn't able to think anymore, very soon now. _

She played with the hair on his forehead as she smiled warmly at him. 'I decided to start a new client registry.' Inara said softly as she closed the small gap between them and kissed him.

Inara noticed how he didn't kiss her back. She loosened her lips and looked in his eyes.

'And that's good how?' Mal asked. She could see the guarded expression in his light eyes.

'I am changing my status. I'm going to work as a Companion, but not with the physical part.' She explained as she looked at him with big eyes.

Mal swallowed. 'Which means..' He asked carefully.

'That I'll just be a Companion to my clients, and that I draw the line at engaging in any sexual activity with them.'

Mal held his breath and stared at her. A wonderfull happy feeling spread through his whole chest, he smiled widely and then kissed her hard.

'I know you Mal.' She said the moment they broke apart. 'I know you had a lot of trouble with me bedding my clients.' She said. She looked at him meaningfully.

_Yes he had trouble with that, a lot. Always had. But he didn't want to push her away either. So_ _he had chosen to just let it be for the moment, with pain in his heart though. He knew that that was always the point between them, he was too afraid to have a fight with her because of it. So he had chosen it to be the safer and better way to just let it be for a while. To work on a relationship and think about those issues later on._

Inara uttered a surprised cry as Mal picked her up from his lap and placed her on her back on the bed in one swift move.

'I take it you agree with my decision?' Inara asked as Mal began to kiss her arms passionately and his hands pulled her neglige up agonisingly slow.

'Am just makin' sure that you ain't goin' to regret it, is all.' He muttered innocently as he shrugged and revealed her warm skin inch by inch.

He loved the feel of her skin under his fingertips.

She smiled.

'Now, let's see what it is that _you_ like.' He said in a low primal voice. _She had always satisfied others, studied what they liked, and now he wanted to satisfy her, find out what she liked instead. And he was going to love doing just that._

**Breakfast**

Inara looked around her. She felt wonderful and in a weird way, whole. As if she had finally found something that had been missing all this time.

'Is Sivella not up yet?' She asked as she sat herself down. She had been a bit late this morning and had thought Sivella would already be downstairs. She smiled at the memory of why she was so late. It had been very difficult to get out of Mal's strong and warm embrace. Not only because she wanted to stay in his arms, so close to his body forever, but also because when she finally decided to part from him he hadn't agreed which had in the end forced her to pinch him again. He had just smirked at her at that and kissed her passionately again. Which had won her over again and she had agreed to stay in his arms for five more minutes. She was sure that he had kissed every single inch of skin in her neck after that, making her tremble in anticipation. But after a short while she had forced herself to go downstairs and meet the others. She had to practically order him to come with her. Finally they had managed to loosen each other, but later then they were expected.

'No, I haven't seen her.' Aunt Petulia said as she poored coffee in Mal's mug.

Inara enjoyed the soft and warm look on Mal's face. _Dear Buddha, how she loved that man. He practically glowed and she was sure that she was glowing too._

Inara stood up as she thought of Sivella. 'I'll go and get her.' She said as she walked towards the stairs.

Inara pondered that Sivella must have slept in. She knocked on her door and heard nothing.

'Sivella?' Still no answer.

'Sivella are you there?' Inara opened the door carefully and saw an empty bed. The sheets were ruffled, indicating that she had slept in the bed.

'Sivella?' Inara asked as she walked towards the bed and looked around the room.

'Sivella!' Inara shouted as she saw Sivella lying on the other side of the bed, on the ground.

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Oeee...... Poor Sivella! What did you think??


	28. Chapter 28

Hi everyone, thanks for the reviews, I'm a bit late with replying but I still will, for now the rest of the story...

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Sivella opened her eyes and looked at Inara sleepily.

'Inara.' She said in a low voice.

'What are you doing on the floor?' Inara inquired worried as she squatted near her instantly.

'I was just thinking.' Sivella said in a sad tone as she looked at the ceiling. 'And then I must have fallen asleep.' She sat up slowly and held her head. 'How late is it?'

'Well, you're late for breakfast. Everyone is already downstairs having breakfast for a while now.' Inara said.

'O.' Sivella groaned as she rubbed her eyes. _It was like everything just hurt._

'You had a bad night?' Inara inquired in a soft tone.

Sivella nodded as she sat herself on the bed. 'Yes.' She paused momentarily when she thought back of last night. 'I dreamt about Blake. Who else?' Sivella looked at Inara. 'He killed me.... He sliced my throat.' She put her hand against her throat as if she remembered it vividly. 'There was so much blood... And I couldn't do anything.' Sivella looked away when her eyes became watery. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then looked back at Inara. 'It felt so real. I just died, right there on the floor. I hate how vivid my dreams are.' She said exhausted.

'How did you end up on the floor?' Inara asked surprised.

'I lied down for a moment there, just to think. I have a lot to think about.'

**Hallway**

Inara's breath caught in her throat when two arms suddenly sneaked around her waist and she got pulled against a warm chest. 'Mal.' She smiled as he kissed her neck.

He suddenly held up a flower for her. She raised an eyebrow in surprise and took the flower.

'Surprised?' Mal asked with a smug look on his face.

She looked at him with big eyes. 'I just didn't know that you were that romantic.'

'Guess there are a lot a things you don't know 'bout me. Maybe you should find out.' Mal said as gave her a big cheeky wink.

'Maybe I should.' Inara said in a warm and low voice as she eyed him and linked her arm through his.

**The porch**

Sivella sighed as she saw Thomas lying on the wooden bench on the porch. He was sleeping. She froze, didn't want to wake him and took a few minutes to study him. It was so much easier if his eyes were closed. She studied his tall, strong frame and a shudder went through her. _Why did things always have to be so difficult?_ She closed her eyes momentarily. _She had been so mean to him. That hadn't been her. That had been her fear speaking. Her need to protect herself_. She felt the scar on her cheek. Ever since what happened, that need to protect herself had become very strong. She walked towards him softly and sat down next to him on the wooden bench. She remembered what Pete had said. _Could it really be that he cared about her?_ She softly touched his hair. It felt so soft. Her finger followed the line of his cheek. She felt the stubbles of his coming beard under her finger. _No, this wasn't what she wanted to change in. She should apologise. And she would, it was just __**SO**__ difficult.. Because he would come close again, too close_.. She swallowed as she felt fear building up in the pit of her stomach again.

She looked at his lips. He looked so peaceful. _Maybe she could... No, she shouldn't._ She looked around her to see if there was no one who could see her. _But if she would... She would know and then she could push it away._ She bended forward slightly and placed her lips on his softly. _Dear Buddha, don't wake up. Don't._ She quickly let go. He hadn't woken up. And there was no one around. _Maybe she could do that again, just to lose some frustrating feelings, just to vent somehow_. Her lips found his again and she found herself enjoying the feel of his lips. She automatically took his bottom lip between her teeth slowly and suckled on it with her tongue. She loosened herself instantly and jumped up as she panted hard.

_What was she doing?! Had she gone crazy? Did she feel guilty allright! How low could she go? Kissing a man while he was out? Practically raping him?_ She sighed in frustration as she turned her back towards him shortly. _Great, something new to add to the long list of things she wasn't happy about on herself. And it didn't help with the feelings at all! She wanted to rip off his clothes and make love to him right there. But why was it so difficult for her to admit this when the man in fact was consciouss? Wouldn't it be more fun to have the other person participating? It probably was so difficult because the man himself was just irritating and annoying to no ends._

Thomas woke up with a start suddenly.

Sivella took a step back in shock.

Then he recognised her. 'Sivella?' He asked groggily as he rubbed his eyes.

'I was just, I wasn't.... You were, it's not like I was.. You were..'_ Great I am stuttering again! _Sivella scolded herself. She noticed how he raised his eyebrows in suprise at her stammering.

'Sll... sleeping.' She said quickly as she straightened her dress. _And raping you. A treachourous voice in the back of her head added to that._

He sat up straight and looked around him as if to coordinate himself. He flexed his muscular torso probably because the bench had been harder against his back then he had anticipated.

Sivella took another step back and leaned against the porch railing. She needed support, something to stop her heart from beating like a wild hammer against her chest.

She swallowed. _Don't think about what you just did. O, imagine if he had woken up then! That would have been awful!_

'I came to apologise.' She said quickly, before she would just want to run off. _How was it even possible that she, the Trained Companion who could wind a lot of men around her finger just like that stood trembling and feeling like a little girl in front of this man?_

Thomas looked up at that as he settled his back against the bench again.

'I am sorry for what I said.' She turned towards him as her dark eyes gazed into his seriously. 'I was mean. I shouldn't have been.' She looked in the distance and saw Mal and Inara walking there, hand in hand. She smiled slightly at the sight of them.

Thomas followed her gaze.

'You aren't beneath me.' She looked back at him. 'Not at all. No one is.' She closed her eyes shortly. She shook her head as she let go of the railing and turned towards him fully. 'I am a mess right now. My whole life.. Is a mess. I can't use any more complications.' She gave him a sad look. 'I am sorry.' She said as took a step towards the door to leave.

'Did you think about me?' Thomas asked.

'What?' Sivella asked as she turned around.

'Did you ever think about me?' He asked as he studied her face. It didn't move, but then again she was trained to show nothing. 'When you were gone?' He added softly. He wanted to know.

_It was so easy to lie. So easy to say no. But she remembered all those times she thought about him, how it had helped her to move on. _

She was at a loss for words. 'Uhm..I- Well... I... Maybe sometimes a bit.' She finished lamely.

He smirked. He knew very well what it meant when she was at a loss for words.

'But I, I thought about a lot of people..' _So it really didn't mean a thing that I thought about you... _She quickly added to that.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and raised an eyebrow in irritation as he shook his head and breathed out. It seemed like he had held his breath for a long time. He stood up and Sivella wanted to take a step back, eventhough he wasn't close at all, but still. She wanted as much room between them as possible. But she didn't move. She didn't want to show how much this affected her.

'It hurt me when you had dissapeared into thin air. Just like that.' He said as he remembered the moment he had found out she was gone vividly. 'I went after you, wanted to know why you didn't say goodbye. How you could have just left like that. I care-'

'Thomas wait!' Sivella interrupted quickly as she held up her hand to stop him.

He stopped midsentence with his mouth still open.

'I owed you an explenation earlier, I'm sorry about that.' She said as she breathed in quickly. 'I didn't say goodbye because I had to leave quickly. It had nothing to do with you, if there had been time I would have said goodbye. I would. But... And then Edward came after me, I had to protect myself... He would kill me so I had to go instantly.'

He nodded. 'I understand.'

'No...' She shook her head. 'You don't understand.' Sivella said as she took a step towards him. 'He took everything from me. My dignity... ' She got a hurt and angry frown between her brows. 'He ruined me. All that's left is this mean woman who lashes out to everyone. You deserve better.' Her facial expression had grown hard and cold.

'I'm sorry that I kissed you.' Thomas suddenly said.

She gave him a surprised and confused look at the change of subject.

'I mean, I didn't mind kissing you, it was the way I did it. I shouldn't have done that, it was the wrong moment. Next time I'll wait until you kiss me.' He smiled at her.

She still seemed confused.

Sivella shook her head after a short moment of letting his words sink in. 'That won't happen. Don't you understand? Nothing can happen between us. We're too different and you hate what I do. You are a good man, so I wish you the best. And that's all I wish for you.' She stated as she turned and walked towards the door again.

'Really?' He asked as he took a step towards her.

She stopped in her pace again. _She really didn't feel up to this. She wanted this conversation to be over, again. He wouldn't let her go easily, that was clear_. She turned around irritated. As she eyed him annoyed from under he big, long and dark eyelashes.

'I don't agree. But that's nothing new isn't it? Us disagreeing?' He said as he looked down at her with a stern look in his eyes.

Sivella swallowed. _Had he just grown a few inches? He seemed so tall all of a sudden. _'Thomas, I am in a mess right now. A big mess and I-'

'I want to kiss you.' He said.

'W- What?' She spat out surprised.

'I wanted to kiss you the moment you stepped into the living room. And I would have if you hadn't been hurt that badly.' He explained.

'Did you hear anything about what I was saying?' She asked irritated.

'About you being a mess you mean?' He asked as he looked at a stray curl in her face.

'Yes, I am serious about that. I am a difficult person-'

'As if I don't know that. I've seen you being difficult in all sorts of ways these last years remember? And I made a decision. I decided that if I would find you, I wouldn't let you push me away, whatever you do or say.'

'And what if I don't want you close?' Sivella shot at him with a challenging glare as she narrowed her eyes at him.

'Do you really think that?' Thomas asked as he took another step closer to her.

She heaved her chin and had a determined look in her eyes. 'I don't think it, I know it. Maybe I don't like you at all.' Sivella stated sternly.

He read her eyes shortly. 'You are testing me.'

'No. I don't like you. You should take a hint when you see one, how many hints did I already give you? How clear can I be? I never liked you. And you know it.'

'Just repeat the not liking me part while you look me straight in the eyes.' He said in a simple and friendly tone as he stepped into her personal space.

She could feel his warm breath on her cheeks. She looked away from his intense gaze. She wanted to inhale breath but she didn't want to show any weakness. She just… Froze.

'Just do it Sivella, look me in the eye and say that you want me to leave.' He said.

She didn't answer. He could see her jaw clenching.

'O come one, you aren't going to tell me that this is difficult for you are you?' Thomas prodded mockingly.

She didn't answer.

'What will you do? Push me away, or hurt me? You're thinking about that right now. Which choice will it be this time Sivella?' Thomas urged as he put his hands in his sides.

'You think I am that predictable?' She suddenly snapped as her dark eyes finally met his, she had guarded herself with a fierce look in them.

'I think that you are fooling yourself.'

'I am choosing the hurting you option. You shouldn't be here! Not with me. I have nothing to offer you, why can't you see that?!' She snapped.

'I don't care what you have to offer, I just want you.' Thomas' voice came.

'You want me?' Sivella asked slowly in a dangerous voice as she took a step towards Thomas. They were only inches apart now.

'Tell me Thomas, what do you want about me? What part of my body do you want?'

She asked in a low seductive voice that was filled with venom.

'What are you doing?' Thomas asked as he eyed her.

'What is it that you want from me Thomas! Why don't you just TAKE what you WANT and have it done with!' Sivella shouted as she pushed herself up against him.

Thomas took her wrists to stop her.

'What? Will you hit me now? Come on Thomas, just hit me! Make me feel what I deserve!' She snapped as she felt his strong grip against both of her wrists.

'Is that what Blake told you?' Thomas asked shocked. That took away some of the anger in her eyes and replaced it with confusion and a vulnerability he had almost never seen in her.

'You only want me in your bed!' She quickly countered. 'And then? You'll just discard me like trash!' Sivella shouted as she tried to loosen her wrists from him.

'What are you talking about?! I would never, ever do that!' Thomas snapped as he let go of her.

Sivella swallowed as her arms fell to her sides. 'Thomas, Just leave me be..' She said in a weak voice.

'I liked you from the first moment that I saw you. I didn't know it then, but I do now. If I'd have known that Blake was doing these things to you, I would have helped you. And yes, I don't like your job. But I do like you. And I think you like me too. You're just not admitting it to yourself. I've gotten to know you. I've had plenty of time to study you on all these party's you were at. I know your manners, your little ways, I know it when you're pushing something away. When you're stuttering for instance, a Companion never stutters. You are attracted to me.'

'That is not the case at a-' Sivella stated but stopped and caught her breath the moment he stepped up against her. She felt his chest against hers, she felt warmth radiating from him and she swallowed. He looked down at her with a smirk on his face.

'No? Then why is your breath catching?' He asked.

'I have that with all men, that is an automatic response.' She defended herself.

He bended towards her ear. _Ow, how she hated it when she felt her heart beating even faster then it already was._

'Yes, ofcourse.' He said mockingly. 'I'll wait for you.' He whispered. She trembled on her feet as he left. She walked towards the railing slowly as she almost felt her knees buckle. She quickly grabbed it and leaned against the hard wood.

'Sivella.' A female voice called behind her.

Sivella turned and look with big eyes at Grace. 'Grace.' She said as Grace walked towards her and hugged her.

'How long have you been here?' She asked surprised.

'I came in for breakfast, but you weren't there. Petulia showed me around the house, I decided to give you some time to wake up and everything.'

Sivella smiled as she nodded and eyed the woman.

'Sivella, I feel so guilty. I didn't know you were in so much trouble.' Grace Blake said. _This had been in her mind all this time, she just wanted it out now._

'O, no.' Sivella shook her head as she took both of Grace's shoulders. 'It was my own choice to not tell you. I didn't want anyone to find out that I brought Mary and David to you. And I thought that I could get away fast enough.' She let her hands drop to her sides. 'Unfortunately Edward found me.' Sivella said as she looked at Petulia's garden.

She felt Grace study her face, her eyes looking at the scar and light bruises there.

'Still, I am so sorry.' Grace sighed. 'Will you forgive me?'

Sivella looked at her. 'Forgive you? There is nothing to forgive.'

'Yes there is.' Grace urged as she took another step towards Sivella.

'I did nothing, you did everything. And you payed a too big a price.'

Sivella shook her head. 'O Grace. It's behind us now. If you want my forgiveness, you have it. Just take good care of Mary and David.' Sivella said.

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To be continued!!!!! Please let me know what you thought!! That always makes me happy! :)


	29. Chapter 29

It had been a lovely morning, if you lived in the moment that was. If she didn't think of what she had to do, and what was to come.

No, this morning was lovely. The sky was blue, the grass had the beautiful colour green, she saw Inara walking with her aunt and laughing. She heard the birds, so peaceful. Sivella felt free in that moment, she took off her shoes and slipped of the stairs to feel the slight wet grass under her bare feet. She took in the damp air of the morning air and felt her hair softly against her cheek by the slight wind that blew against her face.

000

'Grace seems like a very nice woman.' Petulia said as she stared in the distance where she saw the silhouettes of Grace and Sivella.

Inara nodded. 'Yes, I agree. I'm glad that she is willing to testify against her own brothers.'

'How horrible to have a family like that.' Petulia said sadly.

Inara nodded.

000

'The garden is very pretty.' Grace said as she bended to touch one of the flowers.

Sivella smiled. 'Yes it is. My aunt always loved gardening and her flowers. She was always very angry when I took a few of them to put them in a vase on her table.' She walked towards Grace and studied the smaller woman shortly. She was so glad that she was here.

'I can imagine that somehow..' Grace admitted as she raised an eyebrow at Sivella.

'Well I can't, how sweet is it to get flowers from a child that she has picked herself?' Sivella countered with a smirk.

Grace smiled as she imagined Sivella picking the flowers out of the garden and putting them on her aunts table.

'I bet that you were a cheeky girl.' Grace commented as she smiled warmly at Sivella.

**Blood, she hated the colour of blood. Once it had been one of her favourite colours, red. The fierceness of the colour, the beauty, the colour had passion in itself. But now, all it stood for was pain, damage, hurt. So much hurt**

000

'I am glad that she has you. It's so serene here, she might find some rest. She really needs it.' Inara said.

Petulia sighed sadly and nodded. 'Thankyou.' She smirked as she saw Sivella taking Grace by her arm and leading her towards the woods further away.

'At the looks of it, Sivella is going to her favourite place. We should follow her, it's beautiful.' Petulia suggested.

'What is it?' Inara asked as they walked towards them.

'It's the highest point from here, you can see over the cliff in the deepness and the rocks beneath, you can look really far. Sivella always went there as a child, I warned her not to go alone, it's very high. I suspect that she went anyway.' Petulia said in a stern voice.

Inara smiled. _That was probable._

000

'Isn't it beautiful here?' Sivella asked as she widened her arms and stood near the edge of the cliff. 'I always came here as a child, in secret ofcourse, Petulia wouldn't allow me to stand so near the edge.' _And she understood that now, it was a long way to fall down if you slipped_. Sivella looked up at the blue sky. 'I felt so free.'

'Yes.' Grace answered in awe as she looked at the surroundings and went to stand next to Sivella.

Grace studied the rich pattern of Sivella's dress as the young woman had picked up one of her aunts flowers, no doubt to put in a vase anyway to remember old times. It was good to see her smile again. Grace noted how well the white dress stood Sivella, it made her look soft and warm. With the tiny, sweet flowers spread all over the dress. Grace frowned when she saw that a red dot had appeared on the dress. She narrowed her eyes as she moved her hand towards the dot.

000

Inara's head shot up the moment they heard a loud, alarming noise. She looked at Petulia and they both quickly ran through the small forest towards the cliff. Her mouth fell open as she saw Grace pushing Sivella, Sivella grabbed her by her arm and they both fell of the cliff. Inara swallowed, she couldn't believe it. But both woman dissapeared from her view in only an instant.

'NOOO!!" Inara shouted in horror with wide eyes as she and Petulia both ran towards the cliff.

Inara suddenly got pushed back hard and was dragged behind a tree. She fought and fought and kicked her attacker in his crotch. Without looking back she ran towards the cliff. She wanted to go there as fast as possible.

Thomas fell in the sand in pain but tried to get up instantly.

000

Sivella saw the blue sky above her and she just stared at it, motionless. As if time had stopped.. She felt the hard rocky ground pushing against her skin. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

She remembered that she was standing on her aunts meadow, the one she had turned into a beautiful garden with patches of colourful flowers.

She remembered that this had been just one day that she had wanted to relax. One day before she would go to Court on House Madrassa.

She had been standing there together with Grace, sweet Grace.

She had felt peaceful in that moment. She had shown Grace one of her most favourite places, the freedom she had felt by just the endless view from the cliff.

She remembered Grace's face, her grey blue eyes that looked at her radiantly.

She remembered how well she could always talk with Grace, how she had loved to talk to Grace when she was still on Sandria.

How Grace had taken in David and Mary instantly to help. Grace smiled as she looked at Sivella's dress.

And then...

Something changed in her face.

First she saw a cringe between Grace's brows, then they knitted further together and the look on her face became very serious, alarming almost.

Grace moved her hand to Sivella's dress and then, everything changed. Sivella felt how Grace pushed her away, pulled her arm to unbalance her, Sivella didn't understand... at the same time the back of her mind registered a loud sound, as they fell and the ground disappeared under them.

In that moment, the moment that there was no ground under her feet, the fear she felt because she knew she would fall, fall in an endlessness...

The endlessness wasn't that endless when she collided with something hard and something hard fell on her instantly, pushing all the air out of her lungs.

She registered cries and screams from the distance, coming closer. She didn't know Inara could cry so high-pitched.

It was as if she awoke again and she tried to straighten again. She registered that the weight that blocked her was Grace. She grabbed Grace around both of her upper arms and sat up slowly, pain shot through her. She didn't understand where it came from. She looked down at her dress. The pretty small flowers on the dress had dissapeared under the dominant colour of **dark red**. Sivella's eyes grew big as she looked at that same colour on her hands and she looked at Grace. **Red, she hated that colour red.** She vagely heard the screams in the distance coming closer but it was as if she couldn't register everything anymore.

'Sivella!!' Inara shouted from the cliff. She had dropped herself on the ground and was looking over the edge now. She was relieved to see both Sivella and Grace lying a few meters lower, they hadn't fallen all the way down. They were lying on the edge of one of the rocks.

A hard pull around her arm as if her arm was pulled out of it's socket and a smash in her face. Inara's face slapped to the other side into the dirt as the arm loosened her and left her there.

All that Sivella could do was look in Grace's eyes. The grey blue eyes that were filled with fear and hurt now. Sivella swallowed as she grabbed Grace to steady her.

Sivella's mind registered the shadow that had been standing far away near the trees and woods. She knew who it was. Somewhere, deep inside, she had known that he wasn't dead. Another shot ran through the air and all Sivella worried about was Grace as the pain shot through her and she slammed backwords against the rocks again. Screams in the distance.. Blood on the front of her dress, sticky. And red..

Inara looked up and registered in shock the anger filled face of Edward Blake above her. She stood up to attack him as he suddenly flew through the air. Her mouth fell open as she followed Edward's form that landed a meter further on the ground. Mal had grabbed him and jumped on top of him now. She looked up as Rogan came out of nowhere with a raised gun.

'Mal!' Inara shouted shocked but Thomas already jumped Rogan from behind. Both men fell to the ground, dustclouds forming around them.

Inara's eyes went to Petulia who was lying motionless in the sand, face down.

Grace's eyes went to Sivella's shoulder and Sivella followed her look and noticed that the blood was also on her shoulder. She then noticed the blood on Grace's abdomen. Sivella shook her head the moment she realised that Grace was hurt and she opened her mouth and formed words but she didn't hear her own voice. Her own plea that everything was okay with Grace.

Inara looked at Grace and Sivella who both sat on their knees in front of each other, gazes locked in shock, both covered in blood. They didn't take their eyes of of each other.

'Grace..' Sivella said in a trembling voice as her eyes stood big in shock. She didn't want this. _She knew what was coming, what was happening but she didn't want this._

'Sivella, I'm sorry..' Grace uttered.

Inara couldn't move. She was lying as frozen on the ground with her head over the edge of the cliff, looking at them.

Thomas looked up distracted as he heard Sivella cry out suddenly.

'No!!!' Sivella shouted as she took Grace in her arms. Blood seeped from the older woman's mouth.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.' She shouted at the top of her lungs.

Thomas face slapped to the other side because of the hit he took from Rogan. He fell on the floor as blood dripped from his lips.

Petulia had stood up and walked with a stick towards Rogan and slapped him on his head with an immense anger. 'That one is for my niece!' She spat at his unconsciouss form.

'Why did you have to jump in front of me?!' Sivella snapped angrily. _The bullit was meant for her! Not for Grace!!_

Grace didn't answer as her eyes began to close.

'NO don't you leave me!' Sivella ordered her sternly as she couldn't hold Grace's weight and they both fell backwords.

'Grace don't you go! Don't you DARE! Stay with us.' Sivella cried as she frantically searched for the wound in all the blood.

'Sivella.' Grace uttered weakly as Sivella took her pulse. 'David and Mary.' She said in a hoarse voice as her hand caressed Sivella's cheek. 'Take care of them.'

Tears left Sivella's eyes. 'No, you'll be here, please Grace. Don't go. You have to stay here.'

'Sivella. Listen.' Grace stated. Her face became paler by the second. 'Promise.. David and Mary.. Take good care..'

'I will.. I will make sure they will be taken care of.' Sivella said quickly.

'No... You. You... Take care of them.'

'Me?' Sivella uttered shocked. 'Grace I am not.. I can't.. I am not a mother person.. I can't.'

Grace smiled as a tear left her eye. 'Yes you can.'

'I I can't..' Sivella stammered as tears left her eyes now too.

'Sweet Sivella. You can do anything you want.' Grace said in an even tone. Her eyes began to role away.

'Ow Grace, please..' Sivella begged as she felt the strenght slipping from Grace's body.

'Sivel..' Grace urged. _She wanted an answer._

'Yes, I promise. I'll make sure they are taken care off.' Sivella promised.

Grace smiled faintly at that and then her eyes closed and her head fell to one side.

'NOOOOOOOOooooooo, Grace Noooooo.' Sivella cried as she cradled Grace to her chest and cried.

'HELP!' She shouted with a raw voice. 'Somebody HELP!' She had no idea what was going on on the upper ground but she opened Grace's blouse and began to reanimate her immediately.

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Well that was a heavy chapter!!! What did you think? Did it look in the beginning like Grace wanted to kill her? (I was trying to confuse you all a bit!!)

Next time, the last chapter!!

xxx


	30. Chapter 30

Hi everyone! Thankyou to all the reviewers! I am SO SORRY for the long wait but my computer just crashed recently.... Here is the last chapter 30! That's a nice number right? I hope the last chapter isn't too sappy haha and that you enjoy!!

**Chapter 30**

'Finally.' Inara said as she hugged Sivella close but softly. She loosened herself from her friend shortly to take in the blood on her dress.

'It isn't mine.' Sivella explained in a emotional, weak voice as she felt the support from Inara's hands on both of her shoulders. 'At least, most of it isn't..' Sivella mumbled as Inara took her in another embrace.

Waiting for Sivella to get up from that ledge seemed to have taken hours, while it was only minutes. It had been dreadful minutes.

'I am sorry, I have to check on you.' The ambulance man said who had helped Sivella up from the ledge.

Inara reluctantly let go of Sivella and nodded softly.

'Let's go here so you can sit.' The man said as he took Sivella towards the other ambulance and sat her down. Inara didn't leave her side.

'Where's Thomas?' Sivella asked as she looked around. Inara followed her gaze.

'He's unconsciouss, the other doctor is with him.' Inara said softly. Mal had gone to him earlier while she had waited for Sivella and Grace to be helped up from the ledge.

'You're lucky that it's just a scratch. As for those ribs, you bruised them badly.' The doctor said after a while. Inara felt relief wash over her. Sivella nodded sadly.

**A** **few minutes later...**

Thomas was lying with his eyes closed on the ground. When he opened them he saw someone looking at his wounds. Then he saw Sivella looking down on him, as she leaned on Inara. He studied her bloodied dress.

'So typical, things happen and you are sleeping through it.' Sivella said harshly.

Inara gave her a shocked look at this blunt comment but Sivella loosened herself from her and squatted near him. Her finger went to his broken lip and trembled in front of it, then she touched the skin softly. He looked up at her as he leaned on his elbow.

'So typical of you to insult a man when he's down.' He groaned in pain. _That man had hit him good._

'Stop muttering and get your big body off the ground already.' Sivella ordered as she

took him under his armpit impatiently to get him up but stopped quickly when she felt pain shooting through her ribs.

The moment he finally stood straight he tried to inhale breath deeply and widened his chest only to get crushed by Sivella who flew in his arms and hugged him closely. Her cheek pressed hard against his chest. He looked with wide astonished eyes at Inara and then clumsily put his arms around her in surprise.

Inara smiled softly as she turned and saw Mal coming towards her. She walked towards him.

'It's going to be allright.' Thomas whispered soothingly in Sivella's hair when he felt her tremble against him.

She looked up at him, her big eyes were watery.

'Is it?' She asked softly.

'It has to be.' He answered softly.

She swallowed as she realised again what this man really meant to her.

'Thankyou.' She whispered as she loosened herself from the intimate embrace quickly and turned her back towards him. She saw Mal and Inara in the distance, Mal stepped forward and hugged Inara close. Sivella sighed. She turned back towards Thomas.

He was already walking away.

'Thomas...' She uttered weakly to stop him.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around to face her. Her eyes looked sad. He saw that she swallowed and looked away shortly.

'I am so sorry that...' Her voice seemed to have left her momentarily, making it difficult for her to finish what she was going to say. Her eyes couldn't meet his.

He could see how much trouble it cost her to say whatever she wanted to tell him.

'... That I gave you such a hard time.' She finished after a short pause as she looked at him again.

_She looked so fragile, so hurt. _

She took a step towards him as she looked up at him.

'I am a proud woman.' She explained as she looked up at him. 'And maybe.. Also stubborn.' She looked away again. 'And I'm hurt. First I told myself that I didn't deserve you, that you would see what kind of person I was anyway and... That you would leave me then.' She bit her bottom lip. 'That's why I had to keep you away from me.' She put her arms around upper body to try and comfort herself a bit. She laughed softly but it wasn't a laugh of joy. It was a laugh of sadness.

'All that time that I was on Serenity, I watched how Mal and Inara acted towards each other and I... I recognised so much. I even gave her advice, can you believe that?'

He just looked at her. Wanting her to finish what she was saying.

Sivella shook her head. 'That seems all so ironic now.' She said as she stared at the ground. 'I mean... Me giving advice while I don't even know what to do with my own life..' Her voice trembled with the last sentence. _I don't even know what to do with my own life, or the people I care for, love..._

'Almost dying gives you another perspective on life. It made me see that I was fooling myself.' She shook her head softly again. 'I was pushing you away because...' She looked away again and swallowed. 'Well..' Her lip trembled. 'Because I was afraid. I _am_ afraid.' She almost whispered now. Her face was crunched up in a smile but sadness radiated from her.

Thomas just stood still, he couldn't move. Didn't dare to step closer to her, although he wanted to.

'So that's out.' She said in a lighter voice. She breathed in deeply. 'That's what I mean with being proud Tommy, I would never ever show anyone that I am actually afraid. I'm hurt. I am afraid to get hurt again. I'm afraid to admit my feelings to myself, to others... To you. And when I sum it all up like this, maybe I am afraid to live.' She finished in a trembling, emotional voice. _So, there you had it. She had shown herself without any walls. She had put it all out in the open._

Thomas sighed when he heard the angry undertone in her voice.

'It's not so weird that you got afraid of many things.' He said to assure her. He knew Sivella well enough to suspect that she was angry with herself because of all of this.

Her dark big eyes looked up at him.

'After everything that you've been through, everything that happened. Don't be too hard on yourself.' He said in a soft, sweet voice.

She shook her head in disbelief. 'And still, after everything I did, you're being nice to me.' She said in an almost irritated voice.

Thomas tilted his head to one side as he studied her. He shrugged nonchalantly. 'Because you deserve it.' He said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

'There are still a few other things I have to say.' Sivella said as she fumbled with her fingers.

He raised an eyebrow at that as he saw her struggle again.

'I feel a bit guilty about it.'

_Did he actually see her face flush?_

'First... I want to say that I'm sorry for all the things I said when we were arguing. And secondly, when I saw you on the porch you were asleep and I...' _She felt so ashamed!_

'I... Kind of took... Advantage of you.' She said quickly as she looked up at him.

He got a frown between his brows as he tried to think back of that moment. 'You did?' He asked confused. _He couldn't remember that._

'Well, it's not that bad.' She quickly said. 'I just want to have it out because it was stupid and not at all like me.' _Why was she telling him this again?? Because she felt stupid about it and ashamed that's why.._

'I kissed you.' She blurted out. She crossed her arms in front of her chest defiantly.

His eyebrows both raised instantly. 'You did? When?'

'You were asleep.' She clearafied.

'Great, that's just great.' He muttered angrily.

'I thought that maybe you wouldn't mind because you said-' Sivella quickly began to explain.

'-You kissed me while I was out?' Thomas asked in a stern voice as he got an angry expression on his face. _He couldn't believe it!_

'You said that you would wait for me to kiss you.' She said in a somewhat stronger voice back.

'That doesn't change the fact that you kissed me while I was unconsciouss.'

'I know it was stupid..'

'Then why did you?' Thomas asked as he took a step closer towards her.

She had to look up at him because he was taller to make eye contact with him.

'Because for once.. There was a moment that you weren't your usual self, I mean the annoying and irritating part.' She said boldly.

'So you just thought that you could take advantage of me?' He asked as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

'Advantage? Most men would be honoured to be kissed by me.' Sivella countered arrogantly.

He raised an eyebrow at that. 'Really? Well, I'm not most men.'

'You can say that again.'

'So what I can conclude about this rough action of yours..' He said as he took another step closer to her. 'Is that you are attracted to me, in fact, you're very attracted to me....So attracted to me that you can't control your urges even when I'm asleep?'

_Did he sound triumphantically?_ She narrowed her eyes.

'Or maybe _only_ when you're asleep.' She muttered weakly as she looked up at him from under her eye lashes.

'Is that so?' He muttered as he placed his lips just one inch away from hers.

Her breathing hitched instantly. For a moment she froze and the next she closed the short gap and pressed her lips hard against his to kiss him passionately as she pressed her body against him.

'Are you angry with me?' She asked carefully when she loosened her grip from him and he wasn't kissing her back.

'Because you kissed me while I was asleep? Ofcourse I am!' He said. 'I want to be kissed by you when I'm awake, so you'd better make up for it.'

'I just did.' She said surprised at his words.

'O no no no, this is going to cost you big time.'

'That's not fair.' She began angrily but then saw the bright smile form on his face. 'If I hadn't told you, you wouldn't have even known.' Sivella defended herself.

'Well, how sad that is for you. I don't pity you for that.' He said with a wicked smile on his face.

'You must be very hard headed to stick along for this long.' Sivella muttered.

He looked down and kissed her the way he had always wanted too. So passionately, letting all these pent up emotions coming up again. Sivella shivered from it.

He left her breathlessly.

'Wow.' She muttered amazed.

'I lied to you..... I do care for you.' She admitted softly as she caressed his cheek and looked in his eyes.

He smiled widely.

'Are you sure about that?' He asked.

'Weirdly enough....' She teased. 'Yes. Very sure.' She said as she kissed him again.

'I thought a lot about you when Blake had me.' She placed her forehead against his chest. 'I thought I was going to die. I was certain of it. Thinking of you... Helped me through it... I... I love you.' She uttered with a dry throat.

Thomas smiled widely. 'Really? Who could have thought that?' He said teasingly as he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

'I love you too.' He said as he lifted her off the ground effortlessly and kissed her again.

'Finally.' Petulia muttered as she held the cold pack against her head. Inara followed her gaze and saw Thomas and Sivella kissing. She smiled widely and looked up at Mal. He smiled back at her.

'I really like that man.' Petulia said. She then looked up at Inara and then to Mal. 'I like you too. You made a good choice.' She said as she looked at Inara.

To Mal's surprise Inara looked away shyly and he could even see a blush creeping up her face. Mal smirked. 'She did?' He asked teasingly.

'Don't get too cocky.' Petulia muttered as she lowered herself from the wagon.

'Mam, you can't go yet. You have to stay...'

'I have to stay nowhere young man.' Petulia muttered hard as she walked back towards the house.

**One week later...**

It had been a lovely morning, and there would be many more lovely morning's to come. Sivella smiled widely. The sky was blue, the grass had the beautiful colour green, she saw Inara sitting on the terrace amidst the flowers, next to her was the crew of Serenity and her aunt, Thomas and Grace. Grace had crutches. She heard the birds, so peaceful. Sivella felt free in that moment, she took off her shoes and slipped off the stairs to feel the slight wet grass under her bare feet. She took in the damp air of the morning air and felt her hair softly caress her cheek with a little help from the soft wind.

When Sivella came towards the others who were sitting at the terrace Grace stood up with help from Mal. She held up her arms and Sivella walked towards her to hug her.

'Grace.' Sivella uttered as she held Grace carefully.

'I think we have something to toast too!' Petulia said as she filled the glasses on the table with champagne.

Inara smiled. 'Yes we do.' She said as she looked at Mal.

'Both the Blake's went to prison. That is behind us now.' Petulia said as she sat herself down. 'Finally we can go back to our lives, especially you.' She said as she eyed Sivella and then looked at Thomas meaningfully.

'Will you come to Sandria with me? For a while to see David and Mary? They really miss you.' Grace asked as Sivella went to sit down.

'I...' She looked down for a moment and then looked up at Thomas.

Inara raised an eyebrow. She felt so happy, Sivella looking like that at Thomas meant something very good.

'There are some nice places and people on that dump of a planet.' Thomas said as he reminded Sivella of her angry words in the kitchen.

'I know that.' Sivella said softly as she smiled slightly.

She turned towards Inara who was sitting next to her and placed her hand on Inara's.

'What do you think?'

'I think I'm very happy that this is all behind us and that David and Mary might like to see you. I think you can begin again.'

Sivella smiled at that as she gave Inara a meaningful look.

**Serenity on Petulia's land**

Sivella sighed as she looked at Serenity from the outside. Everyone had packed their bags and they were all moving into the ship now.

'It's been a pleasure.' Mal said as he walked towards her and shook Sivella's hand.

'Not all the time..' Sivella admitted with a smirk as she thought off the beginning.

'Have to admit that I didn't know what I was gettin' into.' He said with a smirk as he shrugged.

Sivella smiled. 'I'm glad you helped Mal. Without you... Things probably wouldn't have worked out.' Sivella said. 'You're a good and fun man. I like you Malcolm Reynolds.' She said as she smiled widely.

'You're an exceptional woman. Was nice gettin' to know you.' Mal said. 'Take good care of yourself.'

'And you too, and care for Inara please. But I'm sure you will.'

He nodded. Sivella watched him turn away and walked towards Thomas and Grace who were talking to Kaylee and Zoe. She then saw Inara heading towards her slowly.

'Ow Inara.' Sivella said as they both held hands out to each other and tears fell from her eyes. 'I'll miss you so much.'

Inara smiled through watery eyes. 'As will I.' Inara said as she hugged her friend softly, not wanting to cause her any pain.

Sivella had already said goodbye to everyone of Serenity's crew now except for Inara who would be the most difficult one to say goodbye too.

'You've helped me so much.' Sivella said as she caressed Inara's cheek. 'My sister.' She said softly as she kissed her cheek.

'I love you.' Inara said as she hugged Sivella again.

'Mal already went to look for some jobs on Sandria. Even Jayne was enthusiastic about it.' Inara whispered.

Sivella smiled slightly. 'I hope I'll see you soon.'

'I hope so too.' Inara said as she hugged Sivella again. 'Thankyou for everything, for your advice.'

Sivella chuckled slightly. 'It's always easier to give advice then to follow it up yourself.' She whispered.

Inara nodded. 'But you did.' She said as she smiled.

'As did you, we both did.' Sivella sighed softly. 'Goodbye sweet Inara. Take care and come to me soon, or I will find you.' She said as she kissed Inara again.

'Goodbye sweet Sivella.' She said as she kissed Sivella and let go of her hand slowly as she walked back to Serenity. She waved at Thomas and Grace as she took Mal's hand who guided her into Serenity. They waved and then the doors shut.

Thomas held Sivella from behind as Sivella held her hand in front of her mouth in sadness as Serenity's door closed.

'She gave this for you.' Petulia said as Sivella took the bag. She opened it and found the blue dress, Inara's favourite dress, the one she had grabbed to tease her. Her fingers went gingerly over the material as tears fell freely from her eyes now as she caught one last glimpse of Inara.

She mouthed a thankyou and Inara smiled widely as Sivella cradled the dress against her chest. Thomas kissed her neck as Serenity dissapeared into the sky.

**Outside Inara's shuttle**

Mal wiped away one of her tears with his thumb. Inara looked up at him with big eyes.

'I'll miss her.' She said in a shuddering breath.

Mal nodded as he hugged her closely. She looked up then and he kissed her. 'You sure you don't want to be stayin' here?' He asked carefully with fear in his heart.

She kissed him passionately, forcing him back against the railing. He had to pant for air when she loosened him. 'Is that enough answer?' She asked softly.

'It would be for me!' Jayne remarked from the other side of the railing.

'Shut up Jayne!' Kaylee muttered angrily. _Really something for him to ruin the moment._

'What? Some thing's just ain't fair and square.' He muttered as he walked towards his weights.

'What's not fair about this? They deserve each other!' Kaylee muttered softly to not be overheard.

Inara smiled against Mal's chest, things went on as normal again.

'T'is all 'bout others deservin' somethin'. I deserve somethin' too.'

'Yeah, a smack in your big face is what you deserve!' Kaylee snapped annoyed.

Mal smiled as he looked from Kaylee and Jayne back at Inara. 'I love you.' He blurted out as he swallowed after that. He just wanted to say it, had thought about it many times, but now he felt that she had to know.

She gave him a surprised look and raised her eyebrow. 'Really? You actually love Serenity's whore?' She asked teasingly with a slight edge.

'Don't be sayin' such a thing.' He said seriously and in a stern, hurt voice.

'I'm sorry.' She quickly said as he placed her flat hand against his chest. 'Sometimes it's hard to give up on old habit's I think.' She looked up at him with big eyes.

She bit her lip as she touched his lip with her finger. She followed her finger. 'Buddha only knows..' She said as her finger traced his lip. 'That I've loved you for a long time now.' She let go of his lip and looked up at him with two big Bambi eyes.

Mal smiled widely. 'Well, I should have known that you couldn't resist a good petty thief.' He shot back at her.

She slapped him playfully in his chest.

'Just admit that you've always wanted me.' Mal said.

'Now you're just pushing it.' She warned him.

He stepped forward and grabbed her by her waist and backed her up against the wall. 'Really?' He asked as he brought his lips close to hers.

She gasped as she felt his warm breath on her lips. 'You'd better watch what you're doing, I still have some tricks up my sleeve..' Inara stated playfully as she opened her mouth slightly and gave him a challeging look.

'Then I'd better find out soon about them.' Mal muttered as he closed the gap between them again and kissed her passionately.

Jayne sighed as he lowered his weights and saw Mal and Inara kissing again. 'Is that goin' to go on all day long?!' He muttered annoyed.

'Jayne shut up!' Kaylee warned him as she herself had followed the scene in front of her with a warm heart and a cup of warm tea.

'Just get a room!' Jayne shouted to the two.

'Jayne!' Kaylee shouted angrily as she turned towards him. When she turned back Mal and Inara had dissapeared into her shuttle. 'Great, just great! Thankyou Jayne!' Kaylee snapped. She could have enjoyed this romantic scene in front of her even more but Jayne had to interrupt it. _Some things never changed_, she thought angrily as she stalked off with her tea.

A big smile brightened her face up though, when she thought of Mal and Inara finally together.

**The End....**

And what did you think??? Please let me know! Reviews make me really HAPPY!


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